<p>I'm feeling a bit guilty. My daughter and us like Scripps very much, and was admitted. She's probably put it at the top of her list, but we've told her its out of reach. We don't qualify for any need based aid and we got zero merit based aid. We were hoping for merit based aid based upon my daughter being a NMF, with good numbers etc, but that didn't pan out. Partially, its possible this is due to my daughter not knowing about the early deadline to apply for the JES scholarships -- so she missed that opportunity entirely. And once you miss that opportunity its for all 4 years. When her acceptance package came with no mention whatsoever of any aid, I contacted the admission's office to confirm it -- and they did, in fact telling me there is "no appeal process" and no "alternate funds." So the bottom line is, it would cost my wife and I $60K per year, minus any loans or work study. This is twice the cost of UCLA, where my other two kids went and where my daughter is likely to go. Can I afford to pay for Scripps College? Perhaps -- if I take $$$ out of my retirement nest egg and/or keep working beyond my original intent. Still...am I a bad parent? My daughter hasn't told me so but I'm feeling it. Would it be worth it to her/us?</p>
<p>As a student, I know that I would feel guilty if I asked you (my parent) to find money where there is none to fund a very expensive education. You should ask her what her eventual career goals are, and if they include graduate school. If they do, tell her that the money saved by going to UCLA over Scripps would help fund a grad school education. Otherwise, she would end up with a lot of money in debt (as it is expected students pay for grad school by themselves). Also, she also has the option of transferring to Scripps after a year at UCLA. While it is not the same as going to Scripps next fall, it’s still an option to consider. If I were in her shoes, no matter how much I loved Scripps, the reasonable choice is to head off to UCLA and she will understand this (perhaps not now, but definitely later in life) when you explain this to her.</p>
<p>In short, you are not a bad parent. </p>
<p>UCLA is a really great school! My boyfriend is a senior there this year and he loves it. While it was a perfect choice for him, I know I would’ve felt lost (both within the huge student body, and the bureaucracy that comes with a large institution). </p>
<p>The college experience will be what your D makes of it. At UCLA, she will have to work harder to make the school feel smaller, to find her niche, but if she can navigate the masses she will find a school that offers such a rich diversity of activities and communities. My BF is very involved with the quidditch team there, and has really built himself a tight-knit group of nerdy, awesome friends. </p>
<p>Having sibling alums will mean she has resources that know how to navigate the system, and make use of the many opportunities (social and academic) that UCLA has to offer. </p>
<p>UCLA also offers SO MANY classes. I’ve been jealous several times of just how much there is to choose from. Why doesn’t Scripps offer Cherokee or Swedish?!?</p>
<p>But, there are downsides to such a large school. If she’s interested in one of their “impacted” majors (like Political Science), she may have trouble graduating in four years without investing in a summer session. Even if she gets the classes she needs, there’s no guarantee she’ll have a professor more than once, or the opportunity to develop a relationship meaningful enough to provide excellent grad school references. Just gently reminder along the way that she should be attempting to cultivate such relationships. </p>
<p>UCLA is an awesome school, but if what she mainly fell in love with at Scripps was small community, discussion-based classes, and close faculty-staff-student relationships, and if she can’t manage to recreate these things on her own at UCLA… at least be open and prepared to revisit this issue a year or two down the road.</p>
<p>Get the book, The New College Reality by Bonnie Snyder from a store or library. I just started it but I am pretty sure it will make you feel much better immediately :)!</p>
<p>There are 10K and 15K scholarships at Scripps that do not require applying by the early deadline, and, sadly, your daughter did not get one.</p>
<p>No, you are not a bad parent! I know a lot of kids who did not end up at their top choices. Either they did not get accepted or they did not get the funds needed. A couple of weeks into their terms they are happy. There are kids who will adjust and be happy anywhere, and kids who will find anyplace to be difficult. </p>
<p>I also suspect your daughter knows a lot of other kids in this situations. Even if she thinks you are a bad parent, she is not putting a lot of weight on it.</p>
<p>aUCLADad:</p>
<p>Talk to your daughter, and you might well end up feeling much better. When my daughter saw how much borrowing would be needed, <em>she</em> vetoed Scripps, not me. She doesn’t want us to borrow significantly, or steal from our post-retirement lives. Your daughter may well have similar sympathies.</p>
<p>Large schools like UCLA can be great places, with plenty of opportunities that you won’t find at smaller schools (yes, the reverse is also true). There are ways to “shrink” the campus, such as getting involved in a club, which gives you a small group of like-minded people to interact with.</p>
<p>Thanks all for your responses to my lamenting. Yes my D knew right away, upon opening the Scripps admissions package that she’d be going to UCLA. It didn’t bother her at all – and she will be my 3rd (and last) UCLA Bruin kid… We attended Bruin Day on Sat. I think her mom and I just kinda bought into the “Small liberal arts college” idea for her, and also we somehow deluded ourselves into thinking “nobody actually pays the full $60K!” We were convinced I suppose, that our amazing and brilliant daughter couldn’t possibly be turned down for merit-based aid and that, coupled with the rising costs of the University of California, and Scripps generous merit based scholarships, and our willingness to make up what we figured might only be a few thousand per year, would pave the way. How silly in retrospect. After all, all of these kids are amazing and brilliant, and our D missed the first deadline for the JES scholarships, despite her amazing brilliance. Our deluded selves then thought – “oh well, 15K isnt bad…” And when the news came, I thought – am I being selfish to not steer her to Scripps and bite the financial bullet? But of course, she is fine with UCLA and so are we. I’m convinced Scripps is an amazing place – but how can we complain…really! :)</p>
<p>It’s a choice, and one that many parents make. No one here knows how much you make, what your assets are, what your retirement plan is. And no one here can make that judgement for you and your family. Congrats to your daughter on some great admissions.</p>
<p>Sent from my DROID2 GLOBAL using CC</p>
<p>My daughter is at Scripps, loves it, and we are paying full freight although not at all wealthy (one of those caught in the middle.) We’re doing it because it is such a great fit for her.</p>
<p>For what it’s worth, she just got a low number for registering for classes in the fall so probably won’t get the classes she wants, and may struggle to put together a schedule. While there is cross-registration with the other colleges, their classes fill too and their students get reserved or priority seating.</p>
<p>So, while UC is cutting courses and it’s always been the case that many students need more than four years to graduate (since they can’t get into required courses and need to wait a year) I think a definite advantage to a large school like UCLA is the greater number of courses available. So if I were you I wouldn’t worry one bit about her going to UCLA. It is a fantastic school.</p>
<p>I am in a somewhat similar situation. You should tell your D that she can take out loans in her name to pay the difference between UCLA and Scripps. This will make her much more excited about going to UCLA.</p>
<p>I just want to add my voice that my D is a junior at Scripps and although she likes it, there are, like anywhere else, wonderful engaging profs and some who should have retired a long time ago! Also, for her, Scripps lacks the community she longed for in a LAC, mostly because her major is at Pomona and so she spends a great deal of time there. I know that Eternal Icicle has loved Scripps and that is wonderful, but I can share with you that my D is not alone is feeling that it was not all she hoped it would be - and she applied early decision she loved it so much when she first saw it. This is only to say first impressions, while important, may not bear out in actual experience so I would not spend a fortune to attend Scripps if you can go to school like UCLA that you already know what you are getting.</p>
<p>Thanks for showing the other side of the coin, revbon. I tried to be positive about UCLA, because I do think it’s a great school and my boyfriend has definitely enjoyed it. As your D’s experience shows, no institution is perfect, nor is one school perfect for everyone.</p>
<p>With these decisions, I think, particularly between two very different institutions, it can be hard to tell in advance whether either option will be fine for the individual or if one would indeed suit better. Only in retrospect do we really know these things.</p>
<p>So wise and so true, Eternal Icicle. My grandmother always told me “bloom where you are planted” and there is alot of truth in this, I think.</p>