<p>The idea behind "things happen for a reason" is that you then have a new set of choices and you can either follow the best of them or sit and sulk--which is more productive?? Nobody at 17 or 18 really knows where they will end up at 50 and what will amke them happier then. There is more than one path to a successful life. It certainly does not all lead back to one college.</p>
<p>I, too, have a real problem with the "things happen for a reason" mantra. As if one were "fated" to be accepted at one place and rejected at another. Some people might find it comforting. I don't.</p>
<p>Bad things happen to good people. Hard work and good intentions are not always rewarded. Telling someone that they will end up where they were "meant" to be is just simpleminded, IMHO. Would you also say that to people who find themselves in hospitals battling cancer, for example? But if it is true for one, it must be true for the other.</p>
<p>On the other hand, if you want to view a rejection positively, it might help to say "one door closes, another opens." Life hands all of us all kinds of stuff, sometimes positive, sometimes negative. What matters is how we deal with fortune AND misfortune.</p>
<p>Onward and upward.</p>
<p>Janet,</p>
<p>I know this is a tough time and my heart goes out to you. The best I can offer is perspective. When I was a senior in highschool I was a football "star" 6'3 245lb linebacker who ran a 4.6 40 and could lift a house. I was a fast, strong, aggressive, mean, tough selfish jerk. We were 3 time state champions and nationaly ranked in USA today rankings. I was recruited by every major college in the US. The came to my house, my school and when I signed my early letter of intent the picture of my coach, principal, mother and I was in the washington post. My senior year I broke my leg pretty bad and had complications in recovery. Long story short my football career was over, something I was born to do gone at 18, I was heartbroken. </p>
<p>I thought things would never be the same, I was right, they got better. After struggling with my "bad luck" (what I called it) I ended up a better person, husband, father. As I look at my life and family today, I could not imagine changing a single thing, not a single thing even for a NFL career. </p>
<p>Funny thing is something so important to me back then seems so unimportant today. Heck I all but forget about those days unless one of my nephews mentions seeing my trophies in the HS trophy case (some 20 years later). It's such a non issue today my wife makes fun of me. I got a call a few years ago, a request to speak at the school as captian of the "all century" team. My wife is still calling it my "Al Bundy" moment, it's the family joke and I share a full belly laugh right along with her. </p>
<p>I know you might tire of hearing this but it's true. At some point in the future you are going to look back at today and realize that what you have is so much better than what you thought you wanted. You <em>will</em> be fine, these are the trials of life. These experiences help form who we finally end up being. Imagine how prepared you are going to be when your child faces the dissapointments we all suffer. Refocus on what you have not what you lost or never had. </p>
<p>(Here is what I tell my S) When the school made their choice they were in control, now it's time for you to take control.</p>
<p>I say it's time to get started today!</p>
<p>What a great post DTDad! :)</p>
<p>First, eat chocolate. And cheesecake. Or chocolate cheesecake.</p>
<p>Second, wallow for a while. It's normal and natural. But set a limit for yourself, then stop.</p>
<p>Third, when you can, read the Zen story: "The Farmer's Luck". It makes the point that what may seem such awful, bad luck might not be.</p>
<p>Fourth, remember it's always darkest before dawn, and this, too, shall pass. You'll see.</p>
<p>I know of what I speak. I had a baby born 3 months early who still has all kinds of problems, my husband has lost his corporate-level job three times since we've been married, and he was diagnosed with treatable cancer earlier this year. How you get through this disappointment is practice for the future. No one can give you the perspective we oldsters have, you have to live through it yourself. </p>
<p>I'm very sorry you are having such a tough time of it. Hang in there. It will get easier, I promise.</p>
<p>Standing ovation, DTDad!</p>
<p>Please listen to what he says, hikids, he's the real deal and telling it to you straight.</p>
<p>I'm so sorry that you had such a terrible disappointment. We've been there too. My son wanted to go to CMU three years ago, more than anything in the world. It was his dream school. He had planned on it since he was in 8th grade. He did get accepted but with far too little financial aid. We were all devastated! He started at his current state school without any enthusiasm and I cried at my failure as a parent to provide enough money. But it all turned around! He soon came to love Pitt, found some nice friends, got a 4.0, felt challanged enough, took advantage of some nice educational opportunities and will graduate debt free. He will graduate next year and plans on grad school. Who knows where he will end up (maybe CMU this time?), but the point is that he had a great undergrad experience even though it is not what he planned. Things will work out for you, too. There really is not a "one best school" for you, and you will find that you can thrive in many places. </p>
<p>The best friend thing is one I can relate to also. My high school daughter is very trusting of people and has been hurt by some false friends. Unfortunately, it's a live-and-learn situation. It also points out how important it is to be centered and to love yourself; this way, you can weather the pain of loss and betrayal a little better. Try not to judge yourself by the whims of others.</p>
<p>And finally, as a mom, I can tell you that we get tired and frustrated just like you do, and sometimes say stupid things that we don't mean and that we regret. Your mom is probably as stressed and disappointed as you are, but I'm sure she is on your side. Try to keep things in perspective.</p>
<p>Try to be optimistic and take one day at a time, putting one foot in front of the other. Soon you will realize that you have arrived at a pretty nice place, even though it is not the place you planned on. Good luck! :)</p>
<p>On Monday my daughter and I were both feeling sad due to a death in the family and she had a Cherry Dilly Bar and I had a Chocolate Mint Dilly Bar and we sat and visited while we ate them and felt better. Try some Dairy Queen and talk therapy with a frienf.</p>
<p>I'm sure you have seen this on college confidential before time and time again, and based on the college kids I know, this is really true: </p>
<p>By the middle of freshman year, freshmen often really love the exact college they are at and often could not picture themselves anywhere else. I predict that by this time next year, you will be happy. (I sure hope so. Hang in there!)</p>
<p>DTDad, what an awesome post! Thank you.</p>
<p>Janetlover, while Midwestmom is correct, there are students who are not happy by the middle of freshman year. If you end up being one of those unhappy students, just realize that you are never "stuck" anywhere. You can always transfer. If money keeps you from transfering, you are still not "stuck" ... you simply have to choose to be content or take on a bunch of debt. It's still a choice. I do want to caution that attitude it important. If you go into freshman year not wanting to be where you are, you may well create your own reality ... and it probably won't be pleasant. Resolve to try your best to enjoy your chosen school.</p>
<p>DTDad,
Fabulous post. I'm saving it for my 6'3", 240 lb. DT. Wants to play in college, but knows it won't be for a major football school -- he hopes for small and selective schools. He had a back problem earlier this year, though, and he's not ready to hear that this goal may not be possible at a collegiate level. </p>
<p>Resiliency is important in life -- whether it's about school choices, work, family setbacks, you name it.</p>
<p>OP, I know it sucks. Sometimes we have to console ourselves with "They let a good one get away."</p>
<p>Janet - In college, I had a very similar experience to the one you describe with my original choice of significant other. And then I had the same phenomenon that DTDad describes when I met my wife. In retrospect, the worst thing that ever happened to me was not only the best thing that ever happened to me, it rescued me from a decision that would have produced really negative consequences. Granted, I remember the pain all too well, but the pain turned out to be well worth it.</p>
<p>Janet,</p>
<p>Just a quick note... the response to my original message is less about my unique story but more that it reflects what all the parents here are tying to convey. We, like you have all faced disappointment and that short term disappointment has often lead to even greater long term happiness. I hope sharing our stories has given you some comfort and hope for a brighter tomorrow during this tough time.</p>
<p>To others, thanks for your kind words </p>
<p>Al Bundy</p>
<p>Janetlover, if it helps at all, a lot of us as parents are trying to help our own children through the pain of rejection from a college they really thought they loved, and belonged at. We feel your sadness, as we feel our own children's, and we wish so much that things might have turned out differently.....</p>
<p>.....except: sometimes the most difficult losses, as others have said, turn out to be blessings in disguise. Time DOES heal the hurt, and disappointment can lead to greater determination to achieve your goals, just by taking a different path. Sometimes, getting what you want right from the start can be the WORST thing that can happen! It can lead to complacency or taking things for granted and can completely interfere with the ambition to reach your potential. (Not always, and I'm not trying to say that getting admitted to a dream school is a BAD thing, but it is NOT always all it is cracked up to be!)</p>
<p>We can already tell that you are special because you have the capacity to admit your feelings and to reach out and ask for help when you need it. Those qualities in themselves are so essential to success in life and in relationships. </p>
<p>Hugs from all of us--as your life goes on, you will see that the ability to grow and learn from these deep disappointments make you strong and wise. In the meantime, please know that we care about you as you are hurting. And we know--some of us VERY well--some other kids in the same boat ;).</p>
<p>Janet,</p>
<p>I believe that people should value what they do, not how what they do is judged or perceived by others. I know its hard to completely ignore a rejection from an institution that you loved, but I believe that it is more important that you are proud of your efforts over the past four years than it is for and admissions committee to be. All too often, such judgments are so arbitrary and even sometimes unfair. It seems like today's admissions process can be like you entering a Janet look-a-like competition and end up losing. I mean, what are you gonna do? It's just hard.</p>
<p>Be strong.</p>
<p>*side note...I would also like to jump on the DTDad band-wagon. Great post, great anecdote, great consolation, great advice!</p>
<p>Here's an anecdote for the flip side of the coin. When I was in college, I really, really, really wanted to go to pharmacy school, but was initially rejected. I was so hurt and disappointed. But I gradually pulled myself together, re-evaluated what I wanted to do and moved on with Plan B. Then a few weeks later, they contacted me and said that they had space for me after all. Talk about dilemmas! Well, I did end up as a pharmacist and there are very many things I like about my job, but I still sometimes wonder what my life would have been like if I chose the Plan B pathway. Sometimes I feel that a different career would have fulfilled me in ways that pharmacy does not. Soooo, here is a case where getting what I wanted may not have been the best thing for me.</p>
<p>Of course, you can never really know for sure. No school is perfect, no job is perfect and no life is perfect. It really is all about how you approach it.</p>
<p>"Additionally, an internship gives you a way to test the waters to see if this is really the right fit for you. Research from Daniel Gilbert, professor of psychology at Harvard, shows that humans are particularly bad at predicting what we will enjoy. This is a great trait to keep us resilient -- we are able to convince ourselves to look forward to life even when life hands us a really raw deal. It 's what keeps us from self-destructing, really.</p>
<p>But this trait also means that we are very poor at predicting what life will really be like for us, so we need to try a lot of paths for a career before we know what is really a good fit. So you could say that internships are a perfect workplace adaptation to the human condition of personal ignorance."</p>
<p>thanks for everyone who replied. i dont think it was so much the rejection that hurt me (well i have yet to come to terms with it so in my mind im still "waiting" for the decision) but everything that came at once. i am pretty sure that i will get rejected from all of the other schools i applied to which may leave me at the state school (psychologist says this will be bad). </p>
<p>my best friend and i still are not talking (prolly the end of us after 7 years) and my mother kinda came around.</p>
<p>idk i guess it kinda feels like im rejected from the world...</p>
<p>After all bad things happened. Good things will follow.
After that bad week, about the time good things follow up.</p>
<p>janetlover, best friends always end up not talking to each other at some point during senior year... it usually works itself out before the end of the year. This stressful time will end soon and you will do great in college next year, wherever that happens to be, if you set your mind right. Once you get all the information and make a decision, you will feel much better and can once more take charge of your life. It's hard just waiting for others to make decisions about your future. Don't despair, this is the worst of it... the waiting combined with some rejections. Hang in there and remind yourself what is really important in your life and remind yourself of the many blessings you have right now. Keep your perspective.</p>