I DIDN’T ask. I just made a statement. I didn’t intend for it to be a question to answer - just a thought to ponder. I’ll delete that post if it’s misleading anyone.
Also I didn’t say I wouldn’t believe people. I’m just saying human nature would have it that people are not likely to say on a public message board that is not entirely public (like in that we sort of “know each other”) that their marriage is not hunky dory. People don’t eagerly admit their personal tragedies.
Ah, I thought you were curious - hence adding it into my addition when people started asking about the kids.
ETA: People who aren’t happy with their current marriage are less likely to answer that question I suspect, though I know at least a couple from a previous similar question who willingly said X years too long.
True but same goes for single and divorced, not many would admit their unhappiness or regret.
Most of my friends and siblings met and married their partners between 20-28. Most of our kids are between 21-35 and majority neither married nor in relationships.
If you were young in this decade, at what age do you see yourself getting married?
a 14
b 33
17 - college freshman
23
24 or 25
27
I would not. I married at age 23 which was not unusual for my generation (I’m 64) but now it’s YOUNG! D was the first of her friends to marry (at 24). They are now 30/31 and most are single.
It’s not about the age for me. How could I pick a time to get married based on age? So whether it’s 1980 or 2021 age isn’t the deciding factor. When did I meet the guy? What am I doing in my life/career? How about him?
I don’t regret marrying at 22 - we had dated for 5 years through end of my senior year, through college (different colleges) and another year after that. I would again do that - or maybe live together (which I WOULDN’T have done then or lived to tell that tale - haha).
What I would do again is wait to have children. We married at 22 and 26 but waited 7 years on purpose to have children - so I was 29, he was almost 33. Those 7 years were great, like dating or living together.
I know you didn’t want us to tell stories but I feel there has to be a bit of a story for context!
I don’t think you need to marry young, but it’s much easier to meet a prospective mate while you are in college than it ever will be again. I always worked in small architectural offices and half the guys were gay.
I would have agreed back in the day. But online dating has changed that game IMO.
We married young and also had our kids young. I was 24 when I had my first and 28 when I had my third. Since we always took our kids with us when we went places, I guess we didn’t feel held back. We enjoyed traveling and doing things with them and they grew up assuming all of that was normal life. We fit right in with our peer groups too.
And now we’re young, empty nesters, with far more $$ than our younger years and thoroughly enjoying it.
My parents had their kids young. H’s parents didn’t. My mom was also able to do a lot more with her grandkids physically - tent camping, hiking, roller coasters, etc. (Dad never chose to even have relationships with them - my parents were divorced.)
We have no regrets at all.
I don’t know when or if my kids will have kids though. That’s one big difference in our family line. I might have to settle for grandcats.
There are pros and cons to everything. Do what’s right for you. I was an old 21 year old. I was an old 8 year old. I had my kids young (25&28) because I wanted to be done by 30. Pros are listed above. They’re grown and I’m still pretty young. Cons are we didn’t have much money at all. It was a struggle. But then again I probably wouldn’t have had the energy to go through a one week maternity leave when I was older either. And the thought of coaching 20 hours a week on top of a full time job on top of raising two young kids (and also marathon training!) right now sounds impossible. I don’t know how I did it.
Yes that is probably true.
Agreed. And that’s why “we” can only answer for our situation and no one else’s! Not one choice that works!
25, 29
I think the topic headline draws in the early crowd.
16, 20
Those who met later, married later are far less likely to even open this thread.
19, 26 (for both of us)
Met-21
Married-22
Celebrating our 38th anniversary this weekend.