We have not yet received our invitation. The Mother of the Groom is my good friend, and she is the one who told me this is what the bride wants. This request is not going to be ON the invitation. However, my friend told me that some sort of indication of the preference for pastels at the ceremony/ jewel tones at the reception would be present wherever guests go online to indicate their RSVP.
To clarify, no - we have not yet received our invitation. The MOG (my friend) has seen the invitations and this color preference is NOT on them. My understanding (from what she has told me) is that when guests do their RSVP online, there is going to be something written there that indicates color preferences. My friend has personally been concerned about how this is going to be worded because she, as many here, thinks this is a lot to ask. She is worried about how to explain it to the people they are inviting. She does not want their people to feel like they have to change. She has no issue if the bride’s family’s guests want to change - but she doesn’t want her guests to feel obligated to do so.
The bride and her mother recently traveled to India to purchase what the bridesmaids are wearing for the ceremony. Blush pink saris. I do not know if those are being gifted to them or not. My friend has selected her long dress for the ceremony (it’s navy as are the groom and groomsmen’s tuxes. Navy for the MOG was approved by the bride), but will change into Indian attire for the reception. Bride and her mom also purchased something for my friend the MOG while they were in India. She does not want to offend them, but she is somewhat concerned about how it will look on her. They were presenting it to her this past weekend, but I didn’t talk to her today. All the bridesmaids will change for the reception. The groom has a younger sister who is a bridesmaid, and the MOG/FOG have already purchased her jewel-toned sari for the reception.
I will report back once the invitation arrives and I go online to RSVP and see what the wording is. Assuming they decide to move forward and make this request of all their guests.
To me, the necessity of changing is what makes it just all, “too much.” The request of, “shades of blue,” that a different friend (for a different wedding) received is for a beach wedding. That kind of request wouldn’t bother me nearly as much. Though, if it were a request to wear some color that makes me look like death (e.g. yellow), I would not be happy at having to shell out money for something I would never wear again.
I remember being a bit flabbergasted and taken aback in the 1980s(!) when my mom received a wedding invitation that requested that everyone wear tan or blue. Still a bit baffled by it. And I have no idea who sent the invite. Not a relative. Maybe someone my mom worked with?
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I confess I had to look up jewel tones as opposed to pastel colours (clearly I do not own sufficiently expensive jewels) and my takeaway is “less saturated” or, in fashion magazine speak “spring” for the afternoon and “more saturated” or “summer” for the evening, and I kinda…dig it? But still think it is too much to ask for, unless it were an extremely carefully worded suggestion, and unless there were sufficient time and space to change for those guests who are happy (operative word being happy) to play.
Looking at colour palettes for “jewel tones” on Google images, I find that a pale blue (aquamarine) and a pale violet (amethyst) might work for the whole day, maybe, as suggested above, accessorised.
But of course I realise that’s not what you’re asking.
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If two outfits would indeed be required, I’d opt out of attending at all.
Changing means bringing additional clothing (including accessories - shoes, purse, jewelry) to organize and to then find a place to change. I don’t like that amount of fuss. Hair and makeup also can be difficult when changing outfits depending on ease of such changes. (And then coordinating with hubby?! I can see his eyes rolling now, lol!)
This just makes me think of when (precovid!) I’d shop and be trying on different clothes in a store’s changing room. The hair, makeup, shoes, undergarments, jewelry, etc can make a difference in how one looks and thus needs to be taken into account when changing outfits.
I’m early 50’s and yet still have no desire at all to deal with that much needed effort and organization. I want to attend the wedding and celebrate it, not be hassled in the process.
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I have an ombre dress that would work that starts off pastel on top and darkens to a jewel tone on the bottom ; )
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Here’s another take. If you have the clothing being spelled out as “preferred” in your closet, then go for it.
I personally hate the mentality that people should or want to have a new dress for every event. Americans have TOO MANY CLOTHES!!! So many closets full of one-time outfits, extra outfits, etc. Ditto for shoes!
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I just received one. It’s a Garden party cocktail- bright colors. I find it in poor taste to dictate colors. I do agree with another poster I don’t find it offensive to dictate formality. If anything that is helpful.
I own several bright color items I can wear, but if I didn’t I wouldn’t rush out and buy one if I didn’t want to.
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In the last year I’ve been to 2 weddings where the brides were white and grooms Indian. They had receptions spanning 2 days. First day was Indian tradition and guests were encouraged to wear something Indian but not mandatory. Many guests wore Indian clothes and they were fun. Second day was all American tradition. If the bride and groom were insistent that guests change or wear specific clothes, they should have included that with the invitations and not through hearsay.
For my son’s wedding, I wore a short dress to the early afternoon Church wedding and changed to a long dress for the evening wedding reception. That was only for me though.
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Some weddings you can’t miss. Relatives, weddings where your kid is in the party and you know a person getting married. So you can’t always opt out.
To me it sounds like this “plan” isn’t well thought out and so I guess it’s up to each person to decide how they want to participate.
If you are into fashion and want to, go ahead and pick out 2 dresses. A person like this will probably have one color. I like jewel tones so I could wear a dress I own. I have no pastel colored dresses because they aren’t that flattering to me. And if I wasn’t a shopper or wanted to buy a new dress, I’d wear the dress I have. Because in the end, I figure some will adhere to the dress code and some won’t.
It’s like reading directions or instructions. Some people read them and are rule followers. And some will ignore or not pay attention. Neither is right or wrong.
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I’ll just point out that often couples opt to send a simple invitation photo card, with all details at the website. So “on the invitation” info may or may not be on paper.
That’s what my son did (though we knew grandparents would have trouble with that…. I printed/mailed every screen including the lovely photos, and he called them to get their RSVP details). It was great because it allowed space to describe their Garden Semi Formal dress code (which is pretty flexible).
This!
I am an outfit repeater and I actually even plan that way. When I buy a new dress I typically plan to wear it for multiple events. Right now I am planning to attend S’s graduation in June wearing the dress I wore for my nieces wedding 2 years ago. Shoes - the ones I wore to that wedding (bought for another wedding 5 years ago and worn several times).
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I would be so off put that I probably wouldn’t go. The brides with these ‘requests’ are drama queens/bridezillas. It’s a wedding. Not a theatrical production with the guests as bit players.
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I think that mentality also stems from social media. When pictures get posted, everyone has already seen that dress/outfit. I have to say I am a bit guilty of this myself.
On the MOB/MOG dress extravaganza thread, I posted a photo of a dress I recently wore to an an Oscar watch party. This was a dress I had worn before to a wedding, but it was four years ago. I purposely chose to wear that dress to the Oscar watch party precisely because it had been awhile since a pic of it had been posted on social media. Sadly, it IS jewel-toned, so would have been a great option for this, but now everyone has recently, “seen,” it. I know that is probably dumb or vain or something, but it’s how I feel about it.
Most of my personal friends got married in the last 10 years. I can tell you from experience that this is far more of a social media thing than a cultural thing. Just wear what you want that is generally wedding-appropriate. They’ll have enough to worry about on the actual day than to fixate on what you are wearing, but they likely don’t know it yet.
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We are definitely attending this wedding. Our son is in it, and we are all very close family friends.
@deb922 - you are 100% correct: this, “plan,” isn’t well thought out. Much to the dismay of my MOG friend, all the planning for the wedding has been much, “looser,” than she would like. It is in the groom’s town rather than the bride’s, so rightly or wrongly my friend feels a bit more, “responsible,” for how everything goes.
I had purchased a pastel dress to wear to the wedding. Was just going to go with that for the entire affair. Seemed better to err toward the ceremony request than the reception request. I sent her a pic of the dress after I received it. She replied that she loved it, but also wrote, “I’m sure you have something jewel-toned in your closet if bride wants everyone to change.” I think initially MOG thought the Indian folks would all change, but we Wonder Bread White folks would not. My understanding from her is that the Indian guests will think nothing about this request. She has always been concerned about this request and how it would be received by their guests. It’s going to be interesting to see what they actually put up on the website after invites go out.
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This is the dress I bought for the wedding ceremony (will have different shoes) I think they are wanting, “cocktail,” but the wedding is at 4:00. So, I thought that was a bit tricky as well. I had no pastel dress that would be considered, “cocktail.” I don’t have many pastels. I love shopping and clothes, and certainly wanted to buy at least one new dress.
I personally have no issue changing because I do love clothing/fashion. My dh thinks it is ridiculous. He will, by the way, be in a black suit. And, while I don’t mind it, I do think there is going to be much confusion by many of the groom’s parents’ friends. Large group of us as many of the groomsmen were all in high school together. I know many of those women are NOT fans of shopping, so their perception will be different than mine.
I just wanted to get a feel for how such a request would be perceived by the general populous, and CC is a great place to ascertain that.
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The more I think about it they are having a “traditional Christian” wedding ceremony in the church and then a more traditional Indian Ireception especially since they went to India for the wedding wear.
We attended an Indian wedding (day 3) and the women were like bright jewels themselves. The saris they wore were absolutely beautiful and very colorful. They were jewel toned–royal blues and reds with lots of gold. I felt underdressed next to them for sure!
Knowing that now if I were you I would wear a jewel toned dress to both the ceremony and the reception. I’d focus on a solid colored jewel tone dress in whatever is your best color. Don’t be afraid to wear bright jewelry. Stay away from black (no matter how fancy), flower patterns, light colors. I sincerely doubt that they’d expect all their guests to change clothes but many of the family will (and they’ll have a lot of family there I expect). So while MOG may be changing clothes (and I bet she’ll have a great time) I doubt the couple expects you to change.
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Find a tie to match for hubby. That color would look great with a black suit.
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I think it sounds fun and a great way to blend cultures. No one has to accept an invite and I feel when you do, you should go with an open heart and mind. It is a celebration and I am surprised by the number of negative comments here.
PS: Love your dress and bet it will be an amazing wedding.
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