My kid is on the younger side and not dealing with this yet.
But I’m getting an undercurrent of kids that have had the great good fortune of choosing friends who are wanting to share their big day with others, but are also understanding when the finances aren’t there for friends to swing it.
I think the lack of desire for showers stems from the fact that couples are older and much more launched in their lives by the time they marry now.
35 - 40 years ago, I think it was pretty typical for people to meet their spouse in college and get married not long after graduating. Young couples truly needed household items at that point in their lives.
With the average age for people for first marriages skewing higher, most have lived on their own for several years already. In fact, they may already have too MUCH stuff combining their households.
My husband and I dated for 5 years before getting married at 28, I had my own apartment, husband had 2 roommates. We had zero nice things, everything was second hand, even every piece of furniture. We were 2nd or 3rd out of our friends to get married, living in NJ most seem to marry around 30, I think it could be later now. Showers are still big here, unfortunately housing costs are nuts, couples need all of the help they can get.
I’m looking forward to our niece’s wedding on Martha’s Vineyard next year. The groom’s parents apparently have a beautiful house there. Festivities include a welcome party on Friday and a brunch on Sunday. It will be interesting to see how large the bridal party is. 
I agree and would also add that in today’s world many (most) couples live together before engagement/marriage so already have a home set up together.
Many of my friends who got married a little older (late 30s, 40s) either said no gifts or had an option for a charity donation.
I wonder if it has to do with the fact that new stuff is so cheap these days. A lot of young couples I know in their 20’s who live together but aren’t married don’t really have any second hand stuff. They have furniture from Amazon, Ikea, etc…same with unmarried 20-somethings I know who live alone or with roommates.
LOL. Our dining room table was a card table from WalMart and some folding chairs. You could have a ton of table cloths with a yard or so of fabric.
I don’t see new stuff unless IKEA type as being cheap. Quite a lot is expensive. What I do see is there is more second hand furniture available.
There is a new thread for the topic of furnishing first apartments. Please direct such posts there.
I’ve also deleted several posts related to why posts were flagged / hidden / deleted. Per the Forum Rules, such discussion is not allowed in the threads.
It could be that people getting married when they’re older have the money to buy stuff they want and need…
Also, maybe people just don’t want to have a ton of parties leading up to the wedding and they know it’s a lot of time and money for people to devote…
For two recent (last 5 years) weddings, the brides did not want a shower, although one couple had an engagement party with gifts. Also a friend of mine that had a second wedding did not have a shower. The other 8 or so all had showers, but no engagement parties or if they did it was family only.
The brides with showers were happy to get home items that were likely nicer than their post-college, first or second job budgets afforded them.
I would say I’ve seen just as many brides NOT doing showers as brides who are doing showers.
D has said that among her friends and age group, she is seeing more brides and grooms who do a honeymoon registry or prefer money or gift cards…
I am not a big fan of “give us money” type of shower gifts. I really prefer buying something they will use or just want. In my area, wedding gifts are cash so if they bride and groom need nothing besides money, no need for a shower. Just MHO.
I’ve just been to two weddings this month. Both couples are late 20s-early 30s, professionals, established in their jobs, and already living together. Both registered on Zola and there were very few “things” that the couples wanted. It seemed like having people contribute to the honeymoon fund was the point of regestering. I used to be one of those people who wanted to give a gift that the couple would remember years later. For example, I got married 40 years ago and there are two gifts that I still have (LeCruest dutch oven and a piece of art pottery). Anyway, I’ve given up on shopping and just contribute to the honeymoon fund or give cash if there isn’t a registry/honeymoon fund, etc.
28 years ago my aunt bought me a Le creuset for my bridal shower, it’s my favorite, I can never think of gift ideas for myself, last Christmas I asked H for a bigger one, I don’t know why I won’t buy nice things for myself. I think I’m going to ask for a nice chef’s knife this year.
I’m still one of those. I have several wedding gifts I still have 40 plus years later and still remember who gave them to me. Not expensive things either but they certainly spark some good memories!
H’s rule is that we can’t get rid of anything that was a wedding gift unless it has well and truly died. It’s become a running joke over the past 39 years and 9 months…
Still have our original daily dishes, two blue glasses, four steak knives, original block of cooking knives, a couple pots and pans (relegated to camping gear), etc.
He is heading to Chicago for work for the next two days. May get some stuff moved out of here while he’s gone. He hates to get rid of anything, but then grumbles about clutter.
That’s funny! We have exactly one thing that was a wedding gift…Orrefors crystal…much of it never used…and it’s all boxed up. Back on our day, wedding presents were things like sets of towels, and crockpots. Those don’t usually last 40 years!
My mother died last year and she’d been married 68 years. We still have her silver flatware, an ironing board, a knife set and a few other small things that were wedding gifts. She knew who they were from
We still have our crockpot! Was a gift from H’s grandmother and great aunt.
Still have the china. Got rid of the purple placemats years ago. Wedding gift towels are long gone, but I still have a couple of towels from my grandmother’s house that date to the 1950s.