^ Right. And you run the NPC and get an idea of the cost turf, not assume. OP is already doing this.
Big hugs to @GraniteMom . I so relate to this. My son too did not care for a large school like UMASS Amherst or Lowell. Too big. He wanted small and felt the local city state schools would be less challenging. A bit arrogant if you ask me. Anyway… But he was adamant that he did not want any huge lecture halls taught by TA’s. He felt better on a smaller campus. I always felt people thrive in surroundings where they feel comfortable. People do not do well in stressful environments.
I was very upfront with him on cash and cash is a cruel mistress. Luckily he was able to find a small private school to commute to that we could afford. He is doing very well there. I also think he would have done well at the city state schools. He would have groaned and moaned a for a few months but it all would have worked out.
Cost is always a factor and your DD is just going to have to accept it. There is nothing she can do about it. All you can do is present her with the options and let her make the ultimate choice. I do think you should consider smaller private schools around the area you live in and in MA/VT/ME. It is worth the shot. Many want out of state kids. They get flooded with local applications and will offer scholarships to get an OOS student. Just make sure she knows the number that must be offered when the envelope comes in. Acceptance is not the question here, affordability is.
My son was disappointed when his first choice school did not offer us enough money and we had to decline. Who said life is fair. Your DD needs to understand this also.
Best of luck @GraniteMom
I agree with @gearmom in post #96. Please don’t visit in the summer. It’s not representative of what the school year will be like.
@“Erin’s Dad” @gearmom She’s been to campus twice and both times came home complaining about the crowds and there being a ton of people crammed into a relatively small campus. I’m now realizing that the prospective day set-up didn’t help this because there probably WERE a lot more people than usual, none of whom knew where to go and all following a student guide. If UNH ends up being the best option for her, which I’m beginning to suspect from this thread, I think we’re going to have to totally change her existing opinion. I was thinking that a summer visit when the campus is more empty and the weather is decent (rare around here!) will at least let her see past the “it’s too busy, there’s too many people here” impression she’s holding onto, and we can take our time to see the campus, explore the area, go to Portsmouth, maybe go to the beach and just make it a nice low-key visit. If she warms up to it, we can do a fall term visit when she’s a senior. It’s one benefit of not living too far away from any of the NH schools.
@GraniteMom If it is a first step, then that seems sensible. Pick a good time to be in Portsmouth. But definitely check in with professors to make sure that they are available and explain her commitment to language learning. Especially Arabic for four years will be notable and these professors can sometimes offer department scholarships which could bring down your cost 2 or 3K. Every bit helps.
Of course she cares about her brother but she cannot take on his concerns with a career path in IR and languages. Really the closest potential hub for that might be Boston. And she can live in NH, somewhere like Salem and commute in but she needs to get acclimated with the opportunity that a more populous area affords.
Look into visit options. Like others suggested, talking to the Arabic and IR department faculty one-on-one might help her look past the size and number of students.
“I’m now realizing that the prospective day set-up didn’t help this because there probably WERE a lot more people than usual,”
After attending one or two of those planned days with my kids, I became a seller of the concept - too orchestrated yet chaotic. Much preferred visiting on a random day, taking a tour if needed, walking around, when there weren’t hundreds of other prospective students around. If you’ve only visited on a prospective students’ day or open house, you might not need a summer visit just a regular day.
She needs to apply to a couple of colleges so that you have a chance to negotiate more money. I might leave the topic alone until the summer. Talk to GC and ask her not to bring the subject up again until September 2018. The kid needs some space. Prospective student days give me headaches. I would not bring your DS to them if possible. Probably worst day for him. But wherever you go, try to meet personally with professors because she really might have a chance at departmental scholarships and they’ll need to specially consider her because her diagnosis came later in her HS career and impacted grades. They don’t reflect her ability.
You can go visit the campus NOT during the summer and not during an orchestrated day.
I would suggest going on a weekday when your daughter might have the chance to sit in on an Arabic class. See what you can arrange.
Most colleges will arrange tours with specific departments in mind…or have your daughter email the department chair or the specific teacher…telling about her interest in the school, and desire to learn more about that department.
I assume someone posted this?
http://www.nebhe.org/programs-overview/rsp-tuition-break/overview/
So if instate was $720
and out of state was $6,900
The rsp program would be $1,080
@bopper the tuition break program is tricky. UNH offers her majors, international relations and Arabic so neither is eligible for her state. And then some of these other majors are at more obscure NE locations/schools. A couple at good schools like UMass Amherst including Japanese but if a small flagship like UNH is overwhelming then UMass would be far too much.
OP has an amazing high quality small flagship in their home state which offers her desired majors and is close to home. I think the issue is the presentation. They went on a hectic Prospective students day and took a tour with a STEM tour guide. Now all the responsibility for organizing meaningful visits are not on the parents. The students should really be involved and crafting their day. As I understand it, there were no meetings with department heads and professors, no sitting in on classes, no attending author lectures, theater or musicial events… all of which would be important to evaluating the school. No trips to Portsmouth to sip tea at low tables at Japanese restaurants? Additionally, DS who is on the spectrum, is reacting to the bustle of the school on those days which of course is affecting him. I think they are going to try a fresh look in the summer which is the most sensible plan of action. Hopefully DD will be able to pull together a mature view of the school and the opportunities for her future there.
@GraniteMom Here is a crazy idea…it may or may not be right for you daughter. I was thinking about the crowds thing…my youngest (now a HS junior) always says he refuses to go to school in a city…too loud, blah blah blah. My oldest is now a Freshman at McGill in Montreal (U0 in McGill speak). My youngest came with us for drop off and on the last night stayed with his brother in the dorm. They went out in Montreal, did some campus stuff (including the crowded bookstore), and hung out in the dorm. On the way back home, he decreed that he absolutely wants to go to McGill and I need to push him so he gets the grades to be admitted.
So my idea: does she have a friend that she can spend a night with in the dorm at UNH? I’m thinking a weeknight (not going out night) so she gets a real sense of the rhythm of the school including going to some classes. Getting away from the college visit crowd really gives you a feel of the campus. Just a thought…may not work for you…but thought I’d offer up the idea.
That’s a great idea-- and it is exactly how my daughter decided way back when that she wanted to attend NYU when that campus had previously not even been on her list, because she did perceive it as way too big. (Not a particularly good example in terms of college choice – but it is exactly what happened). In my daughter’s case, she went on a one-week campus visit tour on her own. First to DC, where she stayed with a family friend, and visited American (too preppy), George Washington (didn’t like the buildings), and and overnight at Goucher (too many trees). After fleeing the horrors of the overly forested Goucher (which also committed the cardinal sin of having buildilngs that all looked alike), she was scheduled to train to NY and visit Barnard. But Barnard doesn’t do overnights and she needed a place to stay, so she opted for an air mattress on the floor of a dorm room of a high school friend at NYU. And was in absolute ecstasy that night - she had found her place and the perfect school. She didn’t have time to actually attend an information session … but obviously in the eyes of that then-17 year old, hanging out with a slightly older friend and getting a glimpse of the campus social life was far more important than anything she could have seen through college-orchestrated evens for prospective student.
And in the end, thankfully, she did not attend NYU for undergrad … but the point is that the overnight-with-friend was the key to a changed perspective. But caveat: it needs to be an overnight with someone who is already a friend and known to share common interests with the student. An arranged overnight with a random college student doesn’t work because if the hosts lifestyle and interests are not compatible, that just becomes one more strike against the school.
Thanks for the advice, everyone! Thanks to this thread we have some new prospects and ideas. We are still working on the list for D, but I wanted to come back and specifically thank those who weighed in on the issue with the guidance counselor. H and I did end up intervening with her. D’s end-of-semester grades were stellar (all A’s and one A-, a dramatic turnaround from previous semesters and an indication this new medication is working well for her) which made the GC starry-eyed about adding more selective (and expensive) schools. I think this will be an ongoing struggle, but this thread gave H the confidence to sit down with the GC and ask her to please work with us and not against us.
If the guidance counselor wants her to apply to more schools, I think Duquesne and Susquehanna have free online applications. Duquesne even let’s you report SAT or ACT score on the HS transcript so it will only cost to send one ACT score to apply two more schools.
Applying doesn’t mean she has to go there
@GraniteMom i just wanted to chime in and say that you are definitely not the first parent to call the guidance counselor and say “no way” to college related suggestions. I just had a conversation about dual enrollment with ours the other day…because of a tuition benefit situation dual enrollment is off the table for us, although i agreed with GC that it was a fine fine choice for many other students in the school. Good luck with your search!