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</p>
<p>I don’t see any harm in banning “friendly insults” while on campus. Surely kids can come up with kinder and more sophisticated ways of bantering during schools hours.</p>
<p>Adding: I expect the typical response of a bully to school administrators is “I was just kidding when I called him a $%#%^&. It was just friendly insults!”</p>
<p>Bay; where do you draw the line? A “no-negativity” rule? Or I can call my friend stupid but not an idiot or an idiot but not a ■■■■■■? My problem is that this topic is so subjective that there’s no way to have an absolute policy.
Your “typical response of a bully” is easily refuted by the “victim’s” input-if the “victim” says that the comment was meant in good fun then where is the problem?
Parent1986; So I should be subjugated to a tyranny of the majority in violation of first amendment protections of speech?</p>
<p>IthacaKid,
I like your idea of a “no-negativity rule.” What a nice place school would be with that rule in effect.</p>
<p>I think there are certain words that should be absolutely out-of-bounds, and “■■■■■■” would be one of them, as well as obscenities and others.</p>
<p>Why do you feel the need to call your friends “stupid” or “idiot?”</p>
<p>[Can</a> the term bullying be overused?](<a href=“http://childrenshospitalblog.org/is-the-term-bullying-in-danger-of-being-overused/]Can”>Web Page Under Construction)</p>
<p>I agree to some extent, with IthacaKid - the term “bullying” has become almost a catch all for every altercation these days, as suggested in the ^above^ article. It’s worth the read…</p>
<p>"…Bullying, by definition both medically and legally, is the repeated abuse of a person by a peer or group with the intent to cause discomfort or harm. At the root of this abusive relationship is a power imbalance where a stronger personality is preying on a weaker one. The abuse can be emotional or physical. The victim of a bullying situation is unable to adequately defend him or herself and is often afraid to report the incidents because they’re scared the abuse will get worse.</p>
<p>By contrast, children involved in a quarrel or disagreement are on relatively equal footing and will point a finger at each other, often blaming the other in the argument. Unlike the victim of bullying, the combatants in a quarrel will be happy to tell their side and plead their case to the adults or to bystanders who might take sides.</p>
<p>So in deciding whether a specific situation is true bullying, we first ask whether there has been repetitive harassment of a child by another child or group of children. We also want to know if the target child is able to defend him or herself adequately or is there a clearly defined power imbalance. If the verbal or physical attacks are repetitive, and if the target is unable to defend him or herself against them, then this situation is bullying. Examples of bullying include shunning, exclusion, name-calling, rumor spreading, hitting, pushing or attacking one’s appearance, race, religion or sexual orientation. It can occur in person or via technology, also known as “cyberbullying.”</p>
<p>…Whatever the reason, the misuse of the term undermines the legitimate efforts we are making to protect our children from actual peer victimization. By throwing the term out willy-nilly we devalue it. If that happens too often, people may not be quick to act when bullying really occurs; we will go back to being callous about bullying instead of recognizing the damage it does to young lives."</p>
<p>It’s how my friends and I talk to each other. Just how we speak.
The no-negativity rule should be expanded to all society then! What a nice place the world would be with that rule in effect! No worker ever gets fired because you can’t tell them they’re incompetent. No one criticizes the government because it would just be mean to call him an idiot.
Why is it ok to call Bush an idiot but not my friend? No longer a hypocrisy when you can’t insult politicians!</p>
<p>Quote:
One parent, whose child was the ring-leader of bullying, had earlier been VERY UPSET that the victim’s family had purchased a better version of the car that they had. Jealousy ran amuck. Seriously, the mom was very upset that this other family had bought the more luxury version of the car that they had purchased a few months earlier. The mom ranted and raved about this and other issues. The D took it upon herself to make the child of that family a target for bullying. The school refused to believe that this “darling” and her cohorts (honor students) could ever be soooo mean…until a note surfaced…written by the “darling”…and wow was it horrid. …the letter dictated the bullying rules of a “club” that they had formed and its members…</p>
<p>Oh my…to say that the poop hit the fan is an understatement. The principal and teachers all had major egg on their faces because they had defended those brats for months and months. The principal was fired shortly thereafter (this was a private school) and a few teachers found other jobs.</p>
<hr>
<h1>What happened to the bully? Did the family acknowledge it and work to change their child’s behavior?</h1>
<p>No, the parents were in total denial. The “targets” ended up leaving the school, and mostly only the bullies and co-horts remained.</p>
<p>That’s the thing with bullies…they have these co-horts that will “go along” with the awful behavior as a “protection” that they don’t become targets themselves.</p>
<p>I don’t think we’ll make real inroads with bullying until we reach the parents first.</p>
<p>Thank you everybody that had replied! I understand that everybody had different opinions on the subject, and I’m not here to judge anybody because of them. I understand that there is no way one to end all bullying, but even helping just a few kids would be worth it to me. I think that bullying programs mainly focus on high schools, and middle schools are over looked for the most part. An anti-bullying programs in middle schools should be created to PREVENT suicides, not as a result of them. Thankfully, my bullying ended once i entered a different high school, but some people aren’t as lucky. My brother was also teased often so this is a touchy subject for me. He became paranoid, withdrawn and constantly in a bad mood, which really effected my family. But with other kids the consequences are much worse. My dream is to be a child psychologist, but I don’t want to wait that long to make a difference. Keep the great ideas coming!</p>
<p>OP. There are anti-bullying programs for younger grades. They are better described as social competency programs. My kids had one in elementary school (starting in kindergarten). I think it was called Open Circle. It included teaching ways for children to express their discomfort and concerns, and modeled behavior of talking out conflict and preventing situations from escalating. It gave them a common language to express their feelings like “I am feeling excluded by you”, “You hurt my feelings when you said that”. It helped prevent the creation of victims by empowering them to speak up. It helped prevent the creation of bystanders who watch others being bullied and do not react. It also created an environment where it was not cool to be a bully. It did not eliminate the behavior, but it did help.</p>
<p>@Ithicakid Any approach to prevent bullying can be poorly executed. That said, there is nothing wrong with responsible adults telling children when their behavior is unacceptable to the social norm. You might not agree with their perspective, but it is part of their job to create the school environment where everyone feels safe.</p>
<p>Jon Stossel did a program many years ago on bullying. It was excellent. It showed how difficult it is to catch a bully in the act. Without catching a bully in the act, it does become one child’s word against another’s and that makes the situation very difficult for schools. They had a hidden camera that they took around at a school, playground mostly, and showed incidences around the playground and basically said “pick out the bully”. One example was two younger boys that looked like they were just walking with each other, one with his arm around the other kind of half hugging. What was really going on that you couldn’t see was the one kid was also punching the other in the stomach. From the back it looked normal though. I have a copy of this on VHS–to give you an idea of when this was done.</p>
<p>All of these links and this information is very helpful so thank you all! How would somebody go about trying to receive a grant for this sort of thing?</p>
<p>Here are a bunch if internet safety links, focused on the potential cyber end of the bullying/abuse spectrum. IMO…that’s where the MS prevention focus can easily be nipped, since <em>most</em> middle schoolers (ages 11-14) lack the emotional toolbox to wisely participate in social media. I found them on a FB community of concerned parents in my area, and the information came from a local coalition for teen safety. Maybe if you try to partner with an existing agency in your area, they can steer you in the right direction wrt obtaining grants - OR, sharing in the materials they already have obtained with their grant money.</p>
<p>[Connect</a> Safely |Connect Safely | Online Safety 3.0 - on and off the fixed and mobile Internet](<a href=“http://www.connectsafely.org/]Connect”>http://www.connectsafely.org/)</p>
<p>[“Sexting</a>, Texting, Chatting, Oh My!” Jayne Hitchcock Presentation - 04/07/2010 on Vimeo](<a href=“http://vimeo.com/10960035]"Sexting”>"Sexting, Texting, Chatting, Oh My!" Jayne Hitchcock Presentation - 04/07/2010 on Vimeo)</p>
<p>[Growing</a> Up Online | FRONTLINE | PBS](<a href=“http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/kidsonline/]Growing”>http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/kidsonline/)</p>
<p>[Give</a> It A Ponder: Things to ponder before you text](<a href=“http://www.giveitaponder.com/]Give”>http://www.giveitaponder.com/)</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.prnewswire.com/news-relea...101438384.html[/url]”>http://www.prnewswire.com/news-relea...101438384.html</a></p>
<p>[STOP</a> cyberbullying: Cyberbullying - what it is, how it works and how to understand and deal with cyberbullies](<a href=“http://www.stopcyberbullying.org/index2.html]STOP”>STOP cyberbullying: Cyberbullying - what it is, how it works and how to understand and deal with cyberbullies)</p>
<p>[Working</a> to Halt Online Abuse: Kid-Teen Division:index.html](<a href=“haltabusektd.org - haltabusektd Resources and Information.”>http://www.haltabusektd.org/)</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.connectsafely.org/Safety-...r-parents.html[/url]”>http://www.connectsafely.org/Safety-...r-parents.html</a></p>
<p><a href=“Windows help & learning”>Windows help & learning;
<p><a href=“http://internet-safety.yoursphere.co…-controls.html%5B/url%5D”>http://internet-safety.yoursphere.co…-controls.html</a></p>
<p><a href=“http://internet-safety.yoursphere.co…happy-kid.html%5B/url%5D”>http://internet-safety.yoursphere.co…happy-kid.html</a></p>
<p><a href=“https://www.facebook.com/help/?page=217973418231710[/url]”>https://www.facebook.com/help/?page=217973418231710</a></p>
<p>[My</a> Mobile Watchdog | Mobile Parental Control Software](<a href=“http://www.mymobilewatchdog.com/]My”>http://www.mymobilewatchdog.com/)</p>
<p>I love the “no negativity rule” in school - it should NOT be the way students speak to one another. I have a younger S in elementary school, and his friends think it’s o.k. to call each other names and put each other down on a regular basis. My S’s self-esteem has taken a huge hit because of these kids because after hearing all the negative comments over and over, you start to believe them. It’s a form of abuse. When I asked the school’s staff about it, I was told that they did not have a bullying problem. Oh, really? Then what would YOU call it when my S is told that he’s fat and stupid, he’s bad in sports, and his art projects are the ugliest in the class?</p>
<p>That’s not o.k. in my book. Why is the school ignoring the problem? Are they really that blind (and deaf) just because they don’t witness it firsthand?</p>
<p>Such censorship is ridiculous. It’s a testament to the hyper-sensitivity of our culture when I propose an Orwellian rule and parents think it’s a great idea to protect Jr’s idea that he’s number one. I’m sure the “not-negative!” plaque will look great next to the participation trophies.</p>
<p>megan, personally, I’d go to the school district if the school doesn’t have a program. In this day and age, after so many tragic stories, it’s excusable.</p>
<p>IthacaKid, do you really not know the difference between requiring students to be polite, and “protecting Jr’s idea that he’s number one”? I bet that megan12’s son’s bullies would say that they’re “just having fun” or “just being kids.” But please read her post to see how devastating that kind of language is. Calling your buddies “stupid” etc. isn’t cute, and it’s really immature. Grow up.</p>
<p>I’m inclined to believe that they are just having fun and that Megan’s son could handle the situation better. I know that when I was picked on I played right into it and if I’d started to behave differently earlier, I would have had an easier time.</p>
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<p>Megan’s son handled the situation beautifully. He resisted succumbing to the natural and logical urge to kick those bullies where the sun don’t shine, which is exactly what they deserved. He is mature beyond his years, and a much better person than they.</p>
<p>
Then you and your friends are potentially bullying each other. Unfortunately, none of us are psychic, so we don’t really know how the other kids are processing such words and what they feel about them in their head. I’ll let you in on a little secret: I’m a high school senior. My friends use language like that, and tease each other and say hurtful things “in jest.” You know how it makes me feel? Like crap. You know how I outwardly respond? With a smile on my face, as much as it pains me to do so. Calling your friends “■■■■■■■” or making fun of them for particular things may not seem like a big deal to you, but without being in their mind’s, you can’t honestly say that none of them are hurt by it.</p>
<p>I have a very good understanding of the psychology of my friends. I know what makes them tick so I know that we’re all in good fun because we’re good enough friends to know that words are just words. Maybe you should consider why the words make you feel “like crap” and change that so that you don’t spend the rest of your life letting other people control how you feel. We all need to toughen up a bit as a society and stop being so offended by what other people say. We’ve turned into a culture of wimps that run to the coattails of government whenever we can’t handle a simple word from another person’s mouth.</p>
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<p>Maybe you consider why being mean is fun to you.</p>
<p>It’s not fun-it’s just the social norm in which I existed in high school. In college the norm is different and I’ve adapted to that. I spoke in the vernacular that was socially expected.</p>