Applying to Stanford: Worth a Shot, or Waste of Time and Money?

Parents Corner
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<p>I thought about posting this in the Under-3.6/Top-20 thread, but it's a bit involved, so I'm creating a new thread and hoping y'all won't mind.</p>

<p>Today was the last day of finals, and I can see my son's grades online. Although they're not technically final, I can see that they are almost certain to be 3 A's and 4 C's. This is actually not too bad, in the sense that every class is college-level, it was a full load, and he managed to squeeze in a couple of impressive EC's during the semester. But obviously it's not good, either, because C's are just not good in any context.</p>

<p>He is already admitted to Ole Miss, Pitt, and Alabama, with full-tuition scholarships to the latter two, so he's not in a desperate situation at all with regard to college admissions. However, he now wants to apply RD to Stanford, Rice, WashU, and Rochester.</p>

<p>I can still see him getting into the latter three with a little luck, but Stanford just seems like a waste of time and 90 bucks at this point. He does have near-perfect ACT, SAT, and SAT-II scores, fantastic recommendations, three 5's and two 4's on AP tests, and strong EC's. But over the course of seven semesters, he has a C in 9th grade, a D in 10th, and now, it appears likely, four more C's in the very last semester that adcoms will see. (These grades are due almost 100% to abysmal time-management skills related to ADD, by the way. Only three weeks ago did he finally acquiesce to be medicated again after years of self-imposed winging it without medication, which we respected.)</p>

<p>There is only one reason I am still considering paying for him to apply to Stanford, and that is that I told him I would help him apply to one "why not" school, and Stanford's the one he chose. But when I made that commitment, I didn't think his grades would tank. I thought he'd actually have a slim chance; now I'm pretty sure it's zero.</p>

<p>I see a few options:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>Suck it up and lay out the $90 for the sake of keeping my word.</p></li>
<li><p>Tell him he has to spend his own $90, but support him otherwise. (It won't break us, but we aren't rich enough to spend $90 frivolously.)</p></li>
<li><p>Tell him that his most recent grades change the game, and that I won't support his wasting time and money applying to Stanford.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>There is one more caveat: He has already asked for recommendations from teachers. Would it be unethical to ask teachers to send recommendations to a school, then decide not to apply there?</p>

<p>I'm really struggling with this. I will sincerely appreciate your advice.</p>

2

<p>mantori- I had a good friend in HS who never attended her dream school because she never applied. I say “go for it”. Maybe you could split the $90 fee 50/50.</p>

3

<p>mantori, go for it. $90 worth about a violin lesson for some kids, I fail to see why it’s a big deal. Give him a chance.</p>

4

<p>*mantori- I had a good friend in HS who never attended her dream school because she never applied. I say “go for it”. Maybe you could split the $90 fee 50/50. *</p>

<p>agree with the above. And tell him if he gets accepted, you’ll pay him the other half. :)</p>

<p>(I can understand your feelings that his recent grades “change the game,” if you were expecting a GPA similar to what he had his junior year.)</p>

<p>what is his GPA now?</p>

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<p>Just one parent’s perspective - I think keeping your word is the most important issue. So yes, I would let him apply. I’d also suggest that you keep it very low key and not mention the money aspect to him so he won’t feel like he’s letting you down if he isn’t admitted.</p>

<p>But I also don’t think it’s unethical to ask for recommendations and then change your mind.</p>

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<p>Agree w/calreader. You should keep your word.</p>

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</p>

<p>Four years ago I felt the same way about my daughter’s desire to apply to Brown. I felt Brown was clearly in not-a-chance territory – and I refused to pay the application fee. She ended up applying - she got a fee waiver from her g.c., but she could have paid on her own if she had wanted it that badly --and she was rejected. With 2 kids and 21 different college apps, Brown is the only rejection letter we’ve ever seen … so I was right there. (There were several schools that waitlisted my kids, but at least with a waitlist you know that the kid actually did have a chance.) So I pretty much felt vindicated in the end – though of course I didn’t say anything to my d. </p>

<p>Anyway, the only wrinkle I see is your promise about the one “why not” school – my daughter’s college list was reach-heavy as it was, and our finances are such that it was pretty tough paying the app fees and associated costs for all the other schools. But it seems to me that your son is totally wasting that one shot on a not-a-chance school as opposed to a long-shot school. Ask your son if he can articulate why he thinks Stanford might accept him. </p>

<p>(If my daughter had wanted to apply to Yale rather than Brown, I would have paid. I still think it was a long-shot, but my daughter had a qualification that Yale was looking for and Brown was not, so at least with Yale she would have had an angle to pitch in her application).</p>

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<p>Go for it. You and he would be saying “what if” forever if you don’t let him apply.</p>

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<p>With all the potential conflicts that many seniors and their parents run into this year (with each other!) I say choose your battles. Unless it will seriously impact your financial situation, let him give it a try (although I have to say no one from our school got in and there were some INCREDIBLY well-qualified kids who applied EA and were flat out rejected), other than the $90 what is the downside?</p>

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<p>What will be the situation if he gets in? Will you qualify for their generous need-based aid? If not, will you still pay for him to attend and leave the full rides on the table?</p>

<p>If you can financially keep your word as far as the application goes, you should do so. But, if there are conditions (financial or otherwise) for him attending if he gets in…make those very clear NOW.</p>

<p>(7 classes…college level…fall of senior year…what a heavy load…even if ADD and organization wasn’t an issue!)</p>

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<p>go ahead and spend the $90. Just be sure your son knows that you are doing it because you said you would, and not because you want to encourage him into thinking he has a chance of acceptance[ which as you realize, he doesn’t, not with those grades in this all important semester]</p>

<p>“Would it be unethical to ask teachers to send recommendations to a school, then decide not to apply there?”
Relax, it happens all the time, and teachers know this. He can and should thank them for taking the time to do the recommendations if he decides not to apply, before they ask him about his acceptance results in the spring.</p>

<p>“Only three weeks ago did he finally acquiesce to be medicated again after years of self-imposed winging it without medication, which we respected.)”
I’m glad he is doing this now, because college is a LOT harder than HS, especially for kids with LD’s. The sooner he gets used to taking his meds when he needs to, the easier the transition college will be for him.</p>

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<p>“I can still see him getting into the latter three with a little luck, but Stanford just seems like a waste of time and 90 bucks at this point.”</p>

<p>My daughter’s profile is not at all similar to your son’s. Nevertheless, she got into Harvard but not Wash U. (or U Penn for that matter.) What do the lottery commercials say? Something like, “Hey, you never know.”</p>

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<p><a href=“These%20grades%20are%20due%20almost%20100%%20to%20abysmal%20time-management%20skills%20related%20to%20ADD,%20by%20the%20way.%20Only%20three%20weeks%20ago%20did%20he%20finally%20acquiesce%20to%20be%20medicated%20again%20after%20years%20of%20self-imposed%20winging%20it%20without%20medication,%20which%20we%20respected.”>I</a>
*</p>

<p>Well, since he’s been willing to accept that his decision to “wing-it” probably played into his grade issue, perhaps you should pay to apply (if you can still afford it) as a way of supporting his decision to take his ADD meds. </p>

<p>It’s such a good idea that he’s began taking his meds while still in high school, because if any adjustments need to be made over the next few weeks/months, those changes can be more easily made with his home doctor.</p>

14

<p>You said he could apply to Stanford and you’d pay the application fee. You should keep your word.</p>

15

<p>I think he should pay the application fee on a contigency. If his grades rise next semester, you will pay him back the 90 bucks. If not, then it’s out of his pocket</p>

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<p>Go for it. If you don’t apply, you don’t get in. also, you promised him. Finally, not letting him apply demonstrates your lack of faith in him. It will undermine his confidence as he applies to the other three schools. That self-confidence, that trust in your promise, are worth more than $90. You can always dissect the decisions after April 1.</p>

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<p>How about this. Let him apply to Stanford with his own money. If he gets in, you will reimburse him the $90.</p>

18

<p>Add me to the chorus of “keep your word.”</p>

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<p>^^^ Agree. Pay for it. </p>

<p>On another note. Stanford is known for quirky admissions. His essays should be amazing and his LD should probably be included in an interesting way. </p>

<p>He should never have to look back and say, “what if” and you should never break a commitment. Best of luck!!</p>

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<p>I told my kid that if she applied to at least one school that was an academic safety for her and a financial safety for us, she could apply to any school in the universe. That was the reward for including such a safety. So, sure , I’d let your S apply to Stanford. </p>

<p>I didn’t know that Stanford is known for quirky admissions. I thought they were known for mass rejections. ;)</p>