We are going to be invited to a wedding in June. Ds is a groomsman, and we are good friends with the groom’s parents. I am going to add these next details in case it makes a difference in how this question might be answered: The bride is Indian and the groom is white. They are both Christians, and are getting wed in a very traditional-looking Methodist church.
Because I am good friends with the mom, I have received intel that the bride wants guests to wear pastel colors to the wedding and jewel tones to the reception. Wedding at 4:00, reception at 6:00. My MOG friend says she has been told that requesting different colors at various wedding events is common for Indian weddings. However, I am not sure if that usually applies to weddings that take place over multiple days or not. She isn’t either. All the bridesmaids are wearing saris in a blush pink for the ceremony with the grooms wearing navy tuxes. Bridesmaids will change into jewel tones (but not matching) for the reception. Groomsmen receiving matching navy Indian shirts as their groomsmen gifts (so, shhhhh - that’s a secret) that they will all change into for the reception.
My understanding is that there will be no indication of the bride’s color preferences on the actual invitation, but that will be indicated when one goes online to RSVP. My MOG friend is unsure of the wording for that request and is honestly rather stressed about it because this isn’t typical for us Wonder Bread White folks. AND, because there really isn’t much time in between the ceremony and the reception (which is at a location about 20 minutes from the church). She believes the Indian guests will all change. Wedding estimated to be an hour long.
I also have a friend who is attending a wedding in a few weeks where the guests have been requested (on the invitation) to please wear, “shades of blue.”
Since there is such a broad cross-section of folks here, I am curious if you all have encountered these sorts of requests for wedding invites or not. Whether you have or have not, I would like to know your thoughts. Both on ours which requires a change of clothing and that of my friend.
I simply can’t fathom making any requests whatsoever of guests’ clothing other than the general level of formality. And a change of clothes for the reception!? Beyond the pale. I can barely wrap my head around having preferences for MOB/G, but I realize that the look of the enduring family photos may be important to the couple. Still rubs me the wrong way. If the couple weren’t immediate family, I wouldn’t even attend a wedding where I was told what to wear at that level of detail.
What happened to a simple no-strings, “We’d just love for you to share in our special day.” Adding, “and you’d better dress to our specifications,” means the couple doesn’t understand what the day is all about.
My SIL’s brother had a colors for everyone at his reception. For what it’s worth the couple was gay and the wedding itself was small, but the reception was huge and included a cabaret show with fire spining, dance, poems and even one guy who stripped for reasons that were unclear to me. Anyway the grooms wore green, the witnesses wore blue, the performers all wore white and the rest of us wore black. I went got myself a pair of thigh high boots, a black leather mini skirt and a sparkly black top. Not something I would have worn to any normal wedding!
Or to be more specific, yes to the color scheme and yes to separate dress codes for ceremony and reception (day vs. evening). But no to separate color schemes for ceremony and reception.
That said, the wording on the invites was more of a suggestion, and in the case of the changing of clothes, there was a large gap of time between the 2 events.
That said, I’m not attending a wedding if they’re requiring me to change in the car. Even if they are providing a changing room, I would think twice.
But the couple (or their family) should not be surprised is they meet resistance:
Only reason I had heard of this is because I read a “dear Annie” letter about it in the paper. The bride wanted everyone to wear yellow. she also wanted everyone to be silent during the reception! The response was not kind.
I told H about the letter. He said if he had to go, he be looking for a giant banana Halloween costume to wear.
For my son and DIL’s wedding, the bride wanted everyone to wear bright florals – but it wasn’t a requirement. The wedding was in Puerto Rico, so the suggestion fit with the location. Here are the guests at the dinner. You can see most women did wear what the bride asked for.
If this is a mixing of cultures thing, I think it would be ok to say “if you are so inclined do this thing” and maybe give a little background of this tradition.
I am personally not a fan of any wedding that puts any more expectation of a guest other than put on your Sunday best and come as you are. If you know your entire guest list has tuxes and formal evening wear in their closets, well carry on.
This seems like a new trend (beyond any cultural traditions) as I’ve read about it in a few places now. Frankly, it just seems like one more way to curate your event so it looks a certain way for consumption on social media. Maybe I’m just a curmudgeon, but so many celebrations today are over the top in every way - from specialized “smash cakes”, to professionally run 1st birthday parties to micromanaged weddings. As a guest, I’m taking time out of my life to come and celebrate you and bringing a nice gift (sometimes this includes travel expenses as well) - I shouldn’t also have to buy a special outfit on top of that.
A close friend’s daughter is having a “black and white” wedding. Easy for the women, as most have a black dress. Tougher for the men, as most don’t have a black suit. My friend said suits not required for the men. Will figure something out for DH.
But otherwise have never been told what to wear. I have noticed that it seems brighter colors are more common now for wedding guests. Black is not the only thing to wear, even for evening weddings.
My daughter is going to a wedding in June. Destination wedding in the Dominican Republic, and her BF is in the wedding. There are four days of ceremonies/events because it is an Indian wedding, and each has a color and style of dress. Daughter is NOT in the wedding. BF’s outfits (at least some of them) are being provided.
Because it is a destination wedding, I assume most of the guest will be family or very close friends (it is really expensive, so no one will be going just for one ceremony or meal), so will want to fit in with the themes, photos, basically making the bride happy. I don’t think it is required for daughter wear a ‘short yellow dress’ to the first night, but I think it will make her more comfortable to do that so that she doesn’t look like the outsider. She’s met some of the friends (usually at other weddings as these are BF’s high school friends), but doesn’t know them well.
I look at it as the bride helping the guest feel comfortable. Asking them to change in the one hour between the ceremony and the reception? That’s too much. But…a friend’s daughter got married at the top of a mountain and just minutes for the ceremony, when they were all sitting on top of that mountain with no where to go, the skies opened up and they were all drenched. They all would have appreciated being ‘required’ to change before dinner.
I have a picture of wedding (I think it was in Good Housekeeping in the 1970s) of an ‘all white wedding’ with everyone wearing white flowing dresses, shirts and slacks for the gents, wild flowers everywhere, big lawns, perfect weather on an estate. That was always my dream wedding (thus the picture cut out of a magazine 50 years ago). If someone showed up in a brown suit or a black and red zigzag dress…not so great for the photos and they might have felt out of place, and no one wants guests to feel uncomfortable.
It certainly doesn’t sound like it’s a traditional Indian wedding, so even if it’s traditional for color & outfit changes at a traditional Indian wedding (no clue whether it is), the tradition doesn’t apply if the wedding isn’t actually traditional. People should feel free to comply with tradition, but not compelled to do so, in that case.
I would be very put off by these requests. I have no idea whether or not a traditional wedding in my SIL’s culture requires women to wear different dresses at the ceremony & the reception, but that’s what all the women his parents invited did. They did not have a traditional wedding for his culture, from the particular church it was in to the style of reception they had. No mention on the invitation, no discussion about the fact that that the non-his-culture women didn’t change dresses (including me). I assume that if it was indeed a tradition, those who wanted to be traditional did so … without any stipulation that they must.
Agree with everyone else, especially asking guests to change between wedding and reception. If there was a huge gap of multiple hours, then maybe. But consider out of towners might have to fight traffic back and forth to their hotels which might not be very close. Well ditto for locals too and maybe even more so. And asking guests to change onsite in changing rooms…. well that just sounds like a non-starter unless you’re giving everybody their own free hotel room at the venue.
A vague suggestion on colors (one color for both wedding and reception) for a casual wedding probably wouldn’t raise an eyebrow. But if it’s semi-formal then consider that lots of guests, especially men, might not have appropriate clothing in the requested color.
When one of my sons’ college roommates got married 4 years ago (both of them white guys), people wore Indian dress. The bride was Indian and all the wedding party wore Indian dress. Son was not a groomsman In the formal pictures but I think he was an usher. He thought it was fun to dress up and it was cheaper than a suit or tux. You can get stuff on Amazon for well under $100. Not sure if it was required or not but everybody seemed dressed that way in the pictures I saw. Apparently, it’s okay for non Indian people to dress in traditional garb for weddings . At least, that’s my understanding.
I may just be old but not doing it. I wouldn’t physically be able to change in that period of time and still enjoy the reception. I either wouldn’t go at all or only go to the wedding. I don’t want to be told as a guest what color to wear. I know too many people that can’t afford to buy new outfits for weddings. My son’s wedding is a destination wedding in CO in August. He wouldn’t think of asking people to wear special colors! It is hard enough just for the small number of people he invited to get there.
For wealthy circles maybe but not in the circles we run in.
For the particular occasion I attended, I have to admit we all thought it was hilarious and were happy to go along with the game. I might not feel the same if it had been a more traditional wedding or couple. I love the grooms, but they have never been conventional.
Mind blown.