From the linked article: “Americans may have multiple reasons for opting out of parenting, but their desire for personal independence is the most powerful one.
It is also worth noting that men and women were generally similar in their reasoning; 53% of females and 55% of males reported that their desire to maintain their personal independence influenced their decision to not have children. No other reason for not having kids was cited by a majority of men or women.”
I think this makes sense in our current state. Young adults have more life options that are socially acceptable than in the past. So while housing costs, climate change and other concerns may contribute to an overall sense of uneasiness, these factors may not take precedence over the desire for more control over one’s own life.
Conformity has come into question, which can be judged good or bad depending on your viewpoint.
Parenthood showed me that trying to control my children’s lives is futile. When they were children, I admit I tried to protect them from what I deemed to be bad influences. But of course as they got older, they could (and should) make their own choices.
Now I accept their life choices, even if I don’t completely agree with them. (Example, getting a dog at this stage of your life???) Fortunately both of my kids tolerate my opinions, knowing if I express them (and I really try to do it in a loving, respectful way) then I/we usually will feel good with their ultimate decisions. (True story, DS asked for my opinion before adopting his dog with his gf. I had strong reservations. He went through with it and things are working out well after a slightly challenging start. Me? I’m happy for all 3 of them.)
“If we want a world with more children, we are going to have to convince people that having and raising kids is a critical ingredient of, not a barrier to, the good life.”
My first thought was ‘talk is cheap’. Real life examples and interactions will help foster the desire for children. Raising children isn’t easy. It requires compromise and sacrifice. It may be worthwhile/critical ingredient for some and not for others.
If people have fewer or no children the population pyramid will continue to invert and we may end up with robots fulfilling the caregiver roles previously held by children of aging parents as well as paid caregivers.
That is very true (and it should be much better, imo). At the same time, birth rates are low even in countries where social policies are very family friendly (most of Western Europe) so there is probably something more at work.
I really feel for parents of younger kids, especially, during the pandemic. Two working parents needed for an apartment or house, no child care, etc. Child care in the US is very expensive and not necessarily very good.
I don’t think it will happen, but my kids could move to Canada when they are pregnant. Long maternity (and I think paternity) leaves, free day care (I think), etc. Higher quality of life but might entail a sacrifice in the quality of work for both kids. ShawD might be willing to make the sacrifice, but she moved back to be near us when she has kids.
Grandparents can provide free childcare if they live nearby and retired. My mom was providing childcare for my two kids when I returned to work. I am expecting my first grandchild in a few months. I will provide childcare as much as they would need it.
I have a 21 minth old granddaughter. I think she weighs close to 30 lb now. I can’t lift her very well or run after her at a park. I usually have her nanny or another adult with me when I am babysitting her for more than few hours. I don’t think I could provide full time care for my GDs now. I am on the grandparents thread and I just don’t know how some of you can take on full time care.
“Authors found that the “baby bump” was the first major reversal in declining fertility rates in the United State since 2007.
The paper’s findings also suggest that the pandemic led some women to start families earlier since the “bump” was most pronounced among U.S-born women under the age of 25.”
@oldfort, @seal16 and @Youdon_tsay, we would not be providing the bulk of child care. ShawWife and I both love our work and can continue as long as the world values what we do and our health allows.
But, we have some flexibility in our work – especially ShawWife – and would be around to provide flexibility for our kids. What if one kid is sick for a few days? What if there is a meeting and no one would be there for a kid? Etc.
ShawWife is a fount of creativity and has lots of energy (although she is a little less energetic since Covid in August) and kids absolutely love her. She will be the best grandmother imaginable. Plus, our house is great for kids – bicycling, kayaking, a swimming pool and will have a craft room for kids to do crafts with ShawWife (in addition to her painting studio). I imagine that we will be having kids over on weekends – as long as we are able.
D just returned to work from maternity leave and H and I take care of GD one day/week. Baby stays home with D and SIL on Fridays (they both work from home that day and scheduled meetings are light). That allows for a part time day care which is much less expensive than full time. We also have watched GD when they have gone out and are here for backup/emergencies. I don’t think we could do full time (and we have other things we want to do) but we are happy to be able to help.
Unlike @seal16 we were far from family and had zero backup/help when our 2 were young. It was tough.
I had high needs kids, was not super close to family (mother-in-law was 2.5 hrs away) and I was sandwiched with my parents needing elder care, so rather than them helping me out I was trying to juggle my babies and helping them out too. That was tough. I just pretty much took the kids wherever and did not go back to work. I do have regrets about my lack of career now (I do some freelance stuff at home), but there just didn’t seem to be any other way to make it work.
My parents were the daycare for my brother and SIL’s 3 kids during the pandemic. They didn’t watch them full time, but only live a mile away and were there to help out. Now they take care of my 2 1/2 year old nephew 1 day a week when my SIL has to go to the office. Mom is 80 and walks him to the library in the wagon on the Tuesdays they watch him. My parents also pick up the kindergartener and 1st grader from school 1 day a week. My parents say that watching the kids keeps them young.
For those who want to help with grandchildren it brings another variable to equation- age. The longer kids wait to have kids the less time and energy older grandparents will have not even to mention that fertility declines with age.
When ShawSon was born, we lived in a city and my parents lived in the suburbs. Tough drive on weekdays but half an hour on weekends. We would drive out, drop ShawSon with my parents, and take a hike, get rest, have a date. My parents were thrilled – he was their first grandchild – and we were as well as my mother was incredibly responsible. So, we knew he would be safe and thoroughly entertained. We moved away when he was 2.5 years old and then we had ShawD. Much tougher as we had no grandparents nearby.
ShawWife’s parents were lovely, but we never felt comfortable leaving our kids with them as they would get distracted. Child safety was a real issue. And, neither of them was a safe driver. ShawWife’s siblings who lived locally rarely left their kids with ShawWife’s parents when they were young. So they did not get the benefits either.
