Anyone wants to take a look at my essay?

[jonnysyuuri]

<p>T.T I think it's pretty bad,but i dont know how to make it better...I need help!!! anyone would like to proofread it ?</p>

[king2567]

<p>sure, send it to me x</p>

[sharish]

<p>Sure, I’ll take a look at it !</p>