<p>My S has been accepted into a rather expensive school and I have heard from parents that they have asked their child to sign an agreement of performance before the commitment is finalized. Does anyone have an opinion on this? I can see the advantage but was concerned about the message.</p>
<p>A student perspective:</p>
<p>I think student and parents should have a frank conversation about the conditions of parental support for college, including but not limited to academic performance. However, I don’t see the advantage of putting that into writing and I would honestly be pretty disappointed if my parents made me sign some sort of GPA statement. I would expect my parents to trust me more than that. I might be upset enough to go and do other things that I know my parents would object to but that were not covered by the conditions-for-continued-support agreement (“but you didn’t say anything about getting pregnant”).</p>
<p>I agree with b@r!um, and I’m a parent. We trust DS to work as hard as he can. He made the honor roll as a first semester engineering student, so we’re proud of him.</p>
<p>Hmm, but it may be different with our second son, lol!</p>
<p>OP, have you read the posts that inevitably come out this time of year from parents of kids who had very disappointing grades? Yes, some bad grades are the result of partying and skipping class. But others are due to mental health problems, executive function disorder, illness, anxiety, forgetting to take ADD meds and of course, crazy hard classes. These kids didn’t do poorly on purpose. Throwing an agreement in their face after the fact would not be helpful.</p>
<p>However, there may be cases where an agreement is appropriate. For example, if your child is drinking a lot already and talks you into an expensive school, I can maybe see having an agreement that if he drinks so much at school that it affects his grades, he’s heading home.</p>
<p>I agree with the others. My thoughts are that if you do not already trust your kid, why are you spending that kind of money in the first place? And what will the contract realistically accomplish? You are welcome to withdraw your support any time you like, contract or not, and it seems to me the complexity of the issue is such that it does not lend itself well to written clauses anyway. Why not just talk about it, and keep talking about it? As Missypie says, there are so many reasons one may not do particularly well and it is very difficult to know in advance.</p>
<p>My parents had me sign an agreement when I decided to attend my expensive private university over the much cheaper state school I had also been accepted to. The contract said that I had to maintain a 4.0/5.0 GPA and give them access to all of my grades in order for them to continue to pay for school. This ultimately resulted in numerous shouting matches and arguments about trust and eventually I opted to take out loans from a different source rather than feel as though I was responsible for reporting to my parents. It put a serious strain on an already-rocky relationship and essentially destroyed any desire I had to communicate with my parents about anything ever - I couldn’t tell them that I was stressed out, for example, because I didn’t want to tell them that I was getting less-than-perfect grades because then they would stop paying for school. Even after opting to get my tuition money from another source, I still harbor a lot of resentment towards my parents for viewing me as a risky investment that they needed to protect themselves from with a contract rather than as their teenage daughter.</p>
<p>If you don’t trust that your child will succeed at their expensive university, then you should reconsider paying for it. It’s possible to get student loans and your student can get a job (I’ve had at least two part-time jobs, generally three, since second-term freshman year, I’m a current junior). You can either be your child’s parent or your child’s bank. So, which is more important to you - a guaranteed “return on your investment”, or supporting your son or daughter?</p>
<p>What advantage is there to a signed document, as opposed to a verbal agreement? As noted above, the signed document is no more (or less) enforceable than a verbal agreement. The only positive argument that I could possibly see made for a written contract is if there have previously been disagreements over what a parent or child had promised to do. Otherwise, it strikes me as a little too controlling to have one of your kids sign a written document of behavior or academic performance.</p>
<p>To me trust comes after verification and validation. Whether it is a verbal or written agreement, I think it is reasonable or even necessary for your kid to know what is your criteria for you to continue to pay for the education. There shouldn´t be any surprises if you were to pull the plug down the road.</p>
<p>I would set your GPA at a reasonable level, and get your kid´s buy in. If it is too high or unachievable by you kid, then it is pointless.</p>
<p>We had an agreement with D1 before she went off to college. In turn, we didn´t micro manage her. As long as she could manage to get agreed GPA, she was free to go to fratenity parties, stay up late, join a sorority, and even skip some classes. It gave her more of a freedom to make her own mistakes without us having to know everything… </p>
<p>My kids could view us any way they want (a parent or a bank), but there is no way I would continue to fund my kids´education if they couldn´t maintain a certain GPA.</p>
<p>Michelle Singletary, the Personal Finance writer for the Washington Post has written the following about the formal contract she and her husband will have with their children. Sorry I don’t have the date of publication. Sometime last fall maybe?</p>
<p>“It will say:
– You have FOUR years to graduate (unless they are in a bonafide five year program)
– You have to keep a certain GPA (just like they might if they had a scholarship). I’ll give some leeway for the freshman year but you better bring me good grads or explain why you can’t.
– You have to study aboard at least one semester. I did and it was such an incredible experience. Exception will be if their studies make it difficult.
– No drinking, smoking, nookie. Yes, I’m going to have a morality clause. I know I can’t watch them. I know they may stray away from our values. But it will be there for them to be reminded I expect them to behave and do what they would do if they lived in my home.
My money. My rules.”</p>
<p>I agree with what oldfort said, although I personally don’t feel like a written contract would be a necessarily useful thing to bring up (it depends on the person and the context). This though sounds nuts:</p>
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<p>To me, that just encourages people to pick the least rigorous classes they can find and grub for grades. While I’m sure there are many people who can successfully complete a degree program with a 4.0, I don’t think that’s a realistic expectation for most people. If you’re attending a school (or even just a major, like engineering) with a reputation for grade deflation, a grade in the "3"s could be commendable. It’s a waste to invest in a college education and end up with Ds and Fs, but neither should you set the bar so high that it’s almost unattainable; it would be better to just say “no” to the pricey private and save everyone the stress and heartache.</p>
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<p>I think it’s to avoid quibbling over the details (“Is the GPA requirement per semester or per year?” “But you didn’t say that I couldn’t join a sorority!”). Obviously, it’s not legally enforceable; we see enough stories here about kids who think that they can force their parents to pay up, or divorcees who think that they can force the ex-spouse to contribute (and can’t) to prove that. Again, I think that having an actual contract depends on the family; it wouldn’t have happened with my parents and it didn’t happen with my kids, but some families do prefer a system like that and if it works for them, it works for them. Hopefully, the parents and the children know each other well enough to be able to set reasonable expectations and be willing to meet those expectations.</p>
<p>I would never make my kid sign an agreement.</p>
<p>Well maybe the use of the word “agreement” is where I am off base. In my case my “B+” student got accepted into NYU and a state school. I am not sure that kids fully understand the economic commitment to attend a school like NYU. A friend suggested that he had used a written agreement to send the message that this is a significant commitment and that they have to do their part. It was not my intention to specify a level of grades or performance, but merely that they will do their part. As a male this makes all the sense in the world to do to a son. My wife is not so sure.</p>
<p>I think it depends on the existing relationship, the personalities involved, and the way it’s done.</p>
<p>I can imagine a scenario where the kid gets a boost from knowing that his parents are treating him as a fellow adult. Most adults don’t hand over lots of money without a written agreement. There would be a warm discussion to the effect of, “We love you, we are so proud of you, we believe in you, and we are writing down our expectations because we think it will help YOU understand what’s at stake.” That would send an entirely different message from, “Here’s what happens when you fail us, you loser.”</p>
<p>Does anyone really think it’d make any difference if he ‘signed’ an agreement rather than just having a frank discussion as in barium’s post? </p>
<p>The quote in post #9 - now that’s controlling - even to the point where the parent requires the kid to do a study abroad simply because the parent did one and liked it. That agreement is overboard, not practical, and shows a lack of comprehension on the writer’s part that people are different, their interests/desires are different, their majors may have different requirements, etc. What if the kid decided to follow a particular course and didn’t have time for study abroad? What if they decided to pursue some very difficult coursework, say engineering with a hard science minor, which could cause the kid’s GPA to be lower than expected compared to the parent’s easy liberal arts major (as an example)? </p>
<p>The frank discussion should stipulate certain conditions for the parent funding the education but it should be reasonable, realistic, and accommodate the fact that we’re all individuals not taking cookie cutter paths.</p>
<p>I didn’t have a written agreement with my daughter, but I did have a firm, specific agreement;</p>
<ol>
<li> She would take out the maximum in subsidized loans available.</li>
<li> I would pay for the bill that came from the bursar (tuition, fees, housing) – she paid everything else from earnings from a part-time work (work study, etc.)</li>
<li> I would pay for 4 years education max, over a period of no more than 5 years from the time she graduated from high school (so room for a gap year at any time).</li>
<li>She needed to maintain at least a 2.0 GPA, earn enough credit each semester to stay on track toward her degree (12+ units in general) and give me access to grades.</li>
</ol>
<p>Items #3 and #4 were important because I did NOT have a clear understanding to that effect with my son when he started out – so he did not do well and did not complete college at the school he initially enrolled in. I felt kind of cheated out of the 2nd year’s tuition – if I had known he was in academic trouble, I could at least have worked with him on a plan to dig his way out. After my son quit school, I did put #3 in writing with him – he knew that if he didn’t complete college within a certain time frame, he couldn’t look to me for payment.</p>
<p>I don’t have a problem with the idea of a written contract. I didn’t think I needed one with my d. at the college level, but I did have a written contract with her when she was age 5 and wanted me to pay for lessons in something I thought was unnecessary and overpriced. So we put the terms in writing – I wanted the piece of paper I could point to if she didn’t keep up her end of the bargain.</p>
<p>So I think it would just depend on the communication level between parent and child. My son has a tendency to “forget” or misremember things I’ve said to him – so in hindsight a written agreement would probably have been a good idea for him. My d., on the other hand, seems to have a near-perfect memory for who said what and when – so on my end I’m pretty safe with oral communications. </p>
<p>Anyway, given my legal background, I’d say – when in doubt, a written agreement is best. It can be informal, such as an email – and if the parents are paying, then they don’t really need the kid to sign. Instead, the parent can write something and give it to the kids that essentially lays out the terms of payment. </p>
<p>I’m not a fan of overly restrictive parenting (“no drinking”) or unduly harsh academic expectations — but then again, it’s the parents money. The way life works, if you want someone to give you money, you pretty much have to adhere to whatever the money-payer wants from you, whether it is a parent, bank, or employer.</p>
<p>All of my kids know that the agreement is that we will pay for four years of undergraduate, right up to the point where they either graduate or flunk out.</p>
<p>Not an academic one, but I did have DS sign for permission to access his medical information and speak to doctors if that should become necessary.</p>
<p>The academic stuff, we have and have had a very clear understanding of expectations. No need to write anything down. He likes to share his grades (achievements) with us.</p>
<p>I am a student, but here’s my take on the issue.</p>
<p>Firstly, did anyone do something like this with their kids when they were younger, or did anyone do anything like this with their parents when they were children? I remember doing something like this in order for my parents to get me a Nintendo. (“You must do X, Y, and Z in order to keep it. If you don’t, we take it away.”) When it’s done with a younger child (I was like 8 or 9 I think) it solidifies that it’s non-flexible, and encourages more participation toward those goals than simply saying something like “I will take it away from you if you don’t do this right now.” </p>
<p>Ten years past that you should find your child more mature, but the aims between those two are the same, I would presume, in the minds of the parents in support of this. It’s a greater responsibility, and it may be necessary to take actions to ensure that your child put more effort towards academics than they would left to their own discretion. However at age 18, I think the psychological effect of seeing something in writing is no greater than a verbal threat.</p>
<p>Personally, if my parents forced a “contract” like this, I would be very offended. Though I would comply rather than forgo all their financing provided the actual agreement is feasible. I don’t think I’d be able to guarantee a 3.7, let alone a 4.0 as an earlier poster suggested, no matter how hard I try, but I guess that’s just a factor of who I am, where I am, and what I’m doing. Regardless, a verbal “hey, don’t screw around” would yield the same effort as any sort of contract from me, without causing the tremendous offense of admitting that my parents don’t trust me.</p>
<p>I did make one with DS, now a rising college senior, and it was partly in fun, and partly to make sure he understood the large financial contribution we would be making towards his education and what his responsibilities would be, and to serve as a conversation-starter. </p>
<p>It included that he would take out the loans offered (he’ll graduate with less than $8000) and would be responsible for paying them back, that he would be responsible for his personal expenses (work/study job) and making his student summer earning contribution, that he might have to live off-campus one or two years to help reduce costs… </p>
<p>It also stated,“I will leave my computer games at home and will severely limit computer game playing at university. I understand my parents are shelling out the equivalent of a (cheap) new vehicle each year for me to attend, and I will not waste their hard-earned money and my opportunities by indulging in virtual violence.” 
That one was in for the chuckle 
We weren’t interested in having a GPA, but did include this general statement; “I will transfer to a less-expensive school if I am not putting in the time or effort to take advantage of the opportunities at my university.”</p>
<p>What kind of agreement?</p>
<p>I dont’ think a written agreement is necessary for a simple agreement. Maybe if the agreement is complicated, then putting things in writing is important.</p>
<p>But, my sister has a verbal agreement with her sons. She’s a full pay at 2 pricey elites. Her kids know that if they get below a 3.0, they’re coming home.</p>