bias in congratulations threads

<p>I don't think it is only the congrats but alot of the threads in general really seem to pay more attention to the Ivys and brand name schools. At least that is a general perception.</p>

<p>I hope I have not offended anyone with lack of congrats - CONGRATS TO ALL!!!!
I was especially happy to see someone listed UAH i nthe list of final decisions - an underrecognized school.</p>

<p>I applaud loudest those kids who follow their own path, whatever and where ever that may take them. I don't need to issue false "hurrahs" to those kids and their parents; they already know who they are. :)</p>

<p>One of the reasons for all the fretting about selective schools is because they are selective. There are a lot of hoops to jump through and things that need to be paid attention to if one is to have decent shot at admission. </p>

<p>My nephew goes to Bemidji State in Minnesota. He is LOVING it. No worries about admission there. I think you can apply in August and still get in. But I am so happy that he has found a place that values him and at which he is thriving.</p>

<p>Since I am one of the major culprits and probably started some of this whole large font color writing, I will admit I am biased. Not against any school but I do tend to personalize some of the congratulations for some of example: Soozievt's whose postings I have read through out the college process I have been following for 2 years and 2 kids. There are others whose stories I have followed through out the admissions process from ED and saw their ups and downs as they shared their experiences with us on this forum. Yes, using alum's words there are parents and kids that 'bled on the board' and I wanted to make sure I made a point of saying well done. For me it was not school specific but it probably has been person/situation specific.</p>

<p>It certainly was not my intention to slight any one or to make them feel that their child's accomplishments were any less praiseworthy.</p>

<p>what the heck, on march 31 on the Dartmouth forum Started a thread "we're celebrating all acceptances" and wrote in color congratulations to any and everyone who wanted to share their experiences because I did beleive that much that all acceptances should be celebrated and congratulated, much to the chagrin of some posters who though that I was doing too much posting on the forum.</p>

<p>So to all those that I did not write a personalized congratulations for, please accept my my apologies.</p>

<p>To to all of those in the class of 09, I extend to you my heartfelt </p>

<p><em>C O NG R A T U L A T I O N S </em> *</p>

<p>as we your parents move one step closer in our ultimate plan to reclaim our houses.</p>

<p>I feel as Sybbie does...I never noticed a bias in the congratulations and in my own case, if I read of an accomplishment, no matter the school, I try to wish the person well. I never think I am doing so in a school specific way. Sometimes I pay closer attention to parents on here I have "known" a long while or whom I have "seen" through the entire process from start to April, through ups and downs. But if their kid got into state U or Ivy U, I never have thought of it much differently. It was more about their journey and their outcome. </p>

<p>Moving beyond the congratulatory posts, however, I would say that on CC there are more folks who deal with selective colleges than in the general population if you were to gather a group of people together. I can't say for sure why this is so but some reasons may be that there is a bit more to the application and admissions process for schools with selective admissions....that often the more "involved" parents are the ones you see online on such a topic....those who are very engaged in the admissions process....or who even own a computer....those who are researching schools heavily and so forth. Further, CC is run by a college counseling service. While the CC counselors have clients who are interested in the wide range of colleges, they have a significant clientele base that are striving for selective colleges or elite colleges. Often those who seek out college counselors are indeed those entering that difficult admissions process. In fact, Dave Berry, one of the CC principals, wrote a book on elite college admissions. So, I think that it is not that odd that there are forums on here that deal with elite colleges and such. Luckily, a much broader base of students and parents have found their way to these wonderful message boards that deal with all aspects of the college search and admissions process. I happen to live in a community where barely anyone is applying to elite colleges, maybe a handful at most. The admission process that both my girls undertook was not that similar to their peers or classmates and I am thankful that I have this "larger community" on CC to learn more about that sort of admissions process because it really involves being informed beyond that normal process. But I think ALL parents and students benefit from sharing on here and I prefer to hear about all sorts of colleges. But from my almost three years reading here, I have observed more families who are dealing with the selective colleges than schools that some of my kids' classmates are going to like Johnson State College, Castleton State, St. Anselm's College, Clarkson, Hobart and William Smith Colleges, Keene State, Montana State, Norwich University, Paul Smith's College, Quinipiac University, St. Lawrence University, Salve Regina University, University of Maine at Orono, Utica College, Hofstra ,University of Rochester, Champlain College, Adelphi U, Elmira College, and St. Michael's College. These are some of the colleges that students from our school are going to yet are not mentioned much here. However, the schools my own kids applied to ARE mentioned here. The parent forum helped me immensely on D1's college process. The musical theater forum on CC has been invaluable because hardly anyone in my region was involved in that very specific type of college process. </p>

<p>I continue to wish every student many congrats on their selected college for next year, whichever it may be because success comes in all sizes and types and is not measured by prestige. I honestly have not noticed anyone ONLY congratulating those who got into top schools. I know that there are others like myself who tune into certain poster's outcomes because we followed their journeys. If they happened to end up at some elite college, it is by coincidence (for me) that I congratulated them but I would have just the same had it been Podunk U. I mostly feel great when a kid had their dream (whatever that dream was) realized. </p>

<p>Susan</p>

<p>
[quote]
berurah, it's been very apparent in many threads that you take the time to congratulate loads of people. I noticed it well before anyone remarked on whether people did so.

[/quote]

ctymomteacher~
Thank you so much....I honestly do try because I have genuine, true feelings of happiness for each and every college-bound kiddo!</p>

<p>fondly, ~berurah</p>

<p>


I know you didn't mean it that way, but that comment can be viewed as being condescending. For example, I would stack my kid's stats alongside any on this board (well, ok, not ANY, but you know what I mean). He had no desire to apply to any of the Ivies, even though we visited several. Not one had the environment nor the program that he wanted. He found EXACTLY what he wanted at a university ranked 98th or 99th in USNWR, applied to the honors program there, and got accepted with lots of merit $$$$. End of application story. He's where he wants to be in the program he wanted to be in at a cost that makes Old Pop here happy. But it's not because he couldn't have gotten into a more prestigeous school. Sorry for the rant. It wasn't specifically against you, but the statement seemed to be a continuation of the bias the thread is talking about.</p>

<p>And BTW, I have no qualms about congratulating people who end up in the more prestigeous schools, just like congratulating others. It IS an accomplishment. And, since there is more tension involved in the wait to find out, and that tension has been shared with us, of course the release of that pressure will lead to our exuberance. It's OK. Not once on this board have I felt looked down upon because my son is going to a "lesser" school. People have shared my excitement with me when we got the letter accepting him into the honors program which took only two students per major. I was literally jumping up and down and pounding him on the back.</p>

<p>I think it is only natural that posters who open themselves up and post frequently are often congratulated when the big decision comes in, regardless of the school. Some parents haven't posted their children's decisions openly, and thus it is harder to congratulate them. It is a big deal to most of the posters here--so yes, a hearty congratulations to all the families that have decided, and good luck to those who are planning to chase the Fed Ex man on Friday or Saturday. :)</p>

<p>I agree with texastaximom. </p>

<p>My school is hardly anywhere up there (Clark University) but most of the parents have been extremely nice in congratulations ("give 'em hell at Clark" --BMoyilan, hehe.) because I posted something about it here. I'd hardly expect any of them to pop into the Clark forum to do the same. ;)</p>

<p>I'm not real good about remembering who I have congratulated and who I haven't but I'm pretty sure that the ones I have congratulated have run the full gamut of selectivity. If I have offended anyone in not congratulating an acceptance enough or at all, I apologize. I asked berurah to sign my name to the card but she must have forgotten. (Don't panic. LOL. It's a joke, folks. b and I are "tight". I've even seen the family pictures.;))</p>

<p>On the other hand, I don't know about the bias part on the parent's forum. At least we're not as bad as the kids. Look at the thread counts (that sounds odd, doesn't it?) on the select schools. Move down ten USNWR places and they drop by more than 1/2, ten more places and they are non-existent. Anyone who follows my D's search knows that we are looking at many schools outside of the top 30, and some few within. I think that applies to several other posters I can name-carolyn, and doddsdad just to name two. I guess I just don't feel that threatened by other folks talking about Ivy this, Stanford that. I'm not interested in purchasing a Bentley motorcar either, but if you buy one -I dang sure want a ride.</p>

<p>So, Congrats to all of this year's college bound seniors and their parents. We are very proud of you. And thanks for leaving a lamp burning in the window for the rest of us. We'll try to follow it home.</p>

<p>Great thread.</p>

<p>I think Sybbie hit the nail on the head when she said that it is not so much a bias for the schools but a bias for many of the posters we have really come to know. I really feel like I know many of the posters on this forum, and naturally focus on the ones who catch my attention, not by school name but by their postings. Digmedia, for example, got a heartfelt congratulations because I am familiar with the school his son chose and also because I read all of his posts.</p>

<p>
[quote]
I asked berurah to sign my name to the card but she must have forgotten.

[/quote]

Geeeez, cur, I don't seem to need any help getting myself into trouble! <em>lol</em> However, I will not be mad at you because you are a fellow Texan, and because we are "tight" ;)!</p>

<p>~berurah</p>

<p>Hang on. Have you seen: <a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=55805%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=55805&lt;/a> ?</p>

<p>I will bump it up so you can add your favorite.</p>

<p>Yes I understand but when review lists are published there seems to be a big bruaah when a non Ivy or prestigious school is ranked lower then then a "regular" one. Often the responders are indignant about how that can't be true and the reviewers must be wrong. I often feel for those kids who are reading these responses and their school is the "regular" school being torn apart because it is not one of "those" schools, HYPS and the like.</p>

<p>Cama</p>

<p>Oooooh, I agree with that. That is a pointless CC parent discussion. We''re usually better than that.</p>

<p>berurah, I knew you would take it as intended -a pathetic attempt on my part to divert any potential anger and resentment away from lil ol me, myself, and I and towards the one person who more than all others responds with congrats every time. Regardless of the selectivity of the college accepting.</p>

<p>And I thought it was worth a shot. LOL.</p>

<p>Here's just a slightly different "twist" on the same reaction: I post CGs to the kids & their parents I feel I "know" or who have been so supportive of me & my son...and I feel a little weird posting to a "stranger" (funny, isn't it, how we none of us feel like strangers to each other when few of us know each other's names?)...but to any kid and his/her family who sweated out the search/app process/financing issues/acceptance wait, hearty congratulations and "way to go!"...and to those lucky few who found, applied and were accepted w/out breaking an emotional sweat: more power to you--I'm jealous!!!--and congrats to you, too...</p>

<p>So...should I post a congrats EVERY time I see an announcement, whether I "know" the person or not? I can; I will...just wonder if there's supposed to be some prior connection, no matter how slight?</p>

<p>
[quote]
berurah, I knew you would take it as intended -a pathetic attempt on my part to divert any potential anger and resentment away from lil ol me, myself, and I and towards the one person who more than all others responds with congrats every time. Regardless of the selectivity of the college accepting.</p>

<p>And I thought it was worth a shot. LOL.

[/quote]

cur~You are right...It WAS worth a shot because it worked! I would gladly "take the rap" for someone who has just posted such kind words about me! What can I say? I am a sucker for flattery. :) ~b.</p>