H’s administrative assistant got married in the middle of winter (in New England) and requested (on the invitation) that guests come in resort/floral/summer dress. She also requested that people wear sandles, either your own or those that she provided (There were flip flops to put on as you entered the venue). The wedding (ceremony and reception) were in a conservatory and the entire room was full of plants that were part of the conservatory collection as well as tropical flowers that were brought in for the wedding. Everyone in H’s company was invited (about 20 people at the time). We were seated together at a group of tables and had a great time. This wedding was 20 years ago, so I guess this isn’t a new idea.
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No aloha shirts. It was Puerto Rico, not Hawaii. Some of the men (including the father of the bride) wore a guayabera, which is a Hispanic dress shirt. Here: Guayaberas | Cubavera®
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Some did. The bride, her family, and her HS friends are all from Puerto Rico, so they did. But most of the male “mainlanders” wore suit pants and a dress shirt plus floral tie, or suit pants and a vest. One guest wore shorts and a dress shirt. I wasn’t a fan.
D is in an Indian wedding this summer. The bride is Indian, and she is marrying a non-Indian. There is a traditional Indian ceremony, where D will wear a sari, and a more conventional ceremony, where she will wear a bridesmaid dress. The two events are not on the same day. There is no particular style of dress requested for either ceremony, but SIL asked if it was okay to wear Indian garb to the Indian ceremony, and the bride assured him that it’s okay. But it’s a choice, not an imperative.
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Right, I didn’t think/figure it was required, but son seemed to enjoy picking an Indian outfit. The groom also rode to the ceremony on a white horse so it was definitely a different type of ceremony than son had been to before. Hope your daughter enjoys the wedding!
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Instagram has ruined everything!
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I’m convinced it’s an instagram thing for pictures. You either comply or you don’t. It’s either fun or it’s not. If you want to appear in a picture wear something nondescript (like a black dress) and change your jewelry. Don’t angst over it.
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I think this is a recent thing! I was going to pose the same question here out of curiosity to see if anyone else was seeing the same thing. There are two upcoming weddings which we are planning to attend for which all guests have been asked to wear shades of a certain color. Not a decision based for cultural reasons (not Indian either) but to reflect the seasonal colors. It was a soft request, communicated privately by the bride/MoG/MoB. I am a little peeved at having to find outfits in the requested colors!
One of DH’s younger colleagues was going to a wedding where all guests were asked to wear the traditional garb of the bride and groom’s culture. They were frantically looking for places to buy the clothes when the wedding was canceled. I feel like that is a big burden to put on someone you’re inviting to attend your special day! Even if it is being made so that the guests don’t feel like outsiders.
I have been to a few Indian/mixed weddings here and have not been asked to adhere to any kind of uniform color or dress code. (Disclaimer: Since Indian weddings vary widely by the region in India, some may indeed have such traditions.)
Since these are multi day events, I did need more than a couple of outfits. There have been changes of locale from the wedding to reception that required a gap of one to several hours. No one suggested to me that I should change (thankful for that as I would’ve been very stressed about it)!
There was one pre-wedding event to which only women were invited where I was requested to wear a shade of cream or yellow. I did not have a problem with that especially as it is a traditional event for the bride and has a clothing etiquette due to the rituals.
There was a wedding I attended where the tradition is for women to cover their heads during the actual ceremony. The wedding couple had thoughtfully provided light stoles for all the women guests which was very much appreciated by everyone.
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S & DiL were at a traditional Indian wedding, over several days, and there was no dress code. The bride and groom’s website actually had a section for “what to wear” for the different events but it wasn’t rules it was "you don’t know what is appropriate? This is a jeans and shirt event. That is a nice dress event. This is formal wear " but it was clear this was for comfort, not for photos. Some women wore saris, some did not.
I think it is incredibly and unforgiveably rude to treat your guests as photo props.
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!!!
I do appreciate the general guidance regarding the level of formality included in the invitations. Not many would be comfortable showing up in a tux to an event where everyone wears shorts/aloha shirts and such and vice versa.
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Also would be resentful of specific guidance as to outfit color, required change of clothes etc. It seems a lot to expect guests to run out and outfit themselves to the couples specifications. Sorry but guests are not props for the perfect wedding photos.
That said, my D has been invited to a wedding where the bride and groom stated a preference for guests to wear bright colors for an afternoon summer outdoor wedding – but they did not require anything in particular.
That said, I agree with @BunsenBurner and others above that general guidance (ex. black tie, cocktail attire, casual etc.) is always helpful.
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I would be fine with something along the lines of “our wedding party will be wearing aloha shirts, bright floral dresses, and sandals. Guests are welcome to do the same.”
All guests should wear blue if last names are A-M and black if names are N-Z would be a hard “no” for me.
We once went to a funeral where family of the deceased were all wearing football jerseys, and invited others to do the same. We were happy to know that information ahead of time. Being required to do the same wouldn’t have been good.
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BINGO!
I think this is all relatively new and it’s all due to the social media curate (“control???”) trend.
I enjoy looking back at my wedding photos and seeing my guests as their authentic selves: my boho cousin in her dress, my sophisticated aunt in hers, my grad-school-poor friends in borrowed or reworn dresses. What mattered is that they showed up for us and we all had a good time.
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Also, did you see the SNL skit about bridezillas and bridesmaids? Hilarious!
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Sounds like it is all still playing out and no one has actually asked the OP to wear anything yet, right?
But that said - I tend to agree with the poster who said either you think it’s fun and you go for it, or you don’t, and then you just don’t play. I can see that it might be kind of a pain. I can also see how it would be really fun, will make great pix for Instagram (agree) and is just a different kind of thing. I’m bored as a gourd lately so I’d love to go to a big, fun event with outfit changes. I can see why some might think it’s rude, but all those wedding rules seem to falling by the wayside.
If you go, you must come back and recap!
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I’m confused. This info is not on the invitation? Or will it be on the invitation? June isn’t that far away for a wedding invitation to have already be sent. Why not wait and see what the wedding invitation says?
If I could afford it, and there’s a place to change clothes, and I wanted to do it, I’d try to accommodate the request if it’s on the invitation. If I couldn’t afford it, and only wanted to wear one outfit for the whole occasion, I’d do that. I think it’s probably more a “this idea is fun and it will make for nice pics of the wedding” kind of idea.
I got married pre-2000 in a very cool art-deco venue. My wedding dress was the real McCoy from the early 1930’s. We asked people to wear clothing of the era, IF they wanted to. I had a small wedding, and about half the people made an effort to look the part. We stated on the invite that there would be two prizes for best costumes, as an additional enticement. We gave the winners a box of Godiva chocolates each. It was fun and I love looking at those photos.
Anyway, I think this request is fine and I am sure the couple won’t care that much if not everyone is able to get two outfits. If you can do it, go for it.
Here’s two of our wedding guests. The long black dress was amazing!
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It would not be surprising if the reaction to suggested dress depended on whether it was something difficult to find or expensive, especially if it could only be used for the one occasion. Requesting wearing an aloha shirt to a wedding in Hawaii is much less of an imposition than requesting wearing typical dressy wedding clothes in unusual colors or patterns that no one has already or would ever wear again.
I’m having a hard enough time right now finding a MOB dress that I can’t imagine having to shop for two different dresses in specific color schemes. It took me a while last summer to find dresses for two weddings. I really would have been SOL if it was requested that I needed two different outfits for ceremony and reception, and in certain colors! What I’m finding is that brick and mortar stores have little inventory (not to mention that both our local Lord and Taylor and Nordstrom closed in the last few years so even less places to shop), and online stores have plenty of styles but the ones I want to try they don’t have in the size or color I want/need. This is a burdensome request IMO.
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We went to a wedding last summer where the bride and family were from India. They provided all of the traditional clothing for the bridal party as a gift to them.
The rest of us could wear whatever we felt like wearing. It was summer, and most women wore pastels, and men lighter color suits or sports jackets.
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