Asians and College Prestige.

College Search & Selection
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I think it sucks when a parent compares you to somebody else (then they get really <em>*ed when you compare them to somebody else's parents... like "</em>*sdfjl's daddy bought him a porsche! I got a stickin nothing!" "why don't you go live with them then?!" grr

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<p>Tell them, "Fine, maybe I WILL." Then pack all your books-leave the math/science ones behind, they'll chase after you with them anyways-and clothes and other belongings in suitcases, throw them in the back of your parents' car, and drive off. See what happens. Watch them lose their sanity. I've never done it before, because every time I tell my mom I want a car she tells me "Go to med school and I'll buy you all the cars you want."-I'd rather have no car for the rest of my life than go to med school-I despise science more than the Bush administration, and I'm a "raging(according to my more moderate friends-but I'm friends with one of the most conservative teachers on campus-who's from Michigan-weird)" liberal.</p>

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My parents used to compare me to other asian children but ever since I told them my dreams of becoming either a comic artist (manhwaga) or an animator, they supported my dreams and left me alone. (If they really want somebody academic to boast about, they have my brother. I'm the kinda artsy one.. =_=;; not that great though)

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<p>Same thing happened to me (only my parents flipped out first and told me stories about how NYU Stern grads couldn't get jobs and had to go back to wherever they came from-I told them "All right, then I'll go to Wharton."-yeah right but I was an immature 8th grader.) when I told them I wanted to go into banking/trading rather than medicine. Now my mom's pressuring my sister to do medicine, and she's frigging 11. I feel bad for her, but I gotta protect my interests first right? (I know-I'm a conniving bastard: by doing exactly the opposite of their wishes ie taking AP Enviro rather than AP bio-I'll probably be the only asian in that class since all the other asians are getting fried in AP Phys C) I could do that because I know for fact that my sister's too headstrong and hard-headed to listen to my mom-my mom couldn't even get ME, the "docile-until-recently-she-wanted-me-to-be-a-doctor" one, to be her puppet.</p>

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<p>when i came out to my parents they said why do i have to be gay like other asian kids?</p>

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<p>I get compared with other kids all the time. This is often the basis of many of my arguments with my parents. As for my career, I really don't have a choice. They're pushing me to be a doctor, but hey, I've got interests of my own, too. I've always been interested in finance and business, but even that won't convince them. For colleges, yeah, it's the prestige thing again. When I tell them about LACs, they'd be like, "What is that? I haven't heard of it." I remember asking them about Reed. They thought it was an NBA basketball team. It's hard being an Asian, and sometimes, I kind of regret being one, but of course, I wouldn't ever trade anything for who I am. It's just the way life is, I suppose.</p>

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<p>Dunno, it's hard to blame Asian kids for acting that way - we're raised in the culture, and we understand what our parents go through, so that focus on longterm goals is an ingrained part of us. And it's even harder to blame the Asian parents for raising their kids like that because they've seen/lived through far worse poverty than anything in the US; it's no wonder they have an "obsession" with money =&lt;/p>

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<p>^ Word. . . . . .</p>

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<p>Its understandable but still not excusable.</p>

<p>They could've easily come to the conclusion that America is good and that having their kids come here and do what they love and still make a solid 40k a year coming from a normal college is good enough.</p>

<p>There is nothing inherently logical about growing up poor and then wanting to become really rich.</p>

<p>And just because your parents go through hardship doesn't mean that they have the right or that you're obligated to spend the rest of your life living out their dreams.</p>

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<p>It's sad to see some of the parents-bashing stuff that go on in here. I don't think any parents would want bad things to happen to their kids, though I don't deny that some over-zealous and mis-guided parents do want their kids to live their dreams for them.</p>

<p>Communication is the best way to break down the seemingly impregnable barrier. Talk to them (your parents), enlighten them, expose them to other possibilities, and above all, be steadfast in living your own dreams. But do it by letting them know through persuasion.</p>

<p>I'm an Asian parent, a proud one at that, as I'm proud of what my kids have turned out or will be turning out. My D graduated with a journalism major because that's what she chose, underpinned by her love for writing and meeting people.</p>

<p>My S would be majoring in engineering (though undeclared at this point) this fall, building on his strengths in math and science.</p>

<p>His younger sister, a Junior, will probably follow a third path as she writes well and has a flair for the English language.</p>

<p>As parents, we provide guidance if our kids feel lost in the myriads of possibilities and if they have settled on a career choice, we provide support the best way we can.</p>

<p>So for those who agonize over the perceived "callousness" of their parents, do not antagonize your parents by being confrontational. Afterall, all parents want is nothing but the best for their kids, except that some may not know what that best thing is, for the kids that is, or at best a warped sense of it.</p>

<p>As for IhateCA, I don't think you really despise science, seeing that you have been enjoying the fruits of science all this while, as eloquently testified by your ability to post in CC.</p>

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<p>IvyHopefulDad:
I am the son of asian parents and I couldn't help but sympathize with you here - Its nice to see that there are parents out there who remain open and supportive about letting their kids explore their interests. My parents are very stubborn and sometimes their ignorance and narrowmindedness really gets to me, but I appreciate the fact that they do give me the freedom to study what I want. I have them to thank for making me a good student (they'd always stressed that I work hard when I was little) and even though they can be rather "callous" towards me, I do sense that they only want whats best for me. Just thought you'd like to hear my experience with my parents, being an asian parent yourself amidst all these stupid generalizations and both asian-parent and asian-student bashings.</p>

<p>I'd like to point out, however, that just because your parents are pressuring your sister, your brother, or even you to become doctors or what not - it doesn't mean you have to follow the direction they point you at. Im not encouraging you completely disregard your parents, but I am saying that there are many other sources of inspiration in school , in your own studies and pursuit of something-that interests you that may culminate in your entering a career path that doesn't necessarily meet your parent's expectations. Just because you're asian doesnt mean you're automatically brainwashed by your parents, shesh.</p>

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<p>IvyHopefulDad, thanks for that explanation... my parents aren't that bad... well actually my mom isn't but my dad's still ****ed that he has to spend 50k a year for me to major in history... but i told him that I'm going to automatically do just the opposite that he tells me to (he wants me to be premed) and besides, if he were to force me to take classes that I don't have an interest in (ex. anything pre-med) I wouldnt put any effort into them... I think asian parents have to be more permissive... kids need freedom and independence to develop their own interests...</p>

<p>also, on a different note, someone mentioned "the American dream" earlier on~ I disagree in that I don't agree that the American dream is economic... if u've ever read The Great Gatsby, the American dream is manifested in the desire to become someone you're not... in the opportunity to transform yourself... so I ask all the people that referenced the American dream, why can't you just be yourself instead of trying to tarnsform yourself?</p>

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<p>n88x - thats true about the American Dream and I like how you pulled that theme from The Great Gatsby, i think we discussed that as a theme in the book in english but I probably forgot xD great book isnt it? =P
... but its difficult to be "yourself" when the whole idea in society is to conform to certain standards and norms.</p>

<p>In all this college stuff - you're supposed to transform yourself into a mold that fits into what teh adcom people are looking for...
so there's always a struggle to reach a balance between being yourself and transforming yourself. </p>

<p>Personally, I think ive struck a good balance between the two...Im proud to be kinda weird and offbeat - which makes me unique, but at the same ive "transformed" myself into a mature and responsible global citizen with the ultimate goal of leaving the world a better place through science. sounds good right? now if only i could make myself start my economics project...</p>

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<p>Asian</a> Parent Quotes</p>

<p>Asian</a> Parents</p>

<p>:D</p>

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<p>Poor Asian kids... (after reading quotes)</p>

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And it's even harder to blame the Asian parents for raising their kids like that because they've seen/lived through far worse poverty than anything in the US

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<p>Actually, most, if not all, of the insane Asian parents I know are very wealthy. They're not the stereotypical refugees from "War-Torn Asian Country X" that are so grateful just to be able to breathe American air. Their thirst for their children's success comes from expectations of achievement, or addiction to prestige or something. But from my experience, the poor Asian family that looked longingly at American universities as their path to success ended decades ago, replaced by immigrant Hong Kongese and Korean families with too much disposable income.</p>

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Asians tend to fill middle manager positions.</p>

<p>To get in the the very top jobs requires aggression and not being afraid of failure, because its all about networking and constantly trying and failing and improving. </p>

<p>This is very American and very different from what many asian cultures preach. Its the main reason why so many America is successful.

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<p>So many America is successful? Who's your English teacher?</p>

<p>But I agree with your premise, and the deep flaw in the typical Asian parent psyche is that that incessant and neurotic drive for achievement ends right after college acceptance. Afterwards, the parents suffer from achievement burnout and desire their children to settle into nice, cushy, and safe jobs like engineer or doctor. These jobs are ones that, amongst the elite professions, provide the path of least resistance with regards to possible anti-Asian discrimination. After all, a dumb white engineer who can't build a bridge that stands for more than 2 years has to be passed over in favour of a brilliant Japanese one, right? Nobody wants a civil lawsuit on their hands.</p>

<p>But I think that's going about it all wrong. In a society obsessed with celebrity and fame, the complete invisibility of Asians has allowed embarrassingly dated stereotypes to fester without remedy. We need more spectacular Asian failures and successes, as the Asians have proven that they can play "small ball". There can be thousands of Asian city engineers and doctors keeping the country in function, but the senate and contemporary cultural landscape will still be devoid of Asian faces.</p>

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<p>I thinks these Asian parents are being realistic, adhering to the more analytical and technical side of things. As a minority group, these "intrusions" are perceived as less disrupting to the social fabric necessarily shaped by the majority compared to staking a claim in the political and even cultural landscape. This is basic survival instinct honed by years of diaspora, no doubt politically motivated in the first place.</p>

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<p>I must disagree. The more a group hides itself in the background, the less power they have.</p>

<p>It is like economics. Perception is power.</p>

<p>If asians are constantly percieved as only the engineering/science type that work for other people... then it will continue to permeate through the society.</p>

<p>There's a reason why authoritarian countries restrict professions and positions of minority groups (or other minority groups if the ruling class is a minority).</p>

<p>This is part of the complaint that so many white Americans have towards Asian-Americans--the seeming inability to assimilate at all (A statement from Stanford a while back was that they were restricting asian admissions because asians tended only to associate between other asians and it was killing campus interaction).</p>

<p>What is realistic is one must, no matter what his or her race, climb Jacob's ladder and seize his or her own destiny.</p>

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<p>It's understandable..yet I have a friend, perfect 4.0 unweighted 4.6 somewhat weighted tons of extra curriculars intel talent search semi-finalist 2340 on SATs VERY high SAT IIs can't remember then at the moment, she just turned 17 skipped a year and applied to Stanford (was sooo sure she was going to get in...we all thought too) Harvard, Princeton, and got rejected from all her choices, except for berkeley. Now berkeley is a VERY good school but ..admissions for asians is so much higher because we are so competitive. so it's good ppl apply to some of the lower top schools, cuz even the smartest cant sometimes get into harvard. compared to all asains i'm probably the less than average -_-</p>

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<p>ugh that really sucks.. not even Stanford?</p>

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<p>Compared to other asians I'm a failure...</p>

<p>Here's my brief profile...</p>

<p>Me-Junior, 17 years old, 3.57/2100, passed driver's license test on the first try, despises SCIENCE, insects, and reptiles with a passion, worst subject is science, best is history, politically liberal, had a couple C's, first choice school=UMich-Ann Arbor, intended major=finance/econ, career choice=stock/currency/mortgage trader.</p>

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<p>not a failure, ihateCA, maybe "Different," I say...</p>

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<p>White people are obsessed with college prestige. White people cannot hold top management positions.</p>

<p>BUT I DON'T MEAN ALL! I MEAN MANY!</p>

<p><em>rolls eyes</em></p>