<p>Back when current parents were in college, travel was much more expensive, and getting information was not just a matter of going through the college’s web site. You had to read the paper brochures, and ask for more information to be sent by mail (and printed course catalogs cost money, which meant sending a check by mail, even if the amount of money was small). So getting “complete” information for choosing a college was much more difficult.</p>
<p>On the other hand, back then, the consequences of a mistake in choosing college were not as large, since college costs were much lower, and admissions (both frosh and transfer) were much less competitive. Job opportunities to earn good money while in college or if one did not complete college were also better than they are now.</p>
<p>Well when you read the posts from little Johnny or Susie who have decided 3 weeks into freshman year that they don’t like their “dream school” and want to know how hard it is to transfer elsewhere for second semester, or read the silly but entertaining thread on the reasons teenagers have for “crossing schools off the list”, it’s pretty clear that visiting colleges in advance of applying is no guarantee of anything.</p>
<p>Still, I also enjoy visiting colleges and have done so with my kids but I would never say that it’s an absolute necessity. It’s really more of a luxury and most of the important information about a school can be found online. Nowadays people behave as if all sorts of luxuries are necessities and that can skew your perspective, particularly if you are a teenager whose friends are all being taken on grand tours.</p>
<p>I do wonder a bit about your DW. I’m sure if she hasn’t attended college she doesn’t quite get why anyone would want to spend time touring them but her suggestion that you two go away alone instead doesn’t reflect well on her. It sounds a bit like she may resent the time and expense you are investing in your daughter’s education. If she had an open mind, she might find that she could have a really good time on a college tour.</p>
<p>I think you are asking the wrong website. Here, most people visit numerous colleges, and wouldn’t dream of what you are thinking. It’s probably that many of them have enough discretionary income that it’s not a burden. In the real world, you do what you have to do. If you can’t and don’t want to visit, don’t. I grew up in New England and went to college in Florida, sight unseen. It worked out just fine and I have no regrets. Maybe it was better that way: I couldn’t second guess it after seeing it. If the schools she is interested are known entities, and if she can really figure out what they are like from afar, I think it’ll be fine. If she is an easy-going kid, it will work. If she is high maintenance and picky, maybe not.</p>
<p>Our younger daughter visited 6 schools out of 12 she was going to apply to. She narrowed it down to 2 schools for ED, and for one of them we took her back twice (3 times if you count the summer program) to make sure she indeed wanted to pass up on. As others have mentioned, college is expensive whether you are full pay or not. If you are not willing to pay for college visits, would you be willing to fly her home for holidays and visit her for various events.</p>
<p>I agree with the suggestion to visit some schools closer to home just to get a sense of what she likes/dislikes in a campus. I think that can be helpful even the specific school isn’t one you’d ever consider. </p>
<p>And then a couple of visits after acceptance if you can work that out. Although I will say that I had a roommate from CA at my New England LAC who had never set foot on campus before we all showed up to check in to the dorms.</p>
<p>Oldfort: It depends on the relationship to home. I was never homesick and only flew back for Christmas. My mother only visited me once, at graduation. It won’t be the same with my kids, as I love to travel, but there isn’t always much of a need for going back and forth too much.</p>
<p>Joblue: " It sounds a bit like she may resent the time and expense you are investing in your daughter’s education. If she had an open mind, she might find that she could have a really good time on a college tour."</p>
<p>There is a bit of a family dynamic going on here. DW’s DD (my step D, sometimes referred to as DD#2, whom I have raised since age 7 as my own) is also a rising senior at the same HS as DD#1. They are at opposite ends of the spectrum, DD#1 is ranked #2 in her class and DD#2 is near the bottom, hopefully attending CC next year, but maybe not. DW’s family does not have a tradition of higher ed. DW’s father went to college, but her mother did not, nor did her brother. DD#2’s bio-dad is deadbeat dad/loser who did not go to college either. Although DW is proud of DD#1’s accomplishments, there is some jealousy thing going on, likely because her own child, DD#2, does so poorly in school by comparison. (DW: “I’m sick and tired of hearing DD#1 talk about her AP test scores.” Admittedly, DD#1 does talk about herself a lot. I’ve tried to get her to be more sensitive, especially around DD#2.) DD#1 and I will be visiting some local U’s over the coming weeks just for the hell of it and I invited DW to come along, but she has no interest.</p>
<p>Oldfort: “If you are not willing to pay for college visits, would you be willing to fly her home for holidays and visit her for various events.”</p>
<p>I am willing to pay for college visits. DW is not. She would not have a problem paying for school or travel once DD#1 is accepted and attending someplace, but she thinks it’s stupid to spend money running around the country just to check out colleges, especially ones you might not even get accepted to.</p>
<p>Redpoint: “If the schools she is interested are known entities, and if she can really figure out what they are like from afar, I think it’ll be fine. If she is an easy-going kid, it will work.”</p>
<p>Thank for your post. She’s pretty easy going. I think she’d adjust to whatever situation she’s in. I doubt she’ll be one of those kids who wants to transfer out after three weeks.</p>
<p>DgDzDad, I see now that your situation is pretty complicated and it’s clear that you need to tread lightly. Given that, I agree that visiting some different colleges fairly close to home may be enough to give DD#1 a sense of what she’s looking for. Hopefully, she’ll mature enough over the next year to be a bit more sensitive to her family.</p>
<p>My D is going to a college she has never visited. I actually took her on a college tour last summer where she eliminated some schools and fell in love with a couple. Then she left the country and had to decide on a school before she could come back. She chose a school that not only she has never visited, but she wasn’t even interested in applying to it!</p>
<p>Regarding the stepdaughter, perhaps you can bring her along at least for the local schools (particularly the UCs and CSUs) and let her know that good academic performance at CC would open up opportunities for her to transfer to a UC or CSU (or possibly some other four year schools).</p>
<p>You’ve said that your D is “into” mock trial and debate. Does her school enter college tournaments? Could you talk the coach(es) into doing so? That’s a way for your D to see some colleges in the East or Midwest without you having to accompany her and probably at a fraction of the cost. </p>
<p>There are plenty of kids who “bloom where they are planted” and others who don’t.However, I’ve looked at your old posts and, frankly, your preliminary list of colleges doesn’t make much sense to me. Now, your D may be one of those kids who can go anywhere and be happy, but I sure can’t figure out what your criteria are for selecting colleges, except the possibility of getting merit aid perhaps.</p>
<p>I think the problem you have described is not really the problem at all…or at least is only the beginning of your problems on this topic. If you think your DW isn’t happy about springing for $2,500 for visits, wait until the tuition/room/board bills arrive. I think your DW has no idea whether it is a good idea or not to visit, as she has no history with college attendance and no interest in the topic. Do what you think is right (and I think you know that at least one visit before attending is the right thing to do, whether you do it now or in April). But you better be on the same page with the larger payments coming your way as well… no matter what your D does, she will likely be costing you more (in the short run) than her community college sister will.</p>
<p>You’d need to buy just one airline ticket. And if you luck out the college will arrange for her to stay for free in a dorm. If you are not ready to do that, then you won’t be ready to send her back East to college 4 months later. </p>
<p>Yes, April is very busy. In our case, DS actually did a 2nd visit to a top choice CA college during his spring break, before accepted.</p>
<p>You say that DD2 may or may not be going to community college next year. Does she have a plan of what she wants to do if she doesn’t? Perhaps spending some time with her and helping her decide what options she might want to consider, maybe even things she hadn’t thought of (trade school if she doesn’t want community college?). Maybe the focus on DD1, which I agree is important, is creating a feeling of ‘helloooo, what about me?!’. As you said she doesn’t have the same academic options your DD1 has, however you can still spend some time with her planning and considering her options. This may also soften your wife if you decide to take a visit with DD1 in April. With multiple children things don’t have to be the same to be equitable, but each child’s needs and situation should be addressed and given attention. Your wife doesn’t have the experience to give that to DD2 and your knowledge would be a gift to DD2.</p>
<p>This maybe a good time to discuss how much you are willing to spend on each kid’s education. I don’t know what’s your financial situation, whether you would be eligible for FA. What would happen if you were to pay 40K+ for DD1 and 20K for DD2? Would that be ok with your wife? I don’t think your DD1 should consider schools you are not willing to pay for.</p>
<p>I think a number of international students don’t visit before hand. Also when kids study abroad they don’t visit first. Still if it were my kid I’d find a way for them to visit before making the decision.</p>
<p>Many, many years ago I attended a college I had never visited before. I did see it during the summer during student orientation. I stayed there for four years and graduated from that college. I had a good time, made good, life long friends, and graduated in my chosen major with a solid profession. But I am a pretty easy going, very tolerant and a low maintenance individual. I just wanted to go to a college that was out of state and had my major. .
I do not think it is absolutely necessary to have a student see the college before they attend it. I somewhat agree with you that in today’s world, we aim to give our kids maybe what we did not have, and we tend to go somewhat overboard. That being said, I did take my two sons on a few college tours, but not to that many schools and at times in combination with a family vacation as someone above has mentioned. I think it is completely acceptable to tour the schools she gets admitted to, and make the decision as which one to attend at that time. Yes, it will be a busy time, but you can do it. Living in the Bay Area, and being knowledgeable about several colleges, she already knows what kind of colleges she does not want. Make sure she decides what kind of environment she wants to live in (urban vs. city vs. suburban), what size school, LAC vs. universities, etc.
In terms of your wife, that seems to be an entirely different problem. In fact, maybe that is the ONLY problem.</p>
<p>I think visiting colleges is a good way to start thinking about colleges. My daughter crossed 2 she had been seriously considering off the list by visiting, and this gave her a better sense of what she wanted from a college. She did find one she liked that was close by, but other than that no visits until we had the admission letters. Then we went to one school, having planned to visit three, and she decided the others were not going to be a better choice and so we ended the college tour.</p>
<p>I think I would look at college tours as a chance to visit with your daughter without having her siblings along. Things are really close together in the East and you can drive around and see quite a variety of schools and listen to her reactions to them. She may not end out going to the ones you visit but she will see east coast schools, make a better decision, and you will learn things about her that you need to know in order to help her through the next year.</p>
<p>I know it is hard to swing the 3,000 or so it will cost, and spend vacation time, etc…, but this may well be your one chance to spend this kind of time with her before she flies away for good.</p>