Attend without Visiting First?

Parents Forum
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<p>One of my kids attends college on the east coast and we too are from CA. When he was accepted, het went to visit ( in April, and yes he had to juggle some stuff) BY HIMSELF! It was no big deal ( and we also couldn’t afford to take the family and thought it was better to save the extra money for tuition). The school provided a shuttle from the airport and set him up in a dorm. He loved it an enrolled. We sent him off in the fall, again by himself, and mailed most of his things. He came home for Christmas and Spring break.</p>

<p>When he comes home he gets himself to the airport using public transportation and has not found this to be too difficult. I don’t blame your wife for not wanting to spend all that money on college visits across the country. It’s very expensive for the average family and IMO not necessary if your child is relatively independent ( which they would have to be to attend college that far away).</p>

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<p>Yes, but this is for a maximum of one year, not four years. My D, who is quite adaptable and easygoing, would not have made it through four years at the college where she went abroad. It is a good point that a student can go to accepted student visits alone. My D1 did it, although I went with D2. </p>

<p>Although as a parent I can’t imagine springing for something that costs at least $100,000 total (and likely much more) without seeing what the money was going to be spent on first. You probably wouldn’t buy a house without at least setting foot inside it – why would you scrimp on thoroughly checking out something you will spend almost as much money on? All colleges are not created equal (and are not right for all kids) – if they were we would have nothing to talk about out here. :slight_smile: If you don’t check it out and it turns out poorly for your kid, you will kick yourself for not having done a little more at this stage.</p>

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<p>Have you considered simply sending the kid on their own for college visits? It costs a lot less for 1 kid to travel alone than for a whole family to come. If the kid is interested in urban or suburban campuses, she can use public transit to get around. She can arrange for overnight stays on campuses or find friends willing to host her – so no cost for lodging. (CC is a good resource for that)</p>

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<p>I could not imagine going to a college I had never visited. And it is not just where the school is but how much work it is to get back and forth to that school. </p>

<p>If your daughter can’t take the time to visit schools due to being busy then you may not want to apply. It could easily take hours to get back and forth to an east coast school between distances to the airport and layovers for home visits.</p>

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<p>Idea - If the schools have EA (Early Action, non-binding)… make sure the apps are turned in by the EA deadline. That will give more flexibility on dates for campus visit. </p>

<p>Note - Avoid ED (Early Decision, binding).</p>

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<p>DGDzDad, I remember your earlier thread about the grandparents and favoritism and financing education.</p>

<p>You are definitely treading in a minefield. You have my sympathies. </p>

<p>I don’t think there is a problem with visiting after acceptances, if that’s all you can do. There is something to be said for having a kid NOT fixated on one school that they may or may not get into, and that’s probably more likely to happen when they’ve visited.</p>

<p>Taking some time–you probably already do, but perhaps more time–to talk with D2 about her plans would undoubtedly be a good idea.</p>

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<p>Consolation: “DGDzDad, I remember your earlier thread about the grandparents and favoritism and financing education. You are definitely treading in a minefield. You have my sympathies.”</p>

<p>Yeah, thanks. Update on that situation is that I’ve come to an understanding with wealthy GP’s that I will pay up to what a CSU would cost (@$20k/yr) on the theory if they were not in the picture, that is what I could afford. DD1 will apply to whatever schools she wants to. I’m insisting that includes some in-state (UCLA, Cal Poly) and some merit possibilities (UMass, Case, Lafayette) - need-based FA is off the table due to my income. Will also include some reaches and high matches for her stats (e.g., a couple of Ivies, UChicago, G-Town, Tufts, Brandeis). If she gets accepted to any of the prestige schools and she and GP’s want her to attend, GP’s agree to cover the excess over the CSU rate.</p>

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<p>Some families have no choice, but to send their child off to college without a campus visit. It is very expensive to travel - money is tight for many. It is not ideal, but you won’t be the first. You do what you have to do.</p>

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<p>Following up on above, my idea was to fly to Boston, visit Tufts, Brandeis, and maybe BU while we’re there, then over to her safety UMass-Amherst, then down to Yale, and perhaps Brown on the way back to Boston to fly home. It’s at least a 5 day trip and I just don’t see how she does that trip on her own without a car. </p>

<p>But still, may be better to wait and see where she gets in. No use wasting time/money on Yale/Brown leg of the trip when high likelihood she won’t get in anyway.</p>

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<p>Re: #47</p>

<p>It still looks like there are plenty of minefields to cross, since SD, D2, and D3 may be jealous of the college funding for D1.</p>

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<p>ucb - yes, but SD knows D1’s GP’s are not her GP’s. As for D2 and D3, they will have to make their own relationship/deal with GP’s if they want more than what I can afford to give them. I’ve decided it’s not fair to D1 to prohibit GP funding if she’s willing to cut that deal with that particular devil. We’ve discussed the fact that the consequences and fallout are her risk to bear and she’s willing to assume the risk.</p>

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<p>We made a practice from the time the kids were about 10 and 12 respectively, to drive around any Us that happened to be around the area we were visiting (SF, LA, Denver, DC, and Rochester). It stood us in good stead, because we aren’t very interested in spending money for college tour trips just for the sake of them. It also helped break up the trips some and at least gave us SOME feel for the areas and what some different Us in various parts of the country looked like.</p>

<p>S applied to several Us that he HAD seen and several that he had NEVER seen in person. The one he accepted and matriculated at was one that we had only driven around the perimeter because my friend who lived 30 minutes from campus insisted it was MUCH too dangerous to do more, even though it was broad daylight and there were 8 of us, including 4 males. He was very happy attending. Our S refused to go to visit any of the Us because he said it was a waste of money and he’d be happy where planted (he was).</p>

<p>My sisters took their eldest kids to tour all the Us that their kids had been accepted at, as well as a tour of the Us where the application was still pending but they thought student had some chance of admission. That was very useful for those kids.</p>

<p>My sibs and I never set foot on any of our campuses until we moved in–for undergrad both my younger brother and I transferred to Us we had never stepped foot on. 6 of us went to grad/pro schools we had never stepped foot on. We did fine and thrived where planted. Possibly, we MAY have been happier at some other campus but we were all fine where we attended.</p>

<p>Yes, college IS very expensive, but scouting trips can add up and to me only make sense once the student has been admitted and is trying to narrow the field. Of course, there are many viewpoints expressed in this thread, right for the individuals and families expressing them.</p>

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<p>DGDzDad:
PLEASE don’t make your daughter choose a school site unseen. I too think you should wait until all acceptances are in and then go visit. Explain to your daughter that for that long weekend, focusing on college and the next four years of her life is the priority and trumps whatever high school activities she has. I would say that if you are in CA and your daughter is considering east coast schools those trips are even more important. Plus, it sounds like your family situation is complicated enough that your daughter might need some one on one time with you, and since you like college visits, this could be a great bonding trip. </p>

<p>I’m empathetic with your situation, but I really think that in this case, you need to put your foot down as they say. Can you find some way to explain to everyone that you all are going to help each of the girls get the best education they can at a place that is the best fit for their qualifications, talents and goals? Is there any chance that the daughter starting out a cc will eventually transfer to a 4 year school? If so, she’ll be going through this same process in a couple of years. Make SURE she knows that CC can be a fresh start and that you’ll be just as supportive of her going to a 4 year school when the time comes as you are of DD1. </p>

<p>As for the youngest two: just keep reminding them that they need to keep their noses to the grindstone so that they have lots of options later, too. They will have their turns soon enough. And, remember: their teenage girls. If their noses weren’t out of joint about this, it would be something else. :slight_smile: </p>

<p>Finally, keep in mind that the costs of the visits are going to be drop in the bucket compared to the expenses you’ll be paying only a few short weeks later. Don’t scrimp here: the visits are absolutely crucial. Many many kids change their minds about what they believed was their dream school on the college tours. Don’t skip them.</p>

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<p>I’m not really sure how necessary visiting is. It might dispel some stereotypes, but I don’t think that admitted students days and tours really give you a good idea of what the college culture is like. </p>

<p>I didn’t visit anywhere, because I couldn’t get flights so last minute. I’m not sure whether visiting would have helped, because any one of the schools that I would have attended was academically excellent. The biggest stressors/downfalls about college so far have revolved around drama in my friendship group, and that can and does happen anywhere, really.</p>

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<p>Completely disagree, especially about accepted student days. My D2 attended three of them at top colleges this last spring. It was very clear which college was best for her after that, but based on initial short visits and “on paper” she had initially ranked that school #3 of the three going into the visit. She (and I agree) feels like she “dodged a bullet” with the top two schools – for various reasons that were fully revealed during accepted student visits they would not have been a very good fit for her. We would have spent a whale of a lot of money on a place where she would not have been very happy (and possibly not very successful given some qualities of the school).</p>

<p>Also… the schools on the OP’s D’s list are widely varying – it isn’t like they are two comparable state Us in the same region of the country. I say see where she gets in, then have her go to accepted student days at her top 2 or 3 choices – no matter what it interferes with in the spring.</p>

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<p>DGDzDad, I did this. My very first glimpse of Mount Holyoke College was on move-in day in 1981. It wasn’t a mistake for me, but it would be for some people. I think it’s a matter of personality. If your child is a risk taker, an optimist, and someone who can just commit to a choice without looking back, then go for it. But if she, like my daughter, is very cautious, needs to fully explore her options before making a commitment, and has a more pragmatic world-view, then I think she should visit because she will always be second-guessing herself if she doesn’t.</p>

<p>Have her make a realistic list of schools to visit (affordable, likely to get in, etc.) before booking the flight. The money spent is well worth it for peace of mind. And as others have said, an expensive non-vacation is less than a $57,000/year mistake.</p>

<p>I agree with you that these trips are not fun, but you can still throw in a fun day or fun outing even while you’re doing the grueling college tours and info sessions.</p>

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<p>My S attended college without visiting until move-in day. Not a big deal.</p>

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<p>I went to college and grad school without ever seeing them. Picked the school for the program, applied, got in, went, and graduated. If the kid is intelligent and going to learn, everything will work out. If the kid is going to have fun, well, then they might want to visit first.</p>

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<p>She won’t need a car.</p>

<p>There are several ways to do this. One issue is that she ought to see UMass first, IMO. I think when kids start with their safeties they pay more attention to them and the good stuff about them. After visiting the more elite schools, the safeties MAY come off worse in comparison.</p>

<p>But if I were just planning the trip logistically.</p>

<p>Fly into NYC early enough in the day to get to New Haven before dark. (You might even want to have her visit Columbia and Barnard and/or NYU.) There are several different ways to get to New Haven, depending on time constraints and budget. Go to Yale and stay overnight there.</p>

<p>Get on Amtrak and go to Providence. Visit Brown. May want to stay overnight there.</p>

<p>Get on Amtrak or suburban transit, again depending on time/budget, and go to Boston. Visit BU, take the T to Tufts and see it, take commuter rail to Brandeis to see it.</p>

<p>Go back to Boston. Take the bus (5 hours) to UMass. This won’t be as grim as it may sound, since she’s likely to meet kids from the 5 colleges on the bus. Personally, I 'd have her visit 1-2 of the other colleges to see them too. (Smith, Mt. Holyoke, Amherst, Hampshire).</p>

<p>Take the bus from UMass to NYC, which is also about 5 hours.</p>

<p>Again, there are lots of ways to do this. If you are willing to drop Brown/Yale, then fly into Boston. Take bus to UMass, go back to Boston. Visit Tufts, Brandeis, BU, then fly back.</p>

<p>I’m sure other people can come up with other ways to do this, but there is no way I’d let a 17 or 18 year old kid drive in Boston.</p>

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<p>I also wouldn’t have my 17/18 year old, who is not familiar with NYC, to go by herself either. Because of the family dynamic, if I were OP I would also make this trip with D1. It would show a lot of support and a great way to spend some 1:1 time.</p>