This article from Glamour caught my eye: The Bridesmaid Burnout | Glamour
D was lucky. She has been a bridesmaid 3 times and all of her friends are very low key and not too demanding. And on every occasion the bride covered all or some of her stuff. Interested in hearing what others think
Thankfully, we arenāt here yet with my kids, but Iāve seen family members spend an absurd about of money on a friendās wedding. Honestly, I think it is really rude for a bride to expect her friends to spend so much. Iāve told my dd that itās okay to decline if ever asked to be in a friends wedding. At minimum, be honest about the ability to pay for cross-country bachelorette parties, etc.
My daughter spent a ton as maid of honor, then a bridesmaid infected everyone at the beginning of the wedding week and DD lost all the money sheād spent. 
Iāve seen that too! I had a friend whose daughter was in her friendās wedding in Tuscany at a huge villa. The friendās family paid for everything (theyāre a very wealthy Indian family), so the friend only really had to pay for incidentals, some meals, etc. But Iāve also seen cases where people pay a lot to go to a wedding in an exotic locale and the bride and groom donāt pay for anything, so the friend and/or bridesmaid has to foot the bill.
People shouldnāt drop their friends if they canāt afford to be in their wedding. Also, if people want an expensive wedding and bachelorette/bachelor party, maybe pay for it yourself? Itās your day. I think the problem is that the bride wants a bachelorette party in Cancun and then a fancy wedding in Tuscany, but she canāt really afford to pay for it all herself, so she expects her bridesmaids to help foot the cost. I think people need to temper their expectations.
This is because of the over the top celebrating that so many do now around their wedding. Elaborate proposal (with party after), engagement party, bridal party announcement event, bridal shower, bachelorette weekend, bachelor weekend, rehearsal dinner, and destination wedding. All requiring the correct clothing, gifts, and travel expenses.
Then there is the gift registry which is basically - give us cash to pay for our expensive honeymoon.
I often hear women in their late 20ās early 30ās complaining about have 6-8 weddings in a year, of which they are in several of the bridal parties. There is a bunch of reciprocity going on, with the same group of ladies in every one of these bridal parties. Plus, bridal parties have gotten huge, with a pack of 20 people.
Yes, so much is over the top. My oldest is getting married next year, small wedding party, no showers, low key local bachelor/bachelorette get togethers. What I really donāt like though is when a bride/groom has done a lot of the excessive for their wedding and then complains when they are asked to do the same as a bridesmaid or groomsman.
I think that part of the problem is jumbo wedding parties. If every couple had 10 attendants for bride and 10 for groom (Iāve been to a wedding like that) the problem would be even worse.
I do think that young people are trying to do a nice thing, not exclude any close friends. But the result can mean a lot of extra expenses and stress for all.
I was in only one wedding, maid of honor to sister. That was ok by me. I did attend some other weddings of close friends, and it was fine by me to enjoy it all as a guest.
My D is just starting to reach the age where friends are getting married. Sheās going to be a bridesmaid for the first time this winter. So far everything this bride has been very reasonable. Hopefully that will be the norm in the friend group but if it isnāt, I hope my D will be comfortable saying ānoā if sheās asked to be in another wedding.
I really feel for the younger people I work with. Even if they arenāt in the bridal party, they are expected to go to the engagement party (gift and possible travel), shower (gift and possible travel), bachelorette party ( almost always a few days at a resort or destination with many expensive activities planned), and the wedding itself. They get roped into a lot of planning, but also a lot of things they have no say about and have to spend a small fortune. Not to mention the days off of work. One of my co-workers (26 y.o.) wanted to save for an apartment down payment but wasnāt able to save a cent this year due to all the wedding obligations she got roped into.
My daughter is just starting to plan, and wants to include everyone sheās ever known as bridesmaids. Iāve told her to let people know about what it will cost them to be in the wedding (flights, hotel, dress) and that it is fine if they canāt be in or even attend the wedding. Most of her friends arenāt wealthy, and at least three have young children. It is really unlikely there will be a bachelorette party because these women donāt know each other and none of them live where she (will) live.
And it will be fine. In the end sheāll be married.
This is the only goal.
An invitation is a way to participate.
Itās unfortunate that some have a hard time declining, but ānoā is a perfectly acceptable response.
My D is low-key. She had no shower (I offered to host a small one but she declined). Instead of a bachelorette party or girls trip a group of her close friends took her out for an evening (SIL did a similar thing.) They had my S (their only sibling) as a āPerson of Honorā and he was the entire wedding party. D did ask four close friends to come early on the wedding day and hang out as she got ready which worked out great (and did not cost her friends a penny ā we supplied lunch for all).
Since her wedding D has declined friendās destination bachelorette parties with no issue citing their recent house purchase and limited vacation time and her friends understood. Wholeheartedly agree with @ChoatieMom that 'No" is an acceptable reply.
Iām not sure when the whole proposal/wedding process went off the rails. Friends and family of the couple are now traveling to the engagement location to witness the actual proposal? Elaborate rehearsal dinners that are really mini wedding receptions before the actual reception because 3/4 of the wedding guests are invited? Expensive welcome parties for the night before the wedding (after the rehearsal dinner, which most people were just at)?
My 28 y.o. daughter has probably been in 6-7 weddings with bachelorette parties in Puerto Rico, Nashville, Miami, Cabo and Charleston (where the bride picked out a big house on the beach in IOP over Labor Day weekend - $$$). She has a friend who has been in, and Iām not exaggerating, 16 weddings! These are big, Southern weddings with all the fixinās! It seems insane. For some of the bachelorettes, there have been outfit requirements for the pictures!
I went through a modified version with my daughter (I did host an 80-person engagement party at my house and a 30-person bridal shower, also at my house). She had a very modest bachelorette at a friendās beach house (for free) that is only a 3-hour drive. The rehearsal dinner was limited to the actual wedding party and immediate family, and D & son-in-law paid for their own welcome party.
My younger daughter is super low-key and Iām anticipating an eventual small wedding for her, probably no engagement party (maybe dinner out somewhere), but maybe sheāll catch the bug if she starts getting asked to be in friendsā weddings 
Call me a curmudgeon, but I donāt even like being a guest at a wedding, unless itās someone Iām related to.
I know the article addresses bridesmaids, but it can add up for groomsmen as well.
My son was in his first wedding this past summer, and fortunately, the groomās family paid for a lot - tux rentals, an AirBnB (stocked with drinks and snacks) for the groomsmen, lovely gifts for serving as a groomsman, etc.
The bachelor party was mostly the same. It was a destination bachelor party in New Orleans. Again, the groomās family paid for an AirBnb as well as dinner each evening. The guys did two fishing charters and a cooking class, all of which were paid for by the groomās family. Basically ds had to get to NOLA and buy his own lunch each day.
I do think that travel is a huge part of the issue. This wedding had eight attendants on each side, seven of whom had gone to high school together. Of the groomās attendants, only three were either living in town or within a reasonable driving distance of the wedding, so ds had to pay for two flights - one to the bachelor party and one to the wedding location. Because couples are marrying later in life the friends are from a wider range of places and are just typically more spread out even if they are childhood or high school friends. Because the groomās family was so generous with everything else, the cost to my ds was not crazy. It would have been much more so had they not covered so much.
While the āover the topā still exists, I feel like Iām hearing/seeing a SLIGHT shift to less stress, less intense, less detailed, less everything weddings. Maybe Iām just a little more aware of it because I have a bride to be in the ring.
Social pressures (social meaning other friends, social media, peer influence, ākeep up with the Jonesā) fuel the fire in the over the top weddings and (I think) give to be married couples the impression that itās perfectly ok and theyāve āearnedā the wedding of their dreams and beyond.
Social pressures sometimes take maturity and a real understanding of your audience/social circle to realize what is reasonable and what is beyond manageable for people you want to include.
Iām glad you pointed out a groom example - I was just thinking āthis is not just a bride problem!ā
16 weddings?! Geez!
I think a lot of this is social media and pressure to keep up and make everything look picture perfect.
Like the article mentioned, I do think if the bride and groom want certain things they should pay for it.
I think people need to learn how to say no. And the bride and the groom should not drop their friends if they canāt afford to be in the wedding.
I still have to wonder whether some of these jumbo wedding parties are partly done to āask all friendsā to avoid hurting feelings. It might be that the couple would be just fine (and maybe even expecting) to have some declines. In other words, sometime it might be a bit like wedding invitations - 100% acceptance not expected.