<p>Hi, would you mind taking a look in my essay? I really need help!
I would appreciate any comments!
Is some parts of my essay off topic?
Is the essay too long? The character limit is 9600 and I tried to tell more and more specificlly abot myself.
Thanks!:)
Topic: Considering your lifetime goals, discuss how your current and future academic and extra-curricular activities might help you achieve your goals.(The rest of the essay is posted as comments)</p>
<p>My lifetime goal is to invent cost-effective technologies to treat smog in developing countries with tight budget. This thought instilled in me every day I was attending high school in China and now rooted in me so firmly that it became a dream that would make my life most motivated and meaningful.
During a lunch time in China, I refreshed myself by working out and taking a shower as usual in a fitness club where air filtering system was installed. However, on my way back to school by bicycle, black, suffocating smog emitted from buses and the opaque, foul air dirtied me, forming a layer of black particulate inside my nose. It was as if they were reminding me that exposure to air pollution was unavoidable. Once I stepped into the classroom, hearing constant short coughing and blowing noses of classmates, I instantly frowned at malodor and humid air. My classmates – my good caring friends who usually would vivaciously greet at me and warn me not to walk around with wet hair to prevent from catching cold- were sleeping or quietly preparing for the class on their desks.
In Jinan where my high school is located, the healthy habit of ventilating becomes harmful during winters due to worsened air pollution. The school playground, our place to exercise and keep us exuberant, becomes desolated because of pollutants in the air.
According to a 2007 World Bank Report, air pollution in China is serious to the extent of causing 400,000 premature deaths a year, and The Environmental Protection Bureau of China stated that the main sources of air pollutions in China are factories, power plants and cars. Despite of its harmful effects to people, the environmental degradation continues because for a country with ambition for rapid economic growth in spite of its tight budget, existing technologies cannot help it much due to their high price.
In the classroom, I felt sorry for my classmates and teachers who drew me out from homesickness and provided me with the second warm home but now who are breathing in filthy air. My concerns for them together with my keen interest in Chemistry have drawn my attention to chemical engineers working to make our blue skies clearer, and now I am determined to be one of them.</p>
<p>To accomplish my goal, I worked hard academically.
Now, I succeed in chemistry class and the other science classes, getting the highest scores in Chemistry and Physics exams among the class of 2015. I not only put huge effort on Chemistry, but also have fervent passion for it. I continuously ask questions in Chemistry and get the answers, a process that thrills me to my bones.
This habit contributes to my devoting chemistry teacher, Mr. Xue.</p>
<p>On my arrival at Shan Dong No.7 High School in China, I was the worst student in Chemistry because I had received foreign education which had provided me with less intensified chemistry curriculum compared to that of China so far. I was despondent whenever reading chemistry textbook because the materials required more knowledge I knew in order to understand. When I realized that I could not follow up class only with my own effort, I went to Mr. Xue, my chemistry teacher, for help. Delightfully, he answered any questions by spending almost four hours every weekday during my first semester in the school. Understanding a piece of information either by myself or with Mr. Xue’s help after brooding for so long is always breathtaking for me. Little by little, the textbook was filled with my extra explanation, and my knowledge in Chemistry was progressed with firm foundation. I remember that it was a weekend few days before the midterm exam in a frosty dormitory room. When I was reviewing the chemistry text book, the information slithered into my head without any hindrance, making me breathing the cold air as refreshing as ever. As I went further, I was feeling excitement and fervent blood boiling in me. Finally, at the moment I finished, I burst out crying.
With tears of happiness, I was amazed that I actually understood this book which frustrated and intimidated me for so long. With this magical experience, not only could I shake off my fear in chemistry but I also gained passion for it. Studying with Mr. Xue, I witness that no matter how hard chemistry is, the hardship would ultimately pay off with the sweetest and faithful rewards. This lesson also encouraged me to challenge SAT subject test in chemistry later. I believe that this spirit that Mr. Xue gifted me would help me to persevere in challenges in the field of Chemistry and eventually to find out brilliant formulas for air pollution.</p>