So about 20-30 people? Sorry about the Covid exposure. Are they testing before the party?
23 4/9ths, and yes, everyone will test either the night before or morning of. My IL who is on chemo round 3 of 5 decided today to stay home (they were leaning that way anyway, based on fatigue and nausea â and of course everyone is fine with that)
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Beyond the party itself, are some family members viewing your parentâs house as a place to hang out, eat, sleep? If so, that could possibly seem overwhelming to an elderly person dealing with the loss of her husband. Or is the only thing the party? Itâs difficult for all and Iâm sure your mother appreciates her familyâs support.
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I have to admit I donât understand why no one else is thinking under the circumstances - even if she says itâs ok - that is ok to use her home for this event. Whether mom is there or at hospice it seems common sense to not use her home at this time simply for the natural stuff that occurs with so many people being at one location for an event!
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My parents live on several acres in a small town in the middle of nowhere. Itâs easiest for her to not have to travel so the picnic is on the field in front of the house. The food is being brought in, an event awning will go up, everyone will stay outside and the only people staying the night are me and my DH, S2/DiL â and thatâs because there is literally no other place local to stay. It also gives us a chance to box up leftovers for her later use, etc., on a leisurely pace. Last year I lived with them the week before to help, but she was very very clear that she did not want me there this time. I think sheâll regret that, but sheâs still an adult in her right mind and sheâs losing so much, I wasnât gonna arm wrestle over that.
Message for all of us as we age : acquire a skill of saying what you want, so people arenât guessing. Mom just called, Dad had a bad day, I told her again she does not have to attend one single second of the picnic if she wants to stay with him instead. (Everyone has told her this, actually)
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The picnic seems a potential bright spot for her if she can see everybody and get away for awhile from hospice. Unless of course, something imminent is going on with your father. In which case, picnIc plans may change in general.
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Sorry about all the bad days and anger your father has and your mother bearing the brunt. Makes me wonder about medication to help with anger or counseling/ support group for your mother.
OP here with the post-picnic report :
Mom spent most of the day with Dad, but after a lot of not being able to decide what to do, wanted to come out to the house for about an hour. I promised her we would keep an eye on the time, and as a ten minute warning weâd see if she wanted to go back, or stay. I thought she needed some agency.
She went back, texted us for an extension, we picked her up when she wanted.
Believe it or not, I had my big girl pants on, and realized Niece was not organizing the photo she so much wanted bc she didnât want to upset anyone. So of all people, it was me who hollered we were taking Nieceâs photo at X oâclock, and we did. neither of my parents present.
And as I imagined, siblings post the photo on socials and the comments are âwow! What a happy time " or " you all look greatâ and even âyour mom and dad were taking the photo? Didja leave them out?â But all is okay, or as okay as it will be.
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Sounds like things ended up on your terms for the most part. I hope your mom found a little support in seeing the people there.
People on social media can be so dumb. 
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My SIL loves posting social media photos that make it look like my MIL is doing wonderfully. She is not. H feels like the bad guy when heâs honest with relatives & close friends who ask about his mom. Heâs not into pretending. He doesnât care what his Sâs Facebook friends think, but he doesnât want the people who care about his mom to assume all is well ⊠because they call her & if she actually decides to answer, itâs pretty clear all is not well.
Iâm of both minds. I post positive pics of my mom but am more complete in the narrative part of a post. Anyone paying attention understands what is going on. 
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Completely understandable that you are thinking of the important people who will not be in the photo - but from your nieceâs perspective, maybe she is thinking of all of the people who will be there? I understand your sadness, and that it is a sensitive time, but I donât think she is wrong to want to take the photo. And I am glad that you took it - perhaps it meant a lot to her in a way that you canât understand now.
It sounded like the picture ended up as a fairly spontaneous shot with those present? Not sure the OP was concerned about something like that but more about something staged, forced ?
That was very kind of you. I am glad that, if nothing else, you ended up with amicable feelings towards your niece, and it sounds like she was trying to be considerate of you and others, too.
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Glad to hear it all worked out and that you were able to facilitate what Niece desired and that she was sensitive to the situation as well.
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