I think big wedding parties say look at me! I’m so popular!
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Do you think the more weddings they are in/attend, the more they want the big blow out or the more likely they are to tone it down?
I have two engaged kids and a nephew. The nephew has been in several BIG weddings and is now planning his own to be much more low key. He’s been to bachelor parties in NOLA, Acapulco, Vegas, local and really doesn’t like them. He’s been in cathedral weddings and backyard weddings. Bride’s sister had a small (covid) wedding and then the cathedral 250+ guest one, and then the second sister had a small 75 person wedding, so nephew and GF could decide they wanted something in between (150 in a relative’s backyard; should be lovely). They are currently in Italy in a wedding and next month it is Spain for another. Too much for them.
One of my kids has bridesmaid fatigue and is planning to have a lot, but not have them do much. No bachelorette party, probably no showers (or a small one), a weekend of wedding things but all very low key (food trucks and everyone included).
The other one is already tired of wedding talk and I can really see her eloping in the end. She’s been to about 10 weddings in 3-4 years and has figured out it doesn’t matter how much you spend they are all the same.
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That could be it.
One of the weddings my daughter was ‘in’ was an LDS one. I think there were 7 or 8 bridesmaids but only 3 (sisters of the bride) could go into the temple. The rest were just for the pictures, and they were very nice. There had been a very large shower with many of her long time Ward friends. Another wedding she was in was also ‘old school’ with the reception in the church basement (but the rehearsal dinner was at a very nice restaurant because the groom’s family was wealthy and the bride’s family not so wealthy) and it was nice. The bride and groom were young, their friends young, and they didn’t care that it was ‘catered by Costco’.
I think my daughter s leaning toward having a gaggle of her friends as ‘bridesmaids’ who don’t walk down the aisle and just support her, wear fall color dresses, have flowers for pictures, etc. Mostly because her BF doesn’t have 7 friends to be in the wedding They’ll have one or two attendants in the wedding and that’s it.
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D1 and her fiance have been to so many weddings over the past 3 years that they are having wedding guest fatigue. They were at D1’s future BIL’s wedding last weekend on the east coast. D1 is a kindergarten teacher and took last Friday off to fly a red eye Thursday night from California. They had a delayed return flight and ended up getting home at 3:15 am Monday morning and had to work. They leave again tomorrow night on a red eye to Boston for a wedding this weekend. Her fiance was in a fraternity in college and he gets so many wedding invitations.
Since D1 and fiance are getting married next year they decided not to attend several weddings this past summer of people they were not as close to since graduating college. They are saving for their honeymoon and a house in a couple of years so they are being picky about what weddings to attend when travel is involved. They also have 2 dogs and have to get someone to stay in their house when they are away which is another added expense.
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I don’t think in any point in my life could I be affording or with a good conscience attend/travel to all these weddings!
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I have 2 friends from college who’s friendship ended over a wedding (they were friends since elementary). One got married first, and had the other as her maid of honor. Friend #2 didn’t ask #1 to be in her wedding, because she chose another close friend to be matron of honor since that friend’s husband was the groom’s best friend, #2 had 4 sisters, and the groom only wanted 5 groomsmen (he really didn’t have anyone else to ask). #1 went to the wedding, but a couple of weeks later cut off the relationship. Very sad. I had too many women to choose from (HS friends, college friend, sister, 3 future SIL’s) so I picked someone representing each group (my sister, best HS friend, best college friend, 1 of H’s sisters, 1 of H’s nieces for bridesmaid, another as a flower girl). To the best of my knowledge no one was offended.
My daughter is heading to Boston Friday for a bachelorette party, she will be staying with her sister to save money since she has to travel to another one the following weekend.
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Now that’s just silliness. Too bad.
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That is exactly the reason D and SIL opted to have my S (their one sibling – SIL is an only child) as their only attendant – he was dubbed the “Person of Honor.” They both felt it would be hard to choose just a few friends without potentially hurting others. No regrets on their part – but they were looking for a low key vibe.
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Are two people needed to sign as witness on marriage certificate?
The marriage certificate doesn’t have to be signed by members of the bridal party. D and SIL asked the two moms to sign their marriage certificate as witnesses and we were both happy and honored to do so.
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This is governed by state law. Some don’t require any. I don’t think Colorado requires any (it still recognizes common law marriage) but there are two lines for Witness on the certificate and most people want all the lines filled in so get two people to sign.
When my friends got married and actually had a rehearsal, the priest kept making up names like “Do you Sam Spade take Lucille Ball to be…” because he didn’t want to really marry them the day before.
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Big weddings are nothing new, at least in my experience. Where I lived,it was a “thing” when I got married to have large wedding parties (8-10 attendants on each side). Many of us came from larger families and siblings were almost always included so that made for a lot.
The difference was that there were no “engagement parties”, bachelor/ette events were just a night out with friends, and there was usually only one shower.
When D married, we agreed that she would not have a bachalorette event that required air travel. She (and 2 bridesmaids) lived in NYC, the other 2 and MOH were in NoVA. They were able to get use of a house on the Jersey Shore (thanks to a bridesmaid’s family friends) for free, bought food/alcohol at Costco and everyone drove (a few other friends joined in). It was budget friendly.
She didn’t really want a shower, but the bridesmaids insisted on it, so it was held at the home of the MOH. There was a price limit set on dresses. No engagement party.
The wedding was held at a historic property in NoVA. We paid for the entire property so the attendants (male and female) were housed on property at our expense. They had no meal expenses for the weekend and we picked up the tab for the young women’s hairstyling.
D was 24 and SIL was 25 at the time. We were well aware of the fact that the attendants were also young and we did not want to strain them financially. Several expressed their appreciation of this.
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True. I think what is new is the several expensive parties, everything over the top…trying to be perfect for social media, etc…
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This. So sick of the bachelorette parties, welcome parties, after wedding brunches, in addition to the showers, rehearsal dinners and wedding itself. I told my kids to plan on spending $2k for a wedding if it involved travel and to think carefully whether there were other uses for the money. Maybe attend just 1 event for the occasion, not all of them.
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I posted about this in one of the other wedding threads, but our D didn’t want a shower. I initially thought she was an outlier, but it was clear from the replies on that thread that she is not. Plenty of peole replied that their D’s didn’t have a shower for a variety of reasons, including not wanting to burden friends with extra expense and not wanting more “stuff.” She did have a bachelorette party but it was just her and 5 friends that shared an AirBnb in Charlottesville, VA. The 5 friends included 3 of her 5 bridesmaids and 2 other friends, all of whom lived close enough that the travel wasn’t difficult or costly. The bachelor party was similarly planned to be very close to where the groom’s friends live (Lexington KY because his friends were all in southern Ohio).
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That sounds both practical and classy. Great wedding combination.
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My youngest D has been in 5 weddings in the last 3-4 years. Last year, she wasn’t in the wedding party, but the bride asked her to be the Master of Ceremonies at the wedding reception. She announced the bride/groom,etc. the folks giving toasts, introduced parents, and shared a story about the bride/groom, etc. My D is an actor so she was very comfortable doing this and everyone said she did a great job. I told D she should start hiring herself out. Anyway, at this wedding D was treated as a member of the wedding party and got invited to a shower, bachelorette party, rehearsal dinner/welcome party, etc.
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D and her friends were pretty much all mindful of expenses for their friends/bridesmaids. D said to wear any dress they wanted. Her bachelorette was a night out with friends. She went to some that were borrowed weekend houses, hiking day, etc. Shes’ been in weddings at outdoor lodges, at a park with food trucks, and the like. Even the fanciest one had found a place to send for kind-of matching BM dresses at a really moderate price. I don’t think any had engagement parties.
S is everyone’s favorite best man, but his friends also seem to have kept the prices down. Neither has ever flown to a wedding or event–D missed one good friend’s which was in CA; she just couldn’t swing the price of airfare etc. Friend totally understood.
I agree with all that the whole thing has risen to ridiculous heights of extravagance and cost. I’m glad my kids have on the whole been able to avoid the excesses.
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