It’s time I start telling the schools that we have crossed off our list that we are not accepting their offer. Is it best to email our AO? I feel so bad about doing this. They were all so great with us and spent a ton of time with us and advocating for my daughter. Is there a typical protocol that I need to follow so that it might open up spots for the wait list people quicker? Thanks!
Usually, there is a card or form in the acceptance package or on the portal for declining admission. No need to feel bad and no need to do anything more than check a box.
since they love creativity in the admission process maybe they would appreciate it in the declination process as well. Paint them a picture of you somewhere else, or act out a skit and send them the youtube link. Demonstrate your leadership by getting the entire cheerleading squad to act as your back up singers, or act it out silently as a mime. Why settle for mundane box checking when you can be extraordinary!?!
We sent emails. In the emails, we thanked the admissions officer for the offer of admission.
I actually called most of them as I felt that was the most professional way to describe our decision process. I thanked them lots for believing in my DD and I wished them well for incoming class.
Be simple with grace… some school will respond asking where you are going as part of their record, so you might as well put the school you have chosen.
Dear Mr. John Doe,
I am writing in response to your offer of admission to the ABC School. I appreciate your interest in me, but regret to inform you that I will not be accepting your offer of admission.
After careful consideration of my admission offers, I have decided to accept an offer from XYZ School.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Mini Me
I wouldn’t tell them where you decided to attend, totally unnecessary. They would love to have that info but why feed the beast? I know everyone feels invested in this process, but there really is no relationship here regardless of how many contacts were had along the way. It’s fine to send a simple note, but no need to “regret to inform.” If I were to write a note, I’d simply say:
Dear ,
I am writing to decline admission to . Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
The reason many schools provide a box to check is because that is all they require. Even if you have other children coming up the line who may apply to the schools this student is declining, there is no need to provide anything more than a simple no. These schools have tough skins and do not need you to soften the blow. 
A few schools asked on the resturn postcard where DS would be attending. If we knew at the time we told them (he declined a few offers and waitlist while still deciding).
How would you say no to a school that’s spent inordinate amounts of time trying to recruit you? By inordinate I mean multiple emails from interviewer, heads of departments, and recently a voicemail from the Admissions Director … It is a really good school but I am leaning towards MX… Yet feeling guilty… AtriaMum is going to make AtriaDad reply to the voicemail as soon as we put in the deposit at MX… But AtriaDad is feeling guilty (he really liked the school) and I am too … How would you phrase a reply (esp if on the phone) that is tactful?
It’s fine to say it’s been a difficult decision, especially because you’ve felt a connection to so and so and loved their xyz program. It’s probably not difficult to be gracious in these cases. Don’t worry, though, they’ll move on!
^^^agree. DH and I wrote emails to the AO’s, and similar to @MAandMEmom we briefly explained the decision. DC wrote emails to the coaches. We also made sure to complete the admissions evaluation surveys that were sent out.
We also called and had a brief conversation. The school had been so open and helpful to us during the admissions process, I wanted to return the courtesy.
The same way as if the school spent little money trying to recruit you - politely and with grace. Don’t feel guilty because they spent the money - that was their choice. They’ll get over it. 
My son wrote polite, gracious emails to all the admissions folks at schools he turned down. He showed up in the fall at the school of his choice and one of those turned-down admission folks was there to greet him as a dorm parent, after accepting a new position over the summer. Wouldn’t have been the end of the world if he hadn’t written anything, but a good life lesson in why it never hurts to make good impressions.
Gorillagram.
@GnarWhail You just don’t visit us as often as some of us would like! Hope things are going well for GnarKid and family this application cycle 
Thank you for all the replies! I emailed one school and they are still trying to contact me. Maybe it went into their spam folder!
Maybe a naive question- but why do admission officers from the school you turn down want to know where you decide to go?
They want to know who their competition is. Feedback sometimes allows them to see if there is something they are not emphasizing in their admissions process that they have or alternatively, something they don’t have that is important to the kind of students they want.
Colleges generally do the same.