arguments with my parents../SUNY University of Buffalo or Hunter College

Parent Cafe
1

<p>since allways, my parents been over protective on my little bro.
i was getting in a lot of trouble for fighting with him..i couldt talk to him without my mom opening her mouth, and starts screaming at me!!</p>

<p>im soooooooooooo tired of this!!i know they love me, but they dont appriciate me!!
we alwasy getting into fights (sometimes that last few days, and sometimes for few hours)
and although its usually ending in a good way, it keeps happaning again and again!!!</p>

<p>i came to us last year (as a junior), and had alot of trouble with english, sat, regents, and especially friends..and they kept poking on me, that its all becous im alone:(..so im throwing all my "deppresion" on them..
some how it allways ends being my fault!!
this year i got eccepted to hunter and buffalo and although i was thinking of going to hunter..
i think im gonna go to ub, to get away from them!!
but im so scared to be there alone!!! and see my family reaction!!!
i dont know what to do!!! </p>

<p>please help me!!!
thank you for ur attention</p>

2

<p>Tell them you are going to UB. Be calm and mature. Go there. Be calm and mature and a good student. Succeed in life. Be proud of yourself.</p>

3

<p>It is difficult for a young person to come to a new country with a new culture. It is also difficult for your parents. There is a lot of stress in your family, and it is understandable.</p>

<p>I don’t know enough about you to tell you which school is best for you. What I will tell you, though, is that you will not be alone if you decide to attend UB. There will be many students at UB who will be away from their families and friends, and you will find friends if you join activities. There may even be a club with students who share your culture. This may help you to feel more comfortable.</p>

<p>If you decide to attend Hunter, will you live at home? If so, it will be important for you to study on campus as much as possible. That way, you won’t be distracted by stresses at home. You might also find a club at Hunter with students who share your culture. It can help to be around people with whom you have things in common.</p>

<p>In the meantime, try hard to be a good role model for your younger brother. Respect your parents. Work hard in school. Everything will work out for you.</p>

4

<p>Definitely consider seeing a counselor wherever you end up going. They are usually free for students through health services. Sorry you are going through this, but it seems like you could really benefit from talking to someone.</p>

5

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<p>Congratulations on your acceptances to UB and Hunter. If you decide to come to UB, you will absolutely find many people from around the state, nation and globe. Also there will be people who grew up in Western New York and have their families nearby. If you are calm and friendly here and make a Buffalo-area friend through a campus club or activity, you might get lucky and be invited to their home for an occasional meal , where there is no emotional commotion directed at you :)</p>

<p>At first, you’ll be alone but you’ll have company being alone, if you know what I mean. Thousands of people come here as individuals, with the same needs you have to make new friends. Everyone starts out “in the same boat” = excited, scared, hopeful for new friends.</p>

<p>I would try to imagine yourself as a plane, lifting high above your household and look down upon yourself and them. Present the option of UB (if that’s what you prefer) as something that will help and advance the entire family. </p>

<p>You can travel here by plane with deeply discounted fares if you look in advance (I prefer JetBlue’s nonstop from JFK, but there are other choices). You can also come by the amazingly inexpensive Megabus which opened a route between NYC and Buffalo or Buffalo airport. Likely, you’ll begin meeting people right on the Megabus, even before you get to campus. Amtrak trains also run, but cost the same as a plane (when the plane ticket is bought weeks or months in advance). I mention that because, if your family ever wants to visit you here, they might prefer a long train ride together, compared to plane or bus. </p>

<p>I agree very much with Post #2 above. Present this calmly and maturely. Give them time to think about it; they might be surprised at first. But I think if you are coming here for an education – and not just to distance yourself from family fights of the moment – they will respect you after they think it over. </p>

<p>If you prefer Hunter, then it is wise to find places on campus to study, rather than at home. Don’t they also have some college-recommended housing now for Hunter where you can have agemate roommates? That might be a nice change from the present.</p>

6

<p>im scared to do the wrong choice!!!i mean, its a huge decision that i have to do!!
how am i suppose to tell them that im leaving?!</p>

7

<p>It’s as huge a choice as they made when they left their home country to come to someplace entirely new, but they were older and had each other at the time they made the decision. What if you began by talking about their tough decision - would they identify with you, or just tell you you are too young to make such a move?</p>

<p>Also, you’re not “leaving” in the same way. Remind yourself and them: the main goal here is NOT to leave/reject/escape home but to find the best possible education for your future, and by extension, the family’s well-being and pride. This is a four-year commitment, not a forever choice.</p>

<p>Reassure them: as long as you can afford to travel home, they will see you on many vacations. You can promise them regular communication by cellphone, skype, email or whatever technology they (not you) consider first choice. </p>

<p>And who knows – maybe they’ll welcome the break from the sibling fighting. Parents also enjoy a little peace.</p>

<p>What I’m suggesting is that you frame your presentation in terms of the entire family, not just yourself. Close-knit families (I’m from that) like to know that a personal plan also took into account the needs of the family as a whole. Be considerate and show you have your family in your heart and mind, will always love them even if for the next 4 years you need to study at a distance. </p>

<p>Or, revisit the offerings of Hunter and come to terms with how you’ll do that and also thrive. </p>

<p>I’m not sure there’s one right choice for you. But if you strongly prefer UB, then I’m suggesting the above tone for the conversation. They might flip out, but you have to stay calm. If it goes very poorly, just smile and say, I see you need to think about this. Let’s come back to it in a few days. They need time.</p>

8

<p>Is the UB application and acceptance a surprise to your family? Is it so that up until now, you explored only schools within NYC?</p>

<p>If so, give your family time time to adjust. If you’ve been thinking about this for a while, they haven’t.</p>

9

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<p>It is an important decision, but try to remember that there is usually no right or wrong answer in choosing a school. It’s not life or death! :slight_smile: I believe that things will work out fine for you no matter what you choose. </p>

<p>Also remember that if you pick one school, and then discover that it doesn’t fit you well, you can change you mind. Students transfer all of the time for lots of reasons.</p>

<p>If you ARE truly depressed – if you sleep too much or not enough, if you have lost interest in things that used to matter to you, if you are having trouble in all of your relationships – PLEASE seek help from an adult. If you are still in high school, talk to your school counselor, who can direct you to professionals who may be able to help. Asking for help is a good thing, and a sign of maturity.</p>

<p>Best of luck to you!</p>

10

<p>thank you so much!! i have my answear!!u guys really helped me!!
by the way does any one of you know how is ub like???
is it a good college??(for med programs)
im russian israeli (my parents russian but i was born in israel) …do you know if there is russsian or israeli communities?</p>

<p>i really appriciate ur help!!thank you:)</p>

11

<p>UB has a program in Russian studies, so there are bound to be Russian professors and students, as well as U.S. students who would probably enjoy getting to know a real Russian student. If you are Jewish, there is a Jewish student group. There is an international student office, and they may be able to help you find other students who share your common background. And … there will be lots of students of all backgrounds who will be open to meeting you.</p>

<p>Do not be afraid to talk to your parents about going off to school. It is the American Dream, and I am sure that if you follow the excellent advice given here, you will be able to have a mature conversation with them about UB.</p>

12

<p>And yes, it is a fine college for med preparation. They have “pre health” advising, which will help you prepare for med school.</p>

13

<p>I recommend you look at the website and email (even now) the Hillel at UB. When you arrive, make it among your first stops on campus. I’m told is a gathering spot for many Israelis on campus who attend undergrad and graduate schools, plus Jewish students from around the world of course. Even if you aren’t religious, but simply want to meet other students, you’d be wise to also show up at Hillel’s autumn services for Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. Perfect timing for you. But they do much more than the worship; it’s a multi-level activity center. </p>

<p>Then, look up the Jewish Community Center, under Buffalo Bureau of Jewish Education. The Benderson Building is located quite nearby campus - not walking distance, but nearby. You might not want to pay to join them, as you’ll have the sports and swimming on campus. But they often have cultural programs and special events for the entire community. For example, Yom Ha’atzmaut (Israeli Independence Day) is celebrated there. You might find you want to get off campus, and that’s a way to do so with a warm welcome when you arrive at an event. </p>

<p>Although the Jewish community in Buffalo has declined from 30,000 in the l970’s to around 10-12,000 today, due to shifts in the demographics and local economy as a whole, there remain a half-dozen viable synagogues from 4 differrent denominations. Any one of them would welcome you, although mostly the UB students prefer Hillel to find agemates. </p>

<p>Within those synagogues are a handful of Russian families who came here either directly from Russia in the l980’s and 90’s, or via Israel. If you want to be “adopted” informally by a local Russian/Israeli family, you could make yourself known to one of the local rabbis who’ll know those families here. You have to introduce yourself though; nobody will come to find you.</p>

<p>And you’ll certainly get tired of all the old people who tell you their parents came over from Russia in 1905~!</p>

<p>SUMMARY: In order of relevance to you: UB Hillel, then the JCC, then any synagogue in the community. You’ll feel very much NOT alone. But you must initiate the contacts at all of these environments.</p>

14

<p>SUNY Buffalo is a great place for pre-meds, especially if you can do this program: [UB</a> SMBS - MEDICAL ADMISSION](<a href=“http://www.smbs.buffalo.edu/ome/admission/admission_specialprogram.htm]UB”>http://www.smbs.buffalo.edu/ome/admission/admission_specialprogram.htm)</p>

15

<p>thank you guys so much:)</p>

16

<p>really helpful information!!!</p>

17

<p>I know more about the community of Buffalo, as I live l0 minutes from campus. The undergraduates live on the North Campus, in a pretty suburb named Amherst. The medical school is located further downtown at the South Campus, inside the City of Buffalo. All your classes will be at the North Campus at first.</p>

<p>You can tell your family that the suburb of Amherst, where the undergrads live, is ranked “the safest town in America.” Buffalo is the second largest city in NY State, and the 3rd poorest city in the country. Some Buffalo neighborhoods are hip and wonderful, others are sketchy. All of Amherst will seem safe and pleasant to you, I’m sure. Buses take students between the two campuses without stopping anywhere else inside the city. As an undergrad, you do not have to interact with sketchy neighborhoods in order to get to downtown Buffalo to explore some interesting venues there. </p>

<p>People who understand the City of Buffalo call it a “hidden gem.” I agree. You’ll find art museums (Albright Knox Museum and Birchfield Penny), professional sports (the Sabres for hockey, the Bills for football), architecture (Frank Lloyd Wright homes…the Darwin Martin House).</p>

<p>I find people in the community here down-to-earth, helpful and friendly, not at all snobbish. </p>

<p>On the winter weather, Buffalo has a public relations problem. Yes, the winter wind can be strong, and snowfalls are deep. But you’ll be amazed at how quickly and well it is plowed. There’s also a line of demarcation right in the middle of Buffalo with more snow (“lake effect snow”) to the south of the city than to the north. There are many times when the national weather forecast films a blizzard “in Buffalo” that actually falls to the south of the city, so less so on the North Campus. Don’t get me wrong – there IS SNOW! But the general impression in NYC, due to weather forecasting reports, is that we live under much more snow than we actually experience. Late Spring (starting around April 15), all the Summer months and Autumn are beautiful weather here, which unfortunately does not make the news. </p>

<p>I don’t know what aspect of medicine you will study someday, but the most famous medical facility here is Roswell Park Cancer Institute. </p>

<p>If your passport needs renewal, take care of that before you arrive here. Niagara Falls is a half-hour away. You can see The Falls from the American side without crossing the border, but it’s also beautiful and different to view from the Canadian side. If you get homesick for city life other than Buffalo, you can also take a long weekend in Toronto, a 2-hour drive from UB. </p>

<p>Many UB students go to party in downtown Buffalo clubs, but you’ll use your own judgment on whether that is for you. Good luck!!</p>

18

<p>Excellent info for pre-meds, Mathmom (Post #14).</p>

19

<p>Bob-</p>

<p>If at Hunter, will you compute from home?
UB gives you the experience of living away from home and making friends in the dorms.</p>

<p>Plenty of downstate kids at UB. Son is a junior, living in an on campus apt with 3 other LIers.</p>

<p>Nice, laid back kids. </p>

<p>Son lived on South campus freshmen year and had to take the campus bus to North Campus for classes, but he loved South Campus. Nice dorm with cafeteria on first floor, convenient to many off campus things. He met current roommates on his floor and they moved to North campus sophomore year, and now the apts. </p>

<p>We have been very pleased with the education son is receiving. </p>

<p>FYI-
paying3tuitions gave us plenty of great advice 3 years ago!!</p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

20

<p>I dont think you could go wrong with either school. Best of luck</p>