<p>I’d suggest that instead of expecting all of these changes to happen magically once you get to campus you try to start making a few small changes now so that they will be more a part of your life when you start college. There will already be plenty of changes in college without trying to make more, and there will alwys be tons of excuses why any particular time “isn’t the right time.” Everyone can try to make slightly healthier food choices, more physical activity, and thinking about why and what they are eating. College can be life-changing, but people are also known to bring bad habits with them; why not shed at least some of the baggage now?</p>
<p>For the OP, I agree that generally it doesn’t appear that there’s much teasing or bullying due to weight, but it can affect your social life, as has been mentioned above in this thread.</p>
<p>HImom, while I see what you mean, I think you missed my point. I think the most important step is identifying the problem, and then acting on it. I’ve identified the problem, and the problem is HERE. It’s not a matter of exercising more or eating less - I could and am doing those things, but they aren’t doing anything to improve my lifestyle because the problem with my lifestyle is it’s location. I’m working on the physical activity part, but unfortunately, the healthier food choices part is not an option. Period. There’s nothing I can do about that. Similarly, the things that are fueling my unhealthy lifestyle aren’t the foods I eat or the exercise I get, but rather the negative pressures I feel. That’s the key part; the part I’m most concerned with.</p>
<p>Unfortunately McDonald’s is way cheaper than organic veggies and fruits. Not being able to afford healthy food is a huge factor. Chips are cheap and filling- sushi night is not. </p>
<p>And that may be the literal difference for those of us leaving home and going to school to eat. The options/food available will be much much better, or even there to begin with.</p>
<p>Is there any way you could help with the grocery shopping and/or cooking, so that you can add some healthy food to the family? We were quite poor when I was growing up & I did all the shopping & cooking for two years when I was in junior HS.</p>
<p>We all make choices on how we deal with negative pressures. It’s a good thing to consider different ways of dealing with them, as we can’t always just pick up & leave them.</p>
<p>These are only suggestions, and just thrown out as food for thought, not necessarily for you, but if the shoe fits…</p>
<p>I agree with HImom. Since you’re now living at a new place in college, interacting with new people, etc. you can easily make some minor changes. For example, going to the gym a few times a week should be an easy way to get exercise in and to maybe meet some new people, especially if your campus has a centralized gym.</p>
<p>There ARE inexpensive healthful food options which may not be as convenient as say McDonald’s and chips, but just pleading poverty (unless you literally can’t afford food) is not helping improve your situation. Many of us don’t eat “organic” foods for many reasons, including cost. </p>
<p>Many healthful foods are less expensive than you might assume. For example, eating a sandwich on wholewheat bread with some filling, a fruit, and water is healthier and less expensive than many other options. Portion size, energy expended are all part of the solution. Walking and using household objects as weights (can of juice, water bottle, ziplock bag of beans or rice), calesthenics can all be part of stress reduction AND toning. These are extremely low cost. If you need more suggestions, the library has lots of resources–books, tapes, videos, dvds. The internet is also loaded with them.</p>
<p>Sure, lots of things are easier when we have more resources and disposable income, but with determination, folks can and do find a way to make changes they value.</p>
<p>There are many reasons for unhealthy behavior, but look at your situation and change what you can. You can only improve if you work at it. You hold the keys!</p>
<p>Pinto beans - soak and cook, add a bunch of garlic and cumin at the very end. Extremely cheap and filling and full of protein and lowish calorie. Add some rice - cheap - and you have a complete protein. Walk more - don’t wait for college to make at least a few small changes!</p>
<p>In early August before DD’s senior year in HS she weighed 180 at 5’8 and announced one day that she wanted to go on Weight Watchers. I weighed about the same so I agreed and paid $65 for three months of WW online. We both lost 30 pounds by New Years and continued to lose another 10. More than anything, WW makes one aware of how much food one is taking in. You don’t HAVE to exercise, but if you do you get to eat a little more. I was surprised how quickly I became able to assign “point” values to foods. After the three months was up I continued to count points, but I no longer subscribed to WW. Eventually, I dropped WW and just ate very little during the week and normally (but not excessively) on the weekends. 2 1/2 years later I have, several times, gained 5-10 pounds and lost it by counting points again until it was lost. Right now I’m up 15 pounds from my lowest weight and I’m counting points again and it is falling off fast (I think a lot was water weight from salty foods I ate for 10 days on vacation). I’ve lost 30 pounds at two other times in my life and both times I was on “programs”; the first time I just counted fat grams and limited them to 12 a day, the second time I followed a very rigorous program called Body for Life (you can win $100K doing that one). I think the key is to commit to a plan to lose it; it doesn’t matter much what the plan is. (Although I do think WW is among the simplest and most flexible.)</p>
<p>DD walks a lot on and around the campus at Berkeley. She also works out with friends regularly and is careful about what and how much she eats. She has fluctuated some too, but never more than 10 pounds. Applicannot makes a good point about identifying the obstacles to one’s weight loss (in fact, I recommend writing those down and posting them on your mirror to ponder as you brush your teeth–also post the reasons you want to lose weight), but it’s really not enough to hope it happens when the obstacles are removed. You need to look at nutrition labels and know what you’re eating and find out how many calories your activities burn–it takes a LOT of exercise to work off a half gallon of ice cream’s calories.</p>
<p>At 5’10" and 180 I don’t think anyone would have ever referred to me as obese (beside myself), but believe me, there are many who may appear to be slim or fit to you who feel obese and are every bit as down on themselves as you fear others may be on you. I promise they will not mock your attempts to shape up, they’d very likely be glad to join you in doing so and embrace the opportunity to help someone else out.</p>
<p>That’s the thing. This isn’t just an eating and exercising thing. I don’t have any control over grocery shopping. It’s more a negative influence thing than anything. I do occasionally buy healthier foods for myself, but my income is drained by my family. Like I’ve said, I constantly ask for healthier food, but it doesn’t make a difference because we are penny pinching and my mom doesn’t want it.</p>
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<p>Exactly. I choose to deal with my negative pressures by leaving them behind. It’s what I always do, and it works wonderfully. For example, when dealing with my crappy high school, I just worked harder and paid for private school - leaving the negative pressures behind. That’s what works for me. It certainly doesn’t have to work for you or for everyone.</p>
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<p>We probably live in different parts of the country. Whole wheat bread is as much as $1.00 more than white bread, and we never have lunch meat because it’s so expensive! Fresh fruit is hard to come by, but on the other hand, we ONLY drink water. I’ve found that the most inexpensive healthy option is stir fry. We usually buy whole or boned chicken (cheaper), and then de-skin and de-bone it. Frozen vegetables are quite affordable. Stir-fry seasoning is usually expensive but it can go a long way if you’re careful. Switching to 1% milk is also cheap, but my family won’t have it and I don’t drink milk anyway (same with the cheese, but as I’ve said, beyond my control).</p>
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<p>Like I’ve said, I just think we don’t understand one another. Unhealthy eating and lack of exercise are merely symptoms of the real problem. My lifestyle is unhealthy in those physical ways, but I’m far more concerned with the non tangible ways that my lifestyle is harmful - the negative pressure, the money stress, etc. I’m far more concerned with the real problem than I am with my weight. I.e., I’ll handle the runny nose, it’s the flu I’m worried about.</p>
<p>It’s just a matter of priority. If your main goal is to lose weight or eat better, then by all means, tackle those problems. That’s not my goal. My goal is to live a healthier lifestyle - mentally, emotionally, and intellectually first and foremost. Once I satisfy that goal (as I believe I will, once I get out of here), I can work on another: a physically healthier lifestyle. You have to identify what YOU need, not what others say you need.</p>
<p>I agree with applicannot, you have to isolate * why * you’re overweight. But also as important, you have to isolate why you want to lose weight now. If its not for yourself, then don’t bother. Seriously. I for example went up and down 5 to 10 pounds every time I tried to lose weight. Then I figured out why I want to lose weight (to gain confidence). It was no longer about other people, it was what * I * wanted, not because I was afraid of being made fun of. I finally lost 25 pounds in about 4 months.</p>
<p>But its a lifestyle. And once you commit, you can’t or shouldn’t go back, because it gets harder each time. </p>
<p>One thing, applicannot, what do you plan to do when you go back for summers and stuff?</p>
<p>applicannot-Your posting is brutally honest and assessment of your family dynamics concerning diet and health heart breaking. I would like to encourage to use all the resources Stanford has to offer to achieve your goal of a healthier life. Be aware, home visits will be difficult since you will go back to the same pressures you face currently. You cannot please everyone so you have to give yourself permission to please yourself.</p>
<p>Breaks I can handle - they are short, and it’s pretty easy to sway things during them, given my sister’s experience. However, I’m doing everything in my power NOT to come home during the summer. Stanford has some great summer programs, and I’m hoping to land some programs elsewhere. I know I can spend at least one summer at Middlebury’s program (and it won’t cost me much). The problem is funding these summers. Ideally, I’d sublet an apartment, cram a few students in it, and work while living elsewhere. I think there are some work study like summer programs that can make that possible through Stanford. I’m not sure what I’ll do if one summer I have to come home. There are a lot more reasons why this is not a good place than what I’ve listed here, so the best I can do is muster my resources and try not to be here.</p>
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<p>I completely agree. I’m going to be 100% honest with you and say that my physical health is really the least of my priorities. I want a healthier emotional, intellectual, mental lifestyle. The first step for that is to get out of here, where things may be difficult, but at least I’m in the driver’s seat and not just backseat driving. The second step is eating healthier and exercising more to life the weight of the stress and the depression, as well as conquering much more minor problems such as physical self-consciousness and physical ability (i.e., do you want to go to the dance with us? sure, I can dance all night!). Gapyearstudent lost weight for his/her confidence, I’m losing mine for the sake of my mental and emotional clarity (if you are as much as an introvert as me, this would be as important as, say, confidence in the physical self or physical appearance).</p>
<p>Thanks. I think I’ve already started taking these steps. I’m currently very depressed, but I’m managing as well as I can and want to seek treatment as soon as possible (which is, unfortunately, not until Stanford). I work a lot of hours, but most of my money goes to my mom for the family (and some of it goes toward school). I never spend money on myself because I know it has to be available for those things. That’s really stressful. However, this week I purchased two textbooks for Arabic and have begun learning the Arabic script and language. These purchases were only, say, $30, but it was a big step for me because of guilt. I’ve also gotten a lot better at “hiding” money from my mom and telling her no.</p>
<p>Like you hinted at, it’s also a self-empowerment issue. For a lot of reasons, I’m not myself right now. And although I’m sure there will be challenges at Stanford, I feel as though I’ll at least have the right tools to start making better choices. This may be difficult for some to understand (perhaps not on CC?), but I am literally useless without intellectual stimulation. If I don’t have some kind of learning experience awaiting me, it’s hard to get out of bed or get anything done. I get grumpy, and my depression flares. But when I’m taking a class I enjoy or looking forward to stimulating conversations with my friends or peers - anything - my whole demeanor changes. I come out of my shell and feel like myself again.</p>
<p>Then again, I realize I probably make my mom out to be the villain. I don’t think that’s true; in fact, I’m a momma’s girl. But there are things she’s doing - both knowingly and unconsciously - that are really subverting my healthy being. It’s just the way she (and my whole family) is, and I can’t fault her for that. But I can recognize the problem, and I can fight to get out of it.</p>
<p>applicannot- I would encourage you to find a summer campus job that will support your living expenses over the extended break. As soon as you get to campus, find out what is available and work on securing one of the positions. The affluence of Palo Alto and the attitude towards wealth and money will be shocking to you. A big gap between the “haves” and the “have nots.” But be assured you will get help and a job if you are willing to ask for it, tempered with patience and persistence. No one is blaming your mother, she is parenting you to her best ability. At Stanford, you can create your own reality but also taking full for responsibility for your happiness, failures, successes. Best of Luck.</p>
<p>I’m pretty sure Stanford has a ‘campus minimum wage’ that’s relatively decent so I suggest seeing what you can do to secure a campus job during the school year and in summers as well if you plan to stick around there during the summer. The income you earn might enable you to be a bit more ‘free’. These campus jobs are usually very flexible with hours and accommodating pesky things like midterms or finals. They can also help you get more connected to the campus, deal with staff/profs on a different level, sometimes are educational, and look good on your resume when you’re ready to look for other jobs.</p>
<p>This is definitely part of my plan. Summer stay on campus is expensive, and I’d still have four weeks that I couldn’t stay on campus - and I can’t afford two flights. But, I think as the time draws closer, I can start to at least apply for summer programs like research, RAing, on campus summer jobs, etc.</p>
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<p>Well, I pretty much have to have an on campus job, no matter what. Stanford minimum wage is $11.80, which is basically what my mom makes!</p>