"The key point I got out of OP’s initial post is that his/her kid REALLY wanted to attend the expensive private college, and OP wanted to make it happen. "
The OP in a subsequent post said it was not an ivy but a solid top-40, implying as others have also noted that it’s not a Stanford type of college, and so I don’t think they’re similar situations.
“I think this is a big assumption (overpaying) that hasn’t been shown on this thread. Just because you pay more for a certain college doesn’t mean you are necessarily “overpaying”. Fit is very important IMO.”
I agree with syballa on this, there’s some feeling either about overpaying or not getting value, that made the OP start this thread And you can definitely overpay for fit.
I don’t see the difference between Stanford and a “T-40”. If the college is a great fit, and if the kid is most likely to thrive there, AND it is affordable for the parents, that is enough of a reason to choose it. The success a kid has after graduation is much more dependent on how they use the time at college, and how they take advantage of the opportunities. A kid attending a college which is a great fit is much more likely to use their time well and take advantage of the available opportunities than a kid who is struggling socially and emotionally.
One child and one college education to pay for and it is not a burden on your family? I say why not? I mean if they are an intelligent student, which sounds like they are and you lay out the cost and what the savings would be if they chose an equally good fitting public and that the difference could likely be a part of their inheritance, I don’t see a problem.
@cafe22. It sounds like you and your husband have been careful stewards of your income. Even though you are willing to make the investment in for a full-pay T-20 tuition for your academically motivated child, it is perfectly natural to experience some sticker shock. In many parts of the country, 300K would buy a nice home that one would pay off over 20-30 years. The idea of having that amount drain out of your reserves over four years, well, it can be daunting.
With all of that said, if you are confident that your child will take full advantage of the opportunities an elite university offers and can afford it out of savings and income, I see no reason to hold back. I hope that she is admitted into her first choice school. As others have said, do have her apply to some matches and safeties as well.
Frankly, one of the reasons I wanted my kid to attend an Honors College on merit money was I wanted him to just enjoy learning without feeling guilty or bad about the high cost of an expensive private college, even if it was Stanford. I didn’t want my kid to feel like he has to try extra harder to do well at Stanford because he was a full pay student. Our kid is a conscientious kid, so I did think he may feel like this. I don’t like to put additional pressure on my kid intentionally or unintentionally.
I am not that into wanting my kid to excel in academics by studying like crazy. I want him to work some hours, attend plays, attend conferences, athletic competitions, read some books outside his classes, and study maybe 2 hours a day — and even skip few classes. I just feel like you have all your career to work hard.
But my understanding is that you should file a FAFSA anyway, because she might not get merit scholarships without that (even though you’re not planning on loans).
This parent isn’t asking about financial aid…merit or need based. The parent clearly says they can afford to send their child to any college without taking out any loans.
And in those top 40 schools, I do not believe there is one that requires the FAFSA for awarding merit aid. Of course, they would need to check that.
But that’s not the question here.
The question is…is this parent crazy to want to send their only child to a $70,000 a year plus college…when they have the resources to do so.
We chose to send our kids to expensive private universities on our dime (one kid did get a decent merit award, the other a very small one), but we shouldered the vast majority of the costs to attend college for our kids. Like the OP, we didn’t need to take out loans, and we had the resources to pay the college bills.
I can’t think of a better way to spend my money than on a college education for our kids. It’s a gift that will last them a lifetime.
Our thinking exactly. I understand the equation changes significantly when loans or material financial sacrifices are involved, but that’s not OP’s situation.
We;re a full pay family and we said to our son that we’re not going to pay this kind of money if the school he gets in is not significantly better that out state flagship. We were willing to pay for great education and better career prospects, but not for the vague “experience” or nice dorms. So for me it depends on what you’re actually paying for.
Again, which school? Really, the "crazy" question needs more data points, NYU Tisch? UCSD CS? Tulane just because? NEU for ......weather?
Are there any actual real options, full pay anywhere vs Alabama/Dallas/Montana with a few merit pennies? This thread is all about confirmation bias, so why ask?
Subjective overlay of the value of one school vs another wasn’t really the question. No two people will always agree on that anyway. You do often post critically about cost when students “chance me” for expensive schools, so it’s clearly some kind of thing you have. Like some people will always think a bmw is overpaying vs a Toyota regardless the financial situation of the purchaser and subjective enjoyment they get from more than just getting from A to B, and others will say if there’s no debt and no financial implication, why not? Of course this is a more critical decision for the kid’s life than a car. The OP’s financial situation clearly allows them the luxury of bringing factors other than just money into the cost-benefit analysis. So even if it is film school and not computer science, that doesn’t seem to be the concern.
“The OP’s financial situation clearly allows them the luxury of bringing factors other than just money into the cost-benefit analysis.”
The OP’s own words were “are we crazy to spend this kind of money” and then later said it was a private, top-40 but not an ivy. Looks like money followed by academic reputation are top-2 factors being considered, which guess what, is how 99% of people decide on which college to attend.
We were willing to spend whatever was needed for our kids to attend the best and best-fitting college they could get into. We spent a lot of time helping them to discover that college and others that fit their goals. But there were practical and not-so-practical limits to the process:
a) What criteria should they use to compose a list of colleges to apply to?
b) Did the kids have the credentials (grades, test scores, other achievements or awards, and interests) that fit the colleges on their list. If not, was there time to improve their creds (summer courses, test prep, etc.)?
c) Did the kids have a variety and a range of degree-of-difficulty in their list of prospective schools?
I think they both ended up with excellent lists. And out of the 11 or so colleges they applied to, they got into all but 1. They never complained that they had made the wrong choices in the process.
OP here…Thank you all for the feedback! I’ve been reading all the he comments and processing. Mostly what I’m hearing is that this is an personal decision, but certainly one many of you would make (some would not), but only we will know what’s right for our family. At least I know we’re not “crazy”, lol. I probably should have added that with the ED deadline fast approaching (she’s got a fairly good shot at getting in…of course, anything can happen) we need make peace with this decision now.
Only let her apply ED if you’re truly willing to pay. We’ve had threads from families who let their kid apply to expensive schools but then didn’t want to pay.
Sometimes it’s the parents who post. They say they didn’t think their kid would get in so they let them apply so the school could be the bad guy. Sometimes the parents are willing to pay when apps go out but one or both parents waffle when the acceptances come.
Sometimes it’s the student who posts. They don’t understand why their parents let them apply to schools if they won’t pay for them to attend.
There’s nothing wrong with spending it if you have it, but make sure both parents are comfortable with the price tag before the apps go out.