<p>Call me deaf, dumb and blind, but I had NO CLUE about the financial resources or fame of most of my college classmates or their families (and some HS friends). Other than the few who we knew were in the headlines at the time, or a few college friends with famous last names, it just didn’t come up and it never occurred to us to discuss it.</p>
<p>** ETA- nor did I know who was attending on scholarship. Nor did it matter. And even for those who had campus jobs, it didnt reflect their financial standing. Oh, and of those who might have been on significant FA, they may be very successful now. So I am glad I had no clue and was therefore not judgmental.</p>
<p>Those of us who went to college prior to social media, and especially if we went in an era when (as was mentioned far upthread) the clothing styles were decidedly downscale, could very easily have never known the family background or finances of our college friends. That is no longer even remotely possible. Kids google and friend their assigned roomates months before they meet now. It is all out there, for better or worse.</p>
<p>Feelings are personal, and are always valid, regardless of what anyone else thinks. If we brush each other off by poo pooing their feelings, we are invalidating them as humans. That is a pretty basic part of friendship and parenting.</p>
<p>It is reasonable for us to say, “My personal (or my kid’s) experience was X, and I (or she) felt Y about it.”</p>
<p>It is not reasonable for us to say, “My personal experience was X, and I felt Y about it, so therefore other people should feel the same way.”</p>
<p>It is reasonable for us to say, “I imagine, if I was in this situation, I would feel Y.”</p>
<p>It is not reasonable for us to say “I imagine, if I was in this situation, I would feel Y, and I think other people should feel the same way.”</p>
<p>It was embarrassing to me that some in my social strata deigned to assume that they know how poor kids feel about things that might be unaffordable to them, that they would of course feel sad, so we must feel sorry for them or we are bad people. Like expensive ski trips and trips to the Bavarian Alps. Shhh, don’t say too much about those things in front of them because they will be sad. </p>
<p>This was an eye opener and I felt like it came out of a book like The Help or something.</p>
<p>^ Well, ProudPatriot, some posters used words like “whining,” some suggested poor students were jealous or covetous, others stated how good even poor students have it at elite schools and implied they should be grateful to be there and not home/on the street/or at less accommodating schools, and still other posts expressed a “what’s the big deal,” “so what, rich people have problems too” and “this is nothing new” opinion. Lastly, people still keep talking about one of the most frivolous issues–ski trips, as if missing out on them is the worst problem poor kids ever have. That’s how it happened that some posters find this thread dismissive.</p>
<p>Much of what you said is spot on. But, that said, even in this day and age, not everyone dresses to the nines in college. Many still dress “downscale”. Perhaps its that I have boys, but they routinely wore jeans and tshirts. No bling of any kind. Not even a watch. They own a suit (A suit) and some ok shoes, but nothing fancy. Yes they had transportation, but older s drove my old minivan and younger s drove my SIL’s old sedan. If they google us they probably won’t find out a ton other than what we do for a living. S’s roommates on full FA looked and dressed just like the ones with $$$$$$$$$</p>
<p>And their female friends, well the times that I saw them IRL or in photos, they didnt look glam nor did they flaunt the $$ that apparently the families of several of them have.</p>
<p>One of the purposes of encouraging first-generation college students and those from low-income families to attend elite institutions is to promote the learning that results from mixing people from different backgrounds. </p>
<p>Ideally, both the traditional populations who attend elite institutions and the newcomers would benefit from getting to know one another on campus.</p>
<p>But unfortunately, this sometimes doesn’t happen.</p>
<p>I was a first-generation college student from a working-class background. I was not particularly hurting for money (by my own standards), but I felt very intimidated by the more sophisticated students around me at my one-step-below-HYPSM university. By the time I was a sophomore, I had a circle of friends – all of whom were first-generation college students, flat broke, or both. We gravitated to each other because we had things in common. We could relate to each other more easily than we could relate to our more sophisticated and/or more affluent classmates. </p>
<p>Everyone in my circle of friends graduated, and several went on to earn graduate degrees. So in some ways, we were successful. But we segregated ourselves for our own comfort, and both we and the more traditional students on our campus lost something as a result.</p>
<p>I suppose I might be partly to blame, because while I’ve stated we are not poor and D is not suffering by any means, I’ve written about the issues D experiences related to income disparity at her elite school. Since her challenges are not tragic or severe, perhaps that led people down a path of seeing this as an exaggerated non-problem. I did not wish to detract from the very serious problems truly poor kids have.</p>
<p>GFG- thanks for your post. I am very confused by some of the things you’ve written- either Stanford is the most egalitarian college your D visited, or it is a place where your D’s friends give gifts that she cannot reciprocate in kind and where you need to spiff up your house in order to have her friends visit so they don’t think ill of her.</p>
<p>Personally, I think the value of an MRI-- which would be costing you a ton out of pocket, more than makes up for the occasional (and probably one-sided) sense of social unease your D must face. But that’s me. And I’ve already acknowledged that even if it’s not “living out of a dumpster” kind of poverty, the gap on campuses today must be distressing- and certainly more obvious than it was in the 70’s when even the scions of wealth and privilege dressed like hobos.</p>
<p>I think we agree on the subject of kids coming out of true poverty. But I’m heartened by reading about your D’s progress- I know you were concerned about jobs, employment, etc since you guys weren’t in a position to use your personal rolodex to set her up with “connections”… and I tried to assure you that this would not be a problem. And it looks like she has indeed done great on her own! Which must make you very proud.</p>
<p>In fairness to all who made comments that seemed dismissive, if you read the article being discussed in this thread, all of the major challenges appear to be addressed by these colleges. The resources are already there, so it is just a matter of connecting the students up with them. </p>
<p>The unaddressed “challenges” were things like dining alone and not going Greek, which truly are not that big a deal in the scheme of things. Rich kids have those things happen to them too. </p>
<p>The rotting teeth was a serious problem, but that got taken care of too.</p>
<p>GFG, I love your post #323. You admit that you are not poor, so think of how much more difficult it is for those who really are (I know that you realize that - this is food for thought for others). </p>
<p>Did any of you see The Middle this week? When the Glossner kid called Sue “rich?” I keep thinking of that as I read this thread.</p>