Wow, @Lindagaf when I graduated from Univ. I did the proverbial Euro backpack tour. I, too, came back because it was what was expected. I wish I had the balls to stay and travel more. I’m glad at least I did get to travel for 2 months over the summer and am aching now to also just pick up and go. Thank you for your perspective. I’m not sure my son has that same gumption, but he sounds similar. Also, things were far less expensive back then. Probably could not afford to do so now, sadly.
ALL of the comments are extremely helpful! Thank you all for all of the input. I’m glad I posted this question as it seems to get swept under the rug.
Also, I came upon this site researching I don’t know what. Which also highlights the fact that I was the one doing the research, not my son. Oy.
Options:
He could apply this year to 4-year schools that will let him take a gap year. he takes that gap year. Then at that point he decides if he wants to attend.
Maybe in the mean time he starts working at a restaurant to see if that is the kind of work he likes and then perhaps he investigates Culinary School.
He looks at service programs/military that he could do.
He attends Community College.
He gets a job.
I think the thing is that you decide what you will support…what if he doesn’t get a job? What if he gets a part time job and just parties with friends?
Do you say we will support you while you are going to school only? or while you work at a restaurant exploring Culinary school? or as long as you have any kind of job? Does he have to pay rent?
The programs our son picked were with a Christian service organization. He raised support from family, friends, and church. We helped a little, but not much. Even now, people provide him some support since they know he’s assisting refugees. Our biggest challenge is reminding him not to give too much of his money away!
DH also took time before college. He started almost a decade late and then he skyrocketed through his college years and his eventual career – Ivies plus then breaking open an entire new area of research. He’s sought out as an expert in this area worldwide. As he was an older nontrad student, there was also FA available.
I say: let the kids move forward at their own pace. As long as they don’t over complicate their lives (marriage and/or children) they really can take their time.
My son also flirted with the idea of a culinary school. I told him I’d pay for it ONLY after he put in at least a year working in restaurants. A few months’ insight into what it’s like cured him of that particular fantasy 
Off topic, but… I was entirely selfish and kept all the money I earned. I worked all through college, waitressing and working in after school programs. On my two first trips to Europe, I worked as a bicycle delivery girl and sold shirts door to door to earn extra money. I stayed with friends and in hostels, or slept on overnight buses. I bought canned tuna and a loaf of bread for lunch and dinner. I bought courier plane tickets and just didn’t use the return portion, then bought a cheap one-way when I was ready to go back. (Or, as an ex-boyfriend did, sold the return part of the courier ticket, met the person at the airport, and checked in, then handed over the boarding pass. Couldn’t do that now, of course!) Anyone can still travel cheaply if they want to:-)
Also you can travel cheaply still by bus. My child (posted earlier in this thread) left home with the contents of piggy bank in pocket–less than $75. (I helped count it.) And returned with several hundred dollars more. Parents did not support child during entire year. Traveled on Greyhound buses. Grueling trips, sometimes 25 or more hours and stopping to change buses during the night. It can still be done. Also posted earlier in this thread are cheapish places to stay around the word – workaway – listings where you can work for 4-5 hours a day for a roof and sometimes a meal.
We’re giving our daughter money each month for food while she studies in Florence this semester. It’s basically how much we would have spent on her food plan at school. So if she’s frugal, she should have money left over for clothes and travel. I’m hoping she buys some nice clothes - she’s petite and cute - she would look so good in Italian stuff!
My SIL worked as an au pair in Spain for a gap year.
@bopper , ha! I completely forgot that on my first trip overseas, I was an au pair for a family! In that case, I did a study abroad program while at college, then decided I wanted to stay for another 3 months. So I found a temporary unpaid au pair situation, and the family ended up taking me to Greece with them, all expenses paid. I left that family at the end of summer so I could return to school. My pockets were empty, but my mind was full:-)
Our oldest took a gap year and it made a world of difference. He worked a blue-collar job loading hardware, developed a work ethic, stopped spending so much time on video games, changed what he wanted to study, matured another year and added 30 lbs of muscle. It was the difference between success (3.7 first semester) and almost certain failure.
The other two kids are more focused, did not need this and went straight into college.
My niece, OTOH, spent some years living with a heroin addict and having a baby. I do not recommend that route. She graduated eventually and is doing great, as is the kid. Kids tend to get to their end point eventually. Her ex is, well, still alive and relatively clean.
My son was a very ambitious and very bright kid who was exhausted for part of HS because of a combination of severe dyslexia and what turned out to be sleep apnea. I suggested that he just do really well in his senior year and take a gap year in which he a) took SATs and ACTs; b) applied to college; c) had surgery for sleep apnea; and d) did a bunch of interesting educational stuff.
He spent three weeks studying for SATs and did very well and one week for the ACTs and did very well. We live in the Northeast and he was applying to prestigious schools. So, he thought it was illogical to visit and fall in love with schools with a 10% probability of admission. So, instead he offered to 1) apply to more schools (I think he applied to 15 or 16); and 2) do a very good job on his applications (probably a given anyway).
He reported that he was very pleased to be able to give the necessary time to test prep (harder for a dyslexic) and college apps and not have to make tradeoffs with coursework.
He had the surgery and it was successful. I’ve forgotten all of what he did but he canvassed for the first Obama campaign in NH, helped a professor doing research on dyslexia at Tufts (and IIRC wrote a short bit of software designed to help with reading fluency), co-wrote a young adult novel (they finished a draft and got publisher interest but his adult co-author seems to have difficulty finishing anything and essentially deep-sixed the project), and probably a few other things.
I think his application was stronger because of the things that he did in his gap year. In fact, when welcomed the freshman class to the school, the Dean of Admission described a few kids based upon their activities to illustrate how interesting the class was. One of the profiles she described was my son’s.
He got in to a lot of good schools and made an excellent choice given his learning disabilities. He said he was very glad to have taken the gap year. He felt more mature and focused when he showed up at school.
Yes, I know a few kids who did that and their HS college counselor even helped them with the process.
Well, I know a couple of kids who took a gap year before applying, but the result always depends, you know.
One girl I know just spent two years traveling to India and Norway, gained some experience and came back home 100% sure about what she was going to do next and where to apply.
However, my co-worker’s son actually had the similar path as your niece. He had some long and terrible relationships with a former heroin addict(his parents did not know about that, the girl seemed pretty normal) and decided to take a gap year to apply together with that girl, as she was one year younger.
Unfortunately, as people say, there are no former heroin addicts, this drug can wait - so that girl started doing drugs again, and my co-worker’s son joined her in this.
I’ve read several articles on that recently to be sure I can prevent heroin addiction in my kids (This one actually shoked me in the part about the heroin addiction risk groups https://addictionresource.com/drugs/heroin/).
Anyway, do not want to scare you too much 
Well that is pretty scary @CherryBloom Welcome to CC by the way! Yes, fortunately my gapping child is averse to al drugs and alcohol. I just got lucky in that way.
I’m updating on the experiences of my still-gapping child. After returning home child rested and we renewed our bonds of trust and love as a family. Child got a job after several months of this. Didn’t like the job and, while still working, got a second job, then quit Job 1. Job 2 however never put child on the schedule so child was out of work unexpectedly. Several months of job hunting ensued.
The issue was that child was qualified for food service and didn’t want to do any more of that. Child had worked in food service ranging from concession stands to Mcdonalds to upscale rice-bowl eateries. Had grown to hate it.
Transitioning to other sectors is challenging. Child doggedly spent each day applying to jobs and giving up hope. Then recently found an organization in Our Fair City that specializes in helping out-of-school, jobless youth prepare for the professional workforce. The qualifications were 1) No college; 2) no work; 3) age 17-24 and 4) a desire to become professional. Bingo! Child fit the bill!
Within a 24-hour period, child landed a program that includes training plus a PAID internship. The program starts with professional training (resume writing, grooming and dressing, professionalism, interview skills, public speaking skills, etc.) and then moves the youth into real jobs. There’s a fat paycheck at the end of 14 weeks with the promise of a permanent placement if things work out.
The change in outlook of child cannot be described. I feel that there is a miracle at work here. Within a 48-hour period child’s moods brightened and child now has the can-do attitude we all hope for. Child also spouts words of wisdom from this (all signs point to) wonderful program. Hopefully this will last and child will build self-esteem and skills – they do go hand in hand – and move on from there to professional job and college.
When I think of the potential power of having this sort of training and experience BEFORE college, I can’t tell you. It seems amazing.
Please keep us in your thoughts that this all works out in a happy way. Thanks everyone!