No. I can’t.
I will say that when H and I planned our estate we did not set up any situation where one of our kids becomes a trustee over the other one’s inheritance. If we died tomorrow our kids would inherit with no strings attach and in control of their own share. If they wisely invest, so be it. If they spend it all in 2 months, so be it. I will not control from the grave.
In addition, I strongly advise any trustees, etc. are professional trustees, not family members.
To FallGirl’s point on outside Trustees- PLEASE have a candid discussion with your kids (and any other heirs) about who the trustees are so there are no unpleasant surprises. You don’t need to justify your decisions, but some transparency will go a long way.
I have a childhood friend who was devastated to learn that “outsiders” would be trustees after her parent passed. Her older sibling was thrilled- he was dreading having to call the shots (older sibling is extremely competent with money, well organized, savvy about investments, my friend is just not…) but she continues to complain every chance she gets.
I think it would have been easier to have this discussion while the parents were alive…
Good point. We need to have that discussion with our kids. I think we arranged it so that it would be outsiders until our youngest turns 30.
Just watched the movie I Care a Lot on Netflix. Not a trustee situation but a guardian situation regarding “outsiders” taking control of a vulnerable elderly person and their assets. Not a true story and kind of a dark comedy but was thought provoking.
Oh… we saw that movie. Kindof scary.
Yes, I thought it was kind of scary too.
We have generally be upfront about all of this, because the purposes of the trust were not to protect our kids from our money. Rather, the purposes of the trust were to take assets out of the estate in case tax law changed and to provide a couple of layers of asset protection. Our kids know about the trust. It bought a condo that it rented to ShawD (really us) and roommates when ShawD was in college/grad school.
We have a trusted outsider as our trustee: ShawWife’s best friend, the best heart, retired lawyer, now very wealthy and into social philanthropy, doesn’t need our money. [ShawWife is also trustee of their kids’ trust but will need my help to do it].
BUT, she is of the same generation as us. I have a tax lawyer sister who is 12 years younger, but for the asset protection aspect of the trust, it is important that the trustee not be a family member (not clear if that is still true after I die). More generally, we need to find a trustee of the kids’ generation. Maybe I should be asking my kids who they know who they would trust.
We ran into this problem with aging attorneys and such. My parents’ attorney who did their wills died. Their new attorney retired. Our attorney retired, etc…
We’ve updated everything this year and our new attorney is in a big practice and he’s a decade younger than we are. At some point though, we’ll probably need to adjust again.
This is the fear I have with my father. His attorney (who has POA and is the executor) is over 90. I hope he has a succession plan for his practice.
When I was young (20s-30s) I wanted to hire professionals that were older than me - experienced doctors, lawyers, so they would know their stuff. Then at some age (around 50), I started wanting professionals who are younger than me, so they would be up to date on the latest information.
Shaw, surely your retired lawyer friend has an age-appropriate colleague to recommend?
@blossom, good thought. She hasn’t been a lawyer for 20 years, I’d guess. Married a guy who co-founded several biotech companies that have gone public/been acquired, so she decided that working as a litigator for one of the largest firms in the country was not that personally fulfilling and decided to do social philanthropy and is pretty extraordinary in terms of what she has been able to mobilize. So I’m not sure she would be in touch with the younger generation of attorneys.
But, maybe I will ask another friend who used to work with her, switched to a smaller firm and now does all of the work for my company. We know him well because she introduced him to another of ShawWife’s friends and they got married. He might have suggestions for a younger generation.
We have thought that the most interesting aspect of the trustee role is having a good heart and good judgment in case there are any issues with kids (or maybe grandkids). Technical/legal expertise seems second order (though tax expertise could be useful). I am the investment advisor to the trust and ShawSon is the successor investment advisor (and would be eminently capable of playing that role).
One thought is to ask her what they are doing with respect to successor trustees. I haven’t read their trust docs in years.
Here’s my parents’ attorney situation: They wrote their wills and created a family trust years ago. I just found a typed note from Mom (she left typed notes everywhere!) about a video interview she’d done with the attorney. She wrote that the lawyer had the original copies of the wills. But he retired. Supposedly he gave the originals to another attorney who Fed Exed the originals to my parents in 2013. But Dad can’t find them ANYWHERE. He has copies of Mom’s will but that’s it. So he has to jump through extra hoops to get her estate settled, which is a pain because he needs to get his house on the market and he can’t do that now.
Isn’t the house in joint tenancy with right of survivorship? I thought a house would not have to go through probate if that’s the case?
Shaw- good heart, good judgement, and lots of real world experience. You don’t want the trustee to be confronting a substance abuse issue for the first time when it’s your kid’s spouse. You don’t want a trustee who hasn’t lived through a significant market pullback, or a real estate market that falls through the floor, or a Madoff type meltdown. I think this is why so many of us have aging advisors- we’ve seen the newbies (I’ve got young families who have moved to my neighborhood recently and they honestly don’t believe that home prices go down as well as up) and even when they are “wicked smart”, their perspective on wealth creation is so limited by their age!
I will be sad when my lawyer retires (any day now, I’m guessing). I haven’t been a big user of legal services, but her wisdom has been invaluable. And she understands family dynamics like the best marriage counselor/therapist…
Happy for you that your son can step in to your shoes on the investment front- that’s a big win!!!
More good points. If my kids are late twenties/early thirties, probably want someone who is now in his/her late forties or fifties.
Although I am experienced in the financial world, I don’t have time to manage money too and use a fee-only financial advisor for most of this. She has a terrific strategy of extending her services without charge to her clients’ kids. Smart for three reasons: 1) increases the odds of keeping the money under management after the parents go or aren’t capable of managing the money; 2) kids of well-to-do folks might be come well-to-do in their own right; and 3) gives the clients’ comfort that the kids are being sensible with money. So, when ShawD moved to CA with her BF and needed to find a new job (for some reason, you can’t easily get NP jobs until you move and then need licensing changes that take time), the young man who handles working with the kids went over her budget and said, “You should be fine if you get a job within this amount of time so no reason to be anxious. Maybe you can get temp or part-time jobs in between. And let’s talk about your benefits when you get the new job.” So even without someone like my son, the FA could continue to be helpful.
@sevmom I started that and could not watch, it was so sad and frustrating.
Agree it’s sad but does make you think. And Rosamund Pike is absolutely chilling . It’s a dark comedy so everything is exaggerated. But, the issues regarding scams against the vulnerable elderly are real. That is what is truly sad.
We watched that, too. Even though I know it wasn’t true and was a dark comedy, it made me glad my mom lives with me.
There are some elders that truly cannot live at home or with a family member (unless there are resources for 24 hour caretakers). And there are plenty of reputable facilities, caretakers, and guardians out there. But, there are way too many shady people in that industry also. It’s very sad. And elders with money but no family or close friends looking out for them seem particularly vulnerable to these kinds of scams.