Out of 8 choices, she is down to 5… I think… it changes daily. Sigh. Truth be told, she loved the 2 schools that are the most expensive. One being completely unaffordable. I don’t think she really loves any of the rest.
I never imagined that this would prove to be the tough part. I think there were all kinds of unspoken, emotional issues tied up in the decision making, that I didn’t anticipate. Leaving friends. The reality of being on his own. Starting over. I kept offering objective, rational pros and cons for each choice. Useless! But then, one day a week ago, we actually had a heart to heart about what was stopping him, and the next day, he made his choice. I’m not saying this is the case for everyone, but I thought I’d share it because it so took me by surprise, especially coming from my very cerebral soon, who pretty much keeps his own counsel.
*son
@dbandmom -
my D is returning to one campus for a live lesson. she had to choose one visit as both schools she’s considering are not driveable for us.
But, she’ll have to go on her own this time 
luckily her spring break begins today.
This particular teacher wasn’t really keen to skype a lesson & I have to respect that and do agree it’s less than ideal, but some do skype and it’s better than nothing if you’ve never met. Can your D connect with students currently in the studios she’s been accepted into? That helped my daughter quite a bit. Her current voice teacher also has been so great in navigating offers and studios.
Oh, how I feel for your D and for you. I hope she can make an informed choice that she’s excited about soon.
@JazzKeyMom - I kept offering objective, rational pros and cons for each choice. Useless!
Yep. For certain kids (not all), it’s about the fear (of picking the wrong school, the wrong teacher, the wrong program). To them it feels like so much is riding on this one decision. More information can be tough if you are already overwhelmed. I speak from experience! Time and calm support from a parent is what this type of kid needs. And if it takes them until the last minute to decide so be it.
We were able to do a Skype lesson, which was very helpful. We are pretty close to finalizing the decision now…
From a parent who has been thought this…let them know that if the school doesn’t work, they can always transfer. Take the pressure off that way and also ask them "what school will you regret not saying yes to?
Decision has been made by my D: U of Michigan!! Anyone else going there?
Congratulations, @choirsandstages ! That’s wonderful.
Fantastic news @choirsandstages!
Brava to your D!
Congrats @choirsandstages. That’s great news! Having fun yet? Getting there…D is excited to have made a decision and we’ll put money down today. But still under stress with spring performances (lotsa fun but pressure), finals next week, and AP exams. I don’t think we’re going to see fun until mid-May.
Congrats @choirsandstages on having a decision made and a great school!
We’re having fun now – finally! Found out yesterday that S’s combo won Downbeat – VERY big deal for them – and I guess that gave him whatever confidence boost he needed to just finally decide on Berklee. Will do the paperwork today. More important things last night, like prom plans.
@choirsandstages, welcome to Ann Arbor!
@choirsandstages Do you mind if I ask if UMich offered your a generous scholarship?
@Apso555 much as you’d like to be able to plan ahead - knowing about one person’s scholarship will mean relatively little when it comes to your own child’s application - each year the needs of the programs change, and the field of applicants change as well. Schools use their scholarship money to attract the students they need and want, and sometimes the financial need of the applicant also plays a role. You have little way of knowing in advance how much they’ll want or need your child. The best advice is to apply to a range of schools and not rule any of them out until all the offers are in, and all negotiations are final.
And we usually ask people not to talk about their scholarships publicly here because there is no way to substantiate them and people end up wth hurt feelings and it creates confusion.SpiritManager’s post is excellent; what a school may need varies widely from year to year as does the applicant pool. One year, there may be few openings which results in a lot of rejections of otherwise qualified applicants, while the following season there may have been a large number of students graduate or transfer so many more than usual are accepted. You just have to do your best and take your chances.
@Apso555, you can PM members if you’d like to and they may or may not be comfortable telling you about their financial awards.
One thing to reiterate, which goes along with the discussions about scholarships and what Mezzo’sMama and SpiritManager have said, and that is don’t take too much out of what you read on here in terms of acceptances or if you happen to find out about other people’s scholarship offers, especially merit. It is human nature to want to benchmark things, but it is also very, very easy, especially with music, to be using false benchmarks. For example, you get information that a student got accepted to the same school your D or S did, on a different instrument, and they reputedly got a big merit award, while your kid got a lot more modest one, and it is very easy to take what some people claim, that merit awards are all about how good the student is, and therefore that in this example would mean your kid ‘isn’t as good’…and that isn’t true, pure and simple. In my example, the instrument might matter a lot, if they desperately need violas, and your kid is on violin where they have a lot, a viola player might get a lot more money, or the viola player might know the teacher who has a lot of influence. Even on the same instrument, it can vary by teacher, and more importantly, a lot of music schools especially take financial need into consideration, that I am certain of (yeah, I have heard the parents bragging how their kid is the next second coming on their instrument and Juilliard gave them a full ride scholarship because they were so great, and in the end I often find out that a)they might have full ride, but that it was based in financial aid and merit awards, which means their family income was such that they qualified for FA, they didn’t have 100% merit, not to mention that merit aid at Juilliard and more than a few other programs are tied to family income).
Likewise, with admissions, you can’t assume anything. Friend of my son in his studio the first year he was there, won one of the most prestigious international violin competitions, got into the top studio at the school my son is at, yet didn’t make it into Curtis, whereas that same year several kids my S knows well got in there (I knew them as well), and they were nowhere near the level of my son’s friend…
Likewise, there are people who have done amazing things in music who went to "second tier’ schools as UG, didn’t get into any of the ‘elites’ they auditioned for, and went on to great careers. The only benchmarking you really can do with music in the end is what happens to the kid down the road, and while fretting is natural, on the part of kids and us parents, don’t try and benchmark things like scholarships as a sign the kid is doomed (or will do well) and more importantly, take what you hear, especially online, with more than a grain of salt, some people are very honest about what went on, others for whatever reason shade things, either positive or negative, often to try and make themselves feel better about something they are disappointed with IME.
First of all, I’m going to say up front that I respect the “no tell” policy here with regard to scholarships but, having just watched my son go through the music admissions process, I have a slightly different perspective. I think that by not discussing it, we further the impression that it’s a personal thing, and that’s what results in hurt feelings. IMO, transparency is the best way to make it not personal; making it much easier to understand the factors and see the trends – because I agree, most of the factors that go into determining scholarship amounts is external.
I’m saying this because the one school where my son expected a big scholarship gave him one of the smallest. His reaction was to take the school out of consideration. He was told, much later (and too late), that he had, in fact, been the top applicant but there was a glut in his instrument. There is also the issue of schools protecting their yield statistics.
I’ve listened to the kids talk among themselves about their various school acceptances and offers and, frankly, I think us parents are much more sensitive about the dollar amounts than they are. From what I’ve witnessed, they’re just much more matter-of-fact. Maybe aspiring musicians accept the sometimes harsh competitive nature of their profession better than we do. But I do think that the sharing of the info, in the end, helps each other out.
I think the whole process is a “to each their own”. I’ve shared ranges of the scholarships my D received in the public forum (Ex 1/3 merit etc…) which gives an idea but not a specific dollar amount. I have shared specifics with other members through PM which I think is the best way to approach it.
Numbers can be misleading too, some students may receive a large award at a super expensive school that still leaves extensive out of pocket costs but get a smaller award at a less expensive school that covers a greater amount of the costs. That’s how things worked in my D’s case.
Everyone needs to make their own decisions and there are numerous factors in deciding where to attend. I’m grateful we have this resource, the background, suggestions and overview of the process has been invaluable.
I don’t necessarily have trouble with people sharing their scholarship offers,though I kind of like putting it in terms of a percentage of cost, saying you got a 10,000 dollar scholarship at a 70k conservatory is not the same thing as getting a 10k at a less costly program. Unfortunately, over the years on here and elsewhere there are always the morons, who parade scholarship offers as a means of playing can you top this (I will add, haven’t seen that recently), or those that insist merit awards are a true indication of how good someone is, that low merit=weak player, and that isn’t necessarily true, even in grad school these days from what I am hearing finances are starting to make grad school be more and more need based, though many programs still have full pay (at least tuition) merit awards available, but the trend from what I can tell is away from that.