When I went to college, I bought new sheets, etc. Nothing super fancy but I bought stuff for my room. When I got there I discovered that everyone else had their old childhood sheets. No new anything but plenty of books. I had new sheets but no books. They were richer than me and had acquired certain habits of class. College was no big deal for them because they had already gone to camp every summer, maybe been abroad, traveled a lot. I had never been on an airplane.
“Habits of class” is an interesting phrase CC Alaska although I don’t disagree with you.
My freshman dorm had kids who were from old line, Mayflower Yankee families who had been wealthy at one point, but weren’t any longer. A kid whose father was CEO of a major corporation, but one generation removed from a blue collar worker. Children of professionals- but that meant a librarian/social worker all the way up to a neurosurgeon. The most well traveled was the child of missionaries- had lived all over the world, but parents didn’t have two nickels to rub together. And I think some generic rich kids, middle class kids, etc.
But it was the '70’s and wearing torn jeans, not showing wealth, etc. were very common. A few International students who drove fancy cars and spent weekends in NYC partying, but that was NOT the norm, even for the wealthy kids. Our rooms were pretty small and there was minimal storage, so I laugh when I see the Bed Bath “Dorm Essentials” list my neighbors pore over.
Where are you putting a microwave anyway???
@blossom sounds similar to my school although it skewed a bit towards kids whose parents were more removed from wealth (but not fancy, expensive educations) because the parents skewed towards academic types - professors and administrators, researchers, etc. At the state flagship, everyone had stuff - answering machines, microwave, TV/VCR, etc.
I never got used to those subtle markers of class although I got much better at passing myself off and blending in.
My daughter has 3 roommates in a suite for freshman year (honors housing). There wasn’t a single question related to money/wealth on the roommate preference form. The 4 girls chatted over the summer about who would bring what based on who already had what and what they still would like. I know someone supplied a vacuum, shower curtain, keurig etc and we had a microwave we got for free and I got a metal rack to put it on.
Class and wealth, two very different things.
Matching roommates based on wealth, that makes me more than cringe. The lessons you learn outside the classroom have real value too.
I couldn’t wait to tell my parents about the living room room the first time I visited a “wealthy” classmate from college.
Not a single comfortable chair. Dinged up coffee table which had “come down” from Aunt Matilda, Bashed in couch with dogs shedding all over it. Viewed from middle class eyes- wow. Old money/new money- when you come from a neighborhood where the guy next door owned a carpet and flooring store, everyone else is a teacher or social worker or optician, you get to college and money is money.
Until it ain’t. Believe me- those old money kids were not showing up at college with every small appliance and decorative item known to man! They’d raid the linen closet and shlep it to the dorm in grandmama’s old army trunk.
Some colleges’ dorms had twin XL beds, so that almost everyone had to buy new sheets because few had twin XL beds at home.
Back when I headed to college, we had things because we had “hand me downs.” I had a (small) TV because we had just gotten a larger (but by no means large) TV at home. My roommate had a small microwave because an older brother had just gotten married and bought a house that came with a microwave. We rented a refrigerator from the university for $5/year. No VCR, answering machine or coffee maker, but I had received as a graduation present a small single-serve hot-beverage maker that we used to make hot chocolate and soup. I did have new bedding and towels because my childhood bedding consisted of one set that stayed on my bed for when I came home.
My D20 will probably take her small TV because her grandmother is buying a large Smart TV and will gift her current one to her favorite grandchild. She’ll likely take the family Keurig because she is the only one who ever uses it, and I want my counter space back. It looks like I’ll have to buy her a new computer, because her current laptop is a fairly basic model that she’s had since third or fourth grade. I don’t see the point in buying a vacuum - she only vacuums her current room when forced under duress, and I don’t see her voluntarily cleaning anything that requires more than a can of spray and a cloth (and perhaps a can of air freshener). Which brings me to … she will not be living in a dorm that involves a suite with a bathroom that residents must keep clean that will involve the purchase of a shower curtain. It will be communal bath for her. As far as décor, she plans to major in interior design. So, she’ll get a budget and will have to figure out how to leverage the funds as she sees fit.
Personally, I dislike the idea of assigning roommates based on wealth. People need to learn that there are those in the world who have more and those who have less and they must learn to get along with both types and compromise.
“Some colleges’ dorms had twin XL beds, so that almost everyone had to buy new sheets because few had twin XL beds at home.”
Helpful tip - if your twin sheets are for deep mattresses, regular old twin sheets fit just fine on the college twin XL mattresses, even with a topper. The twin XL is only something like 4" - 5" longer than a standard twin and those college mattresses aren’t thick.
@SJ2727 what I meant was yes it is obnoxious of the parents to buy so much and it is obnoxious whether they have the money or not - it is so wasteful and makes zero sense. A girl my daughter skated with had ‘apartment’ pictures from her sophomore year at college (the dad is a doctor and they do have $$) and I thought how RIDICULOUS to have such a perfect brand new everything and decorated to the hilt in a college apartment, what a waste and this girl is far away so all that has to be stored as well. It doesn’t do much for making a young person understand what it is to have to earn things either. The place looked nicer than my house decor and I am a 55 year old professional woman. ICK
@toomanyteens I’m guessing that some of these kids will never have to earn anything. I remember hearing about people buying downtown condos for their Ivy kids as a gift and to live in during their four years and just being blown away by that. I think it happens more and more.
I fail to understand how the wealthier mom’s e-mail would cause more than a good laugh and a “No thanks, buy what you want, we’ll just be bringing some clean sheets, towels, and a pineapple for our son.” There’s zero requirement for anything beyond bath, clothing, and school essentials. How did dorm living get so out of control, and why does anyone waste any energy over it? If you get to the room and see that it doesn’t have a desk lamp, go out and get one but, really, what else is necessary? And when did boys start to care about decor?
“how RIDICULOUS to have such a perfect brand new everything and decorated to the hilt in a college apartment, what a waste and this girl is far away so all that has to be stored as well. It doesn’t do much for making a young person understand what it is to have to earn things either.”
Eh. My daughter went to school with very wealthy kids who had those sorts of apartments. And tons of them are now working 12+ hours a day in consulting earning huge money. Getting those jobs and earning that money was very important to them. You can certainly fault their values or their lack of desire to do good in the world but not their understanding about the importance of earning money.
We often wonder why US college education is so expensive. Here lies part of the answer. We want our kids to have a luxurious experience to replicate, as closely as possible, the one at home. And it’s not just limited to room decors. We want gourmet meals, counselings of all types, study abroad… And the list goes on.
IMO a fridge is nice to have but everything else seems silly/excessive/clutter-ey.
D’s first year roommate brought the fridge, my D had a Keurig hand me down she’d gotten as a grad gift and brought that. They figured the rest out as they went along, a plastic dish here, a coffee mug there. Full meal plan and dorm had shared kitchen with microwave. Micros not allowed in rooms I think.
@calmom that was not my kids experience at all and you are taking the idea to an extreme which is great for soapbox speeches but useless in a conversation about real life and the people who have to live it.
No one it talking poor dorms and rich dorms or even floors or wings. Most of the freshman come in a week early for Orientation where they are totally mixed up, several times in fact. They all have freshman seminars they have to take no matter their major. There are countless ways to intermingle and most people do. There are no frat or sorority living quarters on campus so they don’t even separate out in that regard.
Both my kids found friends in all walks of life through orientation, classes and interest based activities but that first semester freshman year? They were absolutely grateful they were placed with people who understood their background. After debating poverty in class with a student in 200 dollar flip-flops that never held a job before it was a relief for come home and be comfortable in their own skin.
It makes prefect sense to me that income be one of many factors when you are dealing with extreme variances. There are enough articles expressing how hard a transition it is for poorer students in wealthy schools that you should be able to understand the benefits too.
@CCtoAlaska oye