<p>I have 2 children deciding between boarding schools. It doesn't seem like all the FA offers were based on EFC, as there's a significant variation in the FA packages, (possibly, it was a difference in how they were considering our having 2 BS applicants in the family.) The problem is that we cannot afford to allow both of them to go to their first choices based on the FA packages.</p>
<p>We were hoping to spend around $40,000/year combined; but can stretch to about $48-50,000 maximum.
Child A has a strong preference for first choice; we think it's the best fit also but we think she would do well at any of the schools she is choosing between.
Child B is leaning towards 1 school over the other; and her father and I are split over which we think will be better for her.</p>
<p>Child A:
1st choice: we would pay about $26,000/year
2nd choice: $22,000
3rd choice: $15,000</p>
<p>Child B:
Her 1st choice: $35,000
Her 2nd choice: $15,000 (this is same school as Child A's 3rd choice)</p>
<p>How can we possibly tell one of them they cannot both go to their first choice school? We don't want either of them to resent the other, but there's no way we can swing the $61,000/year to send them both to their first choices. Do we allow one to have her first choice and not the other? Do we have them both go to the same school just to be fair? </p>
<p>We feel that any of these schools would be appropriately matched for our children academically and socially. All of the schools, except the school they are both considering, get a fair amount of mention here on CC. </p>
<p>April 10th is coming so close and we're just spinning our wheels here, trying to make a decision on this. </p>
<p>If you were in our position, how would you choose and how would you discuss with your children that they can't both go to their first choice?</p>
<p>I would agree with watertester. Both of them will be going to the same school, so it is not like it is unfair. Of course, pull both of them together and ask them what they think.</p>
<p>"We feel that any of these schools would be appropriately matched for our children academically and socially " — If thats really so, send them both to the same school. Money saved will allow them to participate in summer programs, trips, etc, or saving it towards college. Even if $ wasnt a consideration – consider this – Most boarding schools have events that involve parents on the same weekend – if they are athletes, whose big meet are you going to go to – child A or child B? For Parents Weekend, which child gets the visit? If the school doesnt provide transportation back home for vacation, which child will be scrambling to get a ride with someone else, and which one gets picked up by you. You will be asked by two schools to contribute to an annual fund. First Day of school, graduation… I could go on.<br>
Its obvious that one school decided that they are willing to have both girls and feel that they will do well together, otherwise they wouldnt have given them such a nice FA or accept them in the first place.</p>
<p>I would bring them into the loop. Be honest. You recoginize their hard work to get accepted and should tell them what you are telling us – You wish to reward them by having each go to #1 choice, but you cannot.</p>
<p>Finances are a reality and a finite resource of all families. </p>
<p>Your kids may surprise you with a solution of their own.</p>
<p>Also, it would not hurt to contact the $35K school and ask them to re-evaluate. It may be a long shot, but well worth the call.</p>
To be blunt, you can’t, IMO. I have twin brothers, 2 years older. When I was applying to college, at one point my father said I might have to go to my state university, since it would be so expensive to have 3 of us in private schools. Although that didn’t end up happening, I still remember my feelings of incredible resentment, anger, and frustration.</p>
<p>Boarding school is an incredible option for anyone. Honestly, your children are lucky to both be able to go at all. There is no bad or wrong choice here. It is simply which great option is the best. Send them where you can afford to and call it a day.
We’re struggling to send one, and in all likelihood, she will probably not be able to go. Fortunately, we’re in a great school system. We’ve talked candidly with her and she knows that while bs would be her dream, it is not worth going into monumental debt.
Good luck.
zp</p>
<p>I agree with mhmm here. I will (hopefully) have two in BS at the same time. They have expressed a desire to go to different schools and I completely understand why they want to have the chance to avoid the comparisons they’ve always faced.</p>
<p>However, I have told them that I will not be put in the position of having to justify why I went to one event and not the other. If they want different schools, fine. But I’ll have no bickering about who gets dibs for events. I have also told them that I’d rather them not be in totally opposite directions. </p>
<p>I wish mine would be more open to going to the same school and they may change their minds yet. (I think they would miss eachother horribly.) It would save a TON of money on everything from travel to annual fund.</p>
<p>Call the 1st choice schools and tell them that they are by far first choice and you were hoping that they would consider additional FA. You might mention that you do have better offers elsewhere (although I had been advised not to mention where or the amount unless asked). You might be pleasantly surprised at an increased offer.</p>
<p>Remember that the costs for BS increase every year - and the financial aid does not always follow suit. Although hard to say to them, money should be a major decider. It is a privilege to go to any BS.</p>
<p>This is predicated on the idea that neither child has a stronger or special need from the other…</p>
<p>I think the concept of “equal sacrifice” should be stressed and that your max budget for each of you (the children) is $25K (1/2 of your max budget). And in the spirit of being fair, one child shall not benefit from the sacrifice of the other (budget of one cannot expand because the budget of the other shrank). </p>
<p>And unfortunately that rules out the #1 school for both children. </p>
<p>I think it teaches the children the concept of living within a budget and that you are not playing favorites because the fickle finger of fate made one or another school more favorable. And of course, the lesson that you can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need (to quote a favorite song).</p>
<p>And quite frankly, I think you will find that the outcomes for most kids of going to a match or safety school (I’m guessing that the lower priced schools are just that) are generally better for college admissions as well as the children’s mental health. Too often, the reach school turns out to be too much of a struggle. This is even more true for college.</p>
<p>A few weeks ago, we had contacted both of their number 1’s about re-considering their FA package. We are still waiting for Child A’s to get back to us. I just received word from Child B’s that they can offer another $7,500, which brings that one to about $27,500. This still doesn’t allow them both to have their first choice, but we’re getting closer. </p>
<p>Their father’s alma mater is the school they are both considering. They have received as generous gifts as he can offer each year since he graduated, so I am sure that had some influence in the FA package. </p>
<p>CBBBlinker’s comments are my worst fear. Hopefully we get enough that we can send them both to where they want most, and if not I hope that they are understanding of our limits and do not hold that against us, or more importantly, each other.</p>
<p>Their father wants for them both to go to the same school. I believe it would be good for them to go to separate schools. </p>
<p>In order to preserve confidentiality, I will not disclose the
schools, but to give a better picture, I’ll list what I think are comparable schools:</p>
<p>Curious question about separation… Do the kids have a strong feeling either way, or do you think they need the separation for a growth purposes? In other words is their presence on the same campus likely to cause long term negative effects (they fight like cats and dogs), or if they are separated short term negative effects (they can’t stand to be separated but eventually grow into more independent beings), or what?</p>
<p>If the schools your kids are accepted to are as good as the ones listed, it is hard to go wrong. And quite frankly, children of donating alumni are likely to be better looked after. Sometimes that can make all the difference in a boarding experience.</p>
<p>Both to the same school! There’s enough time to separate when they go off to college. If they both go off to a school that’s equivalent to Kent, I believe that they’ll have ample opportunity to be challenged even though not in the same category as Exeter and Groton. As parents, you’ll really appreciate the fact that they’re at the same school when you have to get them to and from school, for Parents’ weekends, Arts Weekends, etc.</p>
<p>just sit down and talk with them , they can handle it, and you’d be surprised what kinds of solutions they could come up with. Perhaps child A is willing to go to their 2nd choice so that Child B can go to their first, or vice versa. I think that going to two different schools is best, though, for growth purposes. But definitely involve them.</p>
<p>Just curious about what decision you have made.
Also interesting to hear that at least one school WAS able to come up with more money. This year may have been a year that they were not able to, so that is good news to hear.</p>