<p>Ok so I've been talking to this guy on tinder for a couple weeks so far and I think I'm in love! Lol not really but he's perfect, super hot, my type completely, and really likes me back (something I'm not used to). Anyway he lives like 50 miles from me and wants to meet up for a concert. (He bought me a ticket). That's not the problem. The problem is I'm also talking to this guy that I met in class who I also really like. But I'm not sure how he feels about me. This relationship probably has more of a chance to work out since we didn't meet through sketchy tinder and we both live on campus.
I'm afraid that if I go to the concert with guy #1 then guy#2 will know and figure I'm not available or whatever and go find another girl that on my has eyes for him.
I really like both guys and I'm thinking I'm gonna go with guy #2.
My question is if I chose guy #2, how can I let guy #1 know? I want to be nice to him because I still really like him a lot. Also I don't want to ruin things between us, just in case things with guy #2 don't work out, I would love to get together with guy #1 then.
Is this wrong of me? How can I be on good terms with guy #1 but just push our plans forward a couple months (if guy#2 doesn't work out) ?</p>
<p>P.s. Right now I'm going to choose guy #2 because of location, but I predict things will go south just bc I know him we'll (frat guy, player, ect.)
Also I'm only on texting terms with guy #1. </p>
<p>Guy#1 Catfish, don’t be lured by a “ticket”
Don’t string this guy along, he may be super sketchy and come looking for you on campus.
Drop him.
Guy#2 Real guy.
Better to begin a relationship face to face.</p>
<p>Thanks! but I guess what I’m looking for is what to say to guy #1, so that if I want to go on a date with him in a couple months, he won’t hate me or completely write me off. </p>
<p>You met guy #1 on tinder and your relationship consists of texting. What makes you think he’s that much invested in this? How do you know he doesn’t have a few more dates lined up with other women? He’s on tinder too, and might be texting and meeting up with a whole bunch of people, and casting out dates like fishing lines. Basically, you are just one who he was (almost) successful with, but if he’s on tinder, he knows you don’t get them all, but there’s more to find. </p>
<p>On a more serious note- meeting people on a dating site might be dangerous. You really don’t know who they are. </p>
<p>What do you say to him? Really, anything, I doubt he’d care all that much, but you should be polite. Text him and tell him you are not going to meet him and will no longer be in contact with him. He won’t hate you but he will move on. </p>
<p>Now for the parental advice. You don’t need a dating app. You are on a college campus with a whole lot of guys around your age who would be happy to meet you. You mention the word “relationship”, so I assume that is what you are looking for. Good relationships grow out of meeting people face to face and getting to know them first. You are in no better place to meet them than where you are now. </p>
<p>To simplify this, let’s say you need a pair of shoes, and went looking for them in the supermarket. Not many shoes there- maybe some plastic flip flops in the seasonal section… You settle for the flip flops and pick up a box of cookies but you really want shoes. The next day you go back to the supermarket and they still don’t have any shoes.</p>
<p>Don’t go looking for relationships in all the wrong places. </p>
<p>Stop getting ahead of yourself. You don’t really know either of these guys. Go out with both.
I mean, do you seriously plan on jumping into a committed relationship before you’ve even been on a date?</p>
<p>Go out with both and decide which one feels right. And don’t try to make logical decisions. This is about who makes you feel good, not who is the best on paper. Pick boyfriends like you pick clothes(the one that just feels right and makes you excited), not like you pick a life insurance policy(the right boxes ticked at the right amount of investment).</p>
<p>Thank you! But I feel like I was unclear above.
I already know who I am going to choose. It’s guy #2 from campus for many reasons (some of them posted above). So I don’t need help on choosing.
*What I’m looking for is advice on what to say to guy #1 so that if in a couple months (let’s say december). If I text him saying “hey what’s up?”, he won’t be mad or not interested, and we can essentially leave off where we are right now.
I pretty much want to just put the situation I have with guy #1 on hold until I’m complexly available (or desperate) and don’t have any other boys on my mind. Because as much as I see possibility, guy #2 is the more reasonable, safer, easy choice, he is a player and it might only be a fling for a couple months. So I just want to keep guy #1 in my back pocket. </p>
<p>OP, you can’t keep anyone in your back pocket. You can only decide what you are going to do. Keeping someone in your back pocket could also mean leading someone on, and that isn’t fair.</p>
<p>Consider also the circumstances. The guy #1 is on a dating app. He is looking for women and he is putting himself out there. He hardly knows much about you. It didn’t take a whole lot of investment to arrange to meet you. If you decide not to meet up with him, anything can happen- he can meet someone else, or be available to meet up with you later, he could be mad, or not care less. You could be one of 20 girls he has in HIS back pocket, and if one isn’t available, well there are more. None of that has anything to do with you.</p>
<p>The only thing you can decide is who you want to be- how you choose to treat guy #1. #2, and any others that you may meet. First, they are human beings. Be decent, polite, and honest without being cruel- you know what that means. Saying “I don’t want to take this any further” is honest. Stringing him along, or just dumping him is cruel. If you are not interested he has the right to look for someone who is. Decide how you want to be treated and then treat others that way.</p>
<p>You also can’t control guy #2 but you can get to know him better. Again, it isn’t about what he wants. What do you want? If he’s a player, chances are that you will get played. If he is genuinely interested in you, then he will be willing to get to know you. If not, he will move on. How he treats you is up to you. If you act like you are OK with a hook up, but really want a relationship instead, then you are not being honest with yourself. </p>
<p>If you want my honest advice it would be to forget guy #1 and take tinder off your phone. You are in the best place to meet real guys right where you are. Text guy #1 and say “Thank you for the invitation. I have decided not to meet people through tinder right now” and be done with that. Then, get to know guy #2 and decide how you want to proceed.</p>
<p>Yes, Tinder is very scary because reasons. Be very scared of Tinder and delete it off your phone.</p>
<p>You could meet any type of guy off of Tinder. Unlike the consistently high quality and trustworthy men you meet at Frat parties. Definitely get rid of Tinder and stick with Frat parties. It’s much safer.</p>
<p>" Thank you for the invitation to the concert. Although I agreed to go with you, I have decided that I will not attend. I have enjoyed our texts, but I don’t want to pursue a relationship through Tinder so it is best that we don’t make plans to meet. I don’t plan to use Tinder anymore. Thanks again, Apple"</p>
<p>I agree with what Pennyland said. You don’t owe the guy any more than that. If he contacts you and tries to get you to meet him or text more, do not respond. If he texts you 10 times and then you respond, all he has learned that it takes 10 texts to get you to respond. </p>
<p>Also this guy may very well be a great guy, but I recommend that all college girls read “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin DeBecker. It shows how to listen to your gut when it comes to people.</p>
<p>I’ll check that book out but to be honest. I think I like him, thus far, more then he likes me. That’s part of why I’m hesitant. He not the type to text constantly, be a creep, of anything. We have some mural friends I’ve talked to and even though we met through tinder I’ve been told he comes from a good family and is totally the boyfriend type. Maybe I’m over thinking this but I would love to be able to hit him up in a couple months and still have him be interested in me and then take it from there. </p>
<p>It changes the picture that you know something about guy #1- you have mutual friends who know him and so he is not a complete stranger.</p>
<p>So as I read this, you have a date set up with guy #1, but you are also interested in guy #2 and you are afraid that guy #2 will not like that you go to the concert if he finds out. You are interested in getting to know both guys and you want to keep them both in your circle in case one doesn’t work out. Guy #2 is a player. </p>
<p>What is the definition of a guy player? To me, it is a guy who has more than one girl, but pretends each one is the only one. He’s playing them by stringing them along. If one doesn’t work out, no big deal for him because he has another one (or more) in his pocket. However, since each girl thinks they are the only one, or the number one- if things don’t work out, they get their feelings hurt. You see- they are vulnerable to the relationship, but he isn’t. He’s protected himself by not being really invested in either of them. This makes for a very lopsided relationship. The guy gets the benefits of being someone special to a girl without giving that in return. </p>
<p>Girls can be players too. Sound familiar? You want to get to know two guys and you don’t want them to be interested in anyone else, so you don’t want them to know about each other. You want to keep guy #2 in the wings because he is possibly a nice guy while you get to know guy#2 player guy and you are afraid he will move on if he doesn’t think you are only interested in him. </p>
<p>So- do you want to play this game honestly with these guys or not? First of all, you are not married or in any kind of exclusive commitment with either of them so you are free to go out with whoever you want. You can go to the concert with #1 and also get to know #2, but to be fair, they also get to go out with who they want. Or you can pick one of them and let the other one go if you wish to be exclusive with one.Just be honest with each of them. What isn’t fair is seeing both of them while making it seem like each is the only one. </p>
<p>I’m not trying to be harsh or judgemental, but trying to point out that you can decide what to do, but be honest with these guys and understand that until there is a mutual commitment, they are free to make their own choices too. It is the basis of any good friendship and relationship.</p>