<p>Back in the day, all boarding schools held what are now curiously termed "sit down meals". Students ate together formally, usually under the eye of faculty, often at the table with them. These were accompanied by "coffees" or "teas" at other times. The point, one assumes, is to instill proper table manners and decorum and to encourage the art of conversation.</p>
<p>Over time, most of this has been dispensed with, possibly because students' hyper jammed schedules demand fast efficient refueling, and probably because cafeteria style dining halls are more efficient to operate. Deerfield still maintains the dining tradition; so does the Hill, Hotchkiss, Taft, Exeter. Some schools are all "sit down" all the time, others have varying skeds. </p>
<p>Since table etiquette is a critical social and business skill, my take is that schools that offer "sit down" meals have an educational (and possibly a marketing) edge over those who don't. I would like to see all of them offer this practice as a learning experience, if only once a week, as some now do. True, this might be a turn off to many applicants but the ability to navigate a formal dining setting is a significant aspect of an educated person, IMO. Does anyone have any thoughts on this subject? What other schools can you add to the list?</p>
<p>That doesn’t mean Choate is a free-for-all. They do have formal dinners occasionally and they do require civilized behavior (most of the time) but, really, isn’t it our job as parents to teach these skills?</p>
<p>I am glad to hear it, ChoatieMom. (BTW, doesn’t Choate have a sit down meal weekly? I can’t quite recall) Would that everyone did so; that was the understanding of long ago. And in that olden time, even those students whose families did not so teach their progeny quickly learned manners from their peers around those dining tables and in those coffee sessions. Sadly, in this day and age, many students not only come to school without the manners and etiquette you admirably provide your son, they are not given the opportunities to learn those skills. The Ivies and their peer colleges are filled with the incredibly bright but socially challenged who don’t have a clue. This carries over into professional careers; many a career opportunity has gone awry over a restaurant table. </p>
<p>Sit down meals also serve as a vehicle for students to meet other students they may not otherwise meet. At Taft for example, a student sits next to and across from people very different from the last meal, etc. These meals with faculty present should also facilitate interesting (and hopefully) intellectual discussions away from a classroom and perhaps give students new knowledge and perspective, not just class room learning. </p>
<p>Well this is a timely thread. I was away over Spring Bbreak with my D and a friend at an upscale resort. The resort serves a beautiful breakfast complete with white table clothes and fine china. One morning a family sat at the table next to us with 2 boys who were about the same age as my D and her friend (16). They were very cute according to the girls, and from all appearances they could have been just another BS family away on Spring Break.</p>
<p>Then the food arrived. None of us had ever seen anything like it. The 2 boys, who I do not believe were brothers, began to eat scrambled eggs with their hands. No utensils were used through their whole breakfast which appeared to be scrambled eggs, bacon and some sort of potatoes. They both ordered bagels with smoked salmon on the side and put the salmon on their bagels with their bare hands. Their napkins remained on the table the whole meal. The girls were just staring and I had to tell them to avert their gaze. The parent’s table manners were perfectly fine, but they never said a word to the boys nor did they seem to take notice that they were not using utensils. The boys seemed to be in a rush and quickly drained their orange juice glasses and stood up to leave. There was a small amount of juice left in a carafe on the table and one of the boys stopped, picked it up and drank the last bit before leaving. </p>
<p>So yes, I think some can benefit from those sit down meals.</p>
<p>HarvestMoon1, what a story! In all fairness, though, it sounds like there’s more going on there than a lack of sit-down meals.</p>
<p>St. Mark’s has regular sit down meals. It’s an acquired taste. I feel the point is not so much table manners, but rather the assigned seating, which changes at regular intervals. You may not have a class or extracurriclar activity with your assigned tablemates, but you will make conversation with them. </p>
<p>Mercersburg students eat with faculty at assigned tables (rotation every two weeks) for every school day lunch and three dinners. Monday dinners are formal. It’s a big plus, but not because I expect them to teach table manners, and my daughter declares that some kids have appalling manners. But the formal dinners teach kids how to be at ease in formal situations (not fidget with ties, wear uncomfortable shoes). The lunches get everyone together for a break in their day as a communal sort of thing. It also allows the faculty to check “wellness” issues. After formal dinners the kids usually hang out in the student center. It looks like a cocktail party sans cocktails. This is a social situation skill that isn’t possible for me to replicate at home. </p>
<p>Sitdown meals are not about table manners-- you can read a book to learn that. They’re about building a community and developing confidence & social ease around people in positions of authority.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, the larger the student body, the more improbable it is to have a dining room large enough to simultaneously seat the entire school.</p>
<p>My S school is strict about table manners. A student can be written up for arriving to dinner looking sloppy or having poor posture at the table. Although a blazer is not required during classes, boys and girls must wear one for dinner. Students must stand up and greet a faculty member who comes to the table to eat with them. </p>
<p>The point about developing social confidence and ease is well taken. That’s the most indentifiable aspect of a prep schooling, beyond academic success or anything else. But manners from a book? No. You might just as well expect to pitch a no hitter after reading the rules of baseball. I am sure we can agree that ease at table comes after thoroughly internalizing manners and etiquette, which takes a lot of practice, like a performing art. True, this stuff should be and is best learned at home but these out of class social situations are the major part of a BS education. </p>
<p>Thacher has Formal Dinner four nights per week. I’m the newest of the newbies, my son was just admitted, but I understand that students are assigned to a table with a faculty member and students from a variety of classes and the table assignments change every few weeks. The boys must wear coat, tie, nice slacks, nice shoes and the girls must wear dresses or nice pants. I think there are many reasons for it, but I believe that the principal one is foster a sense of community and respect, and a feeling of family. My son will experience it for the first time in a couple of weeks because it is part of the Second Visit (revisit) program.</p>
<p>I think it sounds like an absolutely wonderful tradition. (I attended Exeter and I can assure you that nothing like that takes place there. At least it didn’t in the mid-80s!) One other meal-related thing I love about Thacher is that students must check in for breakfast nearly every day. </p>
<p>I am a Thacher parent and I love the sit down meals. I think they offer a welcome and needed opportunity to pause…must dress…must think about what I’m wearing as a conscious act… must help set the table or serve… must facilitate conversation. All subtleties to be sure, but important ones. We sit down as a family here at home… and while the table manners remain a work in progress despite 10,000 repetitions, the opportunity to catch up and joke and chit chat en famille each night is priceless. It warms my cockles that my son has some semblance of this at school.</p>
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