Cal has made me unhappy and a worse person? What was/is your experience?

Colleges and Universities A-Z University of California - Berkeley
1

<p>I'm just trying to see if everyone was truly satisfied with their experience. I'm graduating and unfortunately I don't think it has made me a happier person. I'm not saying that it wont open doors for me in future job-wise, but basically in all other aspects, I think it has changed me for the worse. </p>

<p>I guess the main thing is the atmosphere. I feel that the student population is overly competitive to the point of refusing others help. I'm not sure if this is just true of every good university, but it seems pretty applicable here. In addition, the class sizes don't help people develop more sociable personalities. </p>

<p>On top of that, and this may be partially my fault, but I find very few laid-back people here to socialize with. Back in the day in high school most of my friends were pretty much the laid-back types, and it seems that everyone here is really uptight. Oftentimes jokes are misunderstood and everyone seems really serious. Again, this might just be because it's a good university academically and academics are generally more serious.</p>

<p>And to be honest, although it seems many people appreciate the homeless, the psychos who yell at you on the street, the random people who approach you, I'm just pretty much tired of it. I'm pretty sick of people pretending to be crazy and homeless even though they are wearing clean, new clothes and obviously not mental.</p>

<p>I hope this didn't sound like a rant. But all in all, I found my college experience really made me much more introverted, antisocial, and basically unhappier probably because I personally feel that the student population is generally antisocial, overly serious, and disinterested in anything besides academics and competition. I find very few people here trustworthy whereas in high school I trusted people more. I enjoyed life much more in high school, (although I partied and drank much more in college.)</p>

<p>Feel free to critique my post.
What are your thoughts?</p>

2

<p>My brother is a frosh at Cal. He now has a HUGE gambling problem, and no friends.</p>

<p>Cal seems like a really bad place.</p>

3

<p>man i think it's different for everyone, and for alot of people, it's what you make of it.</p>

<p>I'm having the time of my life, I've made better friends in 5 months i've been here than in 4 years of high school. My retinue of experiences is getting better, i'm having tons of fun, and classes are tough, but I'm learning alot.</p>

<p>Right now, things look up for me, and I'm having the TIME OF MY LIFE. I dunno if this would lbe the same elsewhere. I'm getting tail, having good friends, smoking great pot, learning, partying, and getting involved politically.</p>

<p>On the whole laid-back atmosphere, I find it very laid back, people here are way chill, you just gotta find the right niche, some people are high strung, and think that college is ONLY about grades and books, when it's about a whole range of experiences.</p>

<p>If there's one thing i'd change its the b.s. nature of the dorms, because we're getting ripped off and you cant do w/e the hell you want to do as a human being in you're own goddamn room.</p>

4

<p>What major are you?</p>

<p>There's no hand-holding here, but I love this place. It turns you into a hard muthafudja. The main problem seems to be your network of acquaintances and possibly your course selection.</p>

5

<p>Have you tried joining a community service or church group? It's a bit late for you to consider the Greek or Co-Op Scene. Cal can do a lot to strip away someone's humanity if they are isolated and left to fend for themselves. I came here a warm, extroverted (possibly the the point of being obnoxious) personality and after a year, I grew hard, introverted, grouchy and frequently depressed and didn't give two ****s about anyone except myself. Everyone was a tool for me to use, so to speak for a couple semesters in there. It wasn't until I joined a fraternity, went into therapy, went abroad, and became active in the local faith community that I started to get some of my humanity back. The key here is to be strong andn sack up. There are a lot of people out there like you, Smithy. You just need to find them.</p>

6

<p>it would be my dream come true if i get into Cal! Cal is more urbanish, so i guess it's less laid back than others parts of california...</p>

7

<p>Punk..maybe it depends on the person. In terms of friends, I can't say I've kept in touch with people continuously during my academic career. For example during one semester I may talk to certain people a lot because I saw them in my classes. But after classes changed, I don't usually keep in contact with them. Same thing with the dorm. My first year I dormed in the units and became close with a couple of other people. After that year ended, we hardly saw each other. But then, I didn't really feel that I wanted to put much effort to keep in touch. </p>

<p>As for romantic relationships, I've dated way more people in college than I did in high school. But in the end most were pointless and you wonder why you keep dating so many people when it doesn't amount to anything. Although they may be hot or whatnot, in the end it just meant nothing.</p>

<p>And to be honest, the only reason why I've dated so many here (I only had 3 boyfriends in high school whereas here I've dated more than triple that here) is probably because the pool of attractive people at Berkeley is so, so very slim that there's a higher chance of getting more dates in college. (As bad as that sounds, the people here aren't that attractive so a just okay looking person gets loads of chances. Basically a "pretty" person in high school becomes a "very, very pretty" at Berkeley. I know this sounds bad, but it is probably true.) However, my longest lasting relationship has still been with a person I knew from high school back home. I'm still much closer with people back home than here. </p>

<p>Tropical, as for my major I'm Economics. It's not a hard science but Economics students aren't exactly the most sociable types. The classes are huge and impersonal and everyone competes for the curve. As for being a "hard mother*****er," is it really a good thing? I mean, it seems to, like Andrew said, make us far less human.</p>

<p>OH: Is your brother seeking help?</p>

<p>Jaynele: The idea of Cal as a paradigm of academic excellence motivated me to come here as well. Although it is prestigious, I personally felt much of the other respects are lacking. On top of this, I feel that the students are very socially segregated here, into ethnicity for example. Although it is supposedly a more diverse environment, people generally only socialize with their own race.</p>

<p>Andrew, I'm an atheist and not really into the Greek scene. I would like to study abroad though and I have done some community service work, but to be honest it hasn't made me more open or warm. I think it's partly because of the students who also work in the community service with me. It seems they are doing it for graduate school applications--which is understandable--but merely highlights the whole overly competitive nature of Cal. At the end of it, I've become more introverted and I think now I'm more comfortable not putting any effort into reaching others rather than making active changes. It sounds lame, but I feel Cal has drained the life out of me in this respect. Although I may complain about it, in reality I don't want to put any effort into it because I feel it's draining. </p>

<p>Also, thanks Andrew for sharing your experience. At least I'm not alone. Which experience helped you the most? (Therapy, Greek, etc..) I came here wearing more "colorful" attire, caring more about my appearance and now I just wear what I used to think of as "dark, depressing clothes" which really reflects my changed mentality. It's as with each year, it makes you care less about everything including your appearance; you lose your spirit. In fact when I first came here students would critique the fact that I put any amount of effort into my appearance. They basically would consider such a person "stupid" and vapid because they did not dedicate their efforts only to academics. I wasn't merely imagining this because they actually vocalized this critique. So after this, you become dispirited and you decide "what's the point?" The only thing that you may care more about is your academics. It's amazing how much a person can change for the worse because of the environment. In the end, I think Cal just kills your spirit.</p>

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<p>Smithy: It was all of the above that helped. Greek life and therapy got me back to my normal, if not slightly gloomier than normal self. Going abroad was a lot of fun and gave me back a sense of joie d'vive and faith-life added a sense of balance and contentment. I also had to beat a close-call with alcohol addiction. I don't drink that much anymore. And when I do, it's usually high-class stuff in small doses at a resturaunt. </p>

<p>I think it was a process of becoming a whole person again after having everything I believed in and held as a fundamental truth shattered. Cal can kill your spirit if you let it, and some people become mindless automatons, trust me, I've seen it. They revert to two instincts: **** anything that moves, and grade-whore. And when any sense of remorse or feelings come up, they drink, smoke, or dope their worries away. When I see a lot (by no means a majority though) of people like this, whether it be at Co-Op, Greek, or Apartment Parties -- and that it is pretty consistent across the board, I know something is rotten in Denmark so to speak.</p>

9

<p>Andrew. haha. It's funny you mention alcohol and smoking. I picked up cigarettes for a while. I had made my boyfriend in high school quit smoking for me, and ironically I started smoking in college. I also ended up dating people just for the hell of it even though I didn't really like them. (Thankfully, it didn't involve sex , or else I would have more to regret.) And then I cared a lot about grades. </p>

<p>What you've said are complete truths. I'm glad you got back to your normal self. It seems that in general Greeks are happier than the non-Greeks. Maybe the frat life is indeed a positive. There is hope.</p>

10

<p>Okay, now I know I'm on CC too much today -- and I don't mean to be presumptuous with this, but why is it you never sought help or talked to anyone about this earlier?</p>

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<p>wow smithy...im starting to kinda get freaked out by going to cal. i just got accepted and my parents really want me to go there, but all of my friends think that i definitely wouldn't fit in because i looove shopping and fashion. if what you are saying is true about other cal students being critical of people who care about their appearances...i definitely dont think cal is the place for me. i mean, academic-wise, cal has a great reputation...but happiness is more important to me, and i would hate to have to deal with people who have no regard for others just because they want to be the "smartest." ughh, i just hope there are other people at Cal who think that their health and happiness are more important than letter grades and numbers on a transcript!! actually, what's ironic is that i wrote one of my personal statements about that and they accepted me with that knowledge.</p>

12

<p>Visit the school and form your own impressions; there are happy and unhappy people at every school.</p>

13

<p>I'm having the same dilemma here, Peace2007. Is the social life really so much worse at Cal? Should I go to UCLA even despite the difference in engineering ranks?</p>

14

<p>peace, lemme tell you it's different for everyone. I find that the majority of people are very happy here, and to avoid people who are only obsessed with grades (you'll find those everywhere), just don't hang out with them. Cal can be a tough place for someone who is shy, or doesn't talk much, or likes to keep to themselves. But most people i associate with are out to make the most of their college experience.
Definitely visit, spend a night with people you know who go here, see the social scene, go to a class, and most importantly have a good time. Academics are definatley NOT the most important thing about college, it's about what you do with your time, and how much you get out of each experience.</p>

<p>about the social life, if you know enough people, you can know what's happening all the time. I know wayyyy too many people to count, and thusly, i know about every big frat party/happening on campus. It's all about not being shy, and interducing yourself to people.</p>

15

<p>I can't speak for anyone else, but I've loved my time at Cal and wouldn't change it for anything. As far as class size, my average this semester is probably about 15 students per class. I have two seminars with about 6 or 7 people in each, so that probably skewed the average, but class size has never been a problem for me. I go get coffee with professors and GSIs, who give me advice and offer to write letters of rec. for me, and I've met a ton of amazing people as well. Not that there aren't negative aspects about Cal, but I think the good far outweighs the bad. Plus, Cal just beat UCLA in the Pac-10 tourney, so I'm feeling good tonight.</p>

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<p>great name, great album blondeonblonde</p>

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<p>Andrew, I didn't talk to anyone about it because 1) It got worse over the years. It's a gradual thing. 2) I figured I'll graduate relatively soon so I'll be moving out of California soon, either back home (I'm out-of-state) or to the East Coast. </p>

<p>As for Peace, don't get freaked out! I agree with punk to a certain degree about it depending on the person but at the same time I also feel that most of the people here are more introverted than extroverted types. (Let's face it, the academically inclined are generally more introverted.) </p>

<p>As for class size, well, it depends a lot on the major. Econ is a capped major so the classes are like sardines in a can.</p>

<p>Karch, Although I say this negative stuff about Cal, I still say go to Cal for the engineering program over UCLA's, especially if you want to go to graduate school. Cal's engineering program will open more doors if you want to pursue a grad degree.(Man, now it sounds like I'm stressing academics.)</p>

<p>Punk, I guess the thing I dislike is the quality of so-called friendships here. I'm not sure if that depends on a person's personality, but I feel that in this case it is more generally applicable to the student body as an entire entity. The so-called friendships lack degrees of trustworthiness because everyone is self-interested and competitive. There is a difference between having a friend who will be there for you at the hospital, etc. or just having a friend to drink with and have a good time. The times of anguish reveal true friendships, and although this may appear quite pessimistic, the majority of people will ignore someone in his/her time of need. So when you pick who you confide in, make sure they are truly friends first. I'll end this message with my boyfriend's life motto "DTA=Don't Trust Anyone." Well, to a certain degree anyway.</p>

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<p>Smithy...I totally empathize with you, sistah. Everything you've posted, I totally feel the same way. I'm econ too, it seems like a lot of people I talk to want to get in, and it's like some sort of accomplishment just getting into the major or something. I don't see what's so great about it. Sometimes...no most of the time, I wish I never came here.</p>

19

<p>Well, I agree to the OP to some degree. Being a double major in engineering, I can say that my first semester here was HELL!!!! I was seriously considering to drop out of school once my first semester was over or to switch my major to economics (not to say it is easier...but according to engineering, it is). I dreaded my first semester to the max and was even depressed many days of the week because I just did not feel "accepted" into this school. My parents would encourage me but I felt as if nothing could have saved me. What's worse, the bureaucracy here at Cal sucks a fat <strong><em>!! There are soo many rules and regulations you have to follow. If you miss a petition deadline by a day then petitions will start piling up. It's all *</em></strong>***!!!</p>

<p>However, I must say that although people here on average are GPA whores to the max, I've actually met a few classmates who are outgoing and would actually hang out on the weekends while others are studying at Bechtel or Moffit libraries. Even though I say that my experience here is negative due to all the lack of caring for others, competitiveness and basically being self centered, I still feel obligated to graduate no matter what my GPA is....I could give a **** less if I graduate with a 2.5....as long as I get that piece of **** paper degree.</p>

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<p>Wrathle, thanks for the post. I personally think Economics is boring but bearable relative to hard science. (I'm not a fan of the latter.) I guess it's a compromise I made with my parents, especially when I refused to apply to Haas despite finishing the prerequisites. (The whole competitive, self-interested atmosphere is multiplied by a factor of 10 in the business world.) I wish I had gone to college elsewhere as well, but when I had first entered college I was 17, (ok so not that long ago), really naive, and thought I was making a good decision just because Cal has a good name.</p>

<p>Mosharma, your post made me laugh because of all the cursing hahaha. Engineers are pretty bad in regards to competition and studying. A guy I knew who graduated last year used to pull 3 all-nighters consecutively to work on projects. But hey, college goes by really quickly. So no worries. You'll have the piece of **** paper degree soon.</p>