<p>Good afternoon -
I'm a mom of an 8th grader and we are in the midst of touring schools right now. My daughter just got her SSAT scores back (2280) and she's all worried that it's not high enough to get into a good school. She has been at a very small independent school for gifted kids her entire life and gets mostly straight As. However, I'm extremely nervous about applying to the schools that have a reputation of being too rigorous and not very nurturing. I see the pressure she puts on herself over grades and other things now and I'm worried that being in a school (i.e. Deerfield Academy) may be too much pressure in not only the academic part, but also the social part. Any advice?
Thanks.
Mom in MA</p>
<p>We had that concern, too, a bright-as-a-button DS who would wither in a pressure-cooker environment. So we didn’t apply to those schools and sought instead academically rigorous schools with a different type of culture. </p>
<p>How can you tell which is which? All the things you’re probably already doing: research, read, talk to as many people as you can. Then visit the school and test the “vibe” for yourself. Look at the type of language used in the school’s mission and materials and letters from the Head to get a sense of the school’s tone. What attributes seem to be stressed over and over. Ask people, students, your tour guide, current parents how competitive the student body is and the nature of that competition. Some kids thrive on that kind of competition. It brings out the best in them. Others don’t. So, ask a bunch of questions and see what the tenor of the responses tells you.</p>
<p>I don’t have personal experience of Deerfield, so cannot comment on that school.</p>
<p>And remember that at most (if not all) “non-pressure cooker” schools, it is very possible for any kid to be as challenged as they want to be. Maybe ask each school how they handle the kid that needs or wants more academically…</p>
<p>mbreed57- Tell your daughter not to get overly concerned with her test scores. The most important part of the process is to determine the right fit for your daughter. I will tell you first hand that the pressure cooker schools are just that, and that environment is not for everyone. I kept questioning the “comments” about how “hard” the school was and I convinced myself that it was over hyped. Now that the first trimester is over, I will confirm that things move at a rapid pace which makes it a pressure cooker. My son is doing fine but my other 2 kids could never do it. There is a lot of good information on this board about hidden gems, outstanding schools that are not part of the “top ten”. I like Portsmouth Abbey, Saint Andrews School (delaware) and The Hill School. The Hill School promotes itself as “The family” boarding school.</p>
<p>A) Don’t worry about the scores…if she is rejected/waitlisted it will not be because of the scores.
B) Everyone has a different interpretation of what a “good” BS is. I think prospective students/families limit themselves far too much in this regard…thinking some schools are “beneath” them or not worth the sacrifice. I agree with london203’s point that it is possible for pretty much every kid (even the 99%-ers) to be challenged at most of the schools mentioned here. I know my daughter feels challenged at SAS.
C) I’m so happy that firstgenbsp112 has chimed in, because I think his/her child is at Exeter or Andover…and while these schools are great, they are not for everyone.</p>
<p>Just chiming in because you mentioned Deerfield specifically. The pace is quick, but my DS says he never feels pressure or that kids are academically particularly competitive. They are serious about their work (he says, compared to his private middle school, the kids at DA take their studies more seriously, there are very few “gamers,” etc.), but they don’t talk about grades or compare how they’re doing in any competitive way. The school offers a lot of support in terms of proctors, good advisors, help with organization, peer tutoring, etc., and the teachers are very available and helpful. Maybe it feels more pressured later on, when kids are focused more on college, but, as a freshman, he doesn’t feel it at this point. Socially, he says there are some cliques, “like at any high school,” but that it’s a pretty open and friendly place. He was a day student at a well known junior boarding school for middle school, and I can tell you as an absolute fact that he finds Deerfield much friendlier and that he’s socially happier. I’m not saying it’s the right place for everyone (it is pretty face-paced, as I said), but don’t assume it’s a pressure cooker just because you’ve heard of the place.</p>
<p>As I’ve mentioned, I’m concerned about this too but from another angle. My son thinks an intensely competitive academic environment would bring out his best, and I tend to agree. I have some concern that he would slack off in a less rigorous environment. My daughter would survive in a pressure-cooker environment, but she would be miserable. She will work hard and challenge herself wherever she goes, and she will be best served by a school that allows her to get enough sleep. 
</p>
<p>And 2280 is a terrific score - I hope your daughter will start to relax a little and enjoy the process. Good luck!</p>
<p>One more thing, I believe the pressure cooker schools know how to identify the kids that will thrive although there are exceptions to the rule. The best analogy is they accept 10k runners and they train them for the marathon. These schools push them beyond their wildest dreams and they have all of the necessary supports in place if the student needs assistance. The beauty of boarding school is the residential life gives these kids so much access to their teachers and part of the training is for the student to learn to advocate for his or her self.</p>
<p>I don’t think the pressure cooker variable is real. Speaking from having my younger D at Exeter, which she (and we) have found to be a warm, nurturing, friendly and supportive place, versus my older D who chose a much smaller “nurturing” top 50 school and found it far too socially and academically pressurized and came home after a year.</p>
<p>Yes, kids are different, but comparing from a parental perspective the coursework, homework, friends and activities at these two schools, they seemed very similar to me. All the top 50 boarding schools will work your kid’s butt off. Almost all have HYPSM admissions to boast of. If kids are athletes it is more work. If kids take harder classes it is more work, that “pressure” goes with those choices. </p>
<p>Asking kids to leave home at 14 and find themselves in a completely new environment while they work out the usual teenage “stuff” makes any boarding school a “pressure cooker” at times. These are not easy years in anyone’s life, academics aside.</p>
<p>I agree with 2prepmom 90 %.<br>
For some the academics are what makes the environment pressure cooker. For others it’s the ultra social aspect of the school that does so.
However I dont agree with the comment about the top 50 schools, because I dont think there are top 50 schools. And with post #2 that said there are pressure cooker schools and nurturing academically rigorous schools.<br>
There are top academic schools with rigorous programs, some may be a better fit for a particular kid than others (large vs small, formal vs casual); but they all emphasize academics and kids there move at a fast pace. Some may have a more social aspect to them then others. I personally think it goes by year.
Then there are schools (also large, small. formal. casual, which ever style suits the student) that are less rigorous academically.<br>
Your job as a parent is to figure out what is best for your kid.</p>