<p>I see lots of people writing "I Love Cal", and in many ways I agree. I love the academics and the value of the education that I receive. I like doing well in my courses and I enjoy the work that I do at Cal, however I don't love the people anymore.</p>
<p>I always hoped I would find my own niche of students where I would fit in, but after four years and on the verge of graduating I am still alone. I've been a part of a close-knit student organization since freshman year and have met a lot of different people each semester, but I find myself still having virtually no friends. I am a normal person. I am social and I put myself out there and meet different people but no one seems to like me or want to be my friend.</p>
<p>Up until this semester I pretended that everything was great and that I was fitting in, but one day I just woke up and asked myself if I was really happy. I've been compromising who I am for the sake of trying to get other people to like me. For example, as much as I hate alcohol, recently I've even started to drink more so I could fit in and join people at parties. I've also tried just being myself and I still get the same results. Sure these things take time, but it's been four years too long.</p>
<p>I've started to internalize all these depressing feelings of being alone and I have even begun hating myself and thinking of just ending it all. I still want to get to know people, but now part of me is vengeful and wishes to destroy the happiness that other people have. There is just something particular about cal students that is terribly wrong. Maybe it's the cutthroat competitive spirit that manifests itself in people's personality. I meet a lot of students that I feel are fake, self-centered, and passive aggressive deep down inside. I don't know how to describe it but they are just so fake...</p>
<p>I don't know what else to do... just want to rage</p>
<p>I understand how you feel. Unfortunately, this is just a preview of the real world. Most people in this world are untrustworthy. Most people you will end up meeting later on will be exactly how you’ve described… fake, competitive, self-centered. Sad but true.</p>
<p>A lot of people here feel alone. Don’t hate yourself for it. It’s hard to get out and meet people. It’s even harder to make and stay friends with the people you meet. You can’t internalize those feelings. They will destroy you. I know from personal experience. You need to let them go, and at the risk of sounding cliche, you need to look on the bright side of things. Even little things. Give yourself something to look forward to, or find something because if there’s nothing to look forward to, then what’s the point right? There’s always something to look forward to.</p>
<p>As far as the people go, it is true that everyone here has some form of competitive ‘whatever’ in their system, but that’s just what happens with a top-tier competitive school. However, just because someone is competitive, doesn’t mean they have it in for you. There are always people around that are genuine and willing to help. Sometimes they are hard to find.</p>
<p>Congratulations on graduating. Getting out of college will help. You will meet new people who are very different from your fellow college students. Just remember that you aren’t really alone. Everyone is connected to at least a few people who care about them and what happens to them. Anyways, good luck with everything. If you want to chat, feel free to PM me.</p>
<p>Hi Deadbear,
I’m not a student… I’m a Cal dad. But maybe my perspective can help you. </p>
<p>You’ve got a bright future ahead of you. With a degree from UC Berkeley, doors will be open for you. You will have an easier time than most people establishing your career. While the workplace is sometimes competitive… for the most part your coworkers are on your team, and the competitors are on the outside. You’ll make lots of friends, and you’ll accomplish great things. If you’ve chosen your major, and your industry carefully, you’ll love what you do, and work won’t be work… it will be fun and rewarding.</p>
<p>After college you’ll get your own place, and you’ll have new neighbors and friends in your community. You can go where you want, and do what you enjoy doing.</p>
<p>If you are feeling sad and depressed, it is easy to think that it must be your social circumstances that are causing it. But it could be a physical thing (brain chemistry). It’s very common. You might want to see a doctor.</p>
<p>Good luck. If the people around you aren’t right for you, don’t worry… there are millions of great people in the world, and you’ve only just begun to meet them. College is just the start.</p>
<p>But I do concur. Some of the kids I’ve met really are just complete [jerks], worrying about A+ dropping to an A or bragging (and lying) about how much beer they drank. Like the latter is all good and fun the first time, but hearing the same bs over and over after different parties…no thank you.
You know what I do though. I just work out. Nearly every day by myself. Don’t have to put up with stupid roommates and feel good after walking out of the gym. Sweet deal.</p>
<p>hey deadbear,
I understand the social life might be difficult for you in berkeley, but I think the depressive feelings you’re experiences might not be normal… Don’t take these thoughts of hating yourself lightly, they might gradually build up and can lead to something worse. or atleast they will interfere with your daily functioning or performance in classes. I suggest you talk to someone in the Tang center, and don’t be hesistant - I have friends who go there just to talk to someone, and they like it since it helps them understand what they’re going through… anyway, my point is you don’t have to go through this alone, I hope you’ll seek support before it grows to anything worse than just unhappy feelings.</p>
<p>so what the cal dad is saying is basically:</p>
<p>it’s okay if you didn’t make any friends during your college years because the words “University of California at Berkeley” on your diploma will make it easy to nail a job.</p>
<p>I’m about to finish my first year at cal and I can relate to how you feel. I felt really miserable during my first semester at cal because I couldn’t find that one or two close friend that will make the school feel so much more, personal. I joined clubs and met a lot of different “acquaintances” , and almost all of them were fake(especially the pre-business ppl). For a while I even tried to be “fake” just like them.</p>
<p>However, second semester was easier because I adjusted to the social environment at berkeley. I devoted my time to reading novels, taking more challenging classes, working out, etc. I’m fine with it even though I still feel lonely and bored sometimes. My mom basically told me what streaming said, Berkeley isn’t a very nurturing place, but if you can get through it, you really become independent and resourceful and the degree will get you to places. It took me a lot of time/pain to reach a new balance. </p>
<p>good luck with your new life after graduation =D</p>
<p>Not exactly noob. I’m saying that college is just 4 years. You don’t want to get too hung up on what’s happening in your world this year when you will graduate in a month. But you can take some comfort in the fact that your Cal degree will help you do what you want in life.</p>
<p>burgundy: you must be my twin bro/sis that I never had because my year went exactly as yours and my mom told me the same thing. hahaha (subst. reading for tv shows though ;p)</p>
You both need massive bear hugs…</p>
If you want to not graduate, we can be friends when I go up in Spring? :)</p>