Avoiding Inheritance Squabbles

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41

Before my dad died, he signed the deed of his house over to one sister. He gave his car to one grandchild (he had four). Those were the only things that would have been in his estate. There is absolutely no way any of us would have disputed this decision, or asked for anything for ourselves. And these were things of value.

None of us owned that house or car before he died…so not having it after he died really didn’t matter to us.

It’s just stuff…and in my opinion, it’s not worth squabbling over.

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42

I don’t think you can compare a used car with used furniture, especially a vehicle valued at $30,000. My husbands dad is 94, shouldn’t be driving, and has a 2007 Honda Civic with low mileage I’d like to purchase for one of my kids (3 of my kids are now driving 2007 Honda civics, it’s our family beater of choice). We’d be happy to pay blue book.

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43

I think it really depends. If everything gets appraised it will all be relative so it doesn’t matter if some things wouldn’t really sell for the appraisal price.

In my family my two brothers and I (no spouses) spent a day taking turns picking things. We did it by categories. So first all the furniture, then all the art, then all the dishes/pottery. (My parents had a lot of nice stuff from Japan.) We split up sets when everyone liked something, so there are a few things I only have three of. While there are plenty of things I wish I had, they are all on display at my brothers’ houses so they still make me happy when I visit.

I had a great aunt who had no children. I’m not sure exactly what the terms of the will were, but the extended family had a big auction where they gave everyone a certain number of chits and then people used them to bid on lots. I was overseas at the time and some cousin made sure that people who couldn’t be there got something. I got a silver salt and pepper shaker, probably not what I would have chosen if I’d been there, but I thought it was sweet of them to remember me. There was certainly nothing specific in her house that I remembered, much less wanted!

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44

Good point – the quick sale value of many items is likely to be zero or negative, even for items that may otherwise fetch a decent sale price if you could spend the time and effort to put them up for sale, store / display them, find / wait for buyers, etc…

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45

The difference is that a car can be sold quickly with little effort for a relatively well known value. Even a junk car has enough salvage and scrap value that a salvage yard will take it off your hands with little effort on your part.

Furniture, on the other hand, may not be easy to sell quickly and effortlessly. If it cannot be sold at all within the limited time and effort the estate / executor can give, it may effectively have negative value as far as the estate is concerned, in which case letting heirs (or anyone else) take it for free is a net gain (meaning no disposal costs) for the estate.

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46

When my mom died I was able to get all of the family together for them all to go through and pick something they liked - no cost was involved. Everyone, even her best friend, was able to purely pick something/anything. No one squabbled over anything. (Mom wanted this and said so to all of us prior to her death.) Her car went to her one sibling (of 6) who could really use one - written into the will.

Beyond that one thing for everyone, some family members bought a few things (TV comes to mind). What they gave me I put in her estate account.

Then I had an estate sale with nothing priced. People offered amounts. Some, I’m sure, “robbed” us. Most were fair for a quick sale. A couple gave full value. The money I saved by not hiring anyone made up for what “might” have been more gained via the sale.

At the end, I was “lucky.” My sister is a Hoarder and she wanted everything, including some things I’d have thrown on the trash truck. She rented a UHaul and took it all to her place with my blessings.

All of mom’s stuff is gone now except for her Canadian Brass trumpet (a nice one), her stamp collection, and some Venetian glass. The stamp collection was sold on a monthly deal, but the buyer backed out barely a couple of books into it when Covid hit back in Feb. I decided to donate the rest after trying to sell it to a few people who didn’t want it. Guess who wants it? We’ll be taking it to sis later this month. The trumpet I might try online again and the Venetian glass in some sort of consignment shop. For both I’m tempted to toss some of my own money into the estate account in order to close out her estate this August (two years after mom’s death) since everything else is set (I think). Then I can even “give” away the trumpet and glass without worries.

My sister is absolutely certain we lost out financially because I “didn’t do it right” and did things so quickly. She’s executrix of my dad’s estate. He died a year earlier than mom and his estate isn’t really even started with selling things. Sis has listed some on ebay and Etsy, but hardly anyone will pay her prices. In the meantime she’s had all the continuing bills, taxes, electric, etc. She’s told us more than once that dad’s not going to end up leaving any of us anything. Yep. He could have, but she didn’t do her job over fear of “losing money.” No amount of showing her the finances changed a thing. “I just didn’t understand.”

Mom saw what sis was doing with dad’s estate and made sure she wasn’t executrix for hers. She even placed bets that I would be done with hers before sis finished dad’s and she wasn’t even close to death just yet (had cancer so knew it was coming, but it took a year). Mom will easily win her bet.

Estates are a pain in the butt. My view is don’t worry at all about the finances for heirlooms people want to keep, be glad you don’t have to sell or trash them. Then just “get er done.” It helps with closure, or at least it did for me.

Best wishes to you.

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47

Solid walnut…equals brown furniture. Most younger people might want an accent piece or something…but not a whole house or large pieces. Our dining room set is walnut. When we ever move, I will be delighted to give it to the first person who offers to haul it away.

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48

Despite the “let the furniture go” vibe (which I’ve advocated) just a couple weeks ago a young repairman came to my dad’s house and drooled over the 50’s furniture. It did give me pause to wonder about its value. I looked at it with new eyes. But still, furniture is a pain.

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Totally agree. Big pieces of brown furniture are not in right now. Small antique pieces in the middle of more contemporary pieces are nice accents but most younger folk don’t want big, brown pieces in their homes. Much harder to move for one thing. Mid century modern can be in one day, out the next. You just don’t know

Also agree that cars and furniture are different. Furniture is much harder to unload and antique stores take a very big cut . Often values are less than what you think they are.

If there is a documented piece of very expensive artwork , etc. that is a different story. Short of that kind of situation, I’d be inclined to let people just take turns picking possessions , as others have said. And be glad and grateful that at least some things that our parents valued and treasured will at least stay in the family. I love to see things handed down in other family’s homes. Always a reminder of those gone before .

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50

Creekland- tell your Sis the heirs are going to take her to court for delaying the disposition of the estate. It is unconscionable to continue to have to pay cash for bills when a timely resolution could have saved all of you money.

That ought to get her moving. If there’s a complicated business to sell, a professional practice with partners and some byzantine liability insurance issues and a piece of commercial real estate involved- sure. May take a few years.

But a house, furniture, and modest assets? She is legally responsible for settling up all debts, making sure there are no creditors outstanding- and then boom- distribute what’s left. A threat of a lawsuit might get the “We can get more on Etsy” delusion replaced by something more realistic.

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51

Here, right now, you could leave every piece of junk, all the old clothes and bags of dog food and even laundry in the washer, and the house would still sell for $50k over asking. And ask whatever you want!

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52

Same here, I think it’s temporary, we are 10 miles west of Manhattan and my realtor friends have no inventory.

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53

My MIL told my H & his sister to tell her what they wanted before she dies. H wanted a couple small things that are not valuable, but they have sentimental value for him. His S wanted all the Hitchcock furniture. His parents ended up moving to assisted living & had to get rid of almost everything in the house. We took a couple small things & his sister took so much that she had to rent a storage unit. The things not taken were sold to an auction company, and they didn’t bring much. I would rather SIL have what she wants, to be honest, than more or less give them away.

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I’m not looking forward to this though I think our personalities are better than dh’s siblings.

One sister wanted everything but didn’t want to go through it in a timely manner. She’s a bit of a hoarder. She insisted we go through every pocket of their mother’s clothes because she often hid money and forgot about it. Sure enough, we did find about $400. I would have been happy to forgo our third to skip the hours it took to go through it all. Because she dragged her feet going through it we let her pay for a storage unit so she could go through it all her own pace and paid for a unit out of her mom’s bank account. After a year, we told her that she was on her own on that unit.

The thing that is going to be the worst is getting rid of all our dad’s guns. They are worth a lot, because there are scores. But we don’t want them to fall into the wrong hands.

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55

Not here. Friend listed her house for the ambitious price of $699,900, sold it for more than $850k cash with no appraisal. Crazy-stupid price, but it’ll help them get the retirement place of their dreams. Too many companies moving here for this bubble to burst anytime soon.

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56

I would not threaten a sibling to take them to court. Recipe for disaster and possible family difficulties for a long time after. Hopefully things can be worked out before ever getting to that point .

We are not at all wealthy but do okay. Siblings on both sides are also okay financially. All parents are gone.

Lots of stuff on husband’s side was dispersed at downsizing by his mother after the dad’s death .And lots of stuff given away even before that. It is a gift to try to get some things given away in advance to someone who truly wants what you have .

I really only cared at the end about getting a few things and they were of sentimental value, not big monetary value. We hand carried Edinburgh Crystal liqueur glasses from a trip to Scotland to give to my in laws . Both families had Scottish ancestry and my in-laws loved their after dinner drinks!

My dad died a few months before my father in law. My father in law made a toast to my dad after the funeral at their house using those glasses filled with Drambuie. My dad’s parents were both Scottish. I can still see it and was so touched by my father in law s gesture.We told H"s siblings we really wanted those glasses when the major downsizing started.

My older son and his wife now have these glasses. They have not wanted to take much of our old stuff but I am glad at least they wanted something that was so sentimental to us!

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57

It’s a little more complicated than that unfortunately. Dad wrote a part into his will stating that anyone who contested any part of it would get nothing. Plus, when my mom rewrote her will after my dad’s death (giving the car to her sibling and similar small stuff), we asked her lawyer if there was anything we could do to encourage my sister along. He told us there’s really no way we’d be able to win in court because she could use any excuse she wanted and a judge would extend her time. She’s had some (exaggerated) health issues and now, you know, Covid.

Behind the scenes… dad left her son (his grandson) a piece of property she really wanted. Sis doesn’t like her son - never has once he outgrew diapers. She’s flat out said (but not recorded) that she’s going to run out the estate so he can’t inherit the property. Her son has retained a lawyer regarding not getting his place… so time will tell what happens.

It’s a pretty big mess. Other than apologizing to dad multiple times over for not agreeing to be his executrix… he had asked me, but I honestly thought sis would be better since she knew his place and accounts better than I ever did… I just want to stay far, far away now. I told my kids not to expect anything.

Fortunately my mom saw it all happening and saw to it all of the grandkids (sis’s too) got a little more than their fair share from her estate.

The take away is one should never appoint a Hoarder with a vendetta as an executrix. Choose anyone else.

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Yet another reason I am happy my in laws chose their banker (or maybe lawyer - can’t remember, but it is in the will, and we do have a copy) to execute the will once the second passes. Yes, it will cost some of the money in the estate. But I would rather have less money than end up mad at family.

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If it’s at all possible for the furniture to be appraised, do it. Next would be getting a codicil to the will to get what your sister wants in there.

I have a sibling with whom my other siblings and I have gone no-contact with since our mother’s estate was settled 3 years ago. Things that were understood to be part of their share of the small estate (car, loaned $$) went by the wayside when they wouldn’t agree and mom’s will didn’t call them out. Even though there were emails and notes saying what mom expected, since they weren’t part of the actual will, we couldn’t get a deal.
(Somehow disposition of our dad’s wedding ring, also not in the will, went to their child because “mom said,” but whatever.

Someone who feels entitled before a parent’s death will not change after. I’s dotted and t’s crossed can save a lot of heartache later.

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60

Not that I am suggesting court action or giving legal advice across state lines, but a claim that your sister is not fulfilling her duties to the beneficiaries is NOT the same thing as a will contest (no one is saying the will doesn’t reflect your dad’s wishes). If her son is pursuing a court action for her wasting the estate, that won’t trigger the no contest clause.

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