Ayesha at Last and The One - February CC Book Club Selection

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Well, I read the two books that my library had plus another “The One” romance by Kiera Cass. It was an interesting trio of books. All three were fairly light and frothy and were quickly consumed, like a bowl of ice cream.

The Marrs book was fascinating — DNA couples matching and the idea that there is ONE match. It was interesting that no one matched someone significantly older, younger, speaking another ther language, etc. I find it hard to imagine there would only be ONE biological match for each person rather than a group of people that are closer or further from matching.

At this point, having been married pretty happily since 1986, I think our marriage works pretty well and am not interested in any other pairing.

Ayesha was OK but could probably have been a short story. Hafsa wasn’t very likable. Zareena was interesting but not given much space in the book.

The other “The One” was like a royal “Bachelor” series where the prince chooses among lovelies in the world who are invited and live in the palace while he’s winnowing them down.

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After I plowed through The One, I felt like I needed a shower, to wash off the grime from almost every character, reminding me of how I felt about Gone Girl.

In an interview John Marrs says -
And for me, Gillian Flynn is a fearless and innovative writer. Her stories both fascinate and scare the living daylights out of me. I’ve recently become obsessed with Irish writer John Boyne and am working my way through his back catalogue, devouring his every word.

@ignatuis many thanks for summarizing those couples.

Mandy Neediness found Pat Neediness
Surprise twist- Richard was alive

Christopher / Amy two sides of same coin both in the business of murdering. He the bad serial killer, She the detective.
I think John Marrs wanted us to feel Christopher’s murder was justified, and that anyone given the motivation could be provoked to kill ?
Surprise twist - Amy commits murder.

Nick/Alex - plenty of married life lead a double existence on the “ down low” as Oprah enlightened us decades ago. John Marrs spent his career as journalist interviewing celebrities, probably met many married / bi/ gay folks.
Surprise twist - Nick’s fiancé having an affair with the supposed true love soulmate husband.

Ellie / Tim - corporate silicon rich person, gets her just rewards via Tim’s plan.
surprise Twist - a large amount of the or the Dna matches were invalid, but not all, so it leaves the reader baffled about who could have been legit matches,

Jade/ brothers - shallow jade, finds purpose and meaning by marrying the ill brother
Surprise twist - it was the hunky younger brother she was attracted to.

@ignatius I love the honesty with which you reflected on your own marriage, which really is the essence of the novel

So following your lead
Married 43 years
Soul mates no
Happily married- like your answer “ enough”
But I’ll add one more question
Would you want to meet your DNA match ? Yes, would be fascinating

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Yes, I would want to meet my DNA match, but not while current husband is still in the picture.

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Oh, good point! Amy really does pull a Christopher in the end, cheese wire and all.

As an aside: interesting that she could pull a body into the courtyard and set it afire without anybody noticing, not to mention also leave the stencil mark outside. Plus, I was wondering about the timing. She calls 911, says “help me,” lays the phone on the counter and then estimates that the police will be there in an hour. The UK really needs to work on their emergency response.

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I think “chemistry at first sight” is real, and for some people that pull (pheromones?) might be very strong. Per this article from Psychology Today, it’s a common experience (or at least a common claim):

This part of the article makes me think “love” is not really what’s happening:

2. You’re more likely to feel love at first sight with beautiful people

In this study, strangers were more likely to report experiencing love at first sight with physically attractive others; in fact, one rating higher in [attractiveness] on the scale that the researchers used corresponded with a nine times greater likelihood that others would report that electric love-at-first-sight feeling.

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Interesting article above.

In The One, I found the premise of a gene related to matchability interesting and perhaps a bit plausible. I could not stretch to the the “one and only match” (in the entire word) per person concept.

When reading Ayesha, I had a curiosity which I’ve also had in past. Do arranged marriages often work out because of similar status / cultures and “love growing over time”? Or do the couples stay together because divorce is not as accepted in their families?

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I’m a big believer in that “love at first sight” connection, because I felt it with the man who would become my husband, despite his not being “my type,” which argues against the attractiveness hypothesis. I wasn’t in a frame of mind to meet a partner at the event where we met, and there were significant social barriers to pursuing a relationship. Can’t speak for his experience, but somehow we’ve been married for over three decades. Chemistry? Biology? Inertia?? :wink:

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@stradmom, I love stories like that.

I have a friend whose husband looks a lot like her twin brother. I know that sounds weird at first, but when I remarked upon it, she told me that when she met her husband (35 years ago), she had just moved far away from her family. She was terribly homesick and too shy to make friends quickly. She attended a gathering one night and was standing around awkwardly when she saw him (a stranger) across the room. She said to herself, “Now there’s a familiar face – that will make it easier to strike up a conversation.” And converse they did, which eventually led to marriage. Their story pre-dates The One by decades, but when you think about it, DNA played a role in the match. :blush:

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I don’t really think there could possibly be The One, maybe multiple ones. I had a boyfriend my sophomore year in college and we both very much thought we were The One for each other. He took a junior year abroad and met the woman he married, and meanwhile I met my husband. I reconnect with my old boyfriend via facebook a while back, (he lives in Taiwan), and it really is funny we have NOTHING in common. Nice guy, but I feel like I dodged a bullet! Meanwhile DH and I are best friends. I don’t know if we are The One or not, but I’d never ever take a DNA test!

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I didn’t find the overall premise of The One–that there was only THE ONE–to be very convincing, and Marrs didn’t really explain it. If your one match could be distant in location, they could also be distant in time, born either centuries before or centuries after, right? The logic of so many matches so nearby made no sense.

On the other hand, the idea that DNA could predict some kind of “soulmate” type of connection was intriguing. I think the pairing of Nick and Alex was meant to suggest that while that special type of connection might typically be perceived as romantic or sexual, it didn’t have to be, and that wasn’t the essence of it. Nick and Alex were immediately attracted–but not sexually. The plot of the story (and the hype of The One) pushed them in that direction, but maybe they were really just meant to be great friends. I know I have some people in my life I have always clicked with–our minds are just in sync. But it’s not a romantic connection at all.

I find everyone’s comments on their own relationship connections fascinating. My first long-term boyfriend was a “soulmate” type thing, or so I thought. We both ended up marrying other people, but have remained friends. Like @mathmom’s ex, he’s a great guy, but when I see him now–well, I find his wife much more interesting! Maybe I was just young? My relationship with my late husband, on the other hand, did not initially have the same “The One” type feeling, but we were very happy.

Mandy with Richard’s sex video didn’t bother me at all, but I had to skip most of the Christopher chapters with the violent murder descriptions.

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Exactly. I thought that’s the way the story was going to go – I wanted it to illustrate the enormous power and chemistry of a very close friendship. Those are special matches, too, and we aren’t all lucky enough to find them. It would have provided another angle, but instead Marrs (or his characters) forced the romantic/sexual aspect.

I’ll bet it’s a combination of both. As usual, I consulted my friend the internet (we’re soulmates) and found that arranged marriages have a high success rate. So for as much as the romantic in me could not stand Khalid’s mother Farzana, she wasn’t all wrong in her approach.

I came across this show–never heard of it, but apparently it’s been on for years. Looks like a team of people trying to accomplish what Ellie’s DNA test and Farzana’s nosy research were doing in The One and Ayesha at Last:

The article touts the success of the show’s matchmakers, but in fact the long-term results are not good (see far right column): Married at First Sight (American TV series) - Wikipedia

So that suggests to me that when the hard work of marriage begins, family and cultural disapproval of divorce (undoubtedly lacking in the TV matches) plays a part in keeping couples together through the rough spots.

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I consulted my soulmate “the internet” , by the way what is the dark web, and found this interview with Marrs.

If you could choose to be a character from The One, who would you be and why?

I think I’d pick Nick, the heterosexual husband-to-be who is talked into taking the test by his fiancée, only to discover he’s matched with a man. His match, Alex, is a good looking chap!

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What a great article!

My research yielded nearly 100 pages of data on each participant, and I interpreted and analyzed that data for close to 400 hours to examine potential compatibilities and complementarities of personality traits.

Bbiggest lesson I learned from my experience as a matchmaker of arranged marriages on Married at First Sight and the extensive study and research into what makes arranged marriages work can be summed up in one word: Commitment," says Dr. Cilona. "I believe that the success of many arranged marriages comes down to each individual prioritizing commitment to the marriage and itself above all else. This often means that commitment to working through issues is often put before personal needs and feelings.

Commitment to making the marriage work is always the top priority, and seems to be the primary reason for the success of arranged marriages. Success is defined not only as longevity and not ending in divorce, but also marriages that are fulfilling and satisfying to each partner."

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I confess that I have watched the last few seasons of Married at First Sight! That explains why my favorite parts about Ayesha at Last were the discussions of arranged marriages (in particular, her grandparents). Since this is CC–one of the first matchmaker/experts on Married at First Sight was the Humanist Chaplain at Harvard, Greg Epstein.

About the long-term lack of success for the couples, I think you’re right, @mary13, that one of the missing pieces is family and cultural disapproval of divorce. Especially when the families weren’t involved in the matchmaking and in most cases, were pretty skeptical of it (that’s a theme in The One also). Because they aren’t family or friends, there’s a level of “knowing” the participants that the experts can’t access, so they miss things. And I think some of the participants, as in all reality shows, have mixed motives. My sister and I (we share notes) aren’t crazy about some of the couples this season. She’ll be tickled that my book group has intersected with our reality tv viewing! (we have a sister book group, too)

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Did anyone else hate the way Tarek’s comeuppance was handled? I think it would have been far more interesting for him only to have been trying to get back at Khalid’s mother instead of turning him into a thorough villain.

Also I figure Khalid’s mother is standing in for Lady Catherine, but is the wrestler/life coach Masood supposed to be Collins? I ended up getting rather fond of him unlike the original who remains awful to the end. And Charlotte Lucas marries him because she sees that as her only option, while Hafsa and Masood are apparently going to live happily ever after.

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General thoughts on Ayesha at Last: I liked it but found the Austen/Shakespeare combo a bit much. Overall, just a tad too complicated. However, the food … yeah, I wanted some.

Arranged marriages I know: one of my “besties” (i.e. best friends); the couple next door; and my husband’s oncologist.

The oncologist: his wife is also a doctor. The arranged marriage took place after medical school (both). He did not go to meet his future wife or family - his father did. When his father returned home, he told his son that the decision was, of course, his to make but that he’d be making the biggest mistake of his life should he say no. The young woman would not be available long. The doctor said his father was always right and so he said yes. He said that he’s grateful daily that he did so. A nurse was in the room nodding vigorously behind him and just said his wife Dr — is one of the loveliest people she knows.

My neighbors: originally from Pakistan; Muslim. I know nothing of their back story. I’ve attended gatherings at their home and the men and women are in different rooms. The mother wants arranged marriages for their daughters; the father, not so much. I have no idea why.

My best friend: about 15 years older than I am; Indian; Hindu - and my daily walking buddy till the pandemic hit. She and her husband were in their late 20s, both highly educated and successful professionals when they married. She met with him once - and married two weeks later. She agreed to marry him because his career took him places she’d never go otherwise. She wanted to see the world - and she has. Otherwise, she would have remained in India, the only child of aging parents. My friend and husband did not arrange the marriages of their two eldest children. Their third child was born severely handicapped and that would have hurt marriage prospects.

Happily married? Doesn’t matter. You commit to marriage and stay married. You make it work. None of our “grass is greener on the other side” bit. She told me that she heard all Americans divorced - not some but all. It surprised her to meet so many of us in long term marriages.

Truth be told, she might be my DNA match: vastly different backgrounds, religions, an age difference and even a educational difference. Let’s just say I’m well educated but a Ph.D in Physics would be so far beyond my ability as to be laughable. However, she’s one of the nicest people I know and I would trust her with anything. She too has commented on how alike we are when there should be no obvious reason for it. (And by the way, she’s a wonderful cook - vegetarian - and shares food and recipes. I’ve learned to make a wonderful Indian soup.)

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I know one couple who had an arranged marriage. They are Hindu, but also attend Ethical Culture (which is a humanist religion that takes no position on the existence of God). She’s very quiet and lovely, he’s a bit full of himself and irritates me, but they seem to be very happy. They have three adult children and several grandchildren. He’s talked about it, and he says you go into these marriages planning to make it work and find love along the way.

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I’m reminded of the “Do You Love Me” song from Fiddler on the Roof: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_y9F5St4j0

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Considering that Tarek seemed to be trafficking women (based on his plan to auction off Hafsa’s naked photos without her consent) and the fact that he stole thousands of dollars, he ought to be in prison. He’s not just a rake and a gold digger like Wickham; he’s a criminal.

I thought it was an extraordinary coincidence that Tarek’s comeuppance was nearly identical to Ellie’s: Operation Vengeance, wherein the victim hacks into the entrepreneur’s computer system, contacts all clients, creates chaos and destroys the unethical business.

As for Pride and Prejudice parallels in Ayesha at Last, they were pretty undefined. Yes, Masood could be considered a stand-in for Mr. Collins, but the selfish and silly Hafsa was nothing at all like sensible Charlotte Lucas.

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Pride and Prejudice parallels - I did not really pick up on any of that.
Evidentally I need to put that book on my reading list :grinning:

I actually found Ellie’s later chapters more disturbing than Christopher’s chapters. Obviously the gory murders were more awful, but we knew from the start that he was a bad guy. There was a hope that Ellie’s fairy tale would work out, despite the subtle hints that Tim might be an imposter.

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