The title is my original question, but another thread has several people talking about whether their kids/this generation will choose to have children. I’ll start with my original thinking and we can riff from there, as we are so good at doing on cc.
DS2 and I had a long, deep conversation recently about his career and such. He thinks to accomplish what he wants to accomplish professionally he’s not sure that he will be able to fit in a relationship and family. He says he’d love to get married and have kids, but he’s also OK with none of that if he had to choose between that and the kind of career he wants. He isn’t sad about it at all. However, a part of me would be REALLY SAD. He’s such a great person and would be the best dad and I want grandkids, which is my problem, not his.
I totally respect whatever he chooses in life, and, of course, have tons of friends who aren’t married and/or don’t have kids who have great lives.
Anyway, on the other thread, some people are talking about other reasons their kids may not have kids. Lots of potential reasons for kids not to want to have kids of their own, but we can still be sad about it, right?
Nope, I would not be sad if my kids decided to forgo marriage and/or parenthood. My kids’ happiness is my priority, so if that is what makes them happy, I am happy.
My daughter always said she didn’t want children. But she met someone who does. I think she sees that he would be a great dad and so she’s changed her mind.
I’m indifferent, but my husband would be slightly sad. I have one aunt who never got married. My own sister never got married. So who knows. However I would hate for them to get married and be unhappy. I’ve always said it’s always best to be happy and single.
To be totally honest, I don’t want to be a grandma yet, it makes me sound old, lol.
However I love playing with little babies.
Two of mine are married and my third is likely to propose soon, so I don’t have to worry about that hypothetical. Only one of them wants kids of their own. Another plans to adopt due to overpopulation of the planet. I’ve no idea about the third and haven’t asked.
Right now I have grandcats I enjoy. I would like grandkids, but I’d never impose my will on my kids nor think less of them for their choices.
I would be secretly sad. Not sad for them, because presumably they would be happy with their choice, but sad for me, because I would like to be a grandparent. But I would never say a word.
One of mine is married, the other isn’t. It doesn’t make me sad, but I sometimes wish the not married one could find a special someone to share life with.
My eldest has always wanted a family; my youngest recently decided that she does too, contrary to her earlier position. I am delighted for them both-I would be sad for them if they chose to skip that part of life. It was meaningful for me, and I think would be for them, too. I am relieved that they both have a solid decade before any final decision need be made.
Yes. I married late, had a strong career, but it wasn’t until I was married and had kids (which wasn’t easy, due to my age), was I truly fulfilled. Being a parent requires being selfless. I don’t think a life that is focused on a career can give provide the same feeling of purpose that being a parent provides.
I got to be a Grandma and I am glad of that, for myself but mostly for my D, who really wanted kids and dealt with infertility and miscarriages before having two kids–happy for her.
S is in a committed relationship. I hope they get married eventually, but they look pretty permanent in any case. Don’t seem to be thinking kids, at least that is what I have picked up, and that is fine. The GK’s will have a wonderful aunt and uncle.
I am truly glad to be a Gma, but overall, if they’re happy, I’m happy.
I would be sad because my marriage and my kids have brought me so much happiness and fulfillment but I’d never say anything to them. However, as far your son I’d say give him time. Sometimes it’s easier when you’re younger to say you wouldn’t mind being single (I never wanted marriage or kids till I met my husband) because you’re so focused on yourself and your career. But at some point in the future meeting that special person might make him reconsider. And, fair or not, men generally have a much longer runway as far as marriage and kids than women.
Ok, I’ll be the odd one out. Yes, I would be devastated if my kids don’t have children. I would be a little sad for them and I would be very sad for me. There is no question in my mind that I hope to be a grandparent eventually so I’ll be disappointed if it doesn’t happen. Plus knowing their personalities, I think they’d eventually enjoy parenting when they become adults (my oldest is only 18).
Does that mean that I would pressure them to become parents if they don’t want to do so? I would bite my tongue… I hope that I would bite my tongue… I would try to bit my tongue… I might fail to bite my tongue…
But bottom line. It is their life and their happiness. They should get to choose without pressure from me… Funny that this topic comes on the heels of the one about influencing your children to choose an “appropriate” major. Knowing myself, I would find it easy to keep my mouth shut about choices of majors and careers. I truly don’t care what they pick. Choosing to be childless, well, I’ll just repeat that I hope that I’d bite my tongue… I would try to bit my tongue… I’d be sad.
My D has said for years she wouldn’t want kids and yes, that made me super sad. Recently she mentioned perhaps being open to adoption. I pointed out to her that was in fact “having kids” so my hope is still alive!
I would be very sad but I would never say a word because this is a decision that has to be made without pressure. I am also aware that there can be great difficulties in having children and not everyone who wants them can have them. There is always adoption of course, but that is not an easy road.
I dearly want to have grandchildren and be a part of their lives. Work and career are fine but I’ve observed from my own workplace that once people retire or die, three months later it’s like they were never there. Everyone is replaceable at work and most of us are not going to be the next Steve Jobs or Tolstoy or whatever. Family is enduring and it’s been my greatest source of happiness and satisfaction. I understand that not everyone shares that experience.
My D and SIL told us that they want to have one child only because they don’t feel that they can provide the resources for more. That made me sad even though my own D is an only (because I had some problems and several miscarriages). They make good money and I think they are overly cautious. But again, I can say nothing and will say nothing. It’s absolutely their choice.
Sad? - Yes. Supportive of whatever decision (along with significant others) is made? - Absolutely.
Having said that, I’ll mention I married young-ish (23) to a husband 7 years older who knew that I was only a Maybe for having children. No regrets for our 2 kids, but I feel it is important to let them make their own decisions. Neither is a sharer of info, so for now I hope for the best.
Yes very sad. One is married now and working on it. Because they both in thirties fertility is becoming an issue that they working on it now. I really hope they have a healthy child soon. Another one, in her twenties now, definitely wants marriage and kids but in her thirties. I hope she reconsider and moves the timeline to mid or late twenties.
Two of my three have said they don’t want to have children. Like many others on this thread, I feel that is their decision and really none of my business unless and until my children want to make it my business.
My oldest and I were having a conversation this past summer during the couple weeks she was home. She said she still thinks she doesn’t want to have children because, “I see the amount of selflessness that it takes to do it well from you and Dad and don’t think that is what I want to do. I want to be more selfish with my time and energy than you were.”
I told her I was glad to get exactly what I wanted (three beautiful children) and I want her to get exactly what she wants and if that is no children - well then that works!
You took the words right off my keyboard - and I too would never say a word.
Being pro-choice means I support whatever choice my (adult) child makes. In real life all I want is for them to be fulfilled and loved. The rest is filler. Really.
I feel like I wouldn’t be that sad, as I’m not a baby person. But I don’t know. I never would have thought I could be so attached to my kids. I know my H would be devastated and he would not hold it back well at all.