I’m talking about those neighbors that are still active and in their homes. I was being introspective last weekend watching an elderly lake neighbor couple in their pontoon. They live several doors down and keep to themselves basically, but are very nice. The man is stooped, probably back surgery, she’s still agile. I put them in their 80’s. I mentioned to DH why don’t we put ourselves out there to socialize and make friends with them, like we do our peers? We could have lots in common. They could be witty, well traveled, great stories, full of wisdom. Yet, we don’t. We venture to those that are younger. That seems wrong. We were talking about him watching him help dock his boat. That his 80 year old body is failing, but he probably feels 35 inside. I think next time we do a neighbor get together of some sort and if they are around, I’ll ask them.
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Pre covid, our street did a weekly social in someone’s back yard. All were welcomed. Ages ranged from 3 to 80s.
I will say our older neighbors do seem to be moving away but we personally socialize with many couples 10-20 years older.
We’re not super social, but have been friends/neighborly with our elderly neighbors. My husband was the go to tech guy for the older neighbors who lived across the street for many years (they have both since passed). I don’t think that we are any more unfriendly to the elderly folks we come in contact with than we are with folks our age. We’re just not super social anyway.
I don’t mean unfriendly. I mean when you do decide to go out, do you get to know those neighbors as well as your peers and want to hang out? (Not you specifically). I do not and I think that’s a shame.
Well I am kind of elderly (70) and appreciate your post. My entire life I have befriended older isolated folks. The people you describe aren’t isolated. I am reading a book entitled “Ending Ageism: How not to Shoot Old People”!
I find the older I get, the less visible I am.
I hang with people older than us quite comfortably, but that is because (a) I work with older folks all the time in my job, and (b) my husband is disabled, and older folks are frankly more patient and comfortable around disability and loss. Of course there are exceptions to that. I understand why it can hard to be around people who need accommodations and whose options for activities are limited. Disability and fragility are scary.
But aside from all that disability stuff, ageism is real. People usually choose to be with people who are similar to them, and age is part of that. It usually isn’t malicious, but it is real.
We would get together with them in the neighborhood, but we only go out with 1 or 2 other families. We’re introverts so don’t really do a lot of “going out.”
@conmama , I think it is so sweet that you have given this thought.
One perspective is to put yourself in their shoes- pretend you are 80 - what would you want? Or think of yourself now and those younger - how would you as a 50’s couple (I’m guessing age) feel about being social or being asked to do something social with a late 30’s couple/family??
Age is just a number. You can be fun, entertaining, able and interesting at any age. I’ll be 62 soon and I 100% feel 35 in most aspects of life. Not everyone feels this way but that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends or enjoy a little time together.
Maybe strike up some conversation with them sometimes. See how they respond. Maybe they’d like to have a drink and watch a sunset. Or maybe the wife would like to take an evening stroll sometime. You never know.
We’re definitely not socially prejudiced against the elderly. Most of my husband’s friends are older than us by 10+ years. That’s a direct result of retiring early. He plays a lot of golf and men our age are still working.
My close friends tend to be closer in age to me because we became friends while raising our children. However, before Covid, when I went to a fitness center regularly, most of my “friends” there were quite a bit older than me. I used quotation marks because they are people I saw 3-5 times a week, talked about family and current events with, but really didn’t see them outside of the workout setting.
I don’t think we are socially prejudiced and we speak to the few elderly who live on our block.
Unfortunately, at the beginning of this week, we found out (through an elderly neighbor) that our neighbor, at the end of our street, died more than two weeks ago, alone, in his house.
He had never married, no children and had just retired early. We always saw his garage door up. He lived at the beginning of our street and you have to drive by his house to get to the rest of our street.
Our elderly neighbor saw the newspapers pile up and asked another neighbor to go with her to the house and then saw the sheriffs and police department. His sister hadn’t heard from him in over 2 ½ weeks. He was 61, rarely conversed with the neighbors, and kept to himself. It was a shocker to the residents because everyone is known, on our street, and we all felt so badly that no one knew.
The siblings just left and could no longer deal with the situation. The hazmat team is involved. There were lots of people over early yesterday, and I discovered that the family was emptying the house and giving everything away. The condo development next door to our neighborhood appeared to be well represented and were taking anything and everything. I flashed on the Bible. The residents on our street didn’t feel comfortable with that.
Locally, we’ve all made a goal to check on our neighbors, regardless of age. I would hope that we are not prejudiced against the elderly.
My Dad just loves talking to younger people, meeting new friends. (He is 94, so almost everrrrrybody is younger. Admittedly one challenge is his bad hearing, which had issues even when I was a child. We were delighted a few months ago when he agreed to upgrade his old hearing aids.) There are other elderly couples who prefer to stay to themselves. It could be nice to approach the “pontoon people” when then land, introduce yourselves and see how they react.
My Dad is 95 and likes to wear his WWII veterans cap. It gets him lots of attention and a chance to talk. (Not a good idea these days thought with the Delta variant spreading and it’s hard to break an old man of old habits). But it must be hard since most of his friends have died and all of his brothers and sisters.
What a great thread!
We retired 3 years ago to a small lake community. All SFHs with a great mix of seniors and young families with children.
Its a very active community. Children on bikes and playing basketball, fitness walkers, dig walkers, old folks strolling older couples. Kayaks and boats everywhere.We love it.
Shortly after we moved in, the lovely 80ish woman across the street invited me to Thurs afternoon “book club”.
I was the 5th in the group, neighbors and former neighbors, all who were longtime friends.
They are all 10+ years older than me, I was the youngster. Ha!!
I felt a little put of place but really happy to be in included.
Especially when the book club turned out to be wine and snacks! We’ve all become friends, some closer than others.
I love chatting with the young couple next door as they walk they 2 little ones. And they seem to like me as well.
We feel lucky to have found this neighborhood; no plans to ever leave.
I find that I end up socializing with much older people quite a bit. I am 60, both my aerobics dance class and my library book groups are filled with ladies 15-20 years older than me.
@conmama that is very sweet and thoughtful.
Well, I’m technically elderly. I’m 72.
I’m friends with the people next door – she’s ~38, he’s ~42, and they have three young children. I’m also friends with the people across the street – he’s ~50, she’s 42, and they have a four-year-old daughter. My women friends range from 60 to 72, but DH is friends with some old geezers – he plays tennis with men who are 55 up to age 91. Yeah, 91. The guy is cool, as is his wife.
So, anything goes.
I’m curious whether the elderly neighbor couple has put themselves out to you to socialize and make friends with you. You might be witty and full of wisdom.
We are pretty much empty nest homebodies. Not a ton of interaction with neighbors.
Retired from my main career but now working at a credit union. My eight co-workers range in age from 20 to 29 while I am in my 60s. So I am the old guy at work and not the boss. Can’t say that I always comprehend what in the world they are talking about but they treat me well. We have our differences of opinion and perspective, I am religious while none of them are, I lean right, they lean left but we get along great. Helps keep me young and nobody has “ok boomered” me yet.
Nope, you are still just old not elderly! LOL. Old is 60-79, 80+ is elderly! (I’m old, too)
I think the “we” In the thread title assumes that “the elderly” aren’t reading this and kind of “otherizes”! 