<p>Teach2005:
I am the parent of a teenager with Asperger Syndrome (AS) so I have experience with the concerns you voice in your message. There are very successful learning techniques available for our kids. Have you looked into any special ed schools in your area specializing in AS? My son was diagnosed at age 11 (fairly late) and I was completely overwhelmed. However, taking one day at a time, I found an appropriate school for him (I had to fight our school district) and had him placed in the right class. I learned that I was my son's best (and sometimes only) advocate. I just kept reading up on AS (in books and the internet), got advice from other parents (find a support group), and did research on the internet. My kid is happy now and is thriving in school. I am researching the best place for him for High School now (he's entering 8th grade this year) so I still have my work cut out for me, but that's our job as parents, to support our kids and find the best placement for them. Good Luck and Best Wishes,
JDT</p>
<p>The Times article is excellent.</p>
<p>jktbre & crew -- my husband turned me onto this site today and I appreciate the postings. My son is applying to colleges for the 2008-2009 year and has gotten his "feet wet" by attending a community college this summer to acclimate to a college atmosphere. He is very functional, feels he can conquer the world, and is informed that he has Asperger's. He's top of his class, did well on his ACT's, and is, typically obsessed, interested in ancient and Medieval history although he is well rounded. The isolation is there socially, although we live in a very small town and he has family/cousins that are close and he has participated in vocal --which we have found is a group activity with a purpose and therefore social and directed -- and in baseball. The small school is relatively supportive -- although we didn't have him officially diagnosed until this year and it helps that my husband's family is in the school system and well thought of.</p>
<p>The question to jktbre is, did you find that disclosing the Asperger's was best at the outset of application? Did you think / did your son think that a smaller setting with fewer crowds, more intimate atmosphere or a larger setting with more supportive services was better? Because of the in-depth nature of my son's interest, we either have to go private college / small that offers more inclined interests or larger university with a larger department. Costs!!! vs. less cost. We expect some academic scholarships, but talk about daunting!</p>
<p>Thanks</p>
<p>I have Aspergers and I am about to go into my senior year. I didn't even know I had it until I accidentally stumbled on some family files one day, but even before then being moved into a smaller class setting wasn't very comforting. It was because of that I actually pushed myself into the classes I am in now. (I am an honors/AP student in the top 10% of my class now at a regular private school.) Point being, some children might even like the smaller setting, but ultimately that is not the determining factor to their success. The school is! If you are moving your child to a new school, be sure it is one that will also give them room to grow into mainstream and advanced classes, instead of others that just group them with other students that have ADD and other similar conditions.</p>
<p>Thank you for your reply. My son is a senior in high school as well -- he's always been in the main class rooms and is the top of his class -- pushing himself academically is not a challenge for him. His class has 35-40 persons total in the WHOLE class, so small and well known is status quo here. </p>
<p>I'm not sure how large your school is, but when you are looking at colleges does the thought of a large university campus crowd enter into your equation? So far we've looked at the schools that offer the programs academically he's interested in; I'm also curious how Asperger students are treated / accommodated and if there is any knowledge of what might be a challenge for the student in terms of being overwhelmed and help dealing with it, a room that is a haven not grand central station, etc. Larger universities by virtue of the mass of students have more experience in all areas, but by virtue of a smaller private college they might be more aware of the student that is challenged.</p>
<p>May I ask what criteria you look for first in colleges while you are applying? Have you or are you considering filing for rehab or disability assistance? I have a million questions and discuss them with my son, but would like another perspective.</p>
<p>Mark Taylor: just wondering if you can tell us a little more about yr S's needs/challenges? It sounds like he is doing quite well in school but I am not sure if that is with or without any services or if he has other LDs, organization issues, or other cognitive issues that could interfere with his academic abilities? Many students with AS can perform quite well academically in college without receiving extra services or accommodations so the quality of the school's LD accommodations is sometimes not the major factor in determining whether a school is a fit them, although this certainly should be one factor that is looked at. There are also many smaller LACs that have just as good if not better disability services than large universities. For many AS students the biggest concerns are often social/emotional issues and transitioning to college life.</p>
<p>My S who has mild AS just finished his freshman yr at Northeastern in Boston (large but not overwhelming); we are from the midwest so I in particular went into this with great trepidation due to the long distance from home. We had closed S's IEP and did not pursue getting a current diagnosis (which is typically required to receive any services in college) during hs because his school could not provide any "extra" services that would have benefitted him academically or socially; but even though he would not be receiving any services in college, the quality of the LD services available was still a factor we looked at in looking at colleges (just in case), but it was just not as important as other factors. </p>
<p>My S's school selection was very unorthodox, he ended up applying to only 3 schools, none of which are similar at all, but all of which were good fits for different reasons. Some of the things we considered when selecting a school were campus and class sizes, quality and size of major or program, proximity to home, and availability of ECs (to help him connect with other kids with similar interests outside class). Other factors we considered were things that could make the social transition easier such as whether the dorms had live/learn communities (one way to make friends with other students with similar academic or social interests, set up study groups etc), or other good first year experience programs that can help the AS student transition to college life and become more engaged with other students and faculty.</p>
<p>My S was not overly interested in the college selection and had no real knowledge of or desire to go to any schools out of state - and frankly, I was not pushing him to look at schools out of state (other than a few reaches, Northwestern, Stanford, that he just never got his act together to apply to). Initially his first choice school was our very large state flagship which has an excellent engineering program and a highly ranked first year experience program esp for engineering freshmen (who are divided into smaller groups for all their first yr classes). It was the best instate choice for his major. He was already familiar with the campus having attended summer camps etc since grade school. It was also close to home and he knew many students from school who would be attending, so he would have readily available support from family/friends as needed. We discussed and identified ECs he might get involved in at college and researched those for every school we looked at. But still the size was the biggest drawback for me (it was my alma mater and I had never felt "connected" there. And although I am not officially diagnosed, I too am clearly on the spectrum and both of us are not exactly go-getters so I continued to believe that he would benefit from a smaller setting where he might have better opportunities to get to know teachers better. However, I also knew this school could work for him).</p>
<p>S also considered as a backup a very small LAC recommended by his GC, also just miles from home (right next door to the state Univ) which has excellent LD services (1/2 of the students have disabilities). However, this school did not have an engrg program but did have a 3-2 program which would have meant transferring to the state Univ for the last 2 yrs. Two of his friends (both with mild LDs) planned to attend this school. It offered ECs that S was interested in. S received a merit scholarship that made it as low as the state univ. However, S felt that this school was way too small and did not have much of a "traditional" campus feel to it (one of his friends that attends is already planning to transfer out after next yr for the same reason).</p>
<p>Another factor we had been looking at since S was interested in engrg but also very much a hands-on learner was whether the school had a good co-op/intern or experiential learning programs and so S did look outside our state at a few other schools with strong engrg and co-op programs, but ended up rejecting the smaller tech schools he looked at (still in the midwest so not too far from home). Northeastern is of course known for its co-op program and I was the one to actually suggest it to S after researching it and convincing myself that it would meet S's needs. Although large it was still less than half the size of the state school and given that the majority of students do co-ops after their second yr, the number of students on campus is actually much smaller. As far as I could tell it had an excellent LD center, a first year experience program similar to the state school with many of the same students in first yr core classes that are all taught by the same faculty, an engineering floor in the dorms, lots of ECs. S who had never even been to Boston before, was immediately drawn to it, and then fell in love with the campus and the city when we first visited even though told me on the plane that he was still pretty sure that he would prefer the state school (we did not visit until after he was accepted - and had received a scholarship large enough to make it financially feasible). </p>
<p>After S made his decision to attend Northeastern our efforts turned more to figuring out how to make the transition work best for him. We took extra time during the acceptance day visit, summer orientation and fall move-in to explore the city (by T of course) and campus so that I was also familiar enough with the school that I could continue to help S troubleshoot when he had problems even if from long distance (and believe me, there were many! His first yr was FAR from smooth).</p>
<p>So, just as with any other student, the best fit for a student with AS can vary greatly and depends completely on the student's own needs and abilities. And even though I knew that all the experts generally said that smaller was better, as my S frequently reminded me, he rather liked the idea of being an anonymous student in some of the larger intro classes. The main thing is that he feel comfortable with his surroundings and so no matter where he goes, it might require extra time and effort to prepare him for the transition. </p>
<p>Gosh, I just realized how LONG this post was getting, so I'd better stop here. One last thought, keep in mind that college is only a stepping stone in your S's life, so also remember that his college experience should not only provide the knowledge he may need but also the life skills he will need when he goes out into the real world, and many of those skills may not come from classes, so some other areas to generally think about are the school's career and advising services - will your S be able to learn interviewing skills or how to write a resume, what sort of placement services does the school offer? </p>
<p>Also, be sure to check out some of those links in earlier post, and esp the book by Ann Palmer... you might also want to check out the thread on schools with strong LD programs. And as far as the disclosure issue goes, if you are comfortable with the fit of the schools your S has selected, disclosure should not be an issue unless you want to "explain" academic performance/weaknesses or lack of certain types of ECs such as leadership positions, but those are probably best to be explained by his GC or teachers who can also address how his AS strengths perhaps compensate for any weaknesses (you might want to discuss this with them in advance). </p>
<p>Good luck to you and your S!!</p>
<p>scansmom</p>
<p>What wonderful feedback (and remember, I'm an Asperger mom with fragmented Asperger's myself -- I'm used to long e-mails/dissertations.)</p>
<p>You've confirmed a great deal of what I felt -- that the larger university isn't necessarily something we need to avoid. </p>
<p>We live in OK with Amarillo being closer than OKC or Tulsa and we are far from almost everything -- the college that K is most attracted to is wonderful, and small, and relatively expensive, but 550 miles awayin AR and the minus is a seemingly a rather elitist campus that may be too liberal arts and free spirited. The average ACT is 27-28. The History department, though, is attractive and nothing short of the professor actually teaches the class. Small class size, but one opinion on e-opinions said that the general campus was loud and free to wander into and out of rooms (but that opinon was dated so therefore may be untrue currently).</p>
<p>OSU, however, is a large campus but has an equally interesting history department. The general courses that K would take until his sophomore or junior year can have 500 students at one time. However there support services, interviewing is taught at the placement office, and they will test you to help place you in the right program. K does qualify for the honors college, but I don't know if that will be of any help. My brother (much younger) just got out of engineering there within the last 2 years and he wasn't impressed with the honors college. Obviously K likes dialogue with his professors. I probably should mention that K is taking some courses this summer prior to his Senior year at the local community college. </p>
<p>K's Asperger's is very mild but he doesn't socialize much. He has always had a friend at a time and they tended to come over here. I'm not certain if the socialization would be any better if he found people that had his same passions and interests (I suspect it would) and OSU has floors just dedicated to, say, History, or Engineering, etc. You hit the nail on the head with that one. That is very attractive in a college -- to have a learning community of similar interests.</p>
<p>His organization skills are improving and his writing is atrocious. He has worked the last three summers and probably will continue to work during this school year. He used to take forgetting things very hard, but I believe he's understanding that this is a symptom of his Asperger's and he needs to ease up on himself while still trying to improve techniques to help himself. We didn't have him diagnosed until 3 months ago, although I had suspected he was autistic as an infant but when his language skills etc. were progressive I thought maybe I was having vapors.</p>
<p>Then when he was 13 or so I read an article in a magazine about either Barbara Walters daughter, or someone such as that, and Asperger's. Good at math typically, high amount of engineers that have it, others in the family that have that quirkiness (let's just say, growing up with my husband's cousins, K got it honestly from me on some thing and a great many on my husband's family). It all clicked and I mentioned it to his pediatrician. No response. I have vascillated if I should have pursued it, what they could have actually done with the diagnosis if I had, etc. No way, no how would I every dream of a "cure" because I want K to be K. He's wonderful and warm, and funny, and brilliant. He's an undiscovered gem to anyone that is looking close enough. He's a blessing and a joy. His sister, non-Asperger's as far as I can tell, is 180 degrees from him and an equal joy. You are so happy when your kids are themselves and themselves is a wonderful thing. If you want to know where how the milk gets into the container, ask K. If you want to know how it made it to our refrigerator, when we are out, and what to do with it then, ask E, his sister.</p>
<p>Having him diagnosed so late and with his Asperger's not obvious to the naked eye, he tends to be thought of as quirky yet ubersmart by his classmates. He doesn't have any LD services, the counselor at this point will probably do a 504 only, and we have informed him of his diagnosis, he has a psychologist that he'll see periodically while picking a college and acclimating, and the family, when informed, just went aah ha! Lightbulbs everywhere. We've since found out that two of my husband's cousins are Aspies. (Again, I grew up with his cousins and it would be that family I would have picked to get a "hit" on genetically linking K)</p>
<p>This is getting long as well and I hope not rambling. I would be interested in what part of the transition in college wasn't smooth. Many insights come from those who have gone before. I've already determined that he'll get blues and greys and whites to minimize the laundry load. I've also called for the book that you mentioned by Ann Palmer -- plus one from Aspies that have gone to college and have written their experiences down. </p>
<p>Thanks again - J</p>
<p>to scansmom and mark taylor:</p>
<p>I am new to this site - my son is a rising senior in hs and is about to embark on the college application roller coaster, which means I am about to embark on it. My son is AS and has absolutely no interest in the college application process. He is very bright and did vry well on his standardized tests SAT I - 800(m), 720(v), 650(w) (only because he misread the essay question) w/o any studying, SAT II physics - 790, chem - 770, math - 780. His grades are all over the place, but mostly in the low B range. He is very weak in English because of the writing, and strong in math and science. He thinks he may want to go to medical school, but I think it is unrealistic because of his general lack of motivation and disorganization and ability to follow through with things. It seems to me engineering would be a better fit for him. He has no interest in visiting colleges over the summer, or working on his applications. He would rather sit around playing video games and watching tv. He had a terrible experience in high school academically because he was totally misunderstood by most teachers and the administration. In elementary and middle school he had been a straight A student. We made the mistake of witching him to a small private high school (rather than the very large public high school), thinking he wouldn't get lost. He sure got alot of attention, but it was all negative.
Anyway, with that as background you can see why he is not that excited about the college process. He know he will not be able to get into the colleges he should because of his grades and he has not had much positive reinforcement from school - so he sort of gave up. I would really appreciate any help you can give with regard to this process. Suggestions on particular schools that he should apply to and tips on how to get him involved would be greatly appreciated. We live in a suburb of NYC and would not want a school that far away. Some schools I was thinking of are RPI, Case Western, Rochester, RPI, Binghamton, Carnegie Mellon, BU. The only school he has mentioned as having an interest in is U Miami, which I think would not be a good fit, but I don't want to discourage any independent thinking. I think he must have heard a classmate mention it and his grandparents live there. Not a very good reason. He has no interest in sports at all and would not do well in a rah rah frat type of school.
Thanks for reading my rambling!!</p>
<p>neuromom - </p>
<p>Keep in mind the services that the schools provide. A number of institutions of higher learning offer academic services (note takers, tape recordings of textbooks, extended time, and so on.) . I suggest that you contact these schools over the summer and find out what services they have that would support your son. </p>
<p>Good luck with the process.</p>
<p>The problem with yuor advice is that my son will not take advantage of any services offered. He refuses to accept that he has a problem.</p>
<p>Pardon my intrusion...</p>
<p>
[quote]
The problem with yuor advice is that my son will not take advantage of any services offered. He refuses to accept that he has a problem.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Yup. I know what you are talking about. </p>
<p>Of course, having difficulty analyzing someone's psychological motivations (including one's own) is part and parcel of Asperger's. So I guess by definition they aren't too insightful into their own thinking. And if they cannot truly understand that disability, how can they truly accept it? </p>
<p>They can learn to tell you that they have a problem, much like they can memorize basic social interaction, but beyond that???</p>
<p>I think we as parents often forget this which leads to some frustrating moments...</p>
<p>My son, also, is not crazy about the application process. We've made dates or set aside time periods for going over colleges, their plus and minuses, etc. However, this was after we discussed what HIS goals were for the future -- if I had a hint that he was at a loss for a future or where to start I would have asked him if we needed to seek help outside of the family. He's not 18 yet, but he soon will be and will be responsible (and can exclude me if he wants) for his own care. I've found that most approaches to my son are better received if put in a logical and streamlined presentation.</p>
<p>We've discussed depression and I can't tell you why he's been able to largely avoid it -- considering that it is a common condition with persons with AS. Maybe it has helped that his cousin is wheelchair bound with MD -- a different set of problems altogether, but still has its hurdles to overcome. And my nephew perserveres. Maybe it also helps that we are in a small town, that my son has mild AS, and that we've always been up front with what we thought he had but just treated it as just another thing. It probably doesn't hurt that my husband and I seem to have fragmented AS as well.</p>
<p>If he were my son (simple advice to give, but I don't really know what it is like do I?) I guess I would start with telling him the med school does not have to be out of his reach. If you show strongly in college, who's to say that he can't apply to med school? It's not the traditional route he would take, but it can be undertaken with help from counselors. If he indicates that this is still his dream, tell him the steps that he has to take to get there. Show him the route and ask him if he wants to see it through. Then take him to a college counselor that you've spoken to prior. If you've seen beforehand that a person is receptive to your son's hurdles, introduce them. If he doesn't want to -- then you need to have that frank discussion about depression. </p>
<p>Engineering is probably a field that has good deal of AS persons in it, but don't exclude his dreams. My son lovesssssssss history. Now, if there is anything that strikes a bit a fear in a parent as far as seeing the future employment of a history major (with interest in philosophy, psychology, strategic games, reading, and religion) it is this interest. A conservative, strict-social-rules-must-be-adhered-to kid in a liberal arts setting will be interesting. However, who know where this kid can go? Who wants to squash a dream? </p>
<p>I suggest you also read Ann Palmer's book "Realizing the College Dream" as well as "Aquamarine Blue 5"--I'm only starting them. These books make you realize that you are not alone. But don't expect your son to want to read them. My son will digest anything on the Middle East conflict to Medieval Ages to The Art of War, but not want to read anything about AS. He is is own person and his experience is different than theirs. Emphatically. Me, I'm curious about others experiences like mine -- not K. There are some good things to this independent streak and I realize that this might change. One thing that is absolutely certain, kids change there minds on many things -- even AS kids.</p>
<p>Reassure your son that his college experience will be different from high school. It could be as bad, but take a chance that it will be better and build it to where it will be a better experience. Fight for it. But you can't fight it all for him. You can only lay ground work and then slog along beside him for the rest. You can lead a horse to water....</p>
<p>Also! In looking at colleges, I looked briefly at the University of Pittsburgh. Huge place, but it even reports how many AS persons that have on campus. They seem to be accommodating. Most college disability services will speak with you in general if they have had any AS experience.</p>
<p>Sorry I wasn't able to reply sooner. I've been very busy lately. I'm at a three-week college program and I'm living in a dorm taking a class at an honors college under dual-enrollment! Anyway, I want to apologize because in my last post I forgot to clarify that I am considered by my doctors to have "Asperger's Traits" so I don't exhibit all the symptoms. (Which I also assume is fairly common, considering Aperger's is a spectrum disorder.)</p>
<p>While applying for the program I mentioned earlier, I have actually had to go the Students With Disabilities office at the college to get my accommodations, so it was a very college like experience. After filling out some paperwork, they scheduled an "intake interview" with me. (Parents are optional. I had my mom with me.) Basically, we looked over my medical records and other psychological paperwork from my psychologist. Then they determined which accommodations they gave me. I can also relate to neuromom's situation with her son. While I don't blatantly refuse all of my accommodations, I did refuse to have many of them, including a note taker, tape recorder, and typed tests, but these were all basically because I knew I could do these things. Being an advanced student, I knew I could take my own notes, not need a tape recorder etc. The only accommodations I did take are the ones I currently utilize at school. (Time and a half on tests and no Scantron)</p>
<p>The person doing my interview also gave me some very helpful advice for when I go through the process again when I really go to college. Firstly, the student needs to know about his/her disorder and what is in the medical record. I have never seen mine, and know very little about the exact "traits" I exhibit. Because of this, my mom had to answer many of the questions because I simply didn't know enough about myself. (How embarrassing!) Knowing these things can help you understand other services you may need from the department etc. We're making sure now that I'm going to read my medical record beforehand so I can go in alone for my next disability interview!</p>
<p>Also, you need to make sure that all the applicable tests are up-to-date. Even though the high school may accept your current psychological test results, the college most likely won't. Colleges typically want the tests conducted within the past year on the adult grading scale. I took the test when I was 15, so my results aren't applicable to me in their mind anymore because it was on the children's scale! (They only accepted it in the end because this is only a short program) The adult test is ages 16+. The WAIS-R test seems to be popular amongst many colleges. If the RAIS test is used, the college may also want many other materials.</p>
<p>In response to Mark Taylor's questions, the class sizes at my school can vary greatly. My Honors Physics class was only made up of 5 students. (College-prep physics had 12) While subjects like English and Social Studies had 28. My high school is very large. Because it is a private school, they also teach many other grades. Pre-K to 12th actually! (It takes at least 7 minutes to walk from one end of campus to the other. It's great exercise!) I am looking at a wide variety of colleges right now. Two of my favorites are both in-state for me. (Florida) They are New College of Florida and University of Miami. New College is extremely small honors public liberal arts college. (Think less than 800 total undergrads!) It also appeared on the Colleges that Change Lives list. I took a tour and was very impressed with how personal they are there. I had an over an hour long meeting with the admissions director about my interests, the school, curriculum etc. On the other hand, New College is unusual in that it runs on a pass/fail grading system amongst many other differences. As my guidance counselor put it, "You'll either really love it or really hate it." It could also be out of reach for some students because of its selectivity. (On paper it's supposed to be more selective than the University of Florida, but that is up for debate.) </p>
<p>I also like UM because it provides the larger atmosphere I got accustomed to at my high school and a variety of majors compared to smaller colleges. Right now, this is very important for me because I'm still not sure if I want to go into Biology or political science, or maybe even neither! UM does have larger auditorium introductory classes that can range up to 130 students max or so, but this is mostly rare, and is still much better compared to a school like the University of Florida where auditoriums can have a thousand students with TVs hanging from the ceiling showing the teacher.</p>
<p>Simply put, I am not making class size a major deciding factor for my college choice. I just want a college that will challenge me and offer the majors I'm interested in as well as other subjects for the very likely scenario of changing my major.</p>
<p>dvm258 -- thanks for the reply. Our son is taking courses this summer as well, and the delayed reply is to be expected from the time commitment (plus work). We, as well, looked at New College and it is different in style but very attractive. Its a bit far away from here, although we thought about checking it out on vacation. </p>
<p>My son hasn't been interested in reading his file for the most part, but he is aware of his Asperger traits. He's also not interested in reading any books about Asperger's, stating that his experience and he, himself, is different and what good would really come of it....he'll deal with things as they come along. It's a confident approach and pragmatic -- as long as he communicates problems as he goes along. </p>
<p>We're visiting campuses, again, this fall break to see the campus at its fullest (hoping that our fall break doesn't coincide with theirs) and trying out for music scholarships. One is a large university and the others are smaller liberal arts or smaller state universities. That is, unless something else catches his attention. Flexibility, like you spoke of to change majors, is a must for the senior year.</p>
<p>I was diagnosed with AS during my sophomore year of college. They had suspected something for years, however AS was relatively unknown when I was in elementary school/middle school - so the armchair psychologist teachers told my parents "Oh, he must have ADD then - put him on Ritalin or else you are a horrible parent". Thank goodness my mom is one of the toughest women I know and refused.</p>
<p>I never registered myself with the disabilities office on campus because I didn't want to deal with the paperwork (and by that time, I had developed the coping skills to not require additional assistance). However, I have a relatively mild case that relates primarily to social situations, so I do not claim to speak for anyone else who may need such assistance.</p>
<p>Things weren't all flowers and sunshine during my time at Michigan State University (primarily at work), but I never let some description in the DSM-IV define who I was and what I was going to do with my life. It took a lot of work (as all college students know) but I was able to graduate in 4 years with dual BA's (International Relations and Telecommunication, Information Studies and Media) and land a job right out of college. I had a lot of trouble with unspoken social cues, tried to fit in with the crowd by getting blasted every weekend even if I didn't feel like it (stupid idea) and had exactly four dates in my college career - but I was able to find groups where I was accepted for who I am and made some of my best friends in them.</p>
<p>I guess the moral of the story is that your life isn't a label (great book by Jerry Newport about that - "Your Life Is Not A Label" - would recommend it) - don't limit yourself based on what others say you should be able to do, do what you know you can do and prove the doubters wrong. Also, don't let other people try to tell you who you are socially or what you should do - find people who accept you for you and forget about the fake "friends" who refuse to.</p>
<p>Note: My case may be unique, as many are with ASDs, so don't take this as my opinion on how to deal with AS in college. I guess I was just sharing my story as one of success forged through the fire of adversity.</p>
<p>This message group is so helpful and wonderful. I have felt so alone with no where to turn in my small US city. Over time, I have finally come to realize that my teenage son probably has Asperger's. Like so many of yours, he is brilliant. He is loving, but completely without a clue in social situations. He has never had a friend outside the family. His closest friend is his older sister who adores him and understands him. He is in high school now and is such a misfit. I am a teacher at the same school so I get to watch this happen. But he has found a home in the band and really enjoys that. I am worrying about college. Should he just stay at home and go to the local university? I am afraid that if he went off he would just sit in his room alone all the time. Others tell us he is so smart he needs to go to a top-tiered school. Any thoughts? I don't know what to do. He is unmotivated as to a career or college at this point. Is this typical? Thanks.</p>
<p>Volcanousa, just saying hi. My son is now a junior and I've been researching schools. Although I hate the price, I think that my son would do best at a college roughly the size of his high school, give or take a few thousand. Trying to avoid schools with a huge Greek system; trying to find schools where lots of students live on campus. (For example, Trinity in San Antonio requires freshman, sophomores and juniors to live on campus.) We're in Texas and a lot (almost all?) of the schools seems to be very religiously and politically conservative, and we aren't; that's a problem only because he doesn't want to be more than 3 or 4 hours from home.</p>
<p>As safeties, we're also looking at larger schools (including a couple of state schools) that have Honors Colleges and Honors dorms. When we go on visits, if I hear comments about the kids in the honors dorms being isolated geeks, we may have found our place!!!</p>
<p>I'm glad your son has found band. Mine has found choir. I'm already sad, however, because the friends he has in choir are all seniors. It breaks my heart to think of him having a friendless senior year. And those same friends are starting to want to hang out with girlfriends at the football games instead of him; again, heartbreaking.</p>
<p>Hi Deb,
I wanted to respond to your email. My spouse is a clinical psychologist and that is how we came to the conclusion that my child has Asperger's. I think he is borderline, too, and he got very upset when we told him that he probably has Asperger's. But he has so many of the qualities that he just fits. I hate labels too and it is hard to put one on him.</p>