Anyone want to help critique my "End Of the World" Essay?

<p>I used this essay for the CommonApp already for a bunch of other IVs, but I'm wondering if it fits in with the "End of the World and learning from the negative" essay. Please help critique it. Thank you!</p>

<p>If you have added the part: learning from the negative, then it works otherwise tweak it a bit and add that part.</p>

<p>It's basicly about me dropping in a half-pipe on a skateboard, eating pavement, and then learning from my mistakes not to be afraid. I wonder if this is "End of the World" enough for them though...</p>