D got a verbal offer to play her sports in a D3 school and she knows that’s the one and most likely will apply early. The thing is should she still talk to other schools just in case? She has a slightly higher stats for that school’s average and the coach believes it’s a shoe-in situation if grades don’t change and she said everyone did ED has got in in her 16 years of coaching there. D is also very confident her grades will stay the same if not going up but nobody can predict life though.
My gut feeling tells me to work on at least a couple more D3 schools but my conscience tells me not to because it will be a verbal commitment once D commits in a couple of weeks and we should honor that. There are quite a few schools invited her to visit their campus and meet the coach but D hasn’t replied to any yet. It’s also our family value that we should always keep promises. It feels like a betrayal if we show interests in other schools and also there will be certain unfolded truth (about the verbal commitment) when she has a conversation with any of them.
As a parent of a junior looking to play D3 sports, and who has been in conversations with coaches – for me, it would depend on whether we thought we had really explored the possibilities and concluded this really “is it.” Even still, as a fairly risk averse person, I would be reluctant to exclude other options entirely, at this stage.
By way of example, my son has one school which has seen him play and said they want him – but he doesn’t have test scores yet, so there is that contingency. He – and we-- feel that he needs to keep other conversations going because you just never know. He could get on campus with this team in the fall and decide it really isn’t his place, no matter how much he loves it right now. Or his scores might not hit where they need to. Or even though we trust the coach, things could change. For NESCAC schools, there seems to be a very predictable process, July pre-read by admissions and financial aid, offer to come visit on campus with the team etc. and then ED. With other conferences, the deadlines may not be as precise, but at least for my kid’s sport, the decision to apply ED follows the on-campus visit in the fall with the team.
I understand about feeling dishonest by continuing to talk with other schools, but I think coaches know students and families need to have options as things can change. A new AD or new admissions officer could change the way things are done etc. I don’t think responding to other coaches, even by being honest and saying student has visited and is very interested in school X, and, if the other coaches ask if she has committed, being honest. Coaches know that things change, and they may want to keep her on their list in case things change.
All in all, I personally would be hesitant to end conversations with all other schools until there is a formal pre-read through Admissions office or until she has gotten that ED acceptance.
My first thought is that if you say “once D commits in a couple weeks” then she isn’t committed yet, and the time to look at a few other programs is right now. I agree with the above advice that it is hard to know a particular school/program is the right fit if you haven’t looked at a few others.
My second thought is to be upfront with the coach at the current school. Your daughter can communicate that she is sold on the program/school, but that she wants to take a few other trips if for no other reason than to make sure she is making the right decision. Heck, she can even tell him that she is ready to commit but her parents want her to look at a few other places to be sure. I think people forget that coaches do this dance over and over again. It is not nearly as personal of a process as it is for the recruit. The coach will understand. He may even prefer that your daughter do a bit of looking now rather than getting cold feet two weeks before the ED deadline.
I am a firm believer in being open and frank with the coaches, and you will soon find which coaches respond in kind. i think that goes for the coaches at the other schools as well. I would not hesitate to say I have an offer at X, and am really considering committing there. I guarantee that the coaches have heard that before, many, many times. Some may shake your hand and say good luck, some may say x is a great school, but I am going to show you why y is better for you.
Either way, I would strongly urge your daughter to take at least a couple additional visits before committing. I get the pull of committing early. It shuts the process off and ends the stress. My son committed to his school in July, which was pretty early for his sport in the Ivy League. But before he committed, he had been on campus at a half dozen schools he was really considering at least once and had been talking to coaches for months. I think your daughter will be happier in the long term if she takes a month or so to make sure this fit is the right one.
I think part of the reason that athletic recruitment is difficult for many of us is that it goes against many of the values that we normally conduct our lives under. Unfortunately, not all athletic coaches live by those same values. Of course there are honorable and trustworthy coaches out there, but some of them are just intent on getting the best team that they can recruit using whatever methods necessary. While you may feel uncomfortable continuing to look at other schools and talk to other coaches, some coaches would have not any problem continuing to look for new recruits that could potentially bump your daughter. The problem is figuring out which coaches are being honest with you and which would dump an athlete in a second if a better fit came along. We know of several athletes who applied ED to schools based on a coach giving them a a verbal and then either end up not being accepted, or in one case, not making the team once at the school. There are threads here on CC with similar stories. I agree that the best approach on your part is to be up-front with the coach if your D decides to keep looking at other programs, and by all means use her parents as the excuse if necessary. Try to look for past recruiting stories about this sport at this school with this coach to see if anything odd pops up in your research. Most likely the coach is being honest with your daughter and it will all work out. But until your daughter has a firm committment on the acceptance I would keep all avenues open.
My kids sport is swimming and in the fall before applying ED the kids will do official visits at a few schools to allow them to really get the feel of the team/coach and school. I would recommend doing that to the top choices even if she feels comfortable with her number one choice. When she applies ED have her send an email to the other coaches letting them know her choice but also mention that if ED does not work out could she still reach out to them down the road.
Its not being untruthful its keeping options and doors open
good luck
Thanks everyone for your advice! D has just visited the school last week and spent a night in the dorm and hung out with the team. She loved the cold weather even she is a Cali girl, loved the campus and had a really good time with all the people she met. She particularly enjoyed meeting with the coach because they shared the same view on many things and D felt very comfortable being with her.
To us, it’s a perfect school for D because my husband loves the location, not “too” far (Midwest) from CA, pretty rural but you can still has a city life within 45 mins. We loved the students there too. They were very down to earth and helpful, very intellectual but not competitive which is exactly how D is. The program is vigor enough yet students manage to enjoy life outside the classroom. It’s the mentality of the student body that drew us to it.
We had visited some other schools in the east last summer, D liked some and disliked some. It is not this D3 school that we have doubt, it is the fact that I just feel foolish if there is any unforeseen situation comes up and it’s the only choice. I wish we could just be naive and wait until November and get it over with.
The first school my daughter visited was at the request of the coach who had seen her play in a few tournaments. We really liked the coach, she was promising us a lot, but unfortunately the school was just not right so DD turned it down.
Coach left the program in late July because of her husband’s job. Asst. coach took over, but then she had to leave. DD would have been on her 3rd coach before ever playing in a game.
I’d definitely suggest going to a few other schools and talk with the coaches. As suggest above, it’s fine to either not commit (in D3, there really is no committing until you get to school) or to tell the coach what is going on. This is a business to them and they are building a team. You never know what will happen and you need to keep options open. There were a few stories this winter about football players being told by coaches that the school wasn’t going to honor the verbal commitment, or was going to delay admissions by a semester. It’s a business, just like college admissions is. Shoo-ins sometimes don’t work out. This school could become so wildly popular next year that your daughter’s academics don’t guarantee her admissions. Triplet super tall sisters from Sweden could decide they must play volleyball at this school next year.
I don’t think it is a matter of honesty on the part of the coach or the athlete, but things do change. A student the coach committed to can’t get into the school. Another who didn’t think he’s get in does get in so bumps another player to the bench. A superstar transfers in. I know a lot of kids who commit in sophomore year, and some go to those schools, others do not. The NCAA doesn’t allow students to commit until November of their senior year for a reason - these are kids, and things change. A boy I know committed to Princeton but then switched to Army. Different focus as a junior than as a sophomore.
I prefer not to call it a “fail rate,” but “plan changers” happen all the time. Simply take a look at all the threads on this site, and you will find plenty of folks that are (at least at the time they wrote the post) disappointed. Fast forward, and many would say that their kid found total happiness elsewhere. Nevertheless, most folks with D3 experience would counsel not to count your chickens until you have a signed acceptance letter from the college’s director of admissions. A verbal is a verbal is a verbal – and with D3, there really are no verbals. Continuing to look is not dishonest. If the coach could guarantee a spot at the school, then it would make sense to stop looking. But the coach cannot do that. If it were me, I would continue corresponding with coaches and talking to schools so that you have a good back-up plan in place.
It’s really hard to say because nothing is in writing. You also have to take some of what you hear from families with a grain of salt. We have run into parents who think their athlete is one of the top recruits around and will tell you that 5 top schools are offering spots on the team. When the kid ends up no place it is the school’s fault/coach’s fault/fill in the blank. All along you knew the stories were exaggerated-it is a small world within any particular sport, especially at the higher levels- and it is usually obvious if someone is exaggerating their talents. When our son was playing a club sport his team won a prestigious tournament which resulted in the kids getting a lot of attention from recruiting coaches. The next week, my H was at a different sporting event and overheard a father telling a group that his son had scored the winning goal at that tournament and was being recruited by a number of coaches. In fact, his son had been asked to leave the team earlier in the season for unsportsmanlike behavior and was not at the tournament and wasn’t even playing the sport anymore. That being said, we do know of kids who thought they had solid offers and ended up scrambling for a spot somewhere at the last minute.
I guess I am also one of those “naive” folks where ones word is “as good as oak”. I live by this, and expect people to do the same for me and my family. I suppose there are coaches who push the boundaries and give a hard sales talk to prospective athletes, who may think there is anything wrong about being vague. And I suppose unexpected things happen such as an injury, grade hiccup, etc, etc. So, it might be nice to have a back up/plan B. Fortunately, you would know if the coach’s word is good early on since she will apply ED. And if she does not get in, as long as she is ready to send the next batch of applications for RD schools, she should still be okay. If you want to be super safe, then she can simultaneously apply to some good EA schools (e.g. Georgetown, Boston College, Tulane, U Chicago, if she is competitive; and many other fine Universities that are less competitive if she is at that next tier level) at the same time that she applies to the one ED school that is recruiting her. If she gets in her ED, then she has to honor it. If she does not, at least she has no pressure of finding a school quickly if she applied to several non-binding EA schools and got accepted into a few of them…?
From my reading here on cc, I now understand that even the most guaranteed arrangement can fall apart quickly. Coaches that have given their word to a potential player are fired, have a heart attack and retire, or get an offer from a better college that they can’t refuse.
Another thing I read about was students who figure out halfway through their first year of college that the team dynamics don’t work, or the academics aren’t a fit, etc. Those kids that had some interactions with a number of other Plan B schools now have relationships with coaches that they can reach out to for transfer possibilities.
I think you can find a way to be truthful and still investigate other schools.
Good suggestions on early action. Of course, the schools with early action may or may not offer an appropriate sports option. That is something for the poster and child to decide. But that conversation about back-up plans should take place.
My only quibble is what constitutes the “agreement” is in the D3 context that should be honored. In my experience, the only thing a coach can do is support an applicant. In most instances – but surely not with all D3 schools – that support will mean a lot. But that is all you get. The athlete in exchange applies early decision. There is absolutely nothing wrong with telling the coach that you are planning on applying ED, that this is your first choice school, that if you are admitted you will attend. All good, all true. If you feel you must, you could say you are exploring other schools just in case something falls through. Frankly, I think the coach would expect an athlete to do this.
What I think is a mistake is assuming that you will be admitted, telling your friends that your child has a “verbal,” buying the school sweatshirt, and by the same token, assuming that all your work is done. In my view, this is no different from having a great interview with a prospective employer. You wouldn’t stop looking for the new job until you had an offer and accepted.
You don’t need to mislead other schools. They will ask where else you are looking and what you think about those schools. Of course you should be honest. Tell them that you had an overnight at School X and really liked it.
No dishonesty should be involved. A healthy dose of pragmatism, perhaps.
Funny enough D did buy a couple shirts from that school and I already warned her about the possibility of not coming through. But D insisted and claimed she would at least enjoy wearing it for a year or two because she had a great experience visiting the school. I guess… 8->
Ok D has the academic stats (slightly above their avg) and good ECs. Coach was impressed with her skills. Coach approached D and showed interest and recruited her aggressively. Coach has been coaching for 16 years and her family won’t leave this state, aka her hometown. We will apply ED with no FA need. Does it make the picture look a little bit better?
But still I will have D work on more schools. ^:)^
You talked with the coach, your daughter talked with the coach, and everything seemed to line up. It probably will work out as the coach states. In most cases it does. So there is no need for worry, but you do have to be prepared. As some have already said, you can be completely (or mostly) upfront with any and all coaches. Good luck to your daughter!
S had interest from a D3 coach early at a school he really liked and had strong stats. S wasn’t completely sure what he wanted and didn’t apply ED. He told the coach he wasn’t sure and wanted to look around more—he hadn’t even visited the campus yet, different from your D. Some new places did present themselves, but this school stayed a major contender. He hasn’t decided yet what to do.
So my feeling is for her to be honest. If this is her first choice, she should apply ED and let’s hope she gets in and the story is over. If she isn’t sure what she wants, then she should not apply ED and wait and explore her options.
You are not being naive but it would be wise to keep your daughters options open and look around a bit further. From what you say, the coach wants your daughter, she fits academically, you can afford to pay for it, and she is happy with the plan-sounds like a great situation. However, sometimes things change or your daughter might change or something happens, so see if there are a few other schools out there and make contact with those coaches so you have a frame of reference, something to compare to. The coach who is recruiting her, if he or she is a good one, would probably support your looking further afield and not consider it disloyal. Then when decision time comes she can be confident in her choice.
" D has just visited the school last week and spent a night in the dorm and hung out with the team. She loved the cold weather even she is a Cali girl…"
Are you sure what was there last week can be considered cold weather:)
I know what you mean, CCDD14. :). D always loves the cold and gloomy weather. She loved it in Canada during December and she found it almost the same feeling in MN if not better, so I think she actually is fine with it.