<p>Well, I am not going to post which one here. But let’s just say this college isn’t changing any lives. It sure as hell changed my opinion. Oh, yeah, diverse and inclusive. Not this one. This ISN’T a spectrum issue (unless the host had an aversion to him because of it) - it’s an issue of valuing someone’s time (including my own and my wife’s as well as our gas money, because she drove him down and I drove him back). It’s an issue of respecting the fact that he was there because he wanted to sit in on classes and make his decision (and ours, to spend our money there) from an honest standpoint, and was missing his own work to do this. </p>
<p>The “host” had to <em>work.</em> That’s Admissions’ fault. He also was supposed to “hand” son over to the person he was supposed to shadow for classes. Instead, he said “you know where the caf is, right?” Sure. But he didn’t know <strong><em>who the other student was.</em></strong> DUH? He went to the caf, but he didn’t know who he was looking for!</p>
<p>And yeah, they gave him a coupon to go to some place on campus that was where everyone hangs out. But who wants to go hang out with no one he knows alone? Floor space is one thing, he has no problem with that. He has a problem with people coming in at 1 am being noisy (which they were). Look, we talked to Admissions about this stuff before the visit. All they would have had to do was find a geeky kid who likes video games, that would have been perfect. But no. </p>
<p>Like I said, all our other visits were successful. We didn’t get any note about hosts being busy with study needs. Or WORK. I thought hosting was the job (work study?) he got paid for. I don’t know why Admissions dropped the ball, and I can’t tell you why they made him sit there. Son says they “couldn’t find anyone” to take him anywhere (and there are three people working at the reception desk). All I can say is thank heaven for the orchestra and the music director, and he’s not even a music major.</p>
<p>@evolving, my son is the same way. He tries to adapt, which is why he went to the orchestra rehearsal. It’s easier to be alone in the dark in an auditorium than it is in a loud hangout where everyone else is having fun.</p>
<p>Similar thing happened to D on an admitted students’ visit. Visit began with an early evening “dessert reception,” where admitted students mingled with–wait for it–one another. Host students arrive at the end and take the students to the dorms. D’s host was hugely apologetic but had to go study for a bio exam; did not return til 3 am. Fortunately, she was hosting two prospective students; the girls proceeded to explore Manhattan at night by themselves. Every parent’s dream, no? They were left to their own devices for observing classes the next day, too, though fortunately we had prearranged a visit with a professor, who was truly fabulous.</p>
<p>OP,my heart goes out to you. I’ve never heard of such a bad experience.</p>
<p>These visits do matter so much. At one, my son had a host who was busy, and pushed son off to a lounge. I think my son slept in lounge with 3 other boys. i saw him the next day eating with these boys. A few other mishaps occured.</p>
<p>Then we flew to next college, a week after accepted students day. Admissions head met with son, then invited me to join them, and gave son a list of classes to observe. He invited son to spend the next day there. The hospitality , IMHO, won son over.</p>
<p>That’s a sad story, but frankly I’ve heard worse (getting locked out of the dorm, being dragged to wild parties beyond comfort zone, being blown off and cramped into a room with other visitors when there is no room). </p>
<p>What’s more disturbing than the clueless teen host (which happens) is the uncaring college office. When my son visited a school in summer before senior year, the admins insisted that for security reasons he could not attend class (think Virginia Tech panic… a kind Engineering presenter found him an unofficial host). But as a senior accepted student he would have been able to register and attend class.</p>
<p>This is a tangent for sure… but DH once went on a senior year job interview where the evening host took out a mirror in the car and invited him to do drugs/coke with him. Yikes!</p>
<p>I agree with so many of the other posters that this is outrageous and reflects extraordinarily poorly on that school. I understand that this COULD happen anywhere at any time to any child. But when it is YOUR child, it is an entirely different issue. If I am going to send my child off somewhere to live full-time, I at least want the illusion that he will be tended to and not ignored or passed over. Yes, it may be no more than an illusion, but if I am going to spend my money somewhere for something as important as education, for someone as precious as my child, they sure as heck better treat him right!!!</p>
<p>I too would write the president of the college as well as the Dean of students and tell them exactly how I feel about this situation. I would most likely not be as kind as you and I would tell them flat out that I intended to let everyone on a popular message board know exactly what happened and where!!!</p>
<p>This does make me think, though, that there should be some sort of checklist of questions to ask and precautions to take when a students spends the night for a visit.</p>
<p>It is why I do not believe in over night visits. I have heard this type of story over and over again. D1 had a similar experience 4 years ago at one college. I have also read stories where the host got the visitor drunk, took the visitor to parties, left the visitor in the dorm lounge, visitor got locked of the room and had to sleep some where else…You name it. My daughter´s host never showed up, and they had to scramble to find a substitute.</p>
<p>All that being said, I don´t think over night visit is a good indicative of a school. Students are volunteers, they are not trained. Another thing I like to point out is most “main stream” kids don´t like to be a host. It is uncomfortable to have a perfect stranger sleep in your room. Of all four years in college, D1 never volunteered to be a host. She has volunteered on many committees, but not to be a host.</p>
<p>I agree that the school is more at fault than the host. The school has responsibility.</p>
<p>IMHO, NO ONE should be treated like this. It is a violation of the kid’s human dignity.</p>
<p>At the one and only overnight DS has done so far, the host-student was wonderful. DS will not be attending there, but we certainly cannot fault the host-student in any way, shape, or form. He was a sweetheart. </p>
<p>Such hosts should be carefully picked and vetted, IMHO. You wouldn’t pick the company slacker to host visitors to a corporation. Same should hold true WRT colleges. If the host has to work – well, then he or she should not be a host on that occasion. </p>
<p>If this had happened to my kid, I’d be loaded for bear, LOL!</p>
<p>Yabbadabbadude, I agree the overnight was a waste of your son’s time. Also that admissions should have at least found a way for him to visit a class the next morning!</p>
<p>That said, I have read so many people who would not consider making a final choice on a college without doing an overnight - and I’ve never agreed with them. Neither of my kids did an overnight and both ended up at colleges they were perfectly happy with. </p>
<p>I think overnight visits are very over-rated, and your example just proves it.</p>
<p>While it’s annoying that you/S spent time and money on such a visit, I think parents’ expectations of a college visit differ from that of the college many times. At many schools, hosts are specifically told that all they have to do is provide floor space for the night; your school might be one of these. They have no obligation to eat with, entertain or introduce your student to others. The point is that with sleeping accomodations set for the night, your student will take charge of how he wants to spend his evening at a college. Thus, HS students will wander through the dorm floor and stick their heads into rooms with open doors to introduce themselves and start a convo, go to a student union and check out what’s going on and talk to people at a friendly looking table to see what the students are like, and check out a campus activity or two. HS students on a college campus are expected to have a certain amount of outgoingness and it’s no excuse that it’s uncomfortable to go somewhere alone. Your S had no obligation to wait up for the host, nor did the host have to wake him up in the morning. As for being woken up at 1 am by someone entering, that’s a realistic part of college life everywhere. </p>
<p>While admissions should not have left him sitting for hours, would it not have been possible for him to ask them ‘is there a nearby class I can sit in on, I’ll walk over there myself if you tell me where it is’ or better yet, walk into an academic building and into grab a seat in the back of a larger lecture hall?</p>
<p>You can take it up with the admissions director, college president or whoever but I suspect they won’t think they did anything wrong because I suspect they never promised to find you a student host whose interests matched those of your S.</p>
<p>My S went for three overnight visits as a prospective student. During one of them, there was a game of Humans vs. Zombies going on, and his host was one of the last humans alive. All the other players had been turned into zombies, and you could see packs of them roaming the campus, hunting for humans. So of course the host didn’t want to leave his room - he was keeping a very low profile. Not an ideal situation for showing a prospie around :-). S went around on his own and introduced himself to people in the dorm who had left their doors open. It wasn’t a great visit, but this is the college he will be going to next fall.</p>
<p>Well, @aj725, the college WAS responsible, because we talked to them at length about this before hand. They WERE supposed to find someone who would be amenable to having an autistic person to show around, and do things with. It has nothing to do with interests - the interests just make it easier. </p>
<p>Autistic people don’t just up and ask “where’s a class?” - although I give him TONS of credit, because he went back to Admissions and tried to find out what he could do since the kid never took him to meet the shadow. What is he supposed to do when his gHost dumps him?</p>
<p>oldfort is right- hosts are volunteers and it can be tough to get enough hosts, especially for boys. My D has ties to admissions at her school…she enjoys hosting but she also gives a lot of tours and is involved at her college with about every kind of pr available. She will go in at a moment’s notice to cover a tour or pick up a prospective student if there is a problem because she loves her school so much and wants it to be well represented. Plus, she enjoys meeting new people. I know she will be horrified when I tell her about this. So sorry this happened to you and your son, OP!</p>
<p>That being said, I have heard other similar stories. D had busy hosts that made arrangements to have others share hosting responsibilities, which worked out fine. There were times when a big party was the ‘entertainment’ offered. (D does not drink and is not a late night person.) She just went back to the room earlier or made other arrangements. And she always gives her cell # to prospective students when she hosts, just in case. Can’t imagine the admissions office treating a visitor that way though-it should be reported. Even though they can’t control a kid that is hosting, they should know so he doesn’t host again. They also should have had someone else step in and take over and not leave him sitting in the office.</p>
<p>Just my opinion, but I think you have every right to be irritated about how admissions handled this situation. I know how hard (and how expensive) it can be to set up a visit. It also must be disheartening if you thought this was a likely future home for your son. Maybe in hindsight, you will be able to see that this all worked out for the best. I hope so!</p>
<p>Yabba, I think it is not uncommon to have a host who doesn’t do much. I agree with other posters that the Admissions office really blew it. I would be complaining about them rather than the host.</p>
<p>The host doesn’t <em>have</em> to do much. One college we visited, the host got him involved with a game going on on the hall. Then the host went and did his homework. Everything worked out great. </p>
<p>You just don’t make specific arrangements with parents, then go do what you want. And yes, definitely, this tells me a LOT about where we DON’T want to send him to college.</p>
<p>You can make all the arrangements you want – some schools will abide and others won’t, as they feel it is the student’s responsibility to deal, regardless of any underlying issues, because the student is the one who will be dealing with college full time in 4-5 months. Obviously this school isn’t supportive to your needs and no amount of letter writing will change that.</p>
<p>My son had a miserable experience on a visit during his senior year – the school even paid for his flight to come and visit. He was just 16, and his hosts offered him alcohol and cigarettes. Although he loved the school, he did not attend there. </p>
<p>But the experience did teach him something. When he got to be an ambassador at his university, he vowed to make every recruit feel welcome. He takes him/her to lunch, chats with parents, takes him/her to classes and even escorts the prospective student on a dorm tour. </p>
<p>Send admissions a note and express your anger and disappointment. They need to know that things did not go well for your son.</p>
<p>Often hosts are volunteers - and they volunteer weeks before the event… and then that paper just didn’t get written and needs to get finished, or a group project is presenting the next day, or… the hosts are STUDENTS first and foremost. I think the admission’s department dropped the ball with this one the following day when the OP’s son was not taken or steered to another class. But the host did his basic job - he provided a floor, and took the son to dinner. He should have tried to link the son up with someone else to hang out with, but he had studying to do, and was out studying until late. OP’s son should have had an alarm clock. It surely doesn’t sound optimal, but it also doesn’t sound like something demanding quite as much ire as it has provoked in the OP!</p>
<p>I say write this exact thing to the President (using their actual name), copy the Director of Admissions and anyone else on the staff who had personal contact with your kid.</p>