<p>How are people affording these 40 K a year schools? My D got into one of her top choices and even with the 11K per year grant from the school tuition is still another 20K and room and board another 10K..She wont qualify for any other aid but loans and I cant afford 30K a year,,How the heck do people afford this? I dont get it...I dont know how to break it to her she may have to go to a state school...We visited one today and she liked it but wants to go to the expensive private school...I dont know what to do about this...</p>
<p>She could take out loans.</p>
<p>This is an excellent time to discuss real world finances and her choices. Does she wish to go to the "expensive school" even if it means SHE will graduate with personal debt (her debt not your dept) of close to $100K? Given this type of real world options, she might begin to prefer the state school!</p>
<p>Momfrompa, there are other options: find schools that have merit scholarships and strong financial aid packages, but you "kind of have to go" where you can locate these gems.</p>
<p>For most middle class families, financing college usually takes money from a number of different areas--money saved & invested over the years (for us, since oldest D was 5 years old); loans taken out by the student; loans taken out by the parents (PLUS loans, private loans or home equity loans, for example); and money from cash flow (sometimes a non-working spouse goes back to work to help come up with college $$). </p>
<p>If you are lucky, someone else comes up with some money for you--your kid gets merit $ or financial aid from the school or an outside scholarship or maybe grandma and grandpa decide to help out to make the amount you have to come up with less than full freight. </p>
<p>Your counseling office should have a brochure that could direct you to info on the internet about the different financing options available.</p>
<p>But most important, you need to have the "money talk" with you kid--sooner rather than later. Let her know now what the financial parameters are--we can afford $XXX for college and any college you want to attend must give you a financial package to make up the difference. There are examples of posters on CC who are in the same boat as you are. You are not alone.</p>
<p>I don't think it will be possible for a kid to take out the amount of loans she will need to go to a private school. Subprime educational lending is a thing of the past. Plus, we have had threads in the past couple of weeks having to do with kids who have taken out over $100K loans to attend BU and NYU. That kind of loans affects life choices after college for years.</p>
<p>One option that is not "ideal" but works for many who are trying to compromise (including my D) is going to local U & then transferring to dream school--or sometimes graduating form local U & going to grad school at dream school.</p>
<p>I agree it's best to have the financial talk sooner than later. Kids read the paper & know that money is pretty shaky these days everywhere. $100+K in undergrad loans is really crushing, no matter how it's dressed up.</p>
<p>I think generally parents who do not have the means to pay the full cost but want to finance a private education fill the gap by borrowing. I do qualify for need-based financial aid (up to a point). I find it doable to pay about half of my share and borrow the other half with PLUS loans. My daughter is taking the maximum allowable in subsidized loans. </p>
<p>However... I put some limits on my kids financially from the outset -- I told them that I would pay the cost of an education at our in-state publics; to attend a private college they would need enough financial aid to bring down the cost of the private school. </p>
<p>Financing college needs to be a joint decision between parents & student, with joint responsibility for planning. That is... you need to sit down with your daughter right now to discuss the financial issues. </p>
<p>My own kids didn't want to talk details as to finances, but they were also very willing to accept my representations as to what I could and couldn't afford without question. They both turned down their top choice schools because of finances.</p>
<p>Wonderful suggestions and advice. If, at the end of the day, the cost with loans, scholarships from the school, scholarships that she tracked down and applied for, work study, and whatever you can contribute is not enough....then she simply can't afford te dream school. She can talk to the financial aid office, since at $40K a year I'm sure they are used to helping kids try to afford their school. They might be able to sweeten her financial aid package.</p>
<p>I'm sure you'd like a big house in your dream neighborhood or to drive your dream car, but not everyone can afford everything at the end of the day. If your family can't afford her dream school, you sure aren't going to be the only ones (especially in this economy) picking schools and making college plans based on cost. Especially if she wants grad school someday, loading up on undergraduate debt may not be the right thing to do. </p>
<p>We have spent our lives as parents trying to make our children happy and trying to give them every advantage. It's very painful to have to say that you can't have your dream school, but frankly it's a conversation that many parents have with their kids. I hope your daughter is more mature about it at the end of the day than my son's GF, a sophomore, who is still whining about the fact that she got into a Top School and her parents couldn't afford it. It's embarrassing to them, and certainly doesn't reflect well on the GF.</p>
<p>People afford them by taking out ioans, sometimes staggeringly large ones that aren't wise too take out. Students work --sometimes as much as 60 hours a week, which is what I did to afford my expensive private school -- during the summer, and work up to 30 hours a week (what some of my college students did) plus take out loans.</p>
<p>To put this into perspective -- many students and parents have to do such things just to go to their in-state public school, schools, incidentally that usually can not afford to meet the demonstrated need of even their poorest students.</p>
<p>Some people actually do have savings or can afford expensive private schools out of their incomes. Others get help from extended family, such as having grandparents foot much of the college bills. Sometimes parents will work extra jobs, take out mortgages, etc. for their kids to afford expensive schools. Given today's economy, though, many people are cutting back financially and going into savings just to survive.</p>
<p>Many, many people tell their kids the realities of their financial situations up front, and don't let their kids apply to colleges they know they can't afford. Others tell their kids the realities up front, and then the kids know that if they don't get financial or merit aid that allows them to go to certain colleges, they'll have to turn those colleges down.</p>
<p>All of us adults know what it's like living with financial limitations. I'm sure that virtually all of us would prefer to have different cars or houses if funds were unlimited. However, because we have limitations, we fall in love -- or at least fall in like -- with houses, cars, and other things that we can afford.</p>
<p>Being a high school senior is an excellent time for anyone to learn that important lesson, and parents needn't feel ashamed, guilty or otherwise bad for being among the overwhelming majority of parents whose finances mean that their are limits on where their kids can go to college. </p>
<p>And the reality is that for virtually everyone except the 3% or so of the population that really is extremely wealthy -- there are financial restrictions on most people's college choices. For instance, most of my S's friends' parents are professionals, but still, most of his friends always knew that for financial reasons, their college options were in state publics. So students who could have gone to higher rated private colleges, didn't even apply, but happily went off to in state public.</p>
<p>If they wanted to go to a more competitive college, they got good grades and went to a higher rated university for graduate school, where often they got fellowship to help pay the bill.</p>
<p>Some students also comb the bushes for outside scholarships, work during their senior year of high school (I did that), and also apply to colleges (typically where they are in at least the top 25% in terms of their gpa/scores) where they are likely to get merit aid.</p>
<p>I also strongly suggest making sure you probably can afford a college before allowing your kid to apply or even taking your kid to see the college. For instance, sons knew that our family didn't qualify for need-based aid, yet H and I felt we couldn't afford to pay big bucks for sons college. </p>
<p>Before they applied to college, we gave both sons specific figures that we were willing to pay each year for their educations. Neither applied to colleges that didn't offer merit aid. Older S turned down his first choice college, a top ranked out of state public, because it offered him no merit aid and he didn't want to take out loans. He happily went to a lower ranked OOS public that gave him big bucks, and he loved his experiences there.</p>
<p>Younger S turned down an in state public to go to a pricey private that offered merit aid. Still, the costs are more than what H and I are willing to pay , so S is taking out big loans (He plans to spend a couple of years after college living modestly and paying off the loans before going to grad school), works during the school year and summer, and has personal expenses limitations that many of his friends with lavish allowances don't have. He's doing extremely well in the college -- academically and socially has come into his own -- so the finances have been worth it to him.</p>
<p>Do not send your D to a dream school you cannot afford. And do not allow her to take out loans that will result in a staggering debt. </p>
<p>Be honest about the $$ you can afford. Use the online calculators that help her see what her monthly payment would be if she tries to borrow the amount that you cannot afford. We are in an economic crisis is part because many did not save, and bought via borrowing things they could not afford. </p>
<p>Don't let the dream turn into a nightmare. Tell her what dollars you can provide, and look at alternative state schools. It is not too late to apply to other private schools with merit aid that meets her stats</p>
<p>We were faced with this dilema last year. I woke up mornings with free floating anxiety. As the day would progress I had feelings of inadequacy and sadness. I looked for evidence that the huge debt could be handled and I looked for evidence that the St. University scholarship was the right thing to accept.</p>
<p>My W seemed to blindly believe the money was there and our S was passionately commited to the expensive private. Our friends, many of whom are Ivy and top school grads, also would urge us to consider taking out loans to make it happen for our bright, deserving, and lovable kid.</p>
<p>Ultimately we went with the St. University's Honors program and big prestige scholarship. I think the deciding factor was that we also have a D who is now a high school junior with just as much talent and academic potential. When the time rolled around for her to apply her choices would have been severely limited because an expensive private would mean that all of us would be facing formidable debt.</p>
<p>As it turns out our S loves his choice and is free to think of volunteer community service, travel abroad experiences, and is not in the least troubled with financial distress. The heart wrenching decision making was witnessed by our D and she is now realistic about college costs.</p>
<p>The W and I feel we made the right decision for the family but not without some painful soul searching. Both kids are aware of economic realities and appreciate our financial condition in a new light. </p>
<p>Our D will still be applying to her dream school, expensive private, but will be searching for outside scholarship money. She feels that even if the costs are prohibitive she'd like to know that she qualified for acceptance.</p>
<p>Thank you all for your advice...I do appreciate it..I would have no problem taking out the loans for her only I have tons of my own loans from school. I kinda did things a bit backwards in life..I had my daughter when I was just 20 and in undergrad myself but finished..I got married had 2 more kids all within 5 years so I have 2 other children that will soon come after her. When my youngest was in school when he turned 5 back in 2003 I went back to school myself. My dream was always to go to law school and I wanted to fulfill it in hopes of giving my family a better life since we always struggled. I took out large amounts of debt and graduated. I was hoping I would land my dream job and money worries would be a thing of the past. Imagine my surprise when I got offered jobs not paying much more than I would have gotten with a Bachelors degree. It was depressing to say the least..I just passed the bars one year ago so am still quite new to all of it but people think bc you are a lawyer or a dctor, then you are loaded. Not so..My hubby and I live in a twin house, not a single even and both drive cars 3 and 6 years old...We still struggle daily and I had hoped the money we had invested could help with her education...We figured we would take out of his retirement fund if need be. Well the stock market as you all know is in the crapper and he has lost so much money I cant bring myself to look at the statement daily so thats probably not going to be our option now...I have sat down with her and explained to her the realities...She does work 2 part tiime jobs but is not saving like she should be bc she puts all her money towards her car and her entertainment. I dont know how to make her "get it" I told her the reality is she will have to make the decision. She will have to take out massive loans (If she can get them that is) and this will be on her...She wants very bad to go to law school. I have tried to talk her out of it but if she insists I told her she must do amazing in undergrad and go to a top law school (which is where she should take the money out in loans) or she will not get a high paying job and end up like me in crushing debt...I feel like I did all this and worked so hard to give them a better future and I made things worse..Its all quite a depressing situation...</p>
<p>I did manage to speak to her again about it yesterday and have convinced her to maybe think about going to my alma mater and staying home as a commuter. Its an excellent school and is state reated. Tuition is like 12K a year...she said she would apply and consider it...I hope though that in the end she doesnt wind up hating me for keeping her from what she thinks she needs and thats to go to some expensive school (which is not near top notch academically but only average as her SATS have dragged her chances at better schools down) I will keep looking around for scholarships though...Maybe I can unearth some..</p>
<p>She actually blurted out yesterday why didnt we have a college fund for her like most people do? My parents never had a college fund for me, they paid for my books, thats all they could afford and I went to cheap state related school and got grants and loans...I told her when she was born I was a kid myself, my husband was an apprentice electrician and made 7 bucks an hour..Granted that was a long time ago but he went through 4 years of school as well and was covering us financially while I was home several years raising my kids. I did my best with part time jobs back then We barely made ends meet back then. Of course she wouldnt remember all of this as she was just a kid..She will just have to get over it and move into the world of reality. I will do everything can to help her achieve her goals but I simply cannot give her what we dont have and especially not to the detriment of her sister who will be in college 3 years later and then her brother. I have to be realistic and fair to all my kids. Its time I think she learned the value of the dollar.</p>
<p>MFP, The first lesson I learnt from oming to CC was to have the money talk with your child early in the application process. One should state in very clear terms that how much the family could afford. </p>
<p>THus we told our DD that we could afford xxxxx, if she did not get merit aid to cover the rest, she would not go to that school.</p>
<p>For anyone reading this who is in next year's (or after) class, please have this discussion with your student before applications go in. My parent's did not tell me until I was accepted into my first choice that they would not pay for it. A lot of angst and I could have made different decisions with that knowledge ahead of time. </p>
<p>All mine have known from the time they were small how much we would pay. They knew taking out big loans was not going to happen, either. So each took that information and made their own decisions, ones that suited them, but with all the info there to make them. DD decided to try for her dream school, but knew she could not go if merit money did not work out. It didn't but she is now in a perfect school for her where the money did work. </p>
<p>Be honest and up front with information, let them make choices within your framework, then have faith that it will work out for the best.</p>
<p>For my S, the private LAC he wanted to go to ended up being cheaper for us than the flagship state school. Between merit aid and scholarships, the private school offered more money. Even after he accepted, they gave him more money than he was given from their original offer. I know this isn't always the case by any means, but sometimes it can work out.</p>
<p>I agree Singersmom we should have had this discussion long before now. However I had no way of knowing we would lose half of our investments that we could have used for college...Unfortunately things took a rapid turn for the worse lately and this is greatly going to have an effect on our ability to pay for D's college..I am trying to push her towards the state school route as I stated...I think while she may hate the idea now..when she graduates in 4 years without crippling debt and is older, she will be able to put it all into perspective...I think in the end she will wind up thanking us. At least that is my hope</p>
<p>A gap of $30K/year is probably too big to bridge with loans. Even if she or you could get loans of that size (which seems unlikely in this climate), that would mean a debt of $120,000 at the end of her education. That's a crazy and crippling amount of debt.</p>
<p>What are the attributes that your D loves about her dream school, and what lower-priced schools might match them? What other schools do sites like Princeton Review and Collegeboard suggest as being similar, and are some of them better values? Would she have a better shot at merit aid at any of them? Do any of them offer more generous financial aid?</p>
<p>MfP, It likely won't take that long for her to thank you. She'll probably love the St. school after a few months and appreciate a debt free life.</p>
<p>Is tuition and R/B and fees $12K at the state school, or is this just tuition? Because with the other expenses, a $12K tuition school can easily still cost you $20K a year. </p>
<p>The $10K difference a year (between the state school and private school you mentioned) is large, and $40K is too much debt over four years for many people. But it isn't like one school is free, and the other is $120K, unless your daughter will qualify for full tuition aid, which many state schools do offer their best in-state applicants. It might make sense to think of the difference being $10K vs. $30K.</p>