Wondering if anyone else is alternately feeling excited for their kid and then totally upset that they will be away from home? I’d love if some BS parents would chime in and tell us how BS was good for their kids!
@bc12345 I feel your pain. We have had 4 kids attend BS. I will tell you that BS was life changing for our kids. Here is our oldest child’s story: as he took advantage of every opportunity when at was at Exeter. He started as a shy, humble, smart, west coast kid. Our goals for him were to meet like minded peers and take advantage of every opportunity he could experience while at BS.
Our desert born son went on to play water, swim for his school and spend a semester abroad in the Bahamas. While there he learned about sustainability, took an 8 day ocean kayak trip, researched water temp effects on bonefish, spent 48 hours solo on an island while journaling and completed a 4 mile open ocean swim and then went on to present his findings to the Prime Minister of the Bahamas. All partially funded by his FA.
He and 3 friends planned, got grants from Exeter and crowdfunded to be able to go to the Phillipines as 16 year olds to shoot a documentary on child exploitation. They shot footage in Manila and at a center dedicated to rehabilitating these kids. He met the head of police of the phillipines and advocated for reform. He edited most of the footage to create a really great piece. He founded a club that filmed events on campus as well.
He made friends from all corners of the world at his school. This changed him into a global citizen of the world. Whenever global news happened it was very personal for him as he knew kids from each location. An example was the nuclear reactor situation in Japan a few years ago.
He also made life long friends. Previously he hadn’t “found his people”. At BS he made the most diverse set of friends that all support each other. They took a senior trip together and he toured Europe for 3 weeks post grad with another group of friends.
While all of this contributed to his experience, the more important piece was how he grew into a fully capable, kind, connected, well educated young man. He learned who he was as a person at BS without us micromanaging him (I was a little cobtrolling
Wow @vegas1 thank you!’ Your son sounds like he has grown into an amazing person. What great experiences. -truly one of a kind life changing. This makes me feel so much better. I think it’s easier to find your tribe when you aren’t a unicorn. Seems like Bs is full of unicorns!
Looks like your micromanaging worked for your kids! Four kids at Exeter means you win the parenting challenge. :).
@bc12345, I remember asking the same question last year. The summary response of all the wonderful folks and mentors here was that it totally sucks and it’s totally worth it. You will miss your child! Anyone who tells you differently is not telling the truth. As you do your grocery shopping, you will see an item that’s his favorite, and his absence will stab you in the heart. Entering his empty room will be a painful experience. You will run into his old friends and you will question the sanity of this BS thing. But then you will hear his voice on the phone, full of excitement, telling you all about his friends and new experiences, how happy he is, and you will know it was the right choice because it’s not about you, it’s about him!
Soon you will start noticing how much more mature, independent, and open-minded he is compared to kids back home. The global thinking, the consideration of other perspectives, the advanced vocabulary - you will notice these too. You will see new habits: cleaning after himself, helping around the house, taking responsibility without being asked, easily communicating with people both in person, in writing, and by phone (a lost art to most teens), making arrangements on his own and taking care of business. And then, of course, all the things @vegas1 addressed: the incredible opportunities to travel, enjoy unique experiences and real adventures, make friends all over the world, solve problems, face challenges, and grow in ways he would never have been able back home.
Still, I think it takes a special kind of parent to make that sacrifice. It isn’t for everyone, but it’s one of the best gifts you could probably give to your teenage child. I hope this makes sense. Anyway, just my thoughts.
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@vegas1 Where is your eldest bow? What is he up to? He sounds like an incredible young man.
Reading through the clothing talk @-) … After looking at MX’s dress code (formal) I am faced with the realization that I have no idea how to dress myself… Til yesterday, I was under the impression that leggings + button down shirt = very formal… Now I apparently have to buy pants… and dresses… and ditch the overalls :-B .
Can one of you guys adopt me? I need help 
Keeping with the clothes conversation, I looked at my son yesterday and said, “you do realize we are going to have to buy you some pants”. I didn’t even mention a coat…I have to pick my battles. Luckily his current school has a very similar dress code, so other than the not wearing pants issue, he’s set until the next growth spurt.
As far as the emotions…I am taken back to pregnancy…one minute I am beaming ear to ear with pride and the next, misty-eyed thinking about how much I adore spending time with this kid and how much I’ll miss that in just a few months…bipolar at its best.
@calimex thanks, of course I think he is amazing. He is also one of the most humble, patient, selfless people I know. We had hoped as naive young parents that by him attending a top school with intellectual peers, he would become more competitive. In hindsight, that sounds and feels ridiculous. We got many great comments over the years from his teachers. But our favorite was that “she met tons of really smart kids over the years and tons of really kind kids over the years, but it was rare to have both like our son.”
He took a gap year after grad and is now at a well know college for his major of choice (geophysics) but certainly not an Ivy. He decided early on that while he loved his time at BS- he wanted a very different college experience.
Good luck to you and your child. I can say that all take their own path and BS was quite a big part of our kids so far.
@vegas1: Would love to better understand what you meant by wanting " a very different college experience"? Does that mean he wanted to study somewhere other than New England? A less elitest environment? A much larger state university? A more sports-focused school? A dossier climate? A more urban environment? Just curious.
And congrats on raising a kind kid. Our high school options will come down to a highly competitive and large test-in magnet LPS with a reputation for a cutthroat culture, or BS with FA. If the latter, we hope to find a school that is deliberate in encouraging a culture of kindness.
@bc12345, yes, I am definitely feeling bittersweet. Excited for my son, but we will definitely miss having him around – he’s a fun kid and keeps me amused (when I am not banging my head against the wall). I also think that at some point in August, we are going to say, “What the heck have we gone and done?!?”
@vegas1 and @GoatMama, thanks for those wonderful stories. I guess it’s all about giving your kids the best opportunity you can for them to shine and be their best selves, and it sounds like you and they have succeeded.
@calimex a little of everything you mentioned. Mostly our son is kind of a hippie at heart. He missed the beauty of nature in the west and says he prefers west coast culture- way more relaxed. He is a geophysics engineering major at a smaller engineering school that has a great program. He loves spending time in nature and hikes regularly with friends. He is the least materialistic person I know and prefers a simple lifestyle. He hopes to mine asteroids one day.
Our Experience at BS was that the kids were so much gentler with each other without competitve parents in the picture. It was amazing to see how kind the culture was in regards to college admissions, standardized testing etc. There was never any bragging- kids were thoughtful about others experiences. One of the kids in my sons dorm got in ED to Harvard and didn’t tell his friends as they were disappointed with their own ED results. It was discovered when he joined a social media group for admitted Harvard students. When our dine wasn’t admitted ED to a school and his friend was, he truly celebrated. He said - “mom, he needs it more than me”.
@vegas1 I’m so glad you brought that up. With all its perceived competitiveness, our BS is much less focused on competition than what we’ve seen locally. In the LPS, the 8th grade valedictorian drama reached new lows last year, with a parent purportedly slapping her daughter across the face for a low grade that jeopardized her valedictorian chances. It looks like much of the rat race is parent driven, so some of the most advantageous features of boarding schools, in my view, are that 1) families are taken out of the equation and 2) schools don’t rank. Then kids can really focus on discovery and learning for the right reasons, without concern for rankings or outperforming their peers.
BTW, DD said the same about college admissions at her BS that you just related: nobody talks about it, and it’s a very bad form to brag, especially about ED acceptances. I remember at Revisit Day last year, one prospective parent asked a senior on the student panel where he will be doing to college next year. It made all students visibly uncomfortable. The student responded, “Sure, I can tell you, but that’s where I am going to college. I can’t see how it’s relevant to anyone else.” It came out he was going to Princeton.
That slap across the face sounds like something right out of Gossip Girl!
My daughter will be at Andover and though we are thrilled I am indeed going to miss her to bits. I can’t even think about it yet. But what keeps me sane is knowing that this is the best thing for my child. She is itching to go. Growing up faster than I want her to, I guess. I have only one kid so this is a real sacrifice to let her go. But I wouldn’t be a good parent if I didn’t try to get her the education she deserves, so long as she is mentally and emotionally capable of being away from us. Which she is. I may not be, but she is. That’s how I’m getting through it. Knowing I’m doing the best by her.
@Leslie41 Congrats!!! I’ve been worried about you traveling up north into the storm! I’m glad to hear from you!! I think us parents will be the emotional wrecks…my son has wanted this for so little no, he won’t even blink an eye…we will have to have virtual happy hours to get through it! So happy she got good news and that y’all are safe!
That was supposed to say for so long now, not so little no…stupid auto correct
One of the parents at my daughter’s BS said that sending your kid to boarding school is one of the most unselfish things a parent can do. I definitely agree. She has graduated now and is in college but a part of me will always regret that time apart.
We are a close family so I was happy when my son drew a 2 hr circle around my daughter’s college and only looked at BS within that circle. I’m planning to move within the circle as well, closer to the college than the BS (they are about 1:45 apart) since my daughter has significantly more free time that my son will (and she’ll have a car).
We couldn’t have gone up north if we wanted to! But she’d visited Andover already, so she was set there. Instead we went to Gatlinburg. She had a great time horseback riding and ziplining and doing the aquarium and Ripley’s things. We took her friend as well so she had someone to pal around with (not just her stupid parents!). It was pretty hectic but fun.
@Leslie41 Yea! Sounds like a great way to spend the week! We were able to cancel our flights and since revisit day for SMS is later than most others, use the credit to squeeze in a quick up & back trip for revisit day between multiple commitments. So glad for you!
I have a question about FA–as you may know, my son got into #2 choice with FA. He was waitlisted at his #1 choice. The Revisit day for school he got into is later than most, so we will be able to fly up quickly & return without him missing too much. Anyway, we told him he could wait until revisit to commit (he’s still holding out hope despite our nudging to embrace what is vs. what could be with the odds of a lottery). The letter with the FA offer asked us to let them know as soon as possible if we’d like to accept it. Do they expect this to happen before A10? I mean, we wouldn’t accept FA before confirming his attending the school, right? I’m tempted to go ahead and do it all now-pay deposit & send in contract- but I feel I’d be betraying my son’s trust…any advice is appreciated