I know - overall, it’s not cool. For my specific concern, it means my in laws’ mistake won’t make a difference. Of course, it is not so good if my MIL still has her stocks at the end. She would be happy, though, because she would prefer we hold them (she likes collecting dividends & hopes her kids will, as well).
Oh dolls! I’m my mother’s only child….so I got all of her stuff. As the lawyer said “the good news is you are an only child. The bad news is you are an only child”.
But one thing my mom gave away was a mint condition pair of Ginny Dolls…one blond, one brunette, with probably 20 or more outfits all complete and in the original little white boxes with the clear window. My mom gave them away to a neighbor when I was in college. Oh well. My daughter would have loved them!
I do have a box with about 20 dolls sent from Europe in about 1960 from my grandfather. Anyone want them?
Does it surprise anyone that my sister didn’t show to get “our” things out of the place my dad left my nephew? Supposedly her 2nd Covid shot side effects were too much. She had it back on May 4th. Last night her pinkie felt like it was “dead.”
People have such different grief reactions or ways of putting off difficult tasks. Such a final step.
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True, except my dad died in August of 2018 and her stated goal to me is to run the estate out of money so her son can’t inherit the property from him.
The two of them have lawyers who set this week up as the time for her to get the things out. A judge signed off on it all. Now I’m wondering what happens next, but of course, all of it costs money.
Our family bet is her lawyer will drop her soon since his last letter to her was quite terse spelling things out and saying the judge is not likely to look favorably on it if she didn’t get it done. She will likely need to find another lawyer. More time. More money.
Wow! So sorry! I wonder if judge would hold her in contempt of court or reassign an executor if she’s acting in bad faith.
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My nephew would like them to assign me as executrix, but honestly? At this point, I’ve no desire to jump into the line of fire. I’d rather distance myself as completely as possible while still looking out for his interests as best I can. The two of them call the police on each other at the drop of a hat - for meaningless stuff IMO. Who would want to get in the middle of that? It’s a no-win spot. There are no other siblings and I’m certainly not volunteering my boys for the job. We’re the only ones who were supposed to get anything.
I’d love to see another executor just to “get it done.” I just don’t want to be “it,” esp since both places he left are a mess and not worth much due to location and condition. I was offered 25K for “my” place shortly after dad died. The guy who wanted it planned to tear it down and let his son build a place there. Otherwise Dad was a Hoarder - as is Sis and possibly nephew.
Lawyer fees have to have added up a bit by now, along with upkeep, etc. I don’t know that selling anything will cover what is needed. That, of course, was her goal. The “good stuff” from her share - his coin collection - was “stolen” according to sis - who happens to have a lot more money than one would expect considering she’s living off of Workman’s Comp (loaned my now deceased uncle 15K somehow). We don’t really doubt they were “stolen.” We just differ on who likely did it.
I wonder if it could be assigned to local bank or another lawyer.
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I’m on the sidelines now waiting to hear an update. Nothing so far. She had until tomorrow to be finished removing items, but hasn’t showed up to even start as of yet and when I texted her last night I got the “woe is me” due to her very rare side effects of the vax line (again). My medical boy is amused TBH. But he also said in NY all she will need is “a” doctor to support her - no real qualifications needed.
Well, if you became executrix you’d have control. Which erases much of the frustration your family is facing. You just want it done, don’t have a lot of skin in the game and know “who took what” and “what happened to what”. Can’t think of a better person right now. Lot’s of work but really your job is to follow the wishes of another as written. I’d say it’s time to take more control of the situation and end it.
Got to say, I’m starting to loathe your sister for what she’s doing to her child. Can’t imagine what she is thinking.
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Welcome to my world. It all started when he outgrew diapers. There are more stories I could tell all the way to (including) allowing a predator to abuse him that could be fact checked in the legal system. No one in our family understands her lack of any mothering instinct for her own son, esp since she pretty much idolizes anyone else’s, including mine - from their infancy. She could be a great babysitter for mine while still being nasty to her own - same setting - all kids there together. Even so, we didn’t let her sit with mine often.
I’m glad she only had one, but I’ll admit I wish she had given him up for adoption (single mom throughout his life).
Whatever it is, I’m guessing it’s the same mentality someone in a family with more kids has when they actively despise one to the point of abuse while loving the others.
At least she never killed him. Some kids have it worse. Not many, but some.
Mom was going to give him her house to help counter his disadvantages in life, but when dad unexpectedly died first, he gave him one he owned so she changed her will as he didn’t need two places. Mom’s has since been sold with him getting his share of the proceeds from it.
I guess all of this has been a vent. No update yet on what’s happening next. We’ll see what the lawyers do or judge does. They may buy her “Covid vax side effects” story in which case new dates will be assigned and he’ll have to take more (unpaid) time off work (he’s a truck driver).
The other sad thing to me is we were quite close as young sisters. I miss that closeness, esp with other relatives passing away now. I like to fix problems. I don’t know how to fix what’s going on in her mind. Medical lad tells me it’s pretty much impossible (sigh).
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Not sure about executor but there is a lot to be said for choosing a professional trustee. I know things usually (the operative word is usually) work out when choosing a family member or close friend, but when things go bad it is VERY bad. Family relationships/long time friendships ruined…
I know this from personal experience.
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I have had estate lawyers tell me that the biggest cause of litigation among siblings is vacation houses.
The corporate attorney I use for my firm always highlights the high cost of litigation – it is rarely worth the money let alone the time or aggravation. He is also a friend (we introduced him to my wife’s grad school roommate and they have been married for 30+ years, I think). His mother is still alive on the other coast but with dementia and he discovered that his sister, who is also well-to-do, has been raiding the mother’s assets because she is doing a costly renovation or something like that. She was unapologetic when confronted and he has had to sue her (something that I’m sure he was trying to avoid). Amazing that one sibling would do that to another, but it is not the first time I’ve heard of that (though sometimes the guilty sib is pushed into it by a toxic spouse).
I have tried to steer this off with both my mother and my mother-in-law. With my mother, there will be a modest estate (I know exactly as I manage the money). I suggested she leave a bigger portion to the least financially stable kid but put the money in trust as he is not capable of making good financial decisions or even thinking like an adult. My other siblings agreed and one agreed to be the trustee. So I think all should be OK there.
With my MIL, she seems to a) not listen to most advice; b) fire advisors who give her advice other than she wants to hear; and c) do the opposite of what I advise her at times. So, there will be an unavoidable mess on a much more valuable piece of property at some point down the road.
My FIL was a man of giant gestures. When told that ShawSon (then 3 or 4) loved knights in armor, he persuaded the manager of a bank branch inthe ground floor where he had his office to sell him an 8’ suit of armor that was part of a marketing display (I assume when the bank had switched to a new marketing display). We had it in the foyer of our old house for years (sort of a long closed in porch) and miked it up for Halloween so it spoke to the kids on the way in. We put it in storage where we moved. The project manager working on building ShawWife’s studio is building a haunted house (why you ask? No idea) and would love it. But ShawSon somehow would like to hold on to the knight as it is one of the few presents given to him by his grandfather (who died a few years after that). But, the knight lives on the east coast and ShawSon lives in San Francisco. He is doing well financially, it would be very expensive to ship out and who in SF has extra room for a knight?
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Must be a recent replica, because a suit of armor too large for even NBA players would not have been usable back when it may otherwise have been a functional military item.
Absolutely a replica. It is also on a bit of a pedestal.
Well, the more the parents have, the more the children expect/want. These stories here are poignant and really, there is no right answer. I only have one child (not by design, it just worked out that way), and while I have always wished I would have had more children, I am relieved that there will never be any jockeying or squabbling over whatever physical legacy I manage to bequeath, if I’m lucky not to burn through everything I have in old age.
My own father has been very clear about the disposition of his assets between my sister and me (my mom died several years ago and my dad was her heir). We’re both glad of it. However, I would never fight or bicker over a will or over random possessions. I don’t need it and it would only degrade me. Once I reached majority, I made no financial plans with the expectation of an inheritance. Anything I might get is gravy.
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@NJSue - H and I also made plans to fund our own retirement and we have saved a lot. We do not need any more. That said, my parents did leave a considerable estate and the resulting legal battles have been bitter and ugly. Everyone likes to think it won’t happen among their children but sometimes they don’t really know what their child can be hiding.
My advice is to plan the estate very carefully. My folks had a badly done estate plan which, if done properly could have avoided all of this. H and I kept that in mind when preparing our own.
I’m sorry, @FallGirl about the situation with your parents’ estate. I hope my father’s planning has been optimal. He is pretty financially savvy and has a trust and lots of legal advice. But emotions are always involved in these matters and I know that old family resentments get reactivated unintentionally sometimes. So I am deliberately adopting a “gravy” attitude although it may not be necessary. My sister and I get along very well.
One thing my parents never did is attempt to control us or influence our choices through promises or predictions of what we might inherit. They never said, “Oh, you’ll get this or that when we die.” Their clarity was in the process, i.e. we have a will, this is our lawyer, this is our executor, etc. They did not set up any expectations to be violated and I think that was a good idea.
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The irony is that my folks said for years that everything would be left in equal shares…which it was. But when one person seizes control and is the wrong person for that role, it does not work out that way.
My parents (especially dad) would be very sad and angered about this.
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