It’s obviously not a non-issue for the OP, and you’re not living her life, so how about taking your “Your problems aren’t really problems” crap elsewhere?
@simba9 There is a difference between victimization, and just trying to find a core group of friends who support your identity. It is obvious to anyone reading this thread that you and @GMTplus7 feel such support is either unnecessary or unwarranted. But this thread is not about such a debate. So please offer positive suggestions, or move on to a different thread.
@simba9 you are just being such a jerk right now and completely delegitimizing someone’s identity. Being asexual is not simply “not being into sex.” Someone who identifies as asexual is not at all interested in sex and has very low or no sex drive. (Like any other sexual orientation, this is not a choice, so it’s very different from abstinence or celibacy.) However, unless they are aromantic, they are often still interested in having romantic relationships. This can be very hard for people to understand, as demonstrated by some of the really insensitive comments on this thread. OP wants to be around people who will accept and understand her identity. It would be a non-issue if people really were accepting of asexual people, but you’ve proved otherwise.
My positive suggestion is for the OP not to worry about it and choose a school based on genuinely important considerations.
This reminds me of the incident a few years ago where a high school athlete who had committed to a university withdrew his commitment after he found out the student union didn’t have a particular fast-food restaurant that he liked. I don’t remember anyone humoring him and pretending that it was a legitimate issue.
OK, I promise that’s my last word on the topic.
@simba9 That’s because this IS a legitimate issue. I’m sorry that you can’t understand that. I guess you’re not as open-minded as you think you are.
@simba9. You’ve posted elsewhere that a good reason to go to USC is that some female students wear “hot pants.” But you now say that a desire for open-minded, supportive students is not a legitimate consideration in choosing a college. And you say that people who disagree with your view are intolerant. It’s mind-boggling.
@MidwestDad3, out of all my comments, you pick that one, where I was obviously joking? Boy, I’m sorry to see so many people here can only argue a point using ad hominem attacks.
Rather than see this get any more chaotic how about we return to the OP’s question?
To answer some questions:
@simba9 : Why would anyone care if someone is asexual?
People care because they can’t really understand it. Just like a straight person may be prejudiced because they “can’t fathom being gay” people tend to discriminate against what is “weird” or unknown. There is also some fear in the asexual community because of “corrective rapes” that have happened in the past where asexuals were assaulted by people who thought they could “correct” them and make them sexual. Anyway the point is the asexual community is
@GMTplus7 and @scholarme : Wouldn’t a conservative college environment be happy that no one is having out of wedlock sex?
Well, I don’t want to offend any conservatives, but conservatives aren’t known for being accepting of alternate identities. Also, I am grey-asexual biromantic (look it up!) which means that I’m romantically interested in both boys and girls – something I think some conservatives wouldn’t be very open to. But, interested in both sexes or not, asexuals have met much more resistance from conservatives because we identify with the LGBTQIA community. Plus some asexuals may choose to or want to have sex out of wedlock!
Oh and by the way, being asexual doesn’t mean you’re automatically interested more in intellectual pursuits. Some of us want romance just as much as some sexual people want romance!
“Plus some asexuals may choose to or want to have sex out of wedlock!”
Ok I’ve just gotten to the end of this thread and I’m really happy and sad at the same time. Some of you have been really so supportive and I’m so happy you took the time to respond!
Some clarification: Asexuality is not sexual drive, it is sexual attraction. It’s not merely being disinterested in sex. Asexuality also has a huge range, from aces who are sex repulsed to aces who like sex because it feels good or they want to please their partner. The one factor we all share, is that we identify as at the “zero” end of the sexual attraction spectrum or in the “grey space” in-between sexual and asexual.
@simba9 Asexuality is a real issue. I’m sorry you don’t think it is, but I don’t want to have to deny a huge part of my identity just so I don’t have to deal with close minded people like you. In fact, for anyone suggesting colleges: I’m looking for a school where people’s identities won’t be dismissed as unimportant nonsense like @simba9 is doing on this thread. Please look up asexuality before you dismiss it out of hand because you can’t understand it.
@proudterrier My stats probably aren’t good enough for Stanford! But I will definitely keep it in mind for a reach school. Thank you for your wonderful response!
Also to anyone wondering I am a girl. And, yes, I am looking for a very inclusive, liberal environment. I also mentioned that I am looking for schools with ace clubs because we aces aren’t very common and I am interested in relationships and love and all that!
@SouthernPoet Honest question: How would you define the difference between sexual drive and sexual attraction?
UNC-Asheville may be of interest. It’s known as being very open minded and Asheville is a very cool city if you’re in to that type of environment.
@doschicos Haha that’s such a hard question. Especially for someone who’s asexual.
I guess I would consider sexual drive as: feeling arousal. Biological. For instance I have a friend who isn’t interested in having sex with anyone she knows right now, but she understands wanting to have sex with someone. So I would say she has a low libido but not that she’s asexual.
Sexual attraction is very different from sex drive. I consider it as being when you look at someone and you want to have sex with them. You can fantasize about having sex with them, you can imagine having sex with them, you can think up ways to have sex with them. Asexuals don’t feel this. Many asexuals often have trouble understanding concepts like a person being “hot” because we don’t feel sexual attraction. When I say some asexuals may ‘want’ to have sex, I mean it in a way that sexual people may have a hard time understanding. They don’t feel sexual attraction, but maybe they feel arousal and need somewhere to channel it or maybe they know how much their partner likes it. It just doesn’t feel the same to them as it would to a sexual person.
I know that it’s all a bit messy and blurred, but some people say the same thing about being bisexual versus pansexual or other LGBT identities. Where’s the line? I know that sometimes I have a hard time understanding how bigender people feel, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not willing to accept what they’re feeling as valid and important and real.
University of Rhode Island is very accepting and they just built a new freestanding lgbtq center.
@lvvcsf The Smith Ace club became inactive last year. I’ve posted on an asexual forum (AVEN) asking whether this is a temporary thing or if it’s closed down for good but I’ve gotten no replies yet. Thank you so much for looking though!
Thanks for explaining. I’m not sure if I totally get the nuances between libido/drive and attraction and how it relates to asexuality, probably because my understanding is, naturally, confined by my own experiences and sexuality. However, I respect your orientation and your desire to seek an atmosphere where you feel comfortable and accepted.
There are so many great colleges out there and decisions are made to consider/not consider schools for a whole host of reasons. One’s college list has to be narrowed down by some process. This is a very legitimate reason IMO.
@doschicos Thanks for being so understanding! Sexuality’s so hard to explain and your comments have been so supportive so far!
I am definitely considering the ace presence on campus as a big factor in deciding where to go to school. I’m doing it a bit in secret right now because I’m not out to my family right now so I thought CC could really help me generate a list of more schools for me to consider. The other schools on my very tentative list are:
New College of Florida
Emory
CMU
Smith
Trinity College
Brown
Rice
Bard
If anyone knows about how big/accepting queer and/or asexual community is at these colleges is please tell me!
Trinity College in CT? Hmmm. You might want to check it out thoroughly as I could be wrong but It wouldn’t be the first school I’d think of as having an accepting atmosphere.
Do you have other preferences? Big vs small? Urban vs rural? Certain majors in mind?
I would also think it could be important to ascertain if an formal ace group exists on a campus because it is deemed needed in a less accepting atmosphere or deemed not needed because the school’s atmosphere makes it a none issue or asexuals are embraced within the larger LGBT groups. Sometimes, especially at smaller schools, it can be a case of having one or two students driving the creation of such a group - or they become inactive as mentioned above for Smith. You can always be that catalyst if you find a school you otherwise like with a supportive/accepting culture and student body.