being rejected never hurt so bad

Parents Forum
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<p>i applied to my dream school. i was absolutely in love with this school. i applied early decision. my stats were a little low i know. i visited and displayed tons and tons of interest. my recs were excellent. i was deferred.</p>

<p>i sent them an additional essay which was flawless explaining why i wanted to attend. i sent them an update of my recent accomplishments. i brought up my gpa .2 points. i applied for every single one of their scholarships.</p>

<p>i was just rejected. my heart feels like it is being ripped from my chest. i cannot focus on anything. i didnt go to school today because i knew the decision would be up today.</p>

<p>i love that school.</p>

<p>this on top of a very bad week. i lost my best friend, someone stole my zune, my mother pretty much told me i was useless, i cannot go to miami with my friends this summer on top of a lot of other really bad stuff.</p>

<p>i just dont know what to do.</p>

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<p>Janet- I'm sorry things seem so bleak right now. It IS hard to be rejected, especially when you get so invested in one particular thing. Just remember that it is NOT personal. All we read about these days is how insane the college admissions process has become and how schools could fill their spaces over and over with entire classes of qualified applicants.</p>

<p>It's time to take a look at the other schools on your list. I'm assuming (hoping) you applied to other wonderful schools. Do some research and look at pictures. You CAN be happy at another school. </p>

<p>Time to regroup. We're here to help.</p>

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<p>janetlover: Aw, hang in there...You attempted a school that is soooo hard to be admitted to at any level; for what it's worth, you should peruse the admitted thread to see some of the stats of the kids who were waitlisted
( and the only reason they weren't rejected is b/c they didn't apply ED; Wash U seems to only reject people AFTER they are deferred; have never heard of a rejection in RD, but that remains to be seen....)</p>

<p>If it makes you feel any better, many, many qualified people who showed immense interest, sent extra essays, etc. were not admitted.....</p>

<p>Sorry about your bad week, but there is (will be) another school you will be happy at and thrive; keep us posted!!</p>

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<p>Janet,
I'm so sorry. What an awful day/week. </p>

<p>In a few days or a week or so you'll be ready to hear some of the great advice about picking yourself up and moving forward with what I'm sure are some excellent other options.</p>

<p>For now, call a friend, get some Ben and Jerry's, have a good cry, have a hot bath, get a good nights sleep, and hopefully tomorrow you'll feel just a tiny bit better.</p>

<p>Feel free to PM me if you need to talk to someone.</p>

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<p>janetlover,
I can tell you about the rejection which happened to my son 2 years ago. He also went ED, also deferred and ultimately rejected. Every aspect of his application was stellar, he really should have been accepted EXCEPT it was one of the HYP schools, and that's always dicey. He also felt like crap especially when he'd hear stories of other kids in the area who were accepted by dream school with lesser stats. It sucked for all of us.</p>

<p>However, he was accepted into other great schools and he is so, so happy with the one he chose. You too will end up at a school that you will love and the rejection pain will fade away. Please don't feel so bad about the dream school; our attitude is that the HYP that rejected our son will regret it in a big way when one day he is the President! It's their loss.</p>

<p>I am so sorry about your best friend, and your mom,and Miami and your zune. All of this will get better...I promise. Hang in there.</p>

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<p>Janet, I was deferred and rejected many years ago and I can still remember how much it hurt!!! But not for long because I did get accepted at another college (and you will too) and forgot that the first one had at one time been so important. Definitely do something uncollege related this weekend.</p>

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<p>The nice thing about being older- is you will get perspective.
One of the things I do when I have a bad day ( or month) is read something uplifting or for more immediate gratification, eat an ice cream bar and watch a funny movie.</p>

<p>Yesterday for example I had a sucky day. Not only do I have a huge paper due today that I am not finished with, I recieved two letters from my Ds school, one that she had unexcused absences and another saying she wasn't on track to graduate. So I spent my time trying to talk to her counselor.</p>

<p>Plus my car is having trouble, my H is not helpful at all with any of this, and I was told by my doctor that I have to have more tests in order to rule out breast cancer.</p>

<p>I don't tell you this to depress you further- really- but to let you know that as you get older, you will continue to build skills to manage setbacks. If we don't try we won't fail, but if you don't try you won't succeed either.</p>

<p>Im sorry it is overwhelming right now, but it will get better, I promise.</p>

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<p>Hello OP, everyone will have a bad week once in a while. Things will get better. </p>

<p>bets of luck.</p>

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<p>I agree w/ emeraldkitty.... the advantage that we old people have is that we've been through lots of bad, bad times, and then have seen that things DO get better. Going through this over a course of 40-50 years is what gives us perspective. You kind of build an arsenal; then, you're able to look back and say, "well, I got through xxx," I'll be able to get over what's happening now.</p>

<p>There's nothing than anybody can say or do that will magically feel better. Take mom2three's suggestions and indulge yourself for a day, then spend all the time you can online at the websites of the other school(s) you've applied to. The school that rejected you -- too bad for them....it's their loss not to get you. Just try to focus on moving ahead, and <em>cliche alert</em> take it a step at a time. It's too easy to be overwhelmed when you look at everything as a whole. Hang in there. We've been through it; our kids have been through it.</p>

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<p>Janet, my son was in your exact same position a year ago. He fell head over heals for a small school 4 hours away from home. He made several visits including an overnight and an interview. This school was bar far his first choice well above any of the others. He applied early decision and was deferred to regular decision. He was devastated. He followed up with them several times. Then he was eventually denied. It took him a long time to accept this news. He kept looking back and wondering what he could have done differently. Honestly I don't think there was anything he could have done to change their mind. It was a hard process to be a part of and I felt badly for him. </p>

<p>He picked himself up, and continued to receive acceptances to all 6 of other colleges he applied to. We made a few more visits and he made a wonderful decision for him in the end. I am the type of person who feels that things happen for a reason and I still believe this. Looking back his Dad and I had a few qualms about his first choice, ie location was a small small community with not much to do, heavy drinking on campus etc. </p>

<p>I know right now this hurts and it will for a long time, but you still have other opportunities that will turn into great successes. My son still feels bitter, but he also didn't want to be somewhere where he was not wanted. You will discover where you should spend the next four years of your life and I have confidence that you will make the right decision. Good luck!</p>

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<p><em>nods</em> I can relate a little bit too. You will gain maturity and perspective from all of this. I also applied to a dream school when I was a senior and got rejected flat out. I cried. But I knew that my other choices were also good so I accepted the best one I had. But I still was upset so I called the admissions office to find out what went wrong with my app. Simple thing- too many Bs on my transcript and encouraged me to apply for transfer if I was still interested later. Then I forgot allllll about that dream school until January of my freshman year. I was unhappy with my school so I applied for transfer with higher GPA. Got IN! It was the best and worst day of my life.</p>

<p>Now I'm just going through similar thing with my graduate school admissions process which is even more random and much more difficult than undergrad. I have Dream School which I have yet to hear from. At this point, it doesn't look like I'll be accepted in their joint-PhD program but other options sitll exist (rejection, waitlist, move for MA consideration). So I just have to sit tight. </p>

<p>I also heard from other programs- all rejections. Actually, they didn't hurt badly because A) I still wanted to go to that Dream School and B) I realized that I was not ready for PhD level work and C) They were VERY hard- taking 30 peopel out of 300 applications. So I was in a big pool of other people who didn't get in and they also had stellar applications. And we've let out our vents on the forums on the internet. </p>

<p>To show how much I still care about getting my PhD, I e-mailed the professors that I wanted to work with about my applications. They were extremely helpful in their response (really took their time I could see) though one of them was slightly criticial. It stung to hear them pointing out my facults but I knew myself because I can do a lot better next time. In fact, I called one of the schools (and communicated with its professor) to ask for an application transfer to a MA program. If anything, these professors were AMAZED that I asked for criticism! They REALLY appreciated it.</p>

<p>Now I am under consideration for MA programs at that school and another school that I applied late. I am still holding tight.</p>

<p>The point of the story is NOT to give up and to stay in communication with the admissions office to demonstrate that you REALLY care about your future. A lot, lot, lot of people would just blow off and say "screw them" and move on. For many people college is just another four years of schooling.</p>

<p>But I cannot guarantee that it will always work out. I know of someone who applied 3 times to an university (freshman admissions, transfer, and med school) and STILL didn't get in. He's learn to live with it and is really enjoying his med school now. There's another girl who applied for freshman (ED) and transfer admissions and visited the school quiet often... still didn't get in. She finally said, "You know what? It hurts but I'm actually having a great time here!"</p>

<p>For now, do what the other posters say. Treat yourself for a day. Go back to your life. When the storm calms in May, you can call the admissions office to find out what's wrong . Put it away in the back of your head. Go to your other choice school. Who knows, you might forget about it entirely. Otherwise, think about it again in January and decide if you'd like to apply for transfer and start contacting them.</p>

<p>IF anything, it's their loss. It'll be your other school's gain to have such a wonderful student like you who will make the most of their resources. Maybe when you become famous in a way, that rejected school will be all @#$#@$ why did we reject her again? If anything, perhaps that Dream School will see that I have gone elsewhere for MA and might say "Oh geez, why didn't we accept before? Let's see if we can steal her away for PhD..."</p>

<p>Feel better~ :)</p>

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<p>Rejection bites. You will feel bad for awhile, but like everyone else has said, you'll get over it. Go to the next-best school, and make up your mind to get everything you can out of that. Most likely, you'll end up liking it. There are so many stories of that happening. On the other hand, you may still want to go to that #1 school ... which is relatively transfer friendly, by the way. You have the option of trying to transfer, if you want. </p>

<p>Know that life is a series of events, some good, some not so good. Success is measured by how well we handle the not so good. And remember that we wouldn't know what "happy" is if we never had "unhappy" to measure it against. </p>

<p>BTW, you join a long list of incredible students who have NOT been admitted to WashU! It's a pretty impressive list.</p>

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<p>Janetlover, </p>

<p>I'll tell you what I told my daughter.. You have to have faith that things happen for a reason. Maybe God wants you there because there is someone you will meet there (a future spouse? a professor?) who will make a difference in your career or your life; or maybe you're supposed to be at school X for someone else. You need to trust that it will all work out.</p>

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<p>Janet, I'm sorry you had such a sucky week. It has to hurt when you have your heart set on one school, but as others have posted, you will find another school and who knows, you could be happier there than at your first choice school. Try not to take it personally. Admissions are so much more difficult than back when we parents were going through this process.</p>

<p>I know what your mom said had to hurt, too (I have a D who tells me exactly the same thing, how useless I am, so I know what it feels like from the other side). Your mom is probably taking other things, stuff that has nothing to do with you, out on you. Maybe she had a bad week at work, or she's frustrated with how things are going on in her life, or she found some gray hairs (who knows what), but there's a lot in her life that she could be dissatisfied with. That's not meant to excuse what she said, but to encourage you not to take her words to heart.</p>

<p>Hang in there, next year you will have a whole new perspective on all of this.</p>

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<p>Janet, like everyone here, my heart aches for you. Boy when it rains it really pours......how I know that feeling. If its any comfort at all, there are many many thousands of kids in your position. Unfortunately, this year marked an all time record high of college applications and it meant having to send way more rejection letters than ever in history. Like you so many kids have had their hearts and dreams set on a particular college and its so traumatizing when it doesn't materialize. My sons b. friend who is a really bright kid, applied only to 5 schools, although he was advised that it was a mistake. His first choice was an ivy, he got outright rejected, and he got rejected from another school which was his second, waitlisted at his third and now has only two hopes left, which he will find out in about 2 weeks. They are both safties so no doubt he will be admitted. He is beside himself, but after weeks of endless agony has decided if he gets rejected across the board, which frankly will be a huge shock to anyone who knows him, he will take a leap year. To me he is the biggest travesty of justice, if he doesnt' get in, I mean this kid has a 4.0, outstanding scores, just overall an amazing kid, and if someone like HIM cannot make it, then I give up. If he is not ivy material then I have no idea what is, its just CRAZY.
I am sure however you have other schools to which you applied and are waiting to hear back from. I know they may not add up to your first choice, but at the same time am sure you will get in and have you ever thought about working really hard and transferring next year? So many do this and it can be a blessing in disguise as you might be even more ready next year for this school then you are this year. I would concentrate and be proactive realizing you can't change anything now...........and move forward in trying to attend a school you think you could be happy in and doing your best to make it a wonderful experience with one eye thinking you can transfer if this school continues to remain your dream. Every day WILL get easier, and when life feels like its at the bottom, you know there is only way you can go.........UP! Take care of yourself and if you ever need comfort that there are so many going through the same thing, just come to these boards, sometimes its comforting to speak to others going through the same thing. Best of luck to you!</p>

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<p>It is unfortunate when you are down you alway seem to get kicked over and over. Just try to forge ahead, it will get better.</p>

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<p>OP, did you get accepted to Cornell? There is a Janet.Lover in the Cornell's forum that got in.</p>

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<p>Oops, my bad, it was a similar name.</p>

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<p>I don't agree that "things happen for a reason". More often then not students get rejected by their dream schools for no reason at all (other that there isn't enough spots for all the qualified applicants).</p>

<p>Go to the school that accepts you , get top grades, and if your dream school still remains to be your dream school, try to transfer.</p>

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<p>I understand how u feel. My D got rejected by her dream school 2 days ago. Was crushed and heartbeoken. But life goes on. The pain gets better.
Cheer up</p>