Anyone want to look at my uc prompts 1 essay?

<p>give me some real feedback
Identity is like a mathematical theorem. It defines everything, but can never be captured and compressed into words. It, in all of it’s mystery is what you are looking for as I am; So let me open the box to you, but know that if you take anything out and attempt to hold it in your hand, it will disappear.
Growing up in Berkeley I have been exposed to an extremely unique concoction of society. the unique intrigue of Berkeley is in that it seems to fit all of the ideals. Berkeley is a diverse, environmentally friendly, peaceful and politically correct bubble that might seem almost impossibly in line with perfection. Although I cannot explain why, the forces that drive me are not birthed from Berkeley. For as long as I can recall, I have had a deep seeded competitive drive and a preference of actions over words. In stark contrast to the Berkeley norm, I have found value in swimming against the tide.
As a Freshman I joined the merry ranks of the Berkeley High Coup Ultimate Frisbee team, a play on words that we used as an excuse to deliver a haiku to the opposing team after every game. On the first day of practice I was almost ready to give up on the sport. Our coach informed us that winning was not that important, what was important was that we all had fun. Despite the hazy eyes of the upperclassman leaders of our consistently dead last team, I decided to stick with it.
Although it is difficult to put into words, the flow of Ultimate has an elegance to it. The necessary cooperation and connection between players is unlike any other sport that I have played. In my years of Ultimate frisbee I can say in full honesty that I have found a balance that has resonated within me. Who I am is not a list of traits, but rather a loop of contradictions that must be forced to work together. A lack of appreciation of humility in soft words is what I have lacked most in the majority of my high school years. From my surroundings I have been able to extract a joy in teamwork and perspective that without I would be lost.
Playing Ultimate has more recently kindled an interest in psychology. In analyzing my own meshing of worlds I have been inspired to think of just what separates the haves and the have nots, the winners and losers. Looking forward I am am eager to experience so that I can look back with more wisdom, trekking the road of self discovery, knowing that an answer will forever allude me.</p>